Walking down the corridor of the hospital is even drearier than I had predicted it to be, I think Flinette knows I want to bolt because she has an iron grip on my wrist and is glued to my side.

I make it to her room without running back and I have to say that it's quite an accomplishment for me, since the last time I was here it was because I was so down and even then Micheal walked me to her room.

Just thinking of him has me feeling nauseous in my stomach, I hadn't really thought of him much in the last twenty hours and now that I am thinking of him, it has my mind running in circles.

Flinette taps me as it seems like I am lost in thought, I finally notice that the room door is open and Flinette is waiting for me to walk in. I do so and almost stop in my tracks when I see my baby sister lying there still and lifeless, like a doll.

I take the seat at the farthest corner of the room and still myself to not look in her direction so that I don't lose my mind and start squabbling like a baby. I play with my fingers in my lap and it reminds of the time when she gave me a pedicure so that according to her, my nails would look as pretty as I did.

I stare out the window and I admire the blue sky and it reminds me of when Adaira and I would go picnicking in our backyard and would stay out till night time while watching the stars and telling each other funny stories.

I stand up from my seat and walk to her bed, I reach out and hold her cold hands, I use my hands to rub her palms so that they can warm up and be as soft and tender as they used to be when she would hold my hands and hug me.

"I'm so sorry" I croak out as I continue to rub her hands, "forgive your sister for all that I did to you" I rest my cheek on her palm, "forgive me for not coming to see you, for pushing you to the back of my consciousness so that I wouldn't feel the pain of what I did, for not being able to forgive and move on, and for not being there when you needed me, please forgive me" I sniffle and clear my throat as no tear falls from my face.

"If she was able to speak, she would tell you that you are forgiven" Flinette says as she rubs my shoulder and I rub her hand.

I sit on the edge of the bed and play with the tips of Adaira's hair, I start braiding it and I smile when it reminds me of the old Adaira, "I'll make you look as pretty as you were" I say and stroke her forehead.

"I heard that speaking to a person in a coma sometimes helps them to wake up or regain consciousness"

"I don't know how much of that is true" I say, "but I'm willing to give it a try"

"Atta girl"

"Remember Eminem?" I say and keep stroking her forehead, "well, he went out of business a long time ago, he's not as prominent as he used to be"

"True"

"In his place is now Suga from BTS" I say and try to stifle a laugh.

"So not true" Flinette says, "no one knows who Suga is"

"Now, that is so not true" I say, "the whole world knows who BTS is and hence they must also know who our man who spits fire Agust D is"

"Isn't that a different person?" Flinette asks

"same person" I say

"Then how-"

"Doesn't matter" I cut her off and we continue in this banter, all enjoying the way we are one again, "You wouldn't understand the ways of us"

"And I don't want to" Flinette says and I playfully glare at her.

"I need to pee" I say and stand up from my spot at the edge of the bed, "I'll be back in ten because I'll probably stop by the vending machine when I'm done"

"Alright" Flinette says

"Want anything?" I ask as I open the door.

"Nah, I'm good"

"Okay then" I say and close the door behind me. I take giant steps to the bathroom as I am pressed and will let loose any second. I rush into the first empty stall I see and let loose, I heave out a sigh at the relief I feel and thank the heavens that I made it here on time because any second later would have been detrimental to me.

I finish up and skip to the vending machine where I am trying to decide whether I should go with a snicker bar or a healthy granola bar.

"I think a snicker would be better" a male voice says from behind me, "you look like you need the energy"

I turn my head slowly and I nod my head as I have to admit that this person is quite a looker, he has blonde hair and silver eyes that even look cuter behind the glasses that he wore, he has the cutest dimples that I have ever seen along with a good height on him, I think he is about four inches taller than me.

"I think so too" I say and press the button for it, "You're not from around here are you"

"I am actually" he says

"But I've never seen you before" I say and try to recollect who this person is.

"True, but I've seen a lot of you" he says

"You have?"

"You're quite instagram famous and your hashtag the red devil is quite popular" he smiles, "plus we go way back"

"My hashtag?" I ask and bend to pick my snicker bar from the machine, "weird"

"Well then" he says and begins to walk away.

