Rhaemarys

Suriel is an impatient bitch.

Granted he helped me recover for the first few years of my freedom. Taking me deep into the Day court where there were healers and scholars adept at dealing with my trauma and power. In fact, I was hidden away in a library for the first few years when being out of the prison confines with too much freedom nearly drove me mad.

It was a dark few years to say the least.

But they said I was ready. I had been venturing outside for years, even getting my own apartment and beginning to live again but nooo. Little Suriel wanted me to travel and see. To explore all the world had to offer.

We've been travelling for the last two years, exploring the courts and the human realms. It was perfect actually. The time and freedom was what I needed. Of course the devious creature knew that. It was why we were currently trapezing through a forest to take in the babbling river and the gentle morning sun.

I had never gotten over it. Nature. I was connected to it intrinsically before the fall but now- now I won't ever take it for granted. The sunlight, the grass, the breeze, the rain and the raging storms and burning wildfires.

"Stop staring at the birds and hurry up." The Suriel grumbles and I roll my eyes.

"It has been an age since-"

"Since you have seen a twig, a rock, a bug- I know. You say it every time." I purse my lips in irritation, trying to hide my annoyance even as the creature slumps its shoulders in understanding. "I am sorry. It is unfair of me to just expect you to stop being so-"

It waves a hand at me, unable to put what I feel into words and I can't help but snort in solidarity. I've got no clue what's going on in my head either.

"No." I sigh. "I need to learn how to be socially adequate at some point."

"That is why we are here." I turn to the sprawling human estate before me. "The Archerons are part of the reason I struck a bargain with you."

"You never did tell me what I agreed to." I comment absently as I observe the sprawling estate before us. I was so delirious during my escape that I had to pray to whatever gods governed this world now for the Bone Carver to make the choice for me.

"You agreed to care for Feyre Archeron in return for your freedom." It looks pleased with itself but there's an unmistakable sadness in its eyes. I agreed to be a human babysitter?

"She will suffer then or I am training her as a lamb for slaughter." It looks at me in surprise and I tilt my head. "Unless that is not why you look sad at the mention of her name."

"I am concerned for you little Dragon." It states, tilting its head to mirror mine. "I think you will try to give something up to help her."

"If she is the price of my freedom I can give up a lot for her. It is no chore to exist in this world." It looks at me then and I try to ignore the weight of my own words, the untruth in them.

"I hope it never becomes a burden but I know that is a naive belief." Suriel comments absently as it continues to observe me. We drift into silence as we observe the heavily pregnant human woman emerge from the house doors.

"That is the matriarch, she is pregnant with Feyre. I have twisted a few things to ensure that you will be her children's carer and protector."

"You expect me to raise a child." I frown, worry toying with my throat as anxiety begins to creep in. I'm hardly a functional being myself at this point. Not to mention the only training I have is as a General and murder.

"You raised younglings, did you not?" I think Suriel is arching a brow at me. "You raised the hatchlings and trained the young riders."

I did.

A heavy sadness settles over me at the thought. I raised them and I failed them. No more than cannon fodder in the end. Their lives were lost needlessly. The creature before me sighs as though sensing my guilt.

"No. I expect you to keep them safe from harm and to be a friend to them." it doesn't, it wants me to care and nurture them but Suriel knows that's too much for me to accept right now.

"Why?" I turn to the Suriel, hand on hip as I stare expectantly at it.

"Because you still need to heal and they need your help." The Suriel takes in my silence with a defeated sigh. "And Prythian needs Feyre Archeron."

"This is about the Queen I heard snippets of." I state without hesitation some unfounded hatred forming in me as I fight the urge to burn that mountain of hers. "You need her for the Queen."

"I need her to stop the Queen."

"I can do that for you." I frown, wondering why it wouldn't just suggest that.

"Because you would not succeed against her Wyverns."

