My feet can barely move against the pavement. Now, the shadows stretched ominously and with each step my anticipation grow with what is to come when I walk through that door.

How could I have fallen asleep on Amir's sofa?

. . . It's night now

Pitch dark.

And Angela is home.

Things not going well.

Amir refuses to drive away from the gate in case my mother puts her hands on me again.

I'm not the type to cry out when I'm getting a beating, my father taught me not to show anyone my weakness.

"Stand firm when life throws anything at you, there's always a way out. A my blood run in those veins and me no bow to no man" I can hear his words lingering in my head.

Though I miss him, he's no good for me —For us.

My father was feared yet well respected by many where he came from. He looks out for his people in the community; nothing happens that he doesn't know about.

At first I thought he was some sort of business man by the way he dresses for work everyday. People called him the 'Godfada'.

Me no know what that's about.

My mom did something terrible, something that he could never forgive and in the end he took something far more important away from her as well.

When you look at it both of them suffered a great ordeal in the end.

She's heartbroken.

He's in prison. . . Well at least he was.

My phone vibrates in my grasps. I turn it over and it's a message from Amir. His number isn't saved but his display name pops up 'Grim-reaper👻'.

I heard the mentioned of that name before but I can't quite remember where.

But! It will be changed before the night is over.

He convinced me that giving him my number is for my own safety. In times like these, I do agree.

Grim-reaper👻 : Fear is your worst enemy.

Yeah. Right.

A burst of confidence wash over me, urging me inside. As I approached the front door, I could see the flickering lights of the living room spilling onto the porch. A knot formed in my stomach; my mother hates it when I'm home late and this is extremely late.

With a deep breath, I steeled myself and pushed the door open.

The stove is on, which means dinner is cooking but my mother isn't nowhere in sight.

"Kaylani" my mother's voice echoed through the hallway, laced with concern as I walked to my room.

"Yes, I'm home!" I called out, trying to sound casual. My mother appeared at the end of the hall, arms crossed and brows furrowed.

"Do you know what time it is?" I felt my heart sink.

"I'm sorry! We lost track of time. Training went a little longer than usual and I had to see a nurse afterwards".

My mother's expression softened slightly, but there was still a hint of disappointment.

"Okay I understand, but you need to let me know when you're going to be late so that I don't worry too much. I was starting to think something happened" surprisingly, she didn't rang down my phone.

"I know, I should have texted" I reply, guilt washing over me. "It won't happen again".

My mother sigh, the tension in her shoulders easing. "It's just that I care about you, you know that right?".

I nod, relief flooding over me. She's not mad?

"Yeah I know, I'm really sorry mom."

We share a moment of silence, the tension between us slowly lifted up.

"Can I see?" She queries.

My eyes followed hers, I nod.

After entering my bedroom; I slipped out of my shoes, rest my bags on my study chair and turn around to show my mother the bandage.

She stood a feet away examining the damage she had caused. The solemn expression on her face plunged even lower.

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"It does, a lot" I express softly.

"I'm sorry kaylani! I don't know what got into me" she apologizes, the sincerity in her eyes shows.

"Okay."

"I will call you when dinner is ready" she adds before leaving.

"Okay."

I send Amir a text just so he knows that I am good and he can leave. Removing the wrap of bandages, I can't help but wonder why is Amir being protective of me.

Clearly he and Alicia have a relationship going on otherwise she wouldn't be defensive about him.

Anyways, Alicia is the least of my problems. In the space of a month our school is hosting its annual sports day and I'm very much excited to participate in 'The Old Girl's Race.'

After showering, I rewrapped the bandage and get dressed in my favorite comfortable power puff girls pajamas. It's a spaghetti strap vest with a long pant that matches; the fabric is soft as cotton. I love it.

What should I save Amir's number as?

Such man? No.

He no reach them levels yet.

Impulsive!

How dat a go look showing up on your screen?

You're right.

People man !

I laugh at my antics.

Born to be a lover girl, forced to be a clown.

I dial a number and the person picks up immediately.

"You dog you!" She scolds.

I faked a gasp.

"I'm hurt"

"And I'm not? You threw me away like a piece of bubblegum wrapper" britney exaggerates, her voice breaking at the end.

"Aaww Brit. Between school and track I barely have time for my own self but that's no excuse I'm sorry" I humbly apologize to my bestfriend.

Britney adds Brent to the call.

"Look who has risen from the dead— theoretically speaking" Brent adds for good comfort and I don't know what comfort that's supposed to give to me.

My friends are out to kill me.

