"And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth."

― Raymond Carver, A New Path to the Waterfall

--

"Remind me why you transferred here?" Officer Lee asked, rolling to a stop at the stop sign. Jooheon was giving Hyunwoo the tour of their district, which left a lot to be desired. Cracked sidewalks sprouting with weeds, boards covering shop windows that had been smashed with bricks, unfinished or abandoned complexes empty of residents. Even the streetlights looked reluctant to be there.

To say the least, it wasn't particularly hospitable. "Just needed a change," Hyunwoo answered vaguely, looking out his window. There were a few boys grouped together on the corner of the intersection, one of them leaning against the streetlight, but not many other people out on the street.

"If you were looking for a vacation, then the Tampa suburbs were a poor choice," Jooheon commented lightly, not seeming to care whether or not Hyunwoo was planning on sticking around but still wanting to throw his two cents in anyway. "There's nicer parts of Florida if all you want is a little sun and some palm trees."

"I'm not here for a tan," Hyunwoo replied, looking over at the officer that had been appointed as his partner and temporary mentor. "There just wasn't much to do at my old precinct."

"That won't be a problem here," Jooheon said with a slight upward quirk to his lips, but his eyes stayed dark and troubled. "Drugs are probably our biggest problem, but there's a lot of small-time crime to keep us busy. Someone breaking into the gas station for a bottle of vodka. Stuff like that. Small enough to cause trouble, but big enough to summon a cop car."

He sighed as they cruised through what looked to be another low-income neighborhood. "But in the time it takes you to apprehend one offender, three other petty crimes have occurred." Jooheon shook his head as he slowed down to a crawl, seemingly driving aimlessly around the area. It was hard for Hyunwoo to tell if they'd already been down this street or not since they all looked similar to him at a first glance. "To your right is one of our watch zones," Jooheon said, and Hyunwoo looked out his window, trying to take in the scenery and commit it to memory.

There was a scraggly chain link fence surrounding the property, which included a nearly empty expanse of cracked blacktop that backed up to a three-story building that seemed to provide low-quality housing for local residents. Each unit had a balcony that overlooked the blacktop, and most balconies were empty save a cheap folding chair and the occasional small table. Hyunwoo counted a total of two plants, one of which was already long dead and the other of which was well on its way.

"Why is it on your list?" Hyunwoo asked as he continued soaking in details. A cement curb lined the parking lot, and a few crushed cans lined a small length of it like lonely soldiers marching along the perimeter.

"It's essentially one big drug den," Jooheon said with a sigh that was more than just disappointed. He sounded frustrated, too. Like he had something personally staked on the success of the property.

Or maybe the people in it.

"You think someone's running something out of here?" Hyunwoo asked. One of the cans wobbled in the breeze and pitched forward, clattering against the blacktop and falling still.

Hyunwoo drew his attention away from the fallen soldier and back to Jooheon as his partner spoke up. "It's not exactly a singular cohesive organization. And the dealers don't live here, not to my knowledge. But they get the residents hooked on their drug of choice – heroin, mostly. Cocaine for some."

"And you guys can't bust them?" Hyunwoo asked, looking back out at the sad building. It looked like it was trying to crawl back into the earth but had been rejected from doing so.

Jooheon sighed, massaging at his chin with one hand. "It's not that we can't. But we need to get the dealers too, all in one scoop, and they've been pretty elusive thus far. But it's more than that. A lot of the residents here have kids, and if we bust them..." He shrugged unhappily, leaving Hyunwoo to pick up his trail of thought.

"Wouldn't the state just take them into custody?" Hyunwoo asked. "Wouldn't that be better for them?"

"It would be, if I had any confidence that they'd make it into better homes,"  Jooheon said, jaw clenched. "But I'm sad to say that I don't have that confidence, not yet at least. And I'm worried that if we busted the residences and if the only repercussion was a fine and no jail time, then they'd keep the kids and have even less money to take care of them." He sighed, finger tapping against the wheel like he wanted to move past this neighborhood but wasn't yet ready. "I just want to do what's best for them, and I haven't been sure what that'll be just yet. But keep an eye out for their dealer, when you're checking up on this area, and let me know if you find anything out. I want to be ready to jump on that opportunity if it arises."

"Got it," Hyunwoo said with a nod, and Jooheon nodded back before giving the car a little gas. The complex faded into the distance behind them as Jooheon continued his tour, and they eventually ended up back at the station.

"We switch rotations every week, and we've broken down the area into four main quadrants. You'll be starting in quadrant three, so then on week two..."

"Quadrant four, then week three, quadrant one," Hyunwoo filled in intuitively, and Jooheon nodded.

"I usually do two rounds each day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon or evening. You'll be on the patrol rotation three days a week and at the station the other two. I'll show you your desk tomorrow, and then the day after, you can get started."

"And what's the objective exactly?" Hyunwoo asked as Jooheon hopped out of the driver's seat. Hyunwoo followed suit, exiting the car and trailing after Jooheon to the station doors but not going inside just yet since he'd been informed that they were still getting his cubicle ready.

