
Chapter 13: The Upside of Anger
The next day at school went terribly slow. Valeria tried her best to pay attention in history class, but felt her mind racing with so many different thoughts. She found it difficult to focus, knowing so many people needed help.
Deciding to skip her third period class, Valeria pretended she was sick and made for the library. She walked inside and sat down at one of the computer workstations. Google proved a good way to find information about the Grove shelters, as it linked her to a website with a list of locations around the world. As she sieved through the information about the shelters, she didn't find any trails that suggested these institutions were actually backed by the Rogue faction, as the website simply listed numerous charities and sponsors.
"Hey V," Sai said as he took a seat at the computer station next to hers. "James texted that you were sick.You feeling better?"
"I was lying so I could skip class."
"Didn't want to take the history test, huh? You should be careful," Sai replied, a frown forming across his face. "You could get detention."
Valeria rolled her eyes. "Uh oh, that sounds really dangerous."
"You really are a rebel, V," Sai replied with a nervous laugh. "So let me guess – are you just checking your social media to pass the time?" He leaned over to inspect her screen, but she minimized it in time.
"What I do with my spare time is none of your business," Valeria countered. "And no, I don't use social media."
Sai offered a curious look. "You mean to tell me – you don't use Facebook, Twitter, or Snapchat?"
"No," Valeria replied while shaking her head. "Why are you here instead of class?"
"I have a free period right now, so I came here to work on my SAT prep."
"What's that?" Valeria asked.
Sai simply blinked at her with disbelief. "You don't know what the SAT is?"
Valeria felt an odd combination of embarrassment and disinterest. While she knew that high school students had to prepare for college, she wasn't aware of all the intricate details. She didn't really care about any of it of course, but she also didn't want Sai to think less of her. It was strange - she had never really cared what other people thought about her until she met Sai.
"I'm sorry I don't know about that. I'm mainly just trying to fit in," Valeria said truthfully, before quickly adding, "I'm an exchange student, remember?"
"I guess that's true. Well, the SAT is what colleges use for admissions. So let me get this straight; you don't care about social media...you don't care about skipping class...and you're not worried about preparing for college?"
"Nope, not at all."
Sai looked over at her with surprise. "Wow, you really are unlike any girl I've ever met. What do you worry about?"
Valeria sighed. She was worried about social and economic disparity in this country, she decided now was not a good time to get into that. "I try not to worry about little things anymore," she said. "I used to have bigger things to worry about."
Sai scoffed as he said, "Bigger things to worry about? Like what?"
Frowning, she said, "you wouldn't understand," before turning back toward her computer.
"Try me," he said, his head cocked to the side. "What could be worse than stressing about getting into college?"
Valeria turned toward him. Any sense of reservation evaporated as her frustration clouded her judgement. "Oh I don't know," she said, her voice quivering, "maybe worrying about starving to death? Freezing to death? Worried about getting killed or assaulted by gangs? Maybe being afraid of a girl's detention center where girls are constantly harassed by male guards? You know...little things like that."
Sai stared at her with disbelief. "You experienced all that in Mexico?".
"Yes," she lied, making sure to keep her exchange student alter ego intact.
"Wow," Sai replied with disbelief. "That explains a lot. I'm sorry, I had no idea..."
"Of course you had no idea," Valeria interjected. "Wealthy kids are too self-absorbed to care about kids in poverty, whether it's other places around the world, or right here in the U.S."
Sai raised an eyebrow. "There are kids living in those conditions here?"
She took a long deep breath, trying to reign in her anger. "Yes," she said through clenched teeth, "there are. So do me a favor, and go back to studying for your SAT. I have more important things to worry about."
Sai looked over at her and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, V. I didn't mean to upset you. I just didn't know about your past. I hope you can forgive me. If not...I'll just leave you alone." He started to get up, but Valeria sighed and motioned for him to sit back down.
"It's alright – you don't have to leave. I'm honestly surprised you're not afraid of me." The fact that she hadn't sent him running for the hills was truly a surprise. People had always abandoned her at the first sign of trouble, but this boy was different.
