Maya

I'm done my meltdown, showered and re-dressed into a clean outfit from my back pack, thirty minutes later. I know that's the first of many meltdowns that I'll have, but it feels better to be done with that first one. I held it all together, in Albany. I put on a happy face for work, where I saw Tamara almost every day. And I never let Ryland see me cry - that only made things worse. So now that I could meltdown, I knew it would be a common occurrence.

I'm laying on the large bed, my eye closed slightly, when I realize I need to turn on my phone. Nella knows my phone number and will call, I assume, to make plans for dinner. But turning on that phone will unleash it all.

I power it on, with my eyes closed. I wait until all the vibrating stops - all of the missed calls and texts coming through. I barely let myself look to see who any are from - but I see Tamara's name a few times, and I see his name. Without opening any new texts, I bring up Nella's contact info and send off a quick text to her.

   Let me know what time works for dinner. I'm all settled in here.

It's now after 4P.M. so I assume - hope - she will be around to text me back.  I put the phone down beside me and look out the window to my right - Cheryl wasn't kidding. There is a beautiful view of the ocean. It brings back a hundred memories at once. Nella and I as little girls, running along the harbour with our mom.  Dad, fishing on his boat. And then it hits me, this very specific memory from when I was a teenager. I'm sitting on a dock, just down the way from our house we grew up in. And sitting next to me is a boy, I mean, a teenage boy, who I have been trying to forget for more than four years.

I shake my head to rid my mind of that - of him - and then stand up. Just as I'm about to grab my phone and my wallet and leave the room, my phone buzzes.

Hey. George is home now so he can feed Willow and hang with her this evening. I can pick you up in thirty minutes?

I'm thankful for my sister's reply, as well as the fact that she's even willing to spend the evening with me.

Cool. I'll be waiting outside the hotel.

With just my phone, wallet and hotel room card, I go down the stairs this time and through the lobby. Once I'm outside, I go off to the right and tuck around the corner. There's a dirt road that I can tell leads down to the water, but I don't have enough time to walk down there and get back up here when my sister arrives. So I just walk a bit, taking in the surroundings. It's a bit chilly, because I'm just in a long sleeved shirt and jeans.

I only packed maybe four outfits, my tooth brush and hair brush and my wallet and phone. I couldn't fit anything else, and nothing else in that apartment was mine, anyway. I'd moved in with Ryland two years ago, when things were good. I mean, they were okay. He was insistent about me moving in so I had to break the lease on my current apartment and leave most of my belongings behind. In retrospect, that was my biggest mistake. But at the time, it felt like it was what I needed to do.

I still have ten minutes before Nella will be here, but I start walking back anyway. As I walk, I pull my phone out of my back pocket. It lights up as I glance at it, now curious about the texts. I can read them. It won't hurt anything. They still don't know where I am.

Tamara - Maya, I've been trying to get a hold of you since this morning. What's up?

Tamara - Hey, seriously, text me back. I just heard from Ryland and he said you haven't been at the apartment today.

Ryland - wtf Maya?

Ryland - You answer when I call you. Haven't I told you that?

I can't open the rest of the texts cause I know they'll be worse. My heart is beating too fast as I slide the phone back into my pocket and realize I have to get my number changed, ASAP.

Nella's car pulls in and I stand up from where I was sitting, on the curb.  I double check I have the hotel key card and my wallet and phone and then cross the lot to get to her car.

I feel safe again once I'm inside her car, sitting next to her, and I buckle the seat belt while letting out a breath I'd been holding in.

"How's the hotel room?" she asks, already backing out of the spot.

"It's good," I say right away. "You didn't have to have George pay for it."

"Well, I wanted to." She smiles and pulls out into the road again. "There's a pub just down the road here. Is that okay?"

"Of course," I tell her. "It's weird I don't really remember this area at all."

She half laughs. "We didn't spend much time down here when we were younger. Plus, a lot of this area is newly built."