"For now? Just try and get to know the local characters. If you see something illegal, report it, but otherwise, just introduce yourself to the area so they get used to your face. People can be a little suspicious out here, of law enforcement and outsiders particularly, and you're both, so just be ready for that. Southern hospitality isn't exactly Tampa's claim to fame."

Hyunwoo nodded and slipped his hands into his pockets, feeling the teeth of his car keys scrape lightly against his palm. "All right. Thanks again for the tour, I appreciate it."

"No worries," Jooheon said. He seemed to be a pretty down-to-earth guy and a local, judging from his demeanor. Hyunwoo hoped they'd get on all right as partners since his last partner had been particularly inept and unmotivated. Jooheon was already head and shoulders above him. "Do you need help moving into your new place? I get off at five if you need an extra hand."

"I've got it covered, thanks," Hyunwoo said with a polite nod, and they parted ways in front of the station.

Hyunwoo got in his car and drove around a little bit, trying to ingrain a few local landmarks into his mind by which to navigate. He passed the watch zone Jooheon had mentioned and took a mental snapshot of the sign on the side of the building identifying it as the Walour Motel. Then he worked his way back to his studio apartment which, like the town, paled a bit in comparison to his previous residence. Still, it had four walls and a toilet that flushed, so he had no complaints.

He parked in his assigned spot and started carrying up boxes, giving a congenial nod to any new neighbors he passed along the way. Once he'd finished the migration process from car to room, he took a look around and started unpacking. Each box was marked on the side in Sharpie with a clue as to its contents, so he started with the kitchen and worked backwards.

His mattress wasn't scheduled to be delivered until tomorrow after work, so once he'd finished unpacking, he collapsed the boxes and laid them one over the other until he had a space big enough to lay on that would hopefully be softer than the floor.

He laid back, shifting in an attempt to get more comfortable even as his shoulder blades dug into the cardboard, and stared at the ceiling of his new apartments.

He hoped he would like working here better than the last place. It had been another suburb, but that was where the similarities ended. Middle-class families with two-parent households populated the area, and there was an abundance of parks and community programs to keep the kids busy and socially engaged. The library even held yoga classes on Sundays.

It was a nice little pocket of the country, for sure, but there wasn't much crime. Which was a good thing, for everyone who lived there, but it made Hyunwoo's job somewhat unnecessary. He spent more time fixing kids' bike chains than he did arresting anyone. And it wasn't necessarily that he wanted to arrest people, but...he wanted to feel like his presence made a difference.

It seemed like he might have the opposite problem here, that even if he spent all day resolving conflicts, he wouldn't make a dent. It would be like slapping duct tape over a leak in the ceiling when the entire window was open and letting the rain pour in.

He could at least try, though. And if it felt like too much, he'd just put in another transfer request. No one would blame him.

But he didn't like the idea of leaving behind a place and a people that needed help. And he liked the idea of running away even less.

He'd put in the transfer request if he had to, but he hoped it wouldn't come to that.

--

"This is your desk," Jooheon said as he led Hyunwoo into the station the next morning and stopped before an empty cubicle, hanging over the divider and peering down at the desk as though expecting something to appear. "Right next to my desk, by the way. So I'm right here if you need anything."

"Great," Hyunwoo said, feeling a little awkward as he hovered by the desk, not wanting to sit down when Jooheon was still standing but not really sure what else he was supposed to do in the moment.

"Especially great," Jooheon said with a nod, "because this other officer used to be sitting here – I made him move so you could sit next to me instead – and now he's stuck next to some other poor sap who hopefully likes sad Madonna songs more than I do."

"Oh- you didn't have to kick someone out for me to sit here," Hyunwoo said, feeling twice as awkward now that he knew he already had a potential enemy in the station and he'd only talked to one person so far.

"Nah, it worked out best for everyone, trust me. You get to stick close to me, I'm rid of that guy and his poor music taste, and he's a lot closer to the coffee machine now which is perfect since drinking coffee seems to be all he does. Trust me, it's fine that you're here."

"Okay..." If you say so, Hyunwoo thought, setting a briefcase on the desk that had some basic files he wanted to store. He'd never transferred stations before, so he wasn't quite sure how everything would work out, but it seemed to be going more smoothly than he'd expected. Maybe that was due to how badly they needed assistance.

"You get settled in here, then I'll take you to meet the chief," Jooheon said, slapping the divider before sitting down in his own chair.

Hyunwoo was able to breathe a little more easily now that he had a minute to himself, and he took his time setting up his desk just so. An IT guy came by a few minutes later with Hyunwoo's computer, as the other officer had insisted on keeping his own machine even though all his data was stored on a unique user profile. Hyunwoo stood back while the technician got him all hooked up, and he thanked him before settling back into his chair and testing out the login credentials he'd been given. He hit enter, and a small circle started spinning mid-screen to let him know that the computer was trying to decide whether it trusted him enough to allow entry.

