🍒·˚ ༘ ┊͙CHAPTER 018 ! ˊˎ
panic!
( real life, imessage )

༄✧ *:･IMESSAGE

3 DAYS AFTER HALLOWEEN

chestnut

viv, can we talk?

is this another breakup?

we have to actually be dating
in order to break up

you don't wanna be w me
remember? 🫤

okay calm down.

you're the one texting ur ex
and IM the one in the wrong?

me and estella aren't getting
back together. we are just good
friends viv

don't call me viv as if we are buddy
buddy rn chris

you're being difficult and you
were texting your ex too?

me and cee were nothing, we didn't
date publicly for two years?

that's so twisted wtf viv, so
i can't text someone i had a
connection with but you can
go and text whoever you want?
and you can go kissing whoever?

i told you i wanted to be with you
and you are the one who said
you didn't want anything like come on

the difference between estella and cee
is that cee didn't invade and ruin our
relationship. he isn't the reason
for my doubt and the insecurities that
i have when it comes to you and i.

and if you don't understand that chris
then maybe this isn't going to work.

i really don't understand, estella
is not who i want YOU are who
i want. so why does she even matter?

because she still means the world to
you. you defend anyone who speaks
about her. maybe you two are meant
to be chris.

she is already talking to someone.

like do you know anything that's happened
to me in the past years? have you asked?

no, you're right, i haven't. but that
never meant that i didn't want to
hear about it and you haven't known
much either.

just because stella knows about the
past two years doesn't mean i don't
want you to not know

what has happened that i need to know?
if it's so important then tell me. it's not
like i don't want to know, i just forget to
ask.

exactly, but i already am caught up
on everything's that happened, right?

because i give a fuck chris. you don't
even care enough to know my mom died
last year, that's fucked.

what? wait vivienne wdym?

i'm so sorry vivienne, i had no idea

you can read. not even your that stupid
but then again, i don't really know
you so maybe you are that stupid.

so when you come to your fucking senses
and understand WHY i'm so upset abt
estella texting you then we can talk.
delivered

ONE WEEK LATER.

༄✧ *:･VIVIENNE
it was weird that i hadn't heard from chris yet. in fact he had completely ghosted me. he did eventually open the text, but i was left on opened. i felt even stupider— no even worse.

i felt used, and betrayed. i genuinely trusted and may have even believed that we could be together again. like a stupid disney fairytale— and i was naive for believing that we could be something.

however, cee was finally in town and he had given my friends and i backstage passes. i did have an extra one, but nick declined the offer, probably because of chris.

"so, when i get there where do i go?" i asked cee, his phone muffled on the other side before he spoke "go through the side, you'll see from a vip area that leads backstage, just for you"

"you don't have to do that for me" i meant it. he was too nice at times, and his generosity never failed to amaze me "not only that, you'll be in my bling, the cee chain is yours tonight since my lady can't come"

"aw did she have something across seas?" i asked, he sounded sad but responded with a 'mm' sound "okay well i have to start rehearsal, i'll see you later rose" i was taken aback by the nickname, but smiled "i'll see you cee"

the call ended and madison looked at me from where she stood "calling you rose, isn't that he who shall not be named nickname for you? his rose?" i shrugged. we promised to not mention chris anymore. i decided to move on with my music for good

"you look tired" sabrina said softly, placing her hands on my shoulders as she stood behind me. "i am tired"
"this is why i never liked that guy" olivia shrugged, and she was telling the truth, the two years i'd known liv she never did like chris

"okay guys let's not talk about him anymore" dylan shushed them "let's just get through this literal drake show? and then we can talk about it.. if that's what vivienne wants" i nodded silently, just continuing my makeup.

we all grew silent, the elephant in the room just grew bigger as time passed. while we finished getting ready, while we drove to the concert, and while we entered the backstage pass. although it soon changed when we walked in and cee was there, talking to a guy who looked familiar

just seeing him again made me happy, he was just a good presence to be around, and he was one of my best friends now. although my hands shook with nerves my smile made my face hurt.

finally he turned to me and dylan, the same smile on his face "no way you brought a smoked out dylan to a drake show" the other girls spread out, talking to other people that they knew

"she didn't have a choice, and she's toasted too. trust me, i wouldn't bring a sober vivienne anywhere" her arms wrapped around me, a smile on both of our faces.

the year that i dated cee and lived in london the both of us shared a bedroom in his apartment that he didn't use often. dylan loved london just as much as me, and has protested us going back every week since.