"Why would I be afraid of you?" Sai asked.
"Because I'm poor, uneducated, and uncivilized unlike you and your friends. I guess you could say I belong to a different class."
"Screw that!" Sai exclaimed with distaste. "My parents left India because they were tired of the lingering caste system there. They came here, worked hard, and found success in the medical field. So no, you are not part of a different class, and no, I'm not afraid of you. I actually kinda admire you..."
"You admire me?" Valeria asked with disbelief. Deep down, she was truly flattered. No one had ever said they admired her before. She wanted to take the compliment and accept the fact that Sai liked her. But years of mistrust boiled to the surface and erupted from her mouth like word vomit. "Pft, yeah right. You must think I'm some kind of moron. Let me guess, you use this routine on all the girls?"
Sai looked taken aback. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. I see what you're trying to do, and it won't work."
"What am I trying to do?" Sai asked. "I was just being honest."
Valeria frowned at him. "Honest? If you want to be honest, why don't you just say you want to get in my pants? I'd respect that way more than lies and mind games."
"Uhh," Sai replied nervously, "For the record – I actually do admire you, and no, I wasn't trying to be a creep. But...I could ask you out - if you want me to."
Valeria studied him curiously. "No thanks," she said, but quickly regretted it.
"Okay," Sai said with a hint of disappointment. "Just checking."
After an awkward silence, Valeria turned back to her computer and opened the window where she left off, searching for more information about the Grove shelters.
"What are you reading about?" Sai asked as he looked at her screen. "Homeless shelters?"
"Umm," Valeria trailed off, trying to think of an excuse. "Just doing research about poverty in the US... for a... for a project."
"I can help if you want. You seem pretty stressed."
Valeria considered this a moment, but decided against it. "No, it's my project."
"Which class was this project for again? " Sai asked. "I could just ask around and see who else can help and..."
Valeria cursed under her breath, realizing her lie would easily be detected if she didn't do something. She needed to create a distraction. "You wanna get out of here?"
"Here," Sai said, his voice cracking, "Like the library?"
"School," Valeria replied. "Wanna go bowling?"
Sai looked at her with surprise. "I still have two classes left. You want me to cut class?"
Valeria shrugged her shoulders and said, "You need to lighten up. I mean honestly, what's the craziest thing you've done lately?"
"Umm, nothing I guess."
"Well, let's go," she said as she stood up, and walked toward the exit.
Sai followed quickly behind, and said, "Just for the record, did you just ask me out?"
Valeria shook her head as she held the door for him. "Nope."
"Okay," he said, his shoulders slouched forward as he reached for the door. "Just checking," he muttered before following her out of the library.
#
Just like her time with Frank and Jada, Valeria found she really enjoyed bowling with Sai. The boy was terrible at it, and she beat him handily in both frames, but he didn't seem to really mind. He cracked jokes about his terrible play, while offering nothing but praise for Valeria's skill and precision. As they played on, he inquired more about her past, and Valeria tried to provide snippets of truth intermixed with lies, hoping she wouldn't sabotage her alter ego.
Valeria bowled her last strike, and sat down next to Sai gleefully at the scorer's table. "So, what's that bring the total to?"
"Well," Sai said as he continued tabulating scores, "I don't think it really matters, since you almost tripled my score."
"Must be embarrassing – getting schooled by a girl?"
"You're not a good sport, you know that?"
Valeria laughed. "I should have warned I'm competitive. So what's the total?"
Sai shook his head and said, "It doesn't matter. You won, and I had fun."
"You had fun?" Valeria mocked. "You must like being punished."
Sai shrugged. "I guess so. I'm definitely going to be punished if my parents find out I skipped school."
Valeria sighed. She was being a bad influence, forcing Sai to break rules in ways he never had before. While she had never had any issues breaking the rules before, this time was different. She felt a mix of emotions at the notion that for the very first time - she had a partner in crime.
