𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.
chapter nine; Training Starts Tomorrow
" I'll need my strength before war comes to us. "

CASSIAN WAS TRYING his damndest, but it was very difficult when Nixie seemed so determined to bury her nose in paperwork. He had attempted to convince her nothing needed looking over, it had all been taken care of, every bit of it, but she shrugged it off and continued.

"What if I say please?"

"I'd be impressed that you finally learned some manners," Nixie mumbled, sighing, "Cass, I don't have enough energy to train with you yet."

"Okay, I can work with that," Cassian jumped with a bright smile, "What about a walk around Velaris?"

"A walk doesn't count as training."

"We're easing you into it!"

Nixie stared at him for a long time, her expression flat and unreadable. Guilt crept in as she stared at his hopeful eyes shining with worry. Worry about his friend, the girl he trained with, laughed with, danced with, she was but a ghost of that now.

And he only wished to help her recover.

"Only if we can make a trip to the Palace of Bone and Salt."

Cassian agreed instantly.

The two walked almost aimlessly through cobbled streets, mingling lightly with passersby who happily greeted Nixie and praised her return.

"Are you okay?"

"I was so sure our people would be angry at my return."

Cassian furrowed his brows instantly, turning to face the woman.

"Why would they be?"

"Because I failed them," Nixie said softly, "I didn't protect our High Lord. I did nothing to take Her down."

A heavy arm rested on her shoulders, urging her towards one of her favorite pastry shops in all of Velaris.

"All anyone cares about is that you and Rhys are back, alive."

As the shop owner greeted Nixie in a flourish, insisting she take a bag of pastries at no charge, Nixie couldn't help but believe Cassian's words, just a little bit.

The two made their rounds, and when Cassian noticed Nixie's exhaustion set in, they found a quiet spot to sit and share these sweets.

"What was it like all this time?"

Cassian shifted, picking apart the baked good.

"Velaris remained safe. No one in or out. Our people carried on, because there was no other option."

Nixie nodded, scuffing her shoes on the ground.

"Do you feel like you're home, Nixie?"

"No," She said before registering her words, "I mean, yes, but no. . . I know I'm home. I know I'm here, with you all, and I'm not. . . in that place anymore. But. . . I still feel like I'm being tormented. I feel like I'm home, but I don't feel safe. And previously, those two things were the same."

She could tell Cassian's mood had shifted. That he was searching for the right thing to say or do, to make her happy, safe, to remind her nothing could touch her here.

But it wasn't that simple, so she just stood, declared they would walk Velaris once more, and pushed her fear deep down.

☽ ☾

It was at dinner that night that Azriel decided to prod the subject gently.

Now, the conversation wasn't exactly a light one to begin with, as after a mere week home Rhys had begun broaching the top of Hybern again, but Nixie almost would've preferred this to what Azriel said.

"So, Nin," Azriel began, clearing his throat, "Cass and I have been. . . researching a lot."

"I still can't believe you know how to read," Nixie attempted to tease, a real smile carving into her features at Cassian's exaggeration of offense. "Okay, you've been researching?"

"We think training might. . . help rebuild your wing strength."

Any hint of happiness left Nixie's face in a second. Cold dread snaked up her spine, freezing her in place.

"What?"

"We don't think they were clipped," Cassian nodded, looking to Azriel, "Rhys gave us enough information to work off of--"

"You told them?"

Her voice came out shaky, full of betrayal or embarrassment or something in between.

"Nix, these are our friends," Rhys said quietly, "I spared details, they only wanted to know if they could help."

Nixie tried to calm her breathing, soothe her racing heart.

"We don't have to start if you don't want to--"

No.

No, Nixie thought, she was not going to be a victim. She would not be looked at, pitied, like she was now. The men she sparred with, argued with, the ones she reminded she could take down, she would not allow them to pity her.

Despite all the fear, the pain, the memories, Nixie would push past it. Whether she had to bury it or overcome it, she would.

"We'll start tomorrow morning."

Azriel couldn't hide his surprise.

"Do you want to start training with Cass again--?"

"Yes," Nixie said swiftly, her eyes locking onto Azriel's, "I'll need my strength before war comes to us."

And it wasn't quite pity anymore, swirling in his eyes. But, then again, Nixie wondered if it ever had been.

It had been, in Mor's eyes, in Cassian and Rhys's, pity that she had been put through fifty years of torture, pity that she couldn't fly or fight or do any of these things that made up her being, it was pity.

But whatever was encasing Azriel, it had stayed the same.

It was just a different shade of concern.

☽ ☾

Despite Nixie's conviction mere hours early, she did, in fact, request help getting ready for bed.

Mor was more than willing.

"You should wear these tomorrow," Mor smiled, setting a sparkling pair of golden earrings on Nixie's dresser, "Do you remember when I got them for you?"

"Right after the Blood Rite," Nixie said, tugging a loose-fitting top over her head, "How could I forget?"

Mor smiled, before urging Nixie to sit at her vanity. The woman gently brushed through Nixie's hair, before pulling strands into a large braid.

"I think I might've gone insane if you didn't come back to save me from fifty years alone with Cassian and Azriel."

Nixie smiled lightly.

"They can't have been that bad."

"Trust me, they were," Mor sighed, securing the braid before taking a seat on Nixie's large mattress, "You and Rhys keep them in line."

"More so Rhys, I'm sure," Nixie sighed.

"You don't give yourself nearly enough credit," The blonde almost pouted as Nixie came to join her, "Do you want me to bring you tea?"

"I'm alright," Nixie declined gently, "Goodnight, Mor."

"Goodnight, Nin."

Nixie attempted to find comfort in the silk sheets for a few moments, before sitting up and staring at the woman who had taken a seat in the large armchair positioned in the corner of her room.

"Goodnight, Mor."

"I can leave if you want, but I figured I'd stay, just for a little while," Mor said lightly, "You were screaming last night. . . we were all worried."

Nixie cast her eyes down instantly, her fingers knotting together against the silk.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Nixie."

But she couldn't exactly take her word for it.

Nixie found great discomfort in her weakness. She had been loud, strong, unyielding her entire life-- she did not quite know how to exist in fear.

"My bed is too soft, does that make me sound crazy?"

"Only a little," Mor said with a small smile, "Come on, I have an idea."

( AUTHOR'S NOTE. )
I really and truly adore Nixie's
relationships with everybody,
they're all such fun dynamics
but you can't tell me for a
second that Nix and Mor
aren't BBFs.