At around ten o'clock, Millie excuses herself and retires for the night. She's visibly tired and I'm not surprised. She spent all day cooking and cleaning to impress, or maybe to intimidate, Keith.

"So," Keith starts, leaning forward on his chair. He puts his hands on my knees and my stomach does a neat lurch. "That could have gone worse, right?"

I hang my head, painfully remembering my grandmother's Jeremy James Cordina anthem. "She's usually very sweet but... well, you know what she's going through. And she's very protective of me. So, this was kind of a big deal for her. You're kind of the first boy I brought home."

"Apart from your boss."

"It's not like that," I tell him. "I never brought Jeremy home. He just... showed up. Millie knew him when he was a little boy and he doesn't get along well with his family so they kind of found each other. He's here for her a lot..."

"And for you, apparently."

It's impossible to ignore the resentment in his voice.

"Keith, it's not like that. We're nothing, we're not even talking at the moment so most of Nanna's words were directed at me, not at you."

Keith nods slowly as his hands cup my cheeks. "I don't want her to think I'm not good enough for you."

"She doesn't think that!" I respond a bit too quickly. 

He looks at me for a long moment before giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. "What do you say we open that merlot?"

I smile instinctively and go fetch the bottle. I open it, somehow managing not to tear the cork, and switch off the radio completely. I grab two wine glasses from the top cupboard and head for the living room. Keith follows me and plops himself on the couch beside me as I slosh the blood-red liquid into the glasses. When I turn to hand him his glass, I find him staring at me.

"What?" I ask running my tongue over my teeth to see if there is anything lodged in them. His eyes smoulder vividly under his romantic, honey-blonde locks. 

"You're so beautiful," he breathes after a while.

I feel myself going as red as the merlot in my hands. Once again, his directness catches me off guard. My mouth goes dry and without thinking, I take a large gulp from his wine glass that is still in my outstretched hand. He laughs softly and takes it from me. 

"You act like nobody has told you this before."

"Not a lot of people have," I say truthfully. One, to be exact. And he turned out to be a total jerk.

Keith observes me curiously as I try to push the memory of Jeremy sitting in the exact same spot while I told him about the jackass who broke my heart.

"Well, they're either blind or complete idiots," he mutters softly as he reaches out and rests his palm over the back of my neck. I feel my mouth curl into a smile. "I really like you, Ally."

I stare back at him, very conscious of how hungry his eyes have become. Before I can say anything, Keith plants a soft, slow kiss on my lips. The softest and slowest kiss I've ever been given. He pulls back about half an inch away from my face and I barely have time to breathe before he's back on my mouth, kissing me harder.

I feel the urgency in his fingertips as they move down my neck, down my back. I inhale, trying to get some oxygen to my brain, but all I get is more of him. Before I know it, I'm on top of him, straddling him, kissing him recklessly as though my life depends on it. I want his touch, his tongue, his occasional soft moans to engulf me, engulf everything inside my brain and replace it with blur. Millie, the fear of losing her. Jeremy, his absence. I block it all out and try to fill the void with him.

His hands are under my shirt, one on the small of my back, the other goes straight through the neck opening and around my neck again. My own hands wander down his chest and when I reach the hem of his t-shirt, I lift it off him and throw it somewhere over my head. Keith looks up at me with his chest heaving and astonishment in his eyes.

He sits up, grabs my face and pulls me towards him until our foreheads touch. "Slow down princess, or I'll have to go home to stop myself from defiling you."

"I don't want you to go home," I answer kissing him again, this time pacing myself, enjoying his sweet, cinnamon lips. My hands slither up his arms. The hand that was caressing my cheek slides down my back. My knees press into cushions on either side of his thighs as I press my body against his. His other hand grips my thigh bracingly and we're off again, our mouths moving hard against each other. His hands, calloused from playing the guitar, are back on me, one underneath my bra strap, the other on my stomach. I will the butterflies to stop fretting about, afraid that he'll feel them. He bites softly on my lower lip and it's like I've been electrocuted.

I pull away and jump off him. "You're right! You should go!"

I look around frantically for his shirt and spot it at the corner by the door. I chuck it at him and he looks back at me stunned. I take deep breaths to slow down my raving brain. This is going way too fast. We haven't even known each other for two weeks.

"My grandmother is right upstairs and it's too soon and I don't want to rush this-"

"Hey, hey, hey," he says pulling his shirt back over his head. "It's fine. It's okay." He pulls me into one of his warm hugs. "It's okay. I don't want to rush this either, okay?"

He lifts my chin up towards his face, plants another kiss on my lips and heads for the door. But our fingers are still intertwined and when he's at arm's length neither of us let go. He turns back questioningly. When I don't move, he walks back to me.

His eyes are greedy again, the desire in them blatant. 

I breathe out slowly. I try to look away. I try to let go of his hand. But I can't.

#

"Oh maj Godd! You slept with Keith, the hot bartender!"

I sit on my bed hugging my knees, wincing against Sosa's loud voice over the phone. I thought the butterflies would heed a bit if I talked to someone about what happened last night. I was wrong. 

"No! We didn't get that far. But I'm telling you, it took every bit of willpower I could muster. Do you know him?" I ask, taken aback by her reaction.

"Uuu, not exactly," she exclaims. "From The Black Gold, hux, I know him. Alex has a huge crush on him. Why do you think we go there so often?"

A loud gasp escapes from my lips. "What? What about Matt?"

"What about him? She isn't going to do anything about it." Then after a short pause, she adds, "Ooh! So she was right to eyeball you while you were at the bar! And there I was, telling her she had nothing to worry about. Ha!"

"How was she right?" I counter, slightly offended. "She has a boyfriend!"

A long bout of shouting and swearing quickly followed by a loud crash suddenly sounds over the other end of the line. Then there is a loud bang and finally, silence.

