The anticipation that was sitting heavily in the pit of my stomach just got heavier and heavier when I didn't hear back from Rex. The days all went by, and as they went by, I became more weighted down with disappointment. Disappointment in myself for stupidly sending the text in the first place, and disappointment because Rex chose to ignore it. Thankfully, work has kept me busy. I've been recreating a working 1940s kitchen, which is being unveiled this Saturday. This interactive exhibit has been my professional baby for a couple of months now. It means a lot, both professionally and personally. So it's imperative that its big unveiling goes without a hitch. For the most part, my worried mind has been anxiously kept occupied with thoughts of deco kitchen cabinets, copper jelly moulds, antique dinner sets, vintage cake carriers and Falcon enamelware. It's only when I come home at night and try to sleep, that is when my thoughts often stray in the regrettable direction of Rex. Which is why I've arranged to catch up with Faith this Sunday. After Saturday, I'll be able to relax, and that can only mean I'll end up thinking even more about Rex. Which is something that I don't want to do.
I don't want to think.
I don't want to remember.
I just want to forget about seeing him at Angela's and Aidan's.
Angela herself hasn't said one thing about Rex, either. So, I am thinking that she's also trying to forget the whole awkward affair, too. I'm sensing that behind her professional politeness, she's actually feeling a little resentful towards me because my text message to Rex has obviously got back to Aidan. He's probably furious with her, and she's more than likely seen the error of her wifely ways. I can't really blame her for being cross with me. I put her in an impossible situation, which was so wrong of me. No, this is no good. I definitely need to move forward. It's best if I just put the whole sorry mess behind me. It's not going to be easy, but it's achingly obvious that Rex wants nothing to do with me. He's refusing to hear my apology, so it's plainly clear that I need to return Rex to the secure and hidden place within my heart. I've already had a long and teary phone conversation with my sister about it all, and she's assured me that some quality time with her and our credit cards, will totally de-Rex me. Faith is now also living in Bath. She followed me here after her split with Gareth, and I must admit, I do love having her closer to me. She's working in a high end beauty salon, where a lot of the wealthy women get waxed, plucked and massaged. It's actually very handy having a beauty therapist within the family, because I get to have wonderful facials in the comfort of my own home. Faith maybe six years younger than me, but at 26 years old, many think we are non identical twins. My hair is long and a dark shade of brown, whereas Faith's is long and is just a slightly lighter shade of brown. We are often told by our dear and ageing grandma that I have our mother's hair, and that Faith has our fathers. She also tells us that our hazel eyes that have tiny golden flecks that can only be seen in a certain light, are absolutely from her. Nonna (as we like to call her) lives in sheltered accommodation in Gloucestershire. After the death of our grandfather eight years ago, she plans on seeing out the rest of her days within the bosom of Stroud Valleys. Myself and Faith do try to see her as often as we can, but it's guiltily nowhere near as often as we should do. With yet another thing to feel a little shit about, I decide to crack on with a little housework. My cute little one bed cottage isn't big in any way, yet I still somehow manage to make it look messy with all of the books and history magazines that I possess. Dressed in my housework attire: comfy black joggers and a pale pink camisole, I turn on my music and begin to tidy up. My preferred music of choice for housework, is Abba. Mamma Mia is an excellent hoovering song, Super Trouper is great for washing up and Dancing Queen is an absolute must for dusting. Singing loudly along to Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! with my rainbow coloured feather duster in my hand, I faintly hear the gentle chime of my doorbell. Slightly startled by the interruption, I make my way to find out who my evening visitor is.

With the song still tunefully in my head, I open the door with a smile sitting on my relaxed lips. For just a stunned second, my stomach flips and my heart thunders against my breast. My eyes widen and my mouth falls open as I take in the sight of Rex, who stands before me with a far less happier look on his unmoving face.

"Oh...hello...I wasn't expecting it to be you." I tell him, sounding stupidly flabbergasted.

He doesn't react, he simply stares hard at me, deliberately so. "I got your address from Angela, I think we need to talk." He gruffly replies, his gloomy stare not ever wavering.

Feeling very exposed...vulnerable, the coolness of the evening breeze causes my nipples to harden beneath the material of my cotton camisole. Feeling more exposed than ever, I quickly glance down at myself, my vulnerability quickly turning to embarrassment. Rex's eyes fall to where mine were just seconds before, seemingly disinterested in my bold and on-show nipples. In fact, he completely dismisses them by looking back up at me and abruptly says. "This won't take long."

I find myself quickly standing aside, allowing him in. "Can I get you anything to drink?" I ask, growing more and more nervous in his presence.