"The network is super slow, by the way," Jooheon called out from his cubicle as though sensing Hyunwoo's predicament. "If you're a coffee guy, I'd suggest getting a cup while you wait. By the time you get back, you'll probably be in. Maybe."

Hyunwoo sighed but did as recommended, wandering further into the station. At one point, he heard what sounded like faint Madonna music, and he followed the melancholy tune toward what he hoped was the coffee machine. Sure enough, he passed by an officer who was similarly waiting for his computer to log in, pen tapping to the beat.

Hyunwoo passed him in a hurry just in case he was still upset about switching desks. He found the coffee maker in the adjacent room, and he got himself a cup of Joe before returning to his desk just as the buffering circle was replaced with his desktop.

"Perfect," he said as he pulled up the Internet browser and tried to resist from groaning as he got another buffering symbol. This one disappeared in just a few seconds, thankfully, and then Hyunwoo got to work. He felt oddly secretive about it, as he didn't want Jooheon to pop over and look at his screen, so he angled himself slightly to block Jooheon's line of sight as he began looking up their town.

Most of what he found echoed what Jooheon had already told him – alcohol, heroin, and cocaine were listed as highly abused illegal substances. A few news articles came up about recent events, including someone robbing a store at gunpoint and another teen found dead as a result of overdosing on illegal substances. Hyunwoo was saddened that the author of the article had felt it necessary to include "another" in the title, and he wondered how many deaths warranted that detail.

It also mentioned that the teen, like others, had been found near Widowmaker's Bridge. When he tried typing "Widowmaker" and their town in, though, he mostly got hits from some video game and articles about a type of heart attack. He would have to ask Jooheon about it later.

When he heard the wheels on Jooheon's chair roll back abruptly, he quickly closed out of the window and looked over at him.

"All settled in?" Jooheon asked, and Hyunwoo nodded, standing up along with him. "Let's go talk to the chief then."

--

The chief was firm but polite. Like Jooheon, he seemed surprised that Hyunwoo had requested a transfer here (although, to be fair, Hyunwoo had only specified "No preference" on the transfer request, so he hadn't exactly asked to be placed here specifically). And like Jooheon, he seemed to expect Hyunwoo to leave at any moment.

"If anything changes, just let me know," he told Hyunwoo, who nodded and thanked the chief for his time.

Then he and Jooheon were heading back to their desks.

"Now what?" Hyunwoo asked, tapping his thigh. Maybe it was the coffee kicking in, but he was ready for some action.

"Now nothing," Jooheon said with a small snort. "Today is Tuesday, which means you and me-" He pointed at himself and then at Hyunwoo. "-are on paperwork duty."

"Paperwork?" Hyunwoo couldn't deny the slight disappointment in his gut.

Jooheon seemed to sense it and laughed again. "That's right. I know you're eager to hit the road, but that can wait til tomorrow. Today, we fill out paperwork so we don't get sued or have to let a perp go on some stupid liability issue."

Hyunwoo sighed and turned back to his computer, not having realized that letting it idle for the fifteen minutes they'd been gone would force his account to lock down until he reentered his password.

The circle started spinning again, and Hyunwoo tossed his head back in exasperation.

--

The paperwork hadn't been glamorous, but patrol hadn't been altogether that glamorous either. Hyunwoo patrolled quadrant three, as Jooheon had specified, on Wednesday and Friday. He checked in with the local businesses and introduced himself, taking in their wary eyes and long stares and trying to make himself seem as approachable as possible. Not easy with his height and build.

Still, when he looped back around Wednesday afternoon, he at least got a few nods, and by the second loop on Friday, he even got a wave or two. On Monday, he'd start patrolling quadrant four.

He cooked for one after work on Friday, mumbling admonishments to himself as he almost burnt his dinner for the second time. Back home, he'd had a Friday tradition of patronizing a local restaurant on his way home from work, picking up some fried wings and beer so he didn't have to cook at the start of the weekend. But he didn't know many of the restaurants around the area just yet, so for now, he was forced to eat his own cooking. Which quickly reminded him why he didn't cook altogether that often.

He took a few bites before boxing the rest up and putting it in the fridge for the time when he was hungry enough to consider it a decent meal. That day wasn't today, unfortunately. So he instead snacked on chips to curb his hunger and finally laid back on his nice layer of cardboard – his mattress had been delayed twice now due to some shipping mix-up – and stared up at the cheap popcorn ceiling.

Was he happy here?

He wasn't sure.

But was he happier here than where he'd been before?

He still wasn't sure. He needed to give it more time. If he still had doubts in a month, then he'd transfer. No need for his masculinity to feel wounded because of it. He'd tried it out, and maybe it wasn't for him. That didn't mean he wasn't a decent cop. It just meant that...

He wasn't sure, and he didn't want to leave before he could answer that question. What would he lose by leaving?

He couldn't be sure yet, and it had only been a week. He'd reevaluate in a month, which would pass a hell of a lot faster after his mattress finally came in.

--

published 01/18/21 (mm/dd/yy)

3166 words