◃◃ Memory #17 ▹▹

Qian Kun

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I decided to go for a walk in the city, but I unexpectedly found Kun walking alone down the sidewalk ahead of me.

I ran up to him to catch up.

"Hey Kun-hyung! Where are you going?!"

He turned around with an emotionless expression.

"Oh. Hi Renjunie. I'm just on my way to get some coffee. Did you want to join me?"

I eagerly nodded, and he led the way.

It only took us a couple minutes to get to the café, but he didn't say a single word in that time.

He ordered coffee, while I ordered a tea.

After we completed our order and paid for the drinks, we sat at a table and waited for the drinks to come.

But, Kun still hasn't said anything else, and he looks upset.

"Hyung? Are you alright?"

"Why do you ask?"

He finally looked at me.

"You just don't seem like yourself..."

He stayed silent, and averted his gaze back out of the window.

I gently held his hand to get his attention, and he seemed alerted by my sudden action.

"Please talk about it hyung... I don't like seeing you upset, and I would hate for something to happen to you if you keep holding in your feelings..."

He looked like he wanted to resist, but he finally gave in with a sigh of defeat.

"I hate myself Renjun..., a lot..."

"Huh??? How come???"

"These powers..., they're just so...abnormal..."

"But, your powers are really cool hyung. I think they're very unique~, and-"

"You know it too, don't you?"

I was confused by his sudden question.

"My Beast power. It's very similar to Xander's Monster power. You noticed that too, didn't you?"

"I mean, yes. But what sets them apart are the user's morals. You have good intentions, while Xander has bad intentions. Is that really all that's bothering you hyung?"

He stayed silent.

"..."

"..."

"Listen... My dad died of natural causes, but..., I......"

I waited for him to finish.

He just sighed, avoiding my gaze.

"I killed my mom......"

He finally confessed.

"...What?"

He began to cry a little.

"I d-didn't mean to... I was being bullied at school because of my powers, especially about my scales. One day, I had had enough. I ran home, and burst into the house. My mom..."

He paused for a minute, trying to hold in his tears.

"...S-She kept trying to figure out what my problem was, but I refused to tell her. She just kept begging me to tell her, and I started getting mad. The final time set me off. I yelled at her to go away, but I didn't realize what I had done..."

I stayed quiet.

"In my rage, one of my powers went off by accident. I felt multiple scales fly off from my skin. I heard the sound of glass shattering, as well as my mom's pained cries. I tried to help her, but the damage I inflicted took a toll on her. When she started moving around, she died after only a few seconds... It was all my fault... If I wasn't such a freak...... If I hadn't lost my temper..., it never would've happened......"

After a few seconds of silence, our drinks finally came.

Now I see why he looks so empty all the time. He's been keeping this inside for so long, and he's only been getting more and more distant with us as a result.

"Hyung... I don't want to be cliché and say I know how you feel, but I do. I lost my temper multiple times in the past, and as a result, I could've lost my family. I could've even killed my classmates. I hated myself for that for a long time, but I never showed it..."

He just stared down at his coffee.

"...How, did you move on? How did you stop hurting...?"

"...I didn't"

He seemed confused.

"That's not something that anyone can just move on from, and neither is your situation. Once you realize that it's not your fault, you'll learn to forgive yourself. It's hard, don't get me wrong, but it's the right thing to do"

He remained silent.

"We'd all hate to see you get hurt hyung, especially if it's you hurting by yourself. You'll be able to get through this if you let us help you. That's the only way that you can truly be happy again. I want you to be happy again hyung"

"...Why, do you care about my well being so much? I'm nothing..."

Another tear fell from his eyes.

"Hyung"

I sternly spoke, making him look up at me.

Despite how sad I felt about all of this, I smiled at him.

"You're perfect~"

-

☕️

"..."

"......"

"........."

"Yah..."

"Quit saying such nonsense..."

"You can't just..."

"...say such sweet things like that"

"..."

"......"

"Idiot..."

"..."

"Thank you..."

"...for saying that......"

"..."

"I'm really sorry Renjun..."

"I'm so sorry for making you all worry about me..."

"I'll..."

"I'll open up more to you all..."

"I promise..."

"..."

"......"

"........."

"Yah..."

"What's wrong with you...?"

"How do you expect me to make you happy after all of this..."

"..., if you just keep letting him have his way with us...?"

"How can you just let him have his way with you...?"

"Come on..."

"Fight back damn it..."

"How am I supposed to make it up to you, if you don't..."

"Wake up"