I keep watching those Shane Dawson ghost hunting/staying at a haunted place videos and even though I don't even believe in ghosts they freak me out. Why am I doing this to myself? I'm already weirdly paranoid about being watched.

Lots of stuff about nightmares and crap up next, just a warning.

When I was little I used to sleep in the same room as my mom. I should have felt super safe, my mom and brother were both in the room with me and my dad has his swords in cases and stuff in there so if we needed to defend ourselves we could. We kept a light on every night. I shouldn't have been scared.

But there's this one specific window that, even though the bedroom is on the second story, I was convinced I would see a face staring at me from it. I hated that window, it freaked me out even in the daytime. It still does tbh. I still get the heebie-jeebies around that window and just in that room, especially at night. I've never seen anything and I never will but it just scares me!

I think the feeling I got from that window contributed to my constant nightmares. I had them so, so often when I was younger. I still have quite a few, and if not a nightmare my dreams usually take a turn for the creepier. I used to have to keep my eyes open after nightmares because if I closed my eyes I would see scary faves from the nightmare. I would just press up against my mom and try to think of good things.

I had them so often I became a bit of a lucid dreamer. I would be in a nightmare and be telling myself "Wake up, wake up!" Like, not just in my head but the little dream me would say it. And I would try to steer it different directions so that I never had to see or be naer a dead body if it showed up in a dream or so I could escape the zombies. I had so, so many zombie nightmares. So so so many. I have no clue why, I never watched anything with zombies.

And oh my god the amount of murder nightmares. And don't even get me started on the ones that took place at Costco, sweet cheese some of my scariest dreams have taken place in a Costco and I have no clue why. Zombies, apocalypses, Venom from Spider-Man (that one may not sound scary but it hecking was), being hunted down, being stalked by a murderer...

And I remember so many of my nightmares so vividly. I can very clearly recall my first nightmare. Looking back it wasn't that scary. Just some of my favorite cartoon characters being chased by a skeleton. But at the time I was terrified. I was super young. I have a really long but patchy memory. I can't remember a ton of my childhood but sometimes I remember certain parts of it super, super vividly. Just random parts that aren't important at all.

I have names for some of my nightmares, like story titles. They're the one's that have stuck with me the most. I had one nightmare that made me scared to go swimming for months and I love swimming. I'm a lot less easily sacred now but I'm still easily spooked. They're different, I swear.

And I'm spooked by the weirdest stuff. Like the window in my parent's room, that still spooks me. Mirrors spook me sometimes because what if I look up and something is there?

Like I said, I don't even believe in ghosts and stuff! One of my grandmas is a Jehovah's Witness and they believe that the spirit can't continue on after the body does and I believe that too so why am I so spooked by this kind of crap?!

It does help to imagine P.I.E coming to save me, or that all ghosts are like the VT ones and just kinda goofy.

Sorry. Feeling spooked right now and I needed to get that out there.