"of course, well okay the shows about to start, follow that guy" he pointed to a man standing at a door that read 'vip entrance' "follow him and he'll get you to your room" his lips were soft as he pressed a kiss to my cheek before running onstage to screaming people

this was my dream, just hearing the people scream and the music made my adrenaline rush. we soon all sat in a small vip box that had an amazing view of the stage. he began his setlist. and even though he was there— singing and rapping in front of me my mind once again went back to chris.

why hadn't he texted? did i actually end things? was this it? i was pissed at him. yes, he hadn't even asked about my family or anything, he was so wrapped up within his own shit that he hadn't even wondered about me? and with estella in the picture still i was not going to do that so myself.

my life felt fine when he wasn't in my life again. i was peaceful and not stressed about whether i'm the first place. everything was piling on top of me.

it was a feeling i only could describe as drowning.

frustration and anxiety along with an anger that made me wanna cry. i felt like a jar that had too much inside of it. and suddenly the venue of thousands of people felt too small. i excused myself and walked back to the backstage area.

my eyes circled around the room looking for something, someone. the room was spinning, i was nauseous now. "oh fuck i can't do this"

tour coming up, and my new album in the works and chris and my friends and cee. it was too much "too much" i mumbled, leaning against a wall, breathing in and out, in and out. the way my therapist told me to do. deep breaths, like a swimmer coming up for air.

"please, please please please" i blabbered, shutting my eyes tight and tilting my head towards the sky. this was wrong. love was supposed to be easy. if that was the case then why was this so hard? why was loving me so hard?

i felt a hand on my shoulder "vivienne." i knew that voice, my eyes opened slightly, and madison stood there. a sympathetic smile on her face as she lowered herself to me "i knew something was off.. are you okay?" and while the music boomed i told her everything.

madison and dylan had always understood me on a level that made me pour my soul into a cup. she sat with me on the floor while cee finished his set. tour, chris, everything. i word vomited.

she didn't interrupt, nor did she even change expressions. she sat and listened and held my hand. she calmed me down until cee came back and saw me. god i felt even stupider. he nodded at madison, and she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before going back to the box

"what happened? did something happen? what's wrong?" he sounded so concerned as he helped me up, his hands were still much bigger than mine "did you and madeline ever fix all your problems?" i asked softly

he was taken aback by my question, but shook his head "love is hard, and difficult. but that's what makes it worth while, you know?" i shook my head "love was supposed to be easy.."

"was our love easy?" he asked "it wasn't that kind of love.." he laughed and grabbed my hand, leading me back to the vip box "whatever love it was, we had arguments, and fought. love is hard, but that's why you have to fight for it. me and my girl still fight, and somethings we might seem crazy. but i fuckin love her" he opened the door for me. the girls sat there with drinks waiting for me and cee

"if this is about your guy, then yeah it might be a bit harder, but i've never seen you look at anyone , other than me, like that" he joked

we sat next to dylan and i took a shot, calming any more of my nerves. and we sat still, watching the rest of the show. and man, he made me forget everything, just like always. our love was hard, me and dylan's love is hard, so maybe.. maybe chris and i should have hard love too.

i sighed, and allowed the rest of my evening to be about me, and my friends and cee. us.

𝗖𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗘 ✧ 𝙎𝙋𝙀𝘼𝙆𝙎!
fun fact: wrote this chapter AFTER i had
a panic attack lol fun times yay!

for u all , ily.
luverboychris maieszn DYLVNSTAPE yoongidoyeons maggieverasluvr haleyjamesloml faerieribs riotsuns urmyfullsun stxrbxnks starrszns mega_chris33 starsturns