God I feel weird. I haven't been sleeping well at all. I keep waking up exhausted and then drifting into a brief yet completely restless half-sleep which is quickly interrupted by my parents or brother. I haven't felt well-rested in weeks. And I keep feeling lonelier and lonelier even though now there are more people in the house. But my interactions with everyone haven't been fulfilling and they haven't for a while. I think it's my fault but I can't find conversation topics that can keep me engaged or not lead to some sort of argument, at least that's what it feels like. And being exhausted for no reason doesn't help. And my parents don't think I can be super tired because I'm young and don't do anything. 

I've tried having interesting conversations. We have little to talk about. I just want friends my age. I want to have something that, I don't know, helps distinguish one day from another. I have no reason to be feeling down. I have a house and food and I just got a new outfit from Costco we just bought a big chocolate cake and I don't have to go to a real school and I get loads of free time but everything is just boring and the days kind of blend into each other and I do't know. My family loves me and I love them and it's not like I never feel happy, I feel happy plenty. I was just watching a video compilation of Tyler being happy and laughing in Mark's videos and laughing and smiling with them.

I hate not understanding my own emotions. I probably just need more sleep.