¤ Colder Heavens
Blanco White ↲

In every corridor that shifted the maze
No single part of you was ever the same
Now we're so tired by the things we have seen
All we've forgotten only visits in dream

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"Jungkook?" A voice called out. "Are you finally home?"

Jungkook walked to the kitchen and found his mother at the table, a cup of tea clutched in her hands. Her shoulders were slumped forward in exhaustion. Streaks of gray that weren't there a year ago shone under the light.

"Hey, Mom," he said, sitting across from her. "How was the day?"

She raised her chin to assess him, eyes scanning over each of his features fleetingly. A heavy sigh left her mouth. "I don't know. It was a day."

Those vague types of comments were normal for her and they drove Jungkook crazy. He wanted to know specifics and to be filled in on whatever he missed when he was gone. But it always seemed his mother didn't care about his need for every little piece of information. If he started to ask too many questions, she'd just start screaming at him.

So he jammed his hands in his pockets, knowing better.

"Why were you late?" She questioned, taking a sip of her steaming hot beverage.

"I was locking down the details for another job," he responded, staying away from the particulars. Telling her he was a nude model wouldn't make either of them happy, so he refrained from elaborating further. He wasn't in the mood for a lecture nor did he have enough energy for an argument tonight.

A line etched between her brows. "Another job? What is that . . . three now? Jungkook . . ."

"It's not like I work all these jobs for the fun of it," Jungkook declared openly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But we both know I don't have a choice. Dad's off at the factory earning nothing and you're -"

"Don't you dare start with me, Jungkook," his mother interrupted, her fingers curling tightly around the mug. "I'm doing the best I can. We all are."

His tired mind was telling him to stop, but his rising anger needed an outlet. So much for no arguments. "Clearly it's not enough! We're drowning here and yet the bills keep coming in. So I will get as many jobs as it takes to keep us hanging on."

They regarded each other in silence, both trying to reign in their emotions. Little arguments like this happened a couple times a week, not because they were bitter people but because they were just so damn tired. Jungkook appreciated everything his mother did for his family and he knew he did a shitty job of letting her know. So he always tried to make up for his behavior by working harder to get them out of this hole they found themselves in.

His mother exhaled a shakey breath, tears brimming in her eyes. "You're doing so much already, Kookie. I just don't want you to get burnt out. Or to resent us all. The sacrifices you made have not been easy or fair. And I hate that we're putting you through this. You've already given up enough."

Jungkook reached out his hand, clasping his mother's once she took hold of it. "Hey, don't make me a victim here. I volunteered to do this because our family means more than anything to me. You know I'd give up much more."

"I just wish you didn't have to," she cried, her voice broken and hoarse. "You once had so many dreams. So much talent . . ."

His throat started to burn as he watched her break down. Seeing his mother cry was one of the most painful things to witness. "It's okay, Mom. Why don't you go to sleep? I'll finish up things tonight."

A few sniffles later and his mother bowed her head. "Thank you, Kookie. I love you. Never forget."

"I love you, too, Mom."

She went to her bedroom quietly after that, so Jungkook got to work. He cleaned up the dishes in the sink and folded the laundry. When his tasks were complete, he gratefully started for his bedroom. Though as he walked down the hall, a light under a door - which wasn't supposed to be on - caught his attention.

"It's way past your bedtime, kid," he said as he opened the door marginally, peering inside.

"Quit snooping, you pervert," a high pitched and girlish voice snapped at him.

Jungkook grinned as he stalked inside. "Watch your mouth, Juyeon. I'm going to tell Mom and you know how she feels about language."

His little sister stuck out her tongue, looking cute instead of menacing. She was wrapped in heavy blankets, her small frame barely visible beneath. "Pervert is not a swear word, dummy. And don't talk to me about language. I hear you saying hell and shit and f-"

Jungkook jumped on her bed, clamping a hand over her mouth. "Just because I say something doesn't mean you can."

Juyeon batted her eyelashes at him as she yanked away his hand. "But you're my role model. I wanna be just like you."

"There can only be one of me, kid. And the world is probably thankful for that."

With a snort, his little sister burrowed deeper under her covers. A small groan sounded as she tried to get comfortable, kicking up the ends of her blankets. Her toes were exposed, wiggling in the cold air. Once she finally settled, she looked up sleepily at Jungkook.