   We are at the pub in two minutes and I'm surprised that the parking lot is almost full. I follow her towards the doors and we go inside together, the smell of amazing food hitting me in the face. I notice that most of the tables are full but there are some empty stools at the bar, and I realize that Nella and I haven't done anything like this in a very long time.

"We can sit at the bar," she says, nodding towards the empty seats.

"Is that... okay?" I ask, unsure.

She shrugs. "I'm just pregnant, Maya. I can still do regular things."

I feel embarrassed for even asking, and then sit down, taking in everything around me. A waitress zips past, holding a tray of drinks. A booth against the wall is full of teenagers, laughing loudly.

"You want a drink?" Nella asks me, and that is when I see that the bartender is right in front of us.

"Just a beer, please. Anything," I say to him and he nods before walking away again.

My sister doesn't take her eyes off me. I look away because I know what is coming and I'm not ready for it. At least this pub is crowded and loud - she won't be able to yell at me or cause a scene about what I'm going to tell her. Or, what I might tell her. I haven't decided.

    "So?" she starts, then waits until I'm looking at her. "You're back, which is a surprise. Who knows you're here?"

This sort of stuns me. "No one," I said dumbly. "Except you and George."

"So, it was on a whim? You didn't tell anyone you were coming?"

"Nella, I don't talk to anyone here. I didn't keep in touch with... anyone," I admit, and feel like my stomach hits the ground a moment later.

"Right. Not even your sister," she says smoothly, and it's a hard hit. She knows it.

I don't say anything.

"Okay, so you leave New York and come back here... care to tell me why? You had a job, friends, a boyfriend-"

I wish she didn't mention any of this, but the last part is the worst. Calling Ryland my boyfriend was like calling a neighbourhood cat your pet. Ryland wasn't anyone's anything, and he made that clear as often as he could. I didn't tell her anything about my relationship, after those first six months. The first six months were good. He treated me well - I mean, I thought he did - and I still had my separate life - my job, my friends. Months seven to twenty-four were the ones that ruined it all.

"I'll tell you why... but it's not as easy as that," I tell her, just as the bartender comes back with her water and my beer. "Thanks."

Nella waits until he's gone again, then sips her water. "Nothing's easy, Maya. Bad things happened to us, and we... we handled it differently. But you ran away, that's a fact. And now you've run away again. Back home."

"Yep," I say, because she's right and I won't argue that.

The bartender is back, asking if we want to order food. My sister's face lights up.

"Yes, please. I'll take the bacon potato skins," she answers, then looks at me.

I haven't even looked at the menu. Was there a menu? Nella knows this place, I guess. She knows what is available.

    "Get the mozza sticks?" she suggests. "And whatever you want."

Mozza sticks sound good and I want a burger, so I order that, too. With cheese. I haven't eaten pub food in months and I have not really enjoyed any meal in longer than that. My phone vibrates in my pocket but I don't pull it out. It does remind me that I want to go somewhere to get my number changed, though.

"Do you work tomorrow?" I asked Nella, looking up at her again.

She hasn't taken her eyes off me, as if she still can't believe I'm there. "I do, but just until 2P.M. Why?"

"I have to go somewhere to get my phone number changed. I mean, to a Maine number?"

That isn't why I need it changed, but it makes sense. Right?

"Oh, I can take you to the mall tomorrow? If you want to do that."

I smile at her, because I'm still in disbelief she's welcomed me back - pretty much - with open arms.

"Yeah, thank you," I nod at her.

We are quiet for a few minutes but I see she's still just looking at me, so I lean in a bit closer to her. She's waiting, and I am terrified. But this isn't something I can put off telling her.

"It was really bad in Albany," I say, quietly. "For a long time."

"What do you mean bad?" she wants to know.

I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is going to change the way this evening goes. This is going to change everything. The way she seems me. How she feels about me being back. But I know I have to tell her, because she deserves the truth.

"I was... in an abusive relationship for the past two years. And I didn't just run away, I escaped."