Rex's eyes briefly roam all around my perfectly small living room, curiously taking in his surroundings. They glide across my cream linen two seater sofa, the Cotswold stone fireplace, my cute little alcove with bespoke shelves in; that's just crammed with a vast array of books, the rustic style sideboard that sits beautifully inside the other cute alcove within the room, and his eyes even notice the sheepskin rugs that lie outstretched on the carpeted floor. "No thanks," he eventually replies, now bringing his attention solely back on me.

My nerves unsettle me, I shake out my hands as I hold them anxiously down by my sides. "Then at least sit down, you're making me nervous by standing." I say with a short and forced laugh.

Rex's demeanour doesn't soften, he only looks even more agitated as his frown deepens along with the flattening of his lips. "As I said, this won't take long, so I'd really rather stand." He furtively watches me as I choose to sit, despite his unwillingness to join me. "I'll get straight to the point. Why did you message me?" His question is abrupt, prickly.

My head warily cocks to the side, thinking before I speak. "I wanted to apologise to you, that's all."

"Why now?" He eyes me with deep suspicion.

"Because the opportunity to do so presented itself to me." Meaning, my bumping into him at Aidan's birthday party.

Rex's eyes narrow, as if he's battling with inner confusion. "Why would you think that I'd want to hear an apology that should have been given to me nine years ago?"

My eyes lower to my feet for just a second, unable to hold his intimidating stare after him asking me that question. Quickly forcing aside my guilt, I bravely look back up at him. "I just felt like I had been given the chance to properly apologise, Rex. That is why I messaged you. I'm sorry if by doing that, I've upset you. That was never my intention."

Rex stuffs his hands in his jeans pockets, angry. "I'm not upset. I'm furious! You don't have the right to offload your guilt with a well overdue and empty apology." His voice is deep with rage, his glare cold and flinty.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat, realising now that it was a huge mistake to have contacted Rex. "I really am sorry. I'll never contact you again." I blurt out, forcing back the emotion that is on the brink of spilling out of me.

Rex walks in front of where I am sat, so he is able to glare at me from a belittling but better angle. "Now that I am here, though...maybe you can tell me why?" His head tilts with contempt, his tone is almost baiting me.

I reluctantly respond, knowing that I can't tell him the truth. Stalling with my reply, I turn away and look into my fireplace; trying to at least come up with just a little something to give him. Eventually, I hear myself weave a complete web of lies around him. "I loved you, but I felt like we were too young. Things were moving too fast. I still had so much that I wanted to do with my career. I'm only sorry that I didn't have the guts to tell you how I was feeling."

Rex listens carefully, his frown never leaving his preoccupied face. His anger appears to be placated for now because I am finally giving him something to really think about. As he's letting my answer sink in, he slowly takes a seat beside me on the sofa. I say nothing, I give him all the time he needs to allow my lies to settle in his mind. We sit, side by side in suffocating silence. He sits with his hands on his knees, slightly hunched over. While I sit, nervously picking at my nails. Time has anxiously been put on pause, while I wait for him to say something. After God knows how long, Rex finally responds. "We were in love, Angel. We wanted to be together. I was going to ask you to marry me, and I know that you would have said yes. Which is why I'm finding it really fucking hard to believe you right now." His anger hadn't gone, it had just been quietly simmering. His head turns with a demanding glare fixed on me. "Something killed our love, and I want to know what it was?" He doesn't move, he doesn't blink.

My thoughts go blank, wiped of everything because my shame has suddenly clogged my mind. I try to fight back the tears, but they're defiantly filling up my eyes. My breaths shorten and my chin begins to tremble. I'm beginning to crumble in front of Rex, and I really don't want to. "It's the truth." I mumble with a small sob quickly following.

Rex shakes his head, refusing to believe me. "You're lying to me! I knew you back then...you didn't leave me because of your career." He argues back, shifting his body because he needs to say more. "Did you meet someone else?" Still overcome with aching emotion, I can only vehemently shake my head. Rex stares at me with utter confusion now clouding his solemn spheres. "Then why, Angel?" His voice is quiet, pleading.

With tears falling down my cheeks and my voice wrapped with misery, I weakly try to explain. "You'll never understand my reasons for leaving you, but I want you to know that I did it because I cared more about you, than I did myself."

Rex's face screws up into a tight grimace, quickly standing up with anger. "Please don't give me all that cryptic shit!" He turns his back on me, allowing hurtful words to fall right from out of his mouth. "It's no wonder you've ended up all alone." He sarcastically seethes, still with his back to me.

Stunned with a broken voice, I reply. "How do you know that?"

Rex turns, wearing a snide sneer that seems out of place on his otherwise handsome features. "What? It's okay for you to do some digging, but it's not for me?" He asks with a smug little shrug.