"Is everything okay?" 

"Yes," Sosa huffs moodily. "Mum and Dad are fighting again. I tried slamming the door to shut them up but they're still at it. Don't worry about it, they'll stop eventually. Come on! Tell me more about Keith! What happened? How did you end up together last night?"

I chew on my lip nervously. I was never good at kissing and telling. "You know how I told you about Millie's... um... developments?"

"Mhmm."

"Well, there's something I didn't tell you. She's refusing chemo."

"What? Ally, you can't let her give up!" she interrupts, the alarm in her voice palpable.

I shake my head furiously trying not to let her words get to me. "I can't do anything, Sosa. It's her choice. And honestly, I can't ask her to go through the same thing my mum went through if she doesn't want to."

"But she'll die without it!"

I swallow the big, painful knot in my throat. I promised Millie I would be strong for her and I intend to keep my promise. "Chemo is not going to save her. Even the doctor said so."

A sad silence falls between us. It feels stupid talking about Keith now. Luckily, Sosa bites the bullet for me, as usual.

"So, how does Keith fit into all this?" she says, still sounding gloomy.

"Well, when she told me about her... decision, she said something about how she doesn't want to miss anything and how she wants to enjoy the months she has left as much as she can," I gulp down another prickly lump, "and all I could think about was what a coward I am. I mean, there she is, giving the finger to death's ugly face and I couldn't even tell her that I'm dating someone."

"Wait! Dating? " Sosa exclaims, abandoning all her doom and gloom.

"Um... yeah. We've kind of been seeing each other since your birthday party."

"And why am I just hearing about this now?"

"Will you let me finish the story?" I ask, partly irritated, partly embarrassed because she's right. I should have told her sooner. "I guess I was inspired by Millie's lion heart and it just came out. Then I asked her if she wanted to meet him. So, he came over for dinner-"

"And he stayed for dessert!" Sosa says, finishing the sentence for me.

A smile creeps over my lips as I sprawl across my bed and bask in the warm September sun pouring through my window. "I don't even know how it happened," I hear myself say. "One minute he was leaving and the next we were half-naked tearing each other apart."

Sosa remains quiet and once again I get the impression that something is off with her. "Hey, Ally, can I ask you something? Did you have sex with Shaun when you were dating him?"

"Of course, not!"

"What? There's no need to be offended! You dated Shaun for longer than you've been dating Keith and you almost slept with him!"

"But I didn't. And besides, it's different."

"How?"

"I don't know. I like him, I guess." I get off the bed and walk over to the window. There are a few scattered clouds but for the most part, the sky is blue. The weather is still hot. Not summertime hot. A sort of sticky hot. I hear voices coming from down below and I see Nanna at the front door talking to Carmen. She is laughing merrily but I notice her supporting her lower back with both hands. 

"Not like Shaun."

"No, not like Shaun."

"Or Jeremy..."

My grasp on the window tightens on hearing his name. "What does he have to do with this?"

"Ally, I know something happened between you two. One minute you two are inseparable and then-"

"We were never inseparable. Besides, you've been telling me to stay away from him for months."

"Yes, but-"

"Let's just forget about it, okay? Look, I have to go. I haven't had any coffee yet."

I love Sosa dearly, but the last thing I need is her psycho-analysing a silly argument that happened weeks ago. And after my night with Keith, I don't even want to think about that man.

"Yeah, I guess I better go too," she says after a while. "It's a bit too quiet here now. Mum probably stormed off again."

I hear the sorrow in her voice and my irritation melts away instantly. "How are you holding up over there?"

"It's not too bad," she answers, "I just really miss Rachel. I can't believe she finally got her own apartment. She calls every day ta' miskina. Imma it's not the same without her."

Sosa's sister moved out a week ago after finding a place to rent with her long-time boyfriend. "Why don't you come over here? Spend a couple of days with us," I offer.

"Nah," she replies. "I'm meeting someone later. Thanks anyway."

And with that, she hangs up the phone.

Someone? Who's someone? I stare back at the receiver and make a mental note to meet up with Sosa in person this week. Something is definitely off.

Millie opens the door as I climb down the stairs.

"Hey," I smile at her. "How are you this morning?"

She smiles brightly at me but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm okay. Just a bit of backache. Nothing I can't handle."

I watch her quietly. I'm not sure I'm ready for this, watching her deteriorate bit by bit, one symptom at a time.

"What do you want for lunch?" she asks, walking over to the kitchen. "I have some minestra but I can whip up something quickly if you want something else."

I follow her silently and lean against the door frame. "No, that's fine," I answer. After a moment's deliberation, I ask, "So, what did you think of Keith?"

"Hmm?" she mumbles, avoiding my eyes, busying herself with the soup and scooping some into a plate for me. When she sees me looking expectantly at her, she says, "He seems nice."

"You don't like him," I deduce grabbing a spoon and sitting down.

"Not exactly. I don't like that you and Jeremy aren't talking," she retorts.

"That's irrelevant. Jeremy doesn't even know about Keith and even if he did, it wouldn't make a difference."

Millie doesn't say anything else, but I know, from the way she is pursing her lips that she would really like to.

"Do you feel like going for a walk later?" I ask her. Keith is working the afternoon shift and I don't really want to stay inside. "Not a long one. Maybe just down to the baċir and back?"

She looks at me mildly surprised. "Sure, we haven't gone for a walk in ages! I'll go have a quick shower while you eat and then we can go."

She straightens up and flinches horribly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I ask concerned.

"Sweetheart, I'm a Healthcare Assistant. It's a wonder when I don't have back pain!"

She heads upstairs. I switch off the radio but it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right to have the music on and it feels even worse to have it off. So I switch it back on.