"If you're so worried about it, why did you come?"
Sai's cheeks flushed. "Well –"
"–It's not like anyone knows we're here," Valeria interjected.
Sai looked like he was about to offer a response, but they both turned as someone coughed behind them.
"That's not true at all," a familiar voice said.
Valeria closed her eyes and exhaled. She was in big trouble. She turned and found Jada standing behind them, both arms crossed; the woman looked angry as hell.
Sai turned and started to panic as he exclaimed, "Ah Mrs. Malone! I'm sorry, this is my fault and..."
Jada narrowed her eyes. "Shut up boy. I know this wasn't your fault. You have three seconds to grab your things, and make your way back to school."
Sai nodded and turned to Valeria. "Thanks again Valeria. I really did have fun, and let me know if you ever -"
"Time's up," Jada interrupted. "Get moving!"
Sai flinched and initially froze like a deer caught in headlights, before running for the exit.
"As for you," Jada said, her icy stare focusing on Valeria. "You're in big trouble."
Valeria leaned back in her chair, not wanting to be intimidated. " For what?"
"Let's see," Jada began as she stepped closer. "You skipped class and came to a bowling alley without texting us where you were. You also encouraged a classmate to skip school with you for a date. Did I miss anything?"
Valeria frowned. "It wasn't a date. I just needed a distraction. I mean, it was really hard to concentrate in school today."
Jada shook her head with disbelief. "So, you not only made the boy skip class. You made him think you care about him, when you were really just using him." Jada sighed as she finished with, "And Frank said you're too nice to be manipulative."
"That's not entirely true," Valeria countered. "I can explain if you just..."
"Let me explain something to you," Jada interjected. "We warned you that you need to go to school, and notify us if you go anywhere without us. You broke a rule, and now you will be punished. Follow me."
Valeria groaned as she followed Jada outside. Since it was the middle of a weekday, there were relatively few people walking around the neighborhood. Jada directed her to a particularly secluded area behind the bowling alley where the two could speak in private. "Alright Mrs. Malone," she said sarcastically. "Or should I say, Mrs. Pipino. What's your punishment? Detention? Chores?"
"No. Start running laps around this building."
Valeria blinked at her with disbelief. "The bowling alley? Now?"
"Yes."
Valeria raised an eyebrow. "What are you? A drill sergeant?"
"I said run!" Jada yelled. "Or you will be removed from my house, and my faction!"
Valeria flinched at the authority in her voice and decided to take off. She ran her first lap around the bowling alley and slowed as she returned to the secluded area.
Jada hadn't moved an inch, and still had both arms still crossed against her chest. "Did I say you could stop running?"
Valeria looked up at her and gasped for air. "How many laps are you going to make me run?"
"As many as I feel like," Jada countered. "Off you go."
Valeria continued breathing heavy as she completed the second lap. "Can I get a break?" She asked as she came to a stop beside Jada. "I don't think I can run another lap."
Before Valeria could react; Jada ducked down and performed a leg sweep that knocked her off balance.
Valeria hit the ground hard, and gasped for air as she struggled to sit up. She hoped a bystander would notice their altercation and come offer aid, but it was just the two of them. "What the hell?!"
Jada kicked her in the side. "You don't want to play by the rules? Neither will I."
Valeria huddled into a ball and protected her side as Jada kicked her once more. "Stop it!"
"Why should I?" Jada countered. "It's not like you can do anything to stop me!"
Valeria felt her fear transform to anger.She waited for Jada to kick her again, but this time she grabbed the woman's foot and attempted to drag her to the ground. The attempt failed, as Jada was able to slither free and back away. Valeria jumped to her feet and assumed a crude defensive stance. "I've been a punching bag before," she said through deep breaths. "I refuse to be one again. I'm done with you...and your faction."
"If you walk away now," Jada said with a scowl, "You will end up as a punching bag the rest of your life. You think you're the only one who's survived the streets? We're not so different, you and I."