Although it hurts like hell that Rex is talking to me in such a cruel and sadistic way, I let him because I still feel that it's deserved. His spite and venom is validated, even though what happened between us happened so long ago. Through my tears, I catch myself looking up at him, only to be given a brief and disdainful look back in return. Rex obviously can't stand the sight of me, and I really can't blame him.

Trying to diffuse the angry situation, using a hushed but still cracked voice, I keep talking to him. "Are you married?" I warily enquire, glancing down at his ringless wedding finger.

Rex sneers again, which is quickly followed by an impertinent laugh. "I had a quick wedding and an even quicker divorce."

His answer strangely feels relieving to hear. "Any children?" I ask more warier still, wondering if I really am pushing things now.

"God no!" He snaps, like the thought of having kids physically repulses him. The Rex I used to know actually loved the idea of having his own children, I silently wonder what had changed all that. Looking at Rex now, I realise a lot has changed about him. Now, he just seems so cold; hardened. The realisation that his hardness could all be down to me, hurts more than I can ever say. Sure, he still looks the same. A little older maybe; in a handsome, rugged kind of a way. His dark hair is a little shorter than he used to wear it, and his eyes are still the same striking light shade of green. His body has definitely broadened and become far more defined across the shoulders and back. Rex just seems to be a much more manly and powerful Rex now. Again, I wonder what has caused that. Although his cruel words still linger in the awkward atmosphere, I still do find him incredibly attractive.

He frowns down at me, watching me intently; like he's figuring out what hurtful thing he should say next. "So you're still working in a museum?" His question comes quick and blunt.

Surprised to not hear anything remotely hurtful come from out of his mouth, I jerk my head back. "Yes, I still love my work." I tell him with a soft, shaky voice. Tentatively smiling, I ask him about his work. "Are you still in the police force?"

Rex nods. "I'm an SFO now, working for the MET."

My brows pull together tight and confused. "What's an SFO?" I ask, genuinely having no idea. I know that MET means the Metropolitan Police, which does deflate me a little to know that he more than likely lives in or around London.

Rex stands tall, pulling his shoulders back. "I work as a Specialist Firearms Officer. " He bluntly yet proudly tells me.

Everything that comes out of his mouth, in some way or another, just seems to stun me. Not for one minute would I have believed that the Rex I used to know would ever want to work with guns. Shocked, my fingers touch my parted lips. "I never thought you'd go and train to work with guns." I quietly admit.

The sarcastic Rex quickly returns. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Angel."

That's when an oppressive silence suddenly surrounds us. I don't know what to say to that, and he seems to be arming himself with the verbal missiles that he's managed to sit on for nine long years.

Nervously choosing to stand, I feel that I need to put some distance between us. I hate the way he keeps standing over me, looking down his nose at me with contempt and scorn. "I suppose we have both changed." I state the obvious, walking around the back of the sofa. "You sure you don't want a cup of tea? I'm making myself one." I say, feeling so much more relieved to be free of his oppressive standing over me.

Hesitating, Rex finally agrees to having a cup of tea. "Okay, I only have one sugar now, though."

I weakly smile in his direction, surprised to see him follow me through the tiny hallway by the front door and into my gorgeous, but once again, tiny shaker styled kitchen. Rex's eyes glide across the soft sage units, narrowing on all the coordinated accessories in Cotswold cream. "Very...quaint." For the first time ever, he's actually being polite. Even if it is only about my, tinier than tiny, kitchen.

I can't help but smile, as I lift two mugs from off the cast iron mug holder. "It maybe small, but it has everything that I need."

"Is this your cottage?" He asks, watching me beginning to fill up the kettle with cold water.

"No, I'm only renting at the moment."

Rex watches my every move, appearing to be a lot calmer now. "Do your adoptive parents still live in Wiltshire?" He asks, looking at me in a softer way.

I nod, smiling as I carefully put a sugar in each one of our mugs. "Yes, they're still there. Faith now lives here in Bath, though."

For the first time, Rex actually smiles at me. That beautiful smile of his literally lights up the kitchen. Another wave of relief sweeps through me, because his smile; that hasn't changed. He watches me, watching him. "What?" He asks, amused.

I turn to open the fridge, lifting out the milk. "Nothing." I smile again, closing the fridge door.

Rex leans sideways against the worktop, pressing me further. "Why are you smiling?" He asks, looking adorable as he does.

My smile doesn't seem to be going nowhere, so I tell him why. "It's just good to see you." I confess, carefully pouring in the boiling water from the hot kettle.

Rex's smile falters, replaced with a saddened one. "When you sent me that text message nine years ago, you broke my heart." For the first time, he actually looks a little lost.