"Stop! I've been very occupied" I was but during my breaks I should have checked in on them like they had been checking in on me.

"You mean your new friends are way more cooler than us now." Brit retorts, envy rolling off of each word spoken.

Moving to another country really took a toll on our friendship. The first week of moving here which was my gap week of no school—we've been talking nonstop and after I started at the new school and made new acquaintances our communication became few to none.

This no nice at all.

"Don't say that" I sit up in bed and winced because of the pain.

"What was that?" Brit turns the call conference into a video one.

"What was what?" I say after accepting the video request.

"You winced" Brent joins in.

"Oh" I avoid eye contact with them.

"Kaylani Octavia Peterson!" She exclaims.

Full government name and tings enuh, wah coulda cause this?

Oh yeah, your stubbornness!

Sometimes I hate having an inner voice.

I rest the phone flat on the bed away from view before answering their questions.

"Uhm, mommy beat on me with her police baton" embarrassment flowing around me like that Pacific Ocean, suffocating my emotions.

"Who was the guy?" Brent ask throwing me on the deep end.

"How did you know it was because of some guy?" Brit kiss her teeth. I know she's undoubtedly upset right now.

"Remember in year 9 she slapped you for hugging Brent?" Brit ask knowing damn well I remember.

That was out in the school's parking lot in front of many students.

Brit gave me a hug first then Brent as we departure to our homes. The worst part is my mom showed up when I was hugging brent and had mistaken him for someone else.

From junior high Angela ah embarrass yuh suh!

Jah know.

"How could I forget? That was the most embarrassing day of my life. I got laughed at for weeks" I recall that awful afternoon.

"Can I see your wound?" Brent ask in a soft polite tone.

I inhale deeply and exhale.

"It's covered in bandage. I'll send you the photo I took before wrapping it" I tell him.

"Send it to me as well yea?" Brit says immediately after in her thick british accent.

I send the picture to both of them. Britney was the first to respond.

"No Kaylani! this is bloody child abuse. Would you like for me to tell my dad? We'd be able to just temporary custody of you and you would be able to move back to England with us" the expression on her face is a mixture of sadness and anger. Just by the way her jaw is clenching proves the latter.

Brent speaks up before I could open my mouth "this doesn't look good at all Kay, especially for a police officer to be committing the assault".

Both of them are correct.

But. . .

My mom can easily deny doing this.

Britney and her father cannot protect me if my father is actually free from prison. He has people in all the right places.

Sad to say, I'm better off here with my mother.

"No please. . . Just leave it alone, the nurse said I'll heal within three weeks".

"Three weeks?!"

"Stop being dramatic, three weeks is correct. Did she have you anything for the pain?" Brent asks, I can't unravel if this is him caring for me as a friend or as a doctor in training.

"Yes she did."

"Okay good."

Britney sighs helplessly.

"Bloody hell Brent, are we just going to let her stay there and continue being abused?" Brit questions Brent who clearly looks hopeless.

"Stop! No blame, no shame" I retort.

"I know you guys are only looking out for me but I'll be fine, I promise."

Brit throws her hands up in defeat "fine but, next time this happens I'm going to intervene, yea"

"Yeah, I hear you."

"I love you guys" I mutter.

"I love you too Kay" Brent replies.

"And you know I love you more" Brit adds she just had to be extra. I giggled.

Pacing back and forth in my bedroom. The usual comfort of the quiet room only glooming with the soft lamplight on the nightstand, now feels hallow.

My mind keeps circling back to the same imagine: Kaylani, her eyes wide and haunted, explaining why she's in fear.

I clenched my fists, feeling helpless.

Picking up my phone, I dial phantom's number. "Boss?" He answers immediately.

"Get me every information you can find on Angela Peterson by tomorrow" I tell him.

"Got it."

The call ends and I continue to nurse my weed.

Seeing Kaylani scared to go home to her own place of solitude bothers me.

That's where she should feel safe but instead it cripples her trepidation.

Next day

"Okay class surprise quiz" Ms. Bedford announced.

Sounds of groan can be heard around the room.

Consumed by my thoughts, I didn't realize she had finished handing out the quiz papers.

"Mr. Brookes, are you with us?" She ask diligently.

Clearing my throat, I respond "yes I am."

Most of the teachers in this school has had run-ins with me and not in a good way but not Ms. Bedford. She doesn't push my buttons in the wrong way, she listens to us and treat us like equals.

She sees potential in us but mostly I think

For years I haven't been able to control my temper given how I was raised outside of the household by my father.

