MARA WILLIAMS

In another life, in another world, and if she'd laid off the lashings of pasty pink blush and warm toned concealer, Professor Umbridge could've almost been pretty... Almost.

Instead she stood before me, looking like one of those bright pink feather dusters my mother used to keep around the house in her hideous fluffy cardigan, talking in her high, yet eerily calm voice about the impending O.W.L examinations.

"These must be taken seriously as they may go on to impact your future career prospects."

"What do you want to be?" Whispered Parvati under her breath, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on Professor Umbridge. "...Like when you leave Hogwarts?"

-I wanted to be Loved as deeply as I loved. I wanted to be desired, cherished.

I wanted to be Happy.

Those were the answers I didn't dare say, though in truth I'd never really given much thought to the idea of the future. At one dark time in my life I didn't expect there to be a future for me.
I couldn't see any light beyond the black abyss that surrounded me, so much so that I only saw one way out, a cold abs aching solution, filled with salty tears and grief. But now I was older, wiser, I knew that there was always another way.

I knew that there was always a light somewhere in the darkness, maybe you just couldn't see it yet.
-After all the stars didn't shine in the day, and no night would last forever.

"No clue." I shrugged in response, "Never really thought about it I guess, what about you?"

Parvati's face practically glowed with pride and she held her chin high, "I want to be an Aurologist, just like my dad."

"Aurologist?" I repeated sceptically, I'd never heard of such a thing. "What on earth is that?"'

"It's the study of auras, like psychic stuff, but don't ask me about that because I'll have no clue, I just always thought it sounded cool, I'm my father's daughter I guess."

I gave a slight understanding nod, "Fair enough."

We fell into silence once more, letting Umbridge's voice fill the void between us. Some small part of me wondered what it would've been like to have a father like Parvati's, one to be proud of.

There was no point imagining, I told myself. It would only awaken feelings within me that were best kept hidden and I didn't want to become jealous of my friends. That was a toxic path I didn't want to go down.

I probably wouldn't be here, sat in Hogwarts, that much was certain. I'd probably be still sat in Durmstrang, a pretty little boyfriend on my arm and strong grades before me, but most importantly my mother would still be alive.

If I closed my eyes, I could still feel her warm hand on my face. Stop. Don't even think about it.

I could feel the threat of tears in my eyes, so did what I always did, and turned my sorrow to malice. I let it burn like a wicked flame within me, I let it consume me. I hated him, my father, dare I even call him that.

"Mara, are you coming?" I hadn't even realised that class had finished until Parvati tapped my shoulder, "We've got to get changed for Flying."

I swallowed, a thick well of anxiety flooding my stomach. "Flying?"

"Yeah, with Madame Hooch? You know, on broomsticks and stuff?" Parvati said as we walked down the hallway. My feet felt like someone had put lead weights in my shoes as I dragged along behind her.

We changed into robes more suited to being airborne in the girls dorms, all the while a growing feeling of dread seeded within me, coiling around my chest to restrict my breathing, air coming in short and shallow.

What seemed like only a few minutes later we stood out on the field in a strictly militant line, whilst a woman with short, spiky white hair and odd yellow eyes stared the three of us up and down.
We were so early thanks to Hermione's insistence that we were the only ones there. I crossed my arms over my chest awkwardly as I felt the weight of her pale gold eyes. "Ever flown before Miss Williams?"

"Umm... Yes, but not in a very long time." Viktor had insisted on teaching me a few years ago, but I'd never been particularly good at it. I hadn't flown since the time he pushed me too far, made me go higher than I was comfortable with and I ended up falling and breaking my wrist.

"That's fine." Madame Hooch said sharply, she was a very matter of fact woman, everything that came from her mouth reminded me of a drill Sargent. "You three girls and Neville will stay here, with me."

A little while later more people gathered before us, many with brooms already in hand. Neville came and joined us with a slightly embarrassed smile.

"What's wrong?" I whispered to him when I noticed how quickly his smile faded as his eyes locked onto something. That something was the Slytherins.
Draco Malfoy, accompanied by Blaise and a dark haired girl I didn't recognise who clung tightly to his side as if scared to be separated.

"Right, listen up." Madame Hooch bellowed with a shriek of her whistle. "Those of you on the quidditch team, you'll be on the top court practicing for next week's game, meet back here in an hour. The rest of you, you're with me so line up and be quick about it!"

Draco didn't even look at me as he disappeared off with the rest of the people already holding brooms.
An empty kind of disappointment resounded in my chest, why wouldn't he look at me?

-Not that I wanted him to, of course, I quickly reminded myself.

Within the first fifteen minutes of the lesson every other student had managed to make their broom fly up into their outstretched palm, that was except for Neville, Hermione and I.

-I for one was far too busy watching the players on the top court to concentrate, flying about the sky and tossing a scarlet ball to one another, my eyes especially fixed upon the one with pale blonde hair and emerald robes. He hardly looked as though he had a broom beneath him, he glided through the air with such ease.