I freeze at the mention of what my brethren have been turned into. I don't think I could stomach killing one after all that I have been through. No matter how different, how murderous and vile are, they still came from my people's blood.

"I did not free you to let you burn all over again."

I nod, accepting its proclamation even as I stare at the pregnant woman. An unborn babe and the fates have already decided her to be a Queenslayer. How cruel this world can be.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I lasted all of three weeks hiding my scales from the observant elder sister. But she's curious, devious despite her mother's training and scolding. Nesta could be a true commander one day, I can see it in her stance, in her calculations. Not on a battlefield but as a courtier, winning alliances and draping threats in the finests of silks.

But we have found an ally in one another. I stare down at the simply braided brown hair rested against my chest as Nesta slowly reads the book aloud. She has grown rather fond of escapism and I'm not complaining. The world has changed so much since I went into the prison, so many things have been lost and so many things have been created. Entire cities have been built and destroyed, empires fallen and dynasties made. Nesta has made it her mission to get me up to date.

I think she's trying to practise being an older sister. Elain is slowly reaching that age where she develops thoughts and feelings, with opinions and actions. She's becoming a person and not just a fragile little babe passed off to the nurse maid. And my sweet little Nesta has decided she wants to protect her.

Or in her words, 'mother her, like our mother is incapable of doing' not that I was supposed to hear that but she was mumbling to that precious little teddy of hers. The one her mother burnt earlier today.

"-Rhae?" Nes calls, head tilting back to look up at me. I hum in answer, wipe the underside of her eyes to capture those traitorous tears. "Why- why do you spend so much time with me?"

Because you remind me of me, little flame.

"Because you are my friend." I answer, smoothing down her hair. "And I think you need a friend just as much as I need one."

"Mother said friends will only hold me back." Her chubby little face pulls into a frown and I fight the urge to cover her hands as she tugs at the nails, picking them till they're raw. "They will only be competition for my husband's hand."

I don't know what to say.

Her mother is wrong, of course. But that is the way society seems to work for women in their social sphere in the human realm. It is the life she is destined for, the one she is raised for and it is such an intrinsic part of her culture that I don't how much I'm allowed to disagree with it before I take it too far.

"Everyone needs friends, Nes." I murmur, tugging at her hands until she holds onto mine. A second later has been half shifting them so they're covered in small scales and spines. The milky white textures of my hand keep her entertained and stop her from harming herself so it's a risk I've started to take. Nesta wants to see what my real scales look like, the half shift keeps them the same pale colour as my skin, another abomination in my people's eyes. A complete difference to the dark skin of my kin. "You are so young my flame, you do not need to punish yourself with solitude. You can have friends, whether you want a husband or not."

"I need to have a husband." Nesta states with a stubborn pout that has me cooing.

I sigh, "I know Nes, but there are other ways and places to find happiness. Be it in your hobbies: reading, baking or riding perhaps. In your friends and family, maybe even your children should you have any."

"No man wants a wife who can't have children." Nesta monotonously replies.

I'm going to kill that mother of yours one day, my little dragon.

"No human courtier does." I state, knowing it's as close to the truth as I can get. Nes looks up at me in confusion, pale grey eyes so wide and curious in her youth but there's already a deep sadness building in them and my chest aches at the thought. "There are better men out there, Nes, better males or females even. Perhaps you'll get to experience what a love match is like when you're older."

Nesta is silent for some time. She always is whenever I answer one of her questions, I like to think its because she's reading between the lines of my words. Hearing all that I cannot say for fear of changing her too much or upsetting her mother.

"I hope I do." she whispers finally and I smile sadly down at her before retracting my scales and ignoring her little huff of annoyance. "Elain has started speaking in full sentences."

"It was kind of you to help her." I accept the change of conversation effortlessly, listening to Nesta ramble has never been a chore. Her mind comes up with all kinds of stories and tales. Her passion for words extends into her recounts of events and I find myself looking forward to our evening discussions of her day. Even if most of them are complaints about her mother's lessons and the various teachers brought in to critique her.