The twins don't know how good they have it and they look at me then think I am the favorite child of our parents.

Little do they know— I am our father's punching bag.

When he gets mad he takes it out on me or abuse substances to calm him down.

Picking up his behavioral patterns was easy but it's much harder to transition back to normal. It's not easy being the oldest child because everyone relies on you.

It's Burdensome.

Depressing. . .

Yet I keep going and pushing through all of the bullshit.

My mother doesn't know that my father is the reason for all my anger and trust issues. She thinks it's just something I picked up at adolescence stage from my peers.

Muma no know you a the bad example one f*ck.

1Bomboclaat Grim, never 2.

Done see di pree.

I finish the quiz in less than fifteen minutes while the others are still going hard at it. I stand and rest the paper on Ms. Bedford's desk then step out.

She didn't bother to say anything.

She know the program.

On way to our block, my pocket starts vibrating. I look at the caller ID and waste no time in answering.

"Yo"

"Boss, I just sent you an attachment but before you open it I want you to brace yourself for what you're about to see."

My feet froze in place.

"What should I be worried about?" He sounds worried and he knows I don't worry about nothing on this God given green earth.

"Bro, it's really not my place to say but if you a pree someone in that family I would advise you to end it now."

Who the f*ck phantom think he's talking to?

My laughter is sharp and forced, with an edge of bitterness.

Phantom starts clearing his throat nervously. "If I offended you, I'm sorry 'cause that was not my intent but just a give you a heads up stills."

"No watch ntt'n, thanks" I tell him.

"Yeah bro."

The call disconnects and I'm left with reels of uncertainty.

I get down to the block, using the opportunity with everyone else occupied doing their test to open the document and read without any distractions.

Muttering "Godfada" as I ponder on how do I know this name. It's sounds so familiar yet, I can't seem to grasp the importance of it.

"Jah!" The familiarity consumes me.

If my father finds out whose child Kaylani is. She is as good as dead but where does that leaves me?

Bloodclaat Serenity and Asmara.

He was released from prison over a month ago and I'm surprised he hasn't shown his face here yet.

This no safe.

My father was the one that got his lawyers to persuade Godfada wife Angela to testify against him in court.

His army was bigger, he had people from the police force , to judges, lawyers , doctors and immigration on his payroll. That man was untouchable and his wife was the perfect weapon that formed against him.

Angela was the backup plan to crumbling his whole empire.

I was just thirteen when this all happened. Stories were told, rumors were spread but nobody knew that my father was the mastermind behind of all of this.

Does this make me want to stay away from Kaylani?

The answer to that would be no.

She makes me feel different aside from the therapy sessions. It's hard to explain and I'm not one to express their emotions.

But if he's out this could mean—

Turf war

He could be the responsible for the missing shipment.

I search for the spliff in my shirt pocket and light the head before putting it between my lips and, taking long drag to cool my roaring mind.

Kaylani was too young she doesn't know about any of this but for my father, he has been playing chest while we've been playing ludo.

He knew what he was doing when he planned that dinner to meet kaylani's mother.

Sneaky son of a bitch.

A humorous chuckle leaves my body.

I knew he had a motive!

The strong uneven vibration on my lap steals my attention away from Mary Jane.

"Yeah" I answered completely zoned out.

"I found some more information on the police lady" phantom says.

The smoke flows through my nostrils filling the air around me "okay, speak."

"Look like she a f*ck the police bwoy weh hold we up the other day" he states.

I don't see how this information serves me any purpose but let me see if that's it.

"Eeeeh"

"Yeah dawg but it look like she's only doing it for her daughters sake. She's trying to save money to put her daughter through college since her father cut her trust fund off when she got pregnant in high school for a Jamaican." Phantom explains.

Jah know. . .

Just hope seh she no resent kaylani because of it and she's using every little excuse to take it out on her.

"Aight thanks dawg. Let me know if you find anything new" I return gracefully.

"Know the code" he says and end the call.

Chappa jumps over the railing landing on his feet across from me while the others jogs down the stairs.

"Wah you dey pon mi G" Cardo asks, I know he can tell something is wrong but this is not the time to open up about what I just heard.

"Ntt'n just a whole a meds" I respond.

The others start talking about upcoming invents. In my peripheral I can see cardo studying me astutely.

I ignore him and eventually he tuned in with the others.

___________

Thanks for reading 📖 ❤️

My new book with Lemar is taking up a little bit of my writing time for this book but I'll try my best to publish chapters twice per week.

🙏🏾 Thanks for understanding.