"I doubt that," Valeria countered. "What can be worse than the streets of Camden, New Jersey?"
"Try West Baltimore," Jada replied curtly. "And imagine taking care of yourself, and a younger brother as an eleven year old."
"Spare me your sob story," Valeria groaned. "That doesn't give you the right to hit me."
Jada laughed. "You think I was hitting you? Oh please, I barely touched you. You think people in the outside world will go easier on you?"
"Maybe!" Valeria yelled back.
"You're right. The gang members who murdered your parents would have definitely gone easier on you," Jada taunted.
"Leave my parents out of this!"
"Did I hurt your feelings sweetheart?"
"I'm not a sweetheart."
"Oh yeah?" Jada asked, her tone unforgiving. "Prove it."
Valeria yelled as she ran toward her, while Jada simply smiled, turned, and ran away. Her legs ached as she ran, but she didn't care. Her anger had taken over.
She ended up chasing Jada around the whole building. When they reached their starting position, Valeria slowed as Jada came to a stop and faced her.
"You were exhausted before," she said, a smile across her face. "But you found the energy to chase me for one more lap."
Panting, Valeria bent over and used her knees for support. "Yeah, cause you pissed me off."
"I did that for a reason," Jada said, casually checking her fingernails. "Do you know why?"
Valeria shook her head. She trembled as Jada took slow, subtle steps toward her.
"Fatigue...Fear...Disbelief...are all useless when your life's on the line. If you ever find yourself in danger as a Rogue, or as a woman, only anger will give you the strength to survive."
Valeria looked up at her curiously. "Anger? Doesn't that lead to the Dark Side? Shouldn't you be teaching me discipline and restraint like all good guys stories?"
Jada laughed with a sarcastic tone. "I'm not Yoda. And no...we're not good, and we're not guys. If you want to survive in this world as a strong woman, you must learn to harness your anger."
Valeria took a deep breath. "You planned all of this? Just to teach me a lesson? Wow, you really are a piece of work."
"This is just the beginning," Jada said with a smirk. "And no, I didn't plan on you skipping school – which I'm still pissed about by the way. So now you can look deep within, and practice using your anger to propel you for another three laps. Go!"
Valeria groaned, annoyed at the task she would have to endure. But she was afraid of the alternative, and eventually took off.
She initially focused her anger on Jada, and her exhausting punishment. As she finished the first lap, her thoughts began to shift. She thought about her parents, and the helplessness she felt as a child, not being able to save them. She knew the gang members who murdered her parents were still out there, roaming free. This thought enraged her, and she found the second lap the easiest one by far. As she ran the third lap, she found her thoughts drifting toward the previous two years, enduring abuse from her previous foster family and running away to the streets, where she struggled to survive. So many people passed her by without a second glance, refusing to acknowledge her situation; no one cared about the trauma she had endured.
Valeria's speed picked up as she approached Jada toward the end of the third lap. She was seeing red; vengeance had consumed her.
"Okay," Jada yelled up ahead, "That's enough."
Valeria shook her head as she ran closer. "I want to keep going!"
Jada blocked Valeria's path, forcing her to stop.
"What the hell!" Valeria protested as she came to a stop. "I could have kept going!"
Jada nodded solemnly. "I know you could, but that doesn't mean you should. I only said three laps."
"You wanted to punish me! So punish me!"
Jada shook her head. "Believe it or not – I don't like punishing you. I'm a teacher, Valeria - in a school in the normal world, and as a leader in my faction. While anger is useful like any tool, you have to be careful with it. When used correctly for survival, it can save you. When used for personal reasons, it can destroy you. Do you understand?"
Valeria continued breathing heavily as she looked into the woman's eyes and nodded.
"Good." Jada motioned toward the car. "Shall we go home?"
"Yeah," Valeria said as they walked to the car. "So, you really are like Yoda after all?"
Jada laughed as she put an arm around her shoulder. "Maybe, but I'm a hell of a lot better looking."
Valeria couldn't help but laugh as they both got in her car and drove away.
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