Hi there, callmecaptaingally and JenniferOrtiz883 , the Shiraz you requested is finally ready. So sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Let's kick things off with first impression...

For your book cover, I really like the graphic. It definitely stands out, and the dark background gives it a distinctive look. On the other hand, you two should consider changing the font style to something more legible. The title looks out of place because the color isn't consistent with the graphic, and I couldn't read either of your names. It looks like you two are trying to fill out all the space so the cover wouldn't look empty. I suggest finding a single font style for both title and names, and be aware of the proportions so your cover can have a cleaner and more balanced look.

Your summary could be shorter and more focused. You've devoted the whole summary to Perrsausse Becker-Jones' backstory and then just decided to throw a tiny bit of Jessica Juarez and some high school angst into the mix, which makes it look imbalanced. While there are some great ideas, they could be presented more coherently. If possible, you two could have a sit-down and try to better balance the characters and storyline. Your objective is to get readers to understand the overview of your book in less than a minute, so you guys need to figure out the main points you wish to present to your readers and focus on those.

The mention of multiple mental disorders is also confusing. It's as if they come out of nowhere when you run out of things to write about. This is something we'll talk more about in the next section.

Plot development

One day at school, Persausse Becker-Jones meets Jessica Juarez. Despite being polar opposites, the two girls become friends. Together, they face their personal demons as they navigate through the complexities of high school life.

Based on the five chapters I've read, the pacing is good. I like the straightforward narrative of two girls going about their day at school. It reflects how individualistic one's high school experience can be, and there's no such thing as a "typical high school life." The descriptions are decent, though personally, you two should scrape the face claim at the beginning of your story. It's rather silly to use visuals when it's evident that you know how to write descriptions.

The LGBTQIA+ and mental illness themes are a nice touch. However, I would advise you to do extensive research on depression, anxiety, ADHD, and borderline personality disorder. These aren't labels you can slap on a character and hope it'll add an element of uniqueness to them. They are actual illnesses, so you must take them seriously when writing about them. From what I've read, it sounds like you two have no idea how to present it in your story. While you may have looked up one or two illnesses, you've hardly scratched the surface of these topics. As someone with a background in psychology, I can honestly tell you that it's already challenging enough to write in-depth about one mental illness. I suggest scaling it down to just one, no more than two mental illnesses. This will allow you both a chance to do more thorough research into the subject and write a more accurate description of what it's like to be a teenager living with a mental illness.

Now onto the characters...

Character development

If I look at these two girls as individual characters, they're both fine. One is a seemingly happy, albeit naïve teenage girl whose happy-go-lucky attitude belies the dark thoughts swimming in her head. The other is a reserved wallflower who tells herself it's safer to fade into the background but secretly yearns to fit in. However, put these two in a single story, and you can easily have an imbalance in character dynamics. If I'm skipping chapters just to read the story from a single POV, then the storyline would make a lot of sense. Combine both characters' POVs, and it becomes utter confusion.

That being said, you two need to find time to discuss both characters. While I understand it's easier to divide the workload and have each of you be in charge of one character, keep in mind that you two are writing a story. It is crucial to plan how to fit everything into a single storyline rather than separating everything into two characters.

Grammar

There are some minor grammatical and spelling mistakes, but they're fixable with good editing. Your biggest issue lies in the constant tense change. One of you is writing in the past tense, while the other writes in the present tense. As a result, the story feels choppy and disjointed. You two need to come to an agreement on which tense to use in the story, and stick to it.

Final thoughts

You two have a lot of ambitious ideas, from LGBTQIA+ to mental illnesses. On the other hand, co-authoring a book can be tricky. It's more than just two authors writing a story. It's about two authors trying to express themselves through one voice in a single story. From the chapters I've read, you two aren't writing a story together. You're just taking turns updating a story with your own character. There's no partnership, just two people expressing their own ideas through a shared space. The two of you should take some time to review each other's writing and work on how you want this story to progress.

This marks the end of my review-all the best on your writing.