So I was just browsing YouTube and came across an animation channel and

https://youtu.be/1pDeLjx4-20

Holy moly. Just...holy crap.

The worst teacher I ever had was a sub. It was third grade and he was nice at first. But then, well, he ended up cursing a bunch and being super temperamental and awful. There was this kid, I'll call him Fan because he was a fantastic artist and a fantastic just person. Like he was so nice. But he was big, especially for a third grader. And not like fat big but just, you know, big. Like, you wouldn't want to fight him. But he was such a sweetheart. A gentle giant. Anyways, the thing that I hated most about the sub was this kid tripped while walking to his place in line while we were getting into line to go to a special extra class. And he was walking by Fan when he tripped. So the sub, because Fan was a big kinda toughish looking kid (the sub may have been racist looking back because Fan was in fact of color) well the sub assumed Fan tripped the kid. Everyone in class knew Fan wouldn't do that. He didn't have a mean bone in his body! But the sub decided that Fan tripped the kid with no evidence and he shoved Fan back into the classroom. shoved. I remember. Then he sent us ahead to the class.

Later we had a project thing we were doing in the class. The sub eventually did make it to the class. I can't remember if this actually happened but I think Fan was with him and crying? I may be wrong. I actually don't clearly remember a lot from my younger childhood, not consistently anyway. Anyway, we had a project and when class ended I was trying to finish it quickly and I was uh, fragile, as a child. Didn't start out that way but for some reason I was prime bully prey, for kids and faculty. So I told him to give me a little longer (more like begged while slightly panicking for some reason) and he got all up in my face and said something like "Do you want to stay here all night?!" really venomously. IDK I think I've repressed those memories or something. 

I never saw him again and later I heard that the principal had banned him. Which I wouldn't be surprised about. 

My school sucked man. When I showed up in Kindergarten I was confident, sociable, super intelligent, and as emotionally stable as I could be at that age.

When I left in fifth grade I was timid, scared of other people, felt like an idiot, and an emotional wreck. And it never really went away either! My formative years were shaped by teachers who should have retired years ago, kids who for some reason loved picking on me, faculty who didn't try to stop me being bullied and instead sent me to the school counselor a bunch and made it out like if I was being bullied it was my fault, parents who both worked full time so unfortunately there wasn't much they could do, and staying after school for those after school program things because my mom couldn't come to pick me or my brother up until a few hours after school ended because of her job!

Sorry. I get riled up when I think of my school experience. And that was elementary! Instead of trying to stop the bulling they sent me to what was basically the school therapist but the job kept getting filled by different people so I never formed a trusting enough relationship with any of them for them to be able to help. I once hid in the bathroom in a stall after recess just crying until eventually I guess my teacher noticed I was missing and they sent the counselor to get me. The teachers, through every grade (not third the normal teacher was amazing. She was so, so nice) would send kids outside into the hall if they "misbehaved" *cough if they were crying because classmates were bulling them in class in front of the teacher and nothing was being done* and once after lunch recess in fifth grade I was left outside until school was let out. I was checked up on by a classmate, not even the teacher herself, once that whole time.

Once in fifth grade I asked if my desk could be moved because I was sat in a row of three and was in the middle between to BFFs who were always talking to each other and making rude comments to me. My teacher moved me to the back in the row of desks for all the kids who had to be in the special ed class for most of the day. I could deal with that, at least in the mornings they would be there and my best friend at the time was in that row. But then she moved the rest of the row up and moved the physical desk to the very very back of the classroom, all alone. No row. Just a single desk, in solitary, ostracized more than I already was.

My mom was furious when I told her because it really upset me. I'd been singled out by everyone. Even the adult in charge! So she demanded my teacher move me back to the row that didn't have kids in it for most of the day anyway but at least I wouldn't be completely all by myself! And my teacher told my mom she would move me back, to my mothers face! AND THEN SHE DIDN'T! SHE STILL LEFT ME ALL ALONE AT THAT DESK IN THE VERY VERY BACK OF THE CLASSROOM EVEN AFTER MY MOTHER CONFRONTED HER ABOUT IT AND SHE TOLD MY MOTHER SHE WOULD MOVE ME!

My mom had to confront her again and she finally moved me. Things didn't get a whole lot better, my teacher still hated me even though I was one of the less disruptive kids, but at least I didn't feel so singled out.

As it turned out, according to my third grade teacher who was the best of them all, the teachers would pass along "information" about kids to other teachers. So how the teacher in you new grade viewed you was pre-determined before they even met you. I wasn't an angel but my teachers treated me like I was a punk-a** troublemaker when I was mostly just very emotionally vulnerable and sort of distracted. Like, sure I sometimes blurted something out but everyone did! They almost seemed to like the kids who consistently interrupted them and made trouble more than they liked or even tolerated me! 

I think I asked too many questions. I was a curious little thing. I used to spend my free time watching BrainPop videos and playing the educational games on the BrainPop site. They didn't like questions unless the favorite students asked them. One of the favorites was this really creepy kid who had pretty no emotions, he was like a robot, and if I remember correctly he was quite interested in Hitler and dictatorships? But the teachers loved him?? Even though he was super mean??

Okay now I'm just rambling. I'll save all this for if I'm ever allowed a YouTube channel. Typing it is a lot harder than saying it.