" Before we close out this meeting, I would like to announce to those of you who may not know, Jayda is leaving the facility today!" The blue-eyed man says.

The ten people sitting in this circle clap their hands, applauding me, including my blue-eyed mentor Mr.Dale. "She's been here for six months and has completed every part of the program. There were challenges along the way, but she overcame them." he smiles at me.

Everyone starts clapping their hands... again. They have the brightest smiles on their faces. I fake my best smile. God kill me now.

No, seriously, kill me now!

....

I'm upstairs in the four-wall luxurious room they gave me, packing the last bit of my things. I look around the room, making sure I haven't forgotten anything. Everything is packed; now, all I have to do is wait. I'm anxious to leave.

My room door bursts open. It is my roommate Blair. "You're still here? I thought you would've been gone by now." She says.

I sigh. "Nope, still here. My parents are stuck in traffic or something." At least that's what they told me when I called them after group.

"Well, at least, I get to spend more time with you before you leave me in this hell hole."

I laugh and then plop on my bed. "You'll be out soon. You have what..., two more weeks?" Blair has been here way longer than me. A year almost. When I first got here, she was sort of my guide. I followed her everywhere; she taught me the ropes of psyching the Psychiatrist. Without her, there is no way I would've gotten out of here on schedule. Yeah, my mom and dad paid for six months, but if the doctors felt that it wasn't safe for me to go home or that I wasn't ready, they would've had to extend my stay, and my release date would've been pushed back.

"Yeah, but you know that's like an eternity." she groans. "God, I can't wait to get back into my high heels and get a face full of makeup. Oh, and I need my hair trimmed, and my eyebrows arched. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the hundreds of dress changes I'll have to do in a day. Not to mention those long-ass fashion shows."

I don't know why Blair models. She doesn't seem to enjoy it much. On the outside, yes, she looks like a model. She is 5' 10; she has long blonde hair and ocean blue eyes. She is truly the definition of a runway model. But the way she talks about it, it's clear she hates it. So why does she do something she hates? "Enough about me. What are you going to do when you get out?" She raises her eyebrow at me.

"Blair, you already know," I say in a low voice; there's a rumor that there are mics in the rooms and that the doctors listen to our conversations; I don't know how true it is, and I don't want to find out.

"Yeah, but I was hoping you changed your mind," she whines.

"I haven't."

"I mean, you could keep living." she smiles at me. I shake my head. "Okay, hear me out, look at me. I'm great. I want to live now. Yeah, I swallowed a dozen pills purposefully then drank some wine. But it was stupid, I was in a bad state at that time, and I acted on impulse. And that 'not eating phase,' " she waves her hands through the air. "It's a thing of the past. Anyway, I want to live. I see that now. I'm only nineteen. I still have my whole life ahead of me. Not to mention there's a sexy brunette waiting for me back in Russia." Her eyes brighten, just talking about Emily. "How could I possibly leave her?"

"Well, I have nothing to live for; there's nothing I want to live for," I explain to her.

"Not even your parents?" she asks.

"Not even my parents," I repeat, answering her question. I love them; I do—I come from a pretty good family. My mom's a lawyer, and my dad's a businessman. He owns dealerships all over the country. We have money, more than I think we need. I've always gotten everything I've asked for. They worked their asses off, making sure I'd never want for anything. I had a pretty good relationship with them until I turned thirteen. When I turned thirteen, they became distant. They stayed away more; they traveled more for work. When they did come around, they could barely look at me.

"Well, how are you going to do it?" she asks me.

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know." I haven't thought about it yet.

"Well, make sure I'm in your obituary." We both look at each other, then burst into laughter. "What about school? You don't want to miss your senior year, do you?"

I can't believe she just asked me that. "Really, Blair...school." I narrow my eyes.

"What, It's your senior year! Do you really want to miss homecoming and prom, graduation?"

I continue staring at her. She knows I could care less about any of that, prom and homecoming is the last thing on my mind. Besides, I missed homecoming. It was two weeks ago.

I've never been one of those girls to obsess about prom; I don't see the hype, never have, never will, and graduating from high school is just something I will have to miss.

I could care less about senior year. I never expected even to be here by senior year. If I had it my way, I would've been dead by freshman year. Freshman year was when I started cutting.

I started doing it to relieve stress, but the more I did it, the more it became so much more than just a stress reliever.

There's another knock on the door.

"Come in!" Blair yells.

Mr.Dale enters. "Jayda, your parents are here," he tells me. I stand up from my bed. "I'll take your bags downstairs, give you guys a chance to say your goodbyes." he walks over to my bed and grabs my two suitcases. Then exits the room.

Blair stands up from the bed. I can see the tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry," I tell her.

" I'm sorry, I'm just going to miss you." she wraps her thin arms around me. She has to bend down a little. She's way taller than me. I'm only 5'1. She exhales a deep breath then lets go of me. " I love you; you know that." She says.

"I love you too," I say honestly; I do. Blair has to be the nicest person I have ever met. She has always been kind to me, and for that, I love her.

" Not eno--"

" Blair." I cut her off before she says that I don't love her to live for her. It's true, but it doesn't sound nice if you say it out loud.

" I know, I know. I'm sorry." She holds my hand firmly.

"Goodbye, Blair." I managed to say.

" Goodbye, Jayda. I hope one day you find your Emily just as I have found mine before it's too late. " Tears are rolling down her face.

We embrace each other in one last hug. And I walk out the door.

...

I walk down the spiral stairs to the lobby. I have been lying ever since I got here. Pretending that I want to live knowing deep down, I don't. I need to get home; the pretending doesn't stop here. I have to put on my best smile at home, or I will be right back in this place.

When I reach the lobby, I see my mother and father. My mother looks like she is going to court, and my dad looks like he is going to a business meeting. Casual clothes are something you don't see in my family except for when I wear them. My father's hair is freshly cut, and my mom's hair is in her famous slick back low bun.

Mr. Dale is standing there talking to them. I hear their conversation more as I walk up to them.

"She knows her coping mechanisms, and she has her safety call list," Mr. Dale says to my parents.

My mom spots me first. She rushes over to me with open arms. "Oh, my baby." She draws out the word 'baby' and squeezes me tightly.

"Mom, I can't breathe." I manage to say while she squeezes the air out of me.

"Oh, sorry, sweetie." She lets go.

"You ready, Jay?" My dad says to me, and the smile that's across his face is fake. I've seen his real smile, and what he's displaying now isn't real.

"Yeah," I say.

"Yes." My mother corrects me.

They both thank Mr. Dale before walking out the door. I turn around to him. "Jayda, if you need anything, and I mean anything, do not hesitate to call. Please, it doesn't matter what time it is or when it is; I don't care if it's a year from now, please just call.

"I will. Thank you for everything." Before I can walk away, he grabs my arm. He looks deep into my eyes.

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. The moment you're ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens."

He knows! He knows! How could he know!

"I'll be seeing you, Jayda." he nods his head.

He let's go of my arm then walks off. He let me go. He basically just said he knows I'm going to kill myself. So why would he let me go?

I inhale a deep breath before walking out of the door. Back to reality, I go.

(I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, don't forget to vote. Enjoy the crazy ride!)