"Why were you fighting with Mom again?"

Jungkook scratched the back of his neck, gnawing at his lip in regret. He hated when she overheard their disagreements. "You heard that?"

Juyeon pouted, eyes drifting closed. "Mhm."

"It's nothing for you to worry about," he said as he pulled the blankets up around her. He smiled at her widely, thinking she looked like a little angel. "You just focus on you, okay? And to make it up to you, how about we do something this weekend? Just the two of us. A picnic or a walk or anything you want."

Her eyes opened to meet his, looking back with a surprising level of maturity. "Maybe, Kookie. Let's see in a couple of days. I've been really tired lately."

Jungkook's smile faded. Twelve years old and still Juyeon was tired. She was always so tired, even if she stayed in bed all day. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to be better by now. Yes, he knew things took time but he just wanted her to be the healthy, happy kid everyone else her age got to be.

But there was no use concentrating on all of this now. He could dwell on everything later and curse the stars for dealing them this hand. All that mattered in this moment was that Juyeon felt loved and safe and as normal as possible.

"Okay. We can always stay in, too. Play with those action figures you like or something."

Juyeon nodded her head in agreement, eyelids drooping closed once more. "Deal."

Her muffled tone brought yet another smile to Jungkook's face, one reserved only for his sister. He stood and grabbed a few pillows from the floor, sliding them under the blankets. Once they were propped up, he gently placed Juyeon's feet on top of the stack.

"No . . .," she groaned, attempting to kick the pillows away.

"No arguments, kid. Listen to your smart, wise, all-knowing brother for once, yeah?"

"I don't have a brother like that," she grumbled, but the corners of her lips tugged upwards.

Jungkook patted her hair and stood, backing out of the room quietly. "Sleep well, kid."

He closed her door softly and went to his room, quickly changing into comfortable pajamas before conducting his bathroom routine. Sleep was threatening to pull him under at any moment, and he preferred not to pass out with a toothbrush in his mouth. He finished as quickly as possible before tucking himself into his own bed.

And even though exhaustion ran heavy through his limbs, his mind was as active as ever. Worry over his family plagued him, as it usually did at night, and he tried to figure out more ways to make ends meet. Failure wasn't an option. He'd do what he needed to do . . . even if that meant stripping bare for some art student to draw up close and personal.

At that, Jungkook's thoughts turned to Taehyung and their scheduled meeting tomorrow. There was something about the guy that unsettled him. Yeah, Jungkook caught him staring outright a couple of times, but now that he knew why - Taehyung was challenged by his body type and it drove him crazy - it didn't bother him as much. But those eyes always seemed to be looking deeper at him . . . not just skin deep, but down to what was underneath.

He knew it was silly, but Jungkook wanted to be looked at like he was more than just a model. When Taehyung's dark and heavy gaze fell upon him, he wanted to be seen.

Once he gave up his passions - his dream of becoming a photographer who traveled the world - he lost his sense of identity. All he knew for the last year was work, work, and work. Yes, his family knew who he used to be, but now the first thing that came to mind when they looked at him was a source of income, a big brother to rely upon. He sometimes felt like a third parent, a caregiver who had been tasked with too much, too soon.

Jungkook forgot what it felt like to be a nineteen year old who had fun with friends. Who got into trouble or learned lessons the hard way. Who went out on dates and had silly crushes.

He couldn't afford to be that person anymore.

So he had impulsive wishes and hopes for this one-on-one drawing session. He wanted to be seen as more than a sum of all his parts. Jungkook wanted to be seen as a person with aspirations and dreams, a person whose body was capable enough to get him there.

But those were just stupid thoughts that served no greater purpose. He should be focusing on what his family needed . . . his own needs could come later.

Maybe at some point down the road, he'd have enough time to reevaluate the person he'd become. And maybe he'd redefine the real person he wanted to be in the future.

But before he could think about it all further, sleep pulled him down into its warm, dark arms.

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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《

JK . . . 🥺

It's funny. After I write out the chapters, I start going through music to find the best song that fits the overall vibe of the chapter. I've found that can sometimes take longer than writing the chapter itself! I always want to get the mood just right.

Hope everyone has a great day, borahae 💜