"Up!" I hissed, growing increasingly frustrated with every second that passed. A few minutes prior Neville's broom had gone zigzaging off into the distance and had to be summoned back b Madame Hooch.

Now it lay completely still on the grass, not giving so much as the slightest twitch, unlike Hermione and I's brooms that jumped a few inches off the floor before falling down again.

"Say it with conviction Longbottom!" Madame Hooch boomed, "You have to mean it!"

"How embarrassing..." The snigger came from a girl with short, cropped dark hair as she whispered to a larger, more square friend with an aggressive underbite, just quiet enough that we would hear but Madame Hooch wouldn't.

My face felt hot and I could tell my cheeks were just as red as Hermione's who practically growled at her broom. "Up."
Her broom raised itself about a foot before it toppled back down again and the the girls burst out in fits of laughter.

"Up." This time my broom came flying up into my hand and I caught it instantly, Madame Hooch gave a clap as a few seconds later Neville clenched his too.

Only Hermione remained broomless, and it didn't escape my notice the way the Madame Hooch practically ignored her instead leaving us to go check on the progress of the practicing teams on the top court, mumbling something about making sure the Slytherins and Gryffindor's weren't killing eachother as she left.

Hermione Granger, had never before been bad at anything in her life, let alone the worst in the class, which is why to fail at this one seemingly easy task frustrated her beyond belief. But the more she tried the worse it got.

"Up!" Tears brimmed in her eyes, and I positioned myself to shield her from the view of those vile girls, who now with Madame Hooch off elsewhere openly laughed at the struggling girl.

"Not so perfect after all, are you Hermione." In some lights, this girl may have been beautiful, but that mattered little when our shadowed by her ugly heart.
She was jealous, bitter at the world, and she took it out on those around her, I could tell by the way Neville stared intently at her shoes that this wasn't the first time this girl had been horrid to them.

"What's your problem?" I snarled at the girl, who turned to me slowly with mocking glee in her eye, as if she'd just been waiting for this moment to arise.

"My problem?" She grinned like a Cheshire Cat, running her poisoned tongue the length of her teeth. "-Hang on a minute, shouldn't you hate her too? I swear she fuck your boyfriend?"

I couldn't do anything. I just stood there stupidly, entirely dumbfounded.
I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak.

My lungs seared with the bitter fire that pulsed like thick tar through my aching veins, tainting my heart with its wicked blackness, so that every wretched and dissonant beat had her cruel lies resonating throughout my entire body.
I felt her words stinging in my cheeks and tingling in my fingertips as I clenched my fists so tightly that my nails cut into my palms.

I knew it was true, I'd known it for a year but still that didn't make it hurt any less. Confirmation did nothing to still the tides of grief that raged within me like a tsunami of tears.

The entire class fell deadly silent, students exchanging shocked looks as everyone realised what the horrid girl had said. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together, they realised pretty quick who really I was.

I couldn't even bring myself to care anymore, let them know. Let them all know.

The only thing that mattered to me right not was holding back the tears. I refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"Shut up Pansy." Hermione snapped, her pale face contorted in anger. "-Go suck Malfoy off or something."

The Pansy licked her lips, "Gladly."

Something inside me snapped and before I could even comprehend what I was doing I threw my broom to the floor and shoved the girl as hard as I could. She stumbled back a few paces but didn't fall.
Pansy wasn't smirking anymore as her face quickly twisted in rage as she stalked up to me, so that our faces were only inches away from one another, each just daring the other to strike first. I refused to back down. Do your worst, I grit my teeth.

"-Girls!" The shriek of Madame Hooch's whistle pierced through the thick tension. "What are you doing! This does not look like broom practice!"

Begrudgingly, slowly, we stepped away from one another but not before Pansy spat at my feet.
I wanted to turn back around and beat the shit out of her right then and there, but the only purpose that would serve would be to get me kicked out of a second school and there was no way in hell my great aunt would let me back in her house if I got kicked out again, not that I'd even want to go back.

I was already dreading the thought of the Christmas holidays with her constant moaning and her awful cooking.

With the return of Madame Hooch came the return of the others. A string of sweaty, red faced boys with brooms in hand filed past us to the castle, but only one caught my eye.

The sight of him like that awoke something inside of me, something primal, a hunger. A kind only he could satisfy, and I'd gotten a taste of it once, but that wasn't enough as my body cried out for more.

I didn't realise how starved for affection I'd been until I'd gotten a taste what he could give me.

We locked eyes and this time Draco didn't look away, instead the corners of lips full lips tugged upwards in a gut wrenching smirk and he shot me a wink.

I felt like I'd died inside, but in the most wonderful way possible. My chest swelled with some strange joy, the light of his lips instantly outshining the darkness Pansy had instilled.

What the hell was wrong with me? He hated me, I told myself, and I hated him. So why did I feel like this?

***
QOTD-We're all friends here right? Let's help one another grow by admitting an insecurity, no matter how big or small!
I feel like people admitting their insecurities helps others realise they're not alone!
-TFOA