An unnatural stillness keeps me rooted to the spot, I feel the urge to apologise again as my guilt floods my heart and soul. "I'm so very sorry for everything, Rex...truly I am."

His eyes are empty and distant. "You broke my heart using kind words...that doesn't make it right, Angel."

My expression slackens with sadness, my eyes become glassy with the threatening tears that swell on my lower lids. "I know." Is all I can say, as I slowly stir our teas.

Rex's voice is breaking, overtaken with emotion. "I thought we both felt the same way about each other. It turned out that I was completely wrong. We were both feeling something completely different."

Without thinking, I reach out to his hand; wanting him to know that what he is thinking just isn't true. "You're wrong, Rex. I loved you."

His expression becomes pained by the touch of my hand on his, he closes his eyes. "Please don't touch me, Angel."

Quickly pulling my hand away, I push his cup of tea towards him instead. "I'm sorry." I mutter yet another apology under my breath.

He says nothing at first, he just stares down at the cup of tea in front of him. "I don't think you realise how painful it is being here with you." His voice breaks, fighting off his emotions.

"It's the same for me." I freely but solemnly admit.

His green eyes start searching mine, needing more from me. "Is it?" He quietly asks.

I slowly nod, nervously biting down on my lower lip. Bravely looking him in his eyes, focused and unblinking; I confess just a little more. "I know how much it hurts seeing me again, because I am feeling the exact same way about you. I've spent so long trying to forget you, but you've always been inside of here." I tap where my heart is, my eyes now almost pleading with him. "The stupid thing about trying to forget, is that it only makes you remember." I smile once again, but my smile is now one so very full of regret. The need to be close to him overwhelms me. I so badly want to touch him, and without thinking; I find that I am reaching out again.

With a soft head shake, Rex pulls in and releases a long and deep breath; conflict growing across his tense expression. "Don't you dare touch me, Angel. I've spent so long wanting to feel your touch, and now that you are..." He pauses, needing for me to understand. "Now that you are, I honestly don't know whether to hurt or hold you."

My fingers quickly remove themselves from his arm, I realise that I've emotionally pushed him too hard. "Sorry." I mumble, lifting my mug of tea because it's the nearest thing close to hand.

"And stop apologising!" Rex snaps, not looking at me but his brows are pinched close together with annoyance.

My warm mug of tea becomes something to firmly hold onto. It's warmness is thoroughly welcomed because Rex is now positively cold and aloof. The silence between us only grows and I no longer know what to say or do.

Rex hasn't even touched his tea, but he looks down at it before looking back at me. "I only came to get answers, but I'm no more closer to the truth than I was nine years ago." He complains, his jaw clenching. "I think it's best if I just go now." His glassy stare on me doesn't falter, it's like he's trying to read my mind. The anger and annoyance that sit within his green eyes soon give way to something else; grief. "I loved you so much, Angel. You were kind, funny, smart, an incredibly beautiful woman. The woman who I fell so in love with would never have done what you did to me. The woman that I loved simply disappeared on the night that I last saw her. She no longer exists. You no longer exist, Angel. You're nothing to me anymore. You're only an unsightly scar on my memories...you're nothing." He ends his words with quiet determination.

His final word cuts like a knife. It echoes around and around my head, making me feel like my heart is unable to beat without it breaking. "You're nothing." It's painfully on repeat, over and over again. My sadness sweeps me up, as I watch Rex simply turn his back on me and walk. Stupidly, my feet follow behind him. In a despairing daze, I follow him to the front door. No words are said. No looks are exchanged. We are only cocooned within a silent goodbye. An unsaid forever goodbye. With hopelessness wrapping itself around me, as soon as Rex closes the door behind him; with my back against it, I cry. My tears soak my cheeks and my sobs come in choking half breaths. I have to let this pain out. It agonisingly has to be purged from every part of me. With heavy feet, I start walking upstairs to my bedroom. Halfway up, I hear a gentle tap on my door. Turning my aching limbs, I slowly walk back down the stairs, not caring who it might be. I honestly couldn't care less who sees me now. With a less than energetic pull, I open the door. Rex's hands suddenly seize my cheeks in his urgent hands, before pushing me up against the hallway wall. His warm breaths caress my face, his glazed eyes so frantically full of desperation. "I don't want to want you, but I do." He whispers against my parted mouth, before deeply kissing me. He doesn't hold me, he merely kisses me until everything becomes him. His lips enslave mine with aggressive precision, united in a brutal but beautiful locking of lips. Then he angrily pulls away from me, and leaves with the door wide open.

He and his kiss, sadly gone.

**NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL A KISS!!!!!

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