The seasons change faster than I can blink and before I know I've been here three months and Feyre is due any day now. Not that the family want it to be a girl, they're still hoping for their precious little Finley. I don't bother telling them a mythical all-knowing creature-turned-gossiper has already determined the babe to be female.

Nes wants a boy, she's hoping a boy she could dote on would mean persuading them to care for her when she's older. So that she can live out her days as a spinster in their family home. Her mother beat her knuckles raw for that and I set her favourite fine china display on fire in retaliation.

It was petty and stupid but her indignant screams were a sight to behold. Nesta's little giggles through her tears made all the strife worth it. Even when she started berated the cleaning staff for leaving out flammable rags or whatever else she decided they did to cause it.

It's been... nice, living with the Archerons as their governess. Or rather, one of the governesses. My role is apparently to be more maternal than the others who are to be teachers. It was far too easy to allow those animalistic instincts to creep back in and have me accept the girls as family in seconds.

It will no doubt cause me pain in the future as all things do but I'm rather enjoying the normal, simple life I have with Nesta and Elain. Days spent on picnics, colder evenings by the fire as we read. Domestic moments that were taken from me. Ones that the Suriel saw fit to return. I understand why he wanted me here now, because there's a different kind of healing to be found with family and purpose.

That's not to say I don't wake up every night I manage to fall asleep stricken with nightmares. The prison and the experiments still haunt me but they no longer do so in the light of day, they just wait in the dark for me to let my guard down.

A scream echoes down the corridor and I tighten my grip on Nesta and Elain as I continue to read. Their mother's labour has been long and painful. It's brutal if I'm being honest. I spent all day outside with the girls in an attempt to distract them from their mother's pain but my efforts are futile in the face of winter-darkness and a snow storm. So much for a solstice celebration.

Nesta was so excited for Solstice as well. She knows that humans don't celebrate it, she also knows that I'm not quite human despite my ears and looks. I promised her we would have our own little celebration. Mercifully, she understands that her mother and sister have to take priority right now. Which is better for me as Nesta-tantrums can last days.

The screams go on long into the night but Elain has managed to sleep through most of them so I gently tuck her into the small cot in her nursery. Nesta follows my every move, a hand on my skirt as she worries her lip.

Eventually, I can't take the poor girl's silent tears any longer. In one faux struggle move designed to hide my strength I take her into my arms and stride down the long hallways to the opposite end of the house. Once we're comfortably situated on a window seat with a nice view of the stars that seem to shine brighter this evening I begin to point out the different names and constellations to keep Nesta distracted.

"- that one there is the hunter, Orion and his do-"

"Aremotherandthebabegoingtodie." Nesta rushed out in one breath and I pause, trying to unscramble her words. Nesta must catch my confusion because she winces and begins to toy with her hands again. "Mother and the babe... are they going to die."

"I don't know, little flame." I whisper honestly, "There are some things we cannot predict or control."

She nods, accepting my answer but more tears spill down her face and I wish I had a nicer answer to give her but I made a promise to never lie to her. To do my best to keep her safe and informed, even if it breaks my heart that she understands so much.

Perhaps I should just lie, it might be kinder. Promise that they will be fine but if that promise is broken... I subtly shake my head. Nesta would never forgive me, she takes everything to heart and promises mean the world to her.

"We can still have hope, Nes." I add in quietly. "We can always have hope."

She remains silent and I hold back my own tears at her suffering.

"Will you tell me a story?" She whispers and I think through the tales in my repertoire. "One about the general and her kin."

I pause. Of course she would pick that story. She always does when she's upset. Perhaps she seeks comfort in my own grief, a companion in suffering. Mother knows I've done the same throughout my life. Or maybe she likes that the general is still fighting, that life wasn't perfect but she's still standing. 

A/N: What would you like to see of the young Archerons?