"Didn't you want to get something?" I ask and point at the machine

"Nah" he says, "I was just fine tuning my conversation skills and trying to see if anyone from here still remembers me"

"Does anyone?" I ask

"You're enough proof that no one does" he says and continues walking.

"Strange" I mumble to myself and sit down on a bench next to the door to Adaira's room, "such a strange creature he is"

I throw the wrapper of the chocolate into the nearby trash bin and slide open Adaira's room door, I start closing the door when I notice that there are now two people standing in the room instead of one.

I turn my head quickly and curse silently when I see that it is Shaze, my mood does a 180 from being happy to feeling foul, I don't bother to close the door because I will only close it when Shaze is at the other side of it.

"What are you doing here?" I ask icily and narrow my eyes into slits while folding my arms and assuming a threatening pose with my head tilted and my feet a little bit apart and a scowl on my lips.

"Jossie" he breathes out and I hate how my insides warm at the way he calls my name.

I raise my hand to stop him like doing that would stop the way just the mere him looking at me makes me want to dissolve into a puddle of water, "stop"

"Jossie, please just listen to me" he says and stands up from where he was sitting beside Flinette.

"I said stop" I grit out and clench my fists with my already folded arms, "when I say stop then I expect you to stop"

"Please can you just be calm and listen to me for a moment" he says as he keeps on approaching me.

"Didn't I say that you shouldn't come near me or contact me?" I ask and my eyes are on full on glare mode, "that also means you stay away from my family"

"What's going on here?" Flinette asks and I finally take note of her presence in the room.

"Nothing" Shaze says

"Of course it's nothing" I say, "and that's why you should drop it Shaze and don't bother me anymore"

"Can you just stop being an airhead and listen to me?" he says exasperatedly.

"I see we're calling each other names now, no p" I say, "but I wont have you causing a scene in my little sisters hospital room, so get out"

"I'm not trying to cause a scene, I just want you to listen to me"

"Listen? Fine I can do that" I say, "but we're doing that outside of my sister's hospital room"

I walk out of the room and head to the elevator without turning back to check if he is behind me, I press the button for up and wait for the doors to open, I keep tapping my feet impatiently on the ground while waiting for it to open.

I walk in quickly the moment it does and only cast a glance over my shoulder to make sure that he is following me and when I see that he is I feel dread building up inside me because I know that this 'conversation' isn't going to end well.

I enter and press the button for the final floor before the rooftop since I don't see a button leading to the rooftop itself. Shaze also enters and I make sure I stay a considerable distance away from him because I don't want him touching me or doing anything that would make me break my resolve. I tap my foot impatiently as the elevator ascends and the air is so thick that you could probably cut it with a butcher's knife.

The moment the elevator dings and opens, I step out and walk up the stairs that lead to the rooftop and open the door. Cool breeze brushes me face and strands of my hair dances around my face and I take in the beautiful scene in front of me, the pale blue clouds that show that it might possible rain and the golden sun shining lazily in the sky, the birds passing by and the smell of the trees.

I take in a deep breath and prepare myself for what might possibly be the last conversation I will have with Shaze, "you said you wanted to speak, here's your chance"

"I know I am at fault" Shaze starts

"Gee, was it me before?" I ask sarcastically.

"Can you please just stop being sarcastic?"

"I said I would listen but I never promised how my attitude would be, so deal with what I give you or I walk away"

"It all started during the time when you locked yourself in your room" Shaze starts and I become more offended than I originally was, "I know it was stupid of me but we all had a different way of dealing issues"

"Some of us deal with our problems but it seems like others find respite in dicking" I spit out

"I had always liked you, I can't really remember when it started but I guess the feeling was always there" Shaze continues and I tell myself to stop dropping spiteful comments, "I wanted to tell you about it then but you were interested in Kevin and it seemed like no one else mattered to you so I kept it to myself because I didn't want to make things awkward between us because you were my best friends sister"

I already hate where this is going and I want to tell him to stop and that I don't want to hear anymore of his lies but my mouth can't seem to form words because this is what I have wanted for a while, for Shaze to reciprocate feelings and for something to blossom out of it.

"When the whole incident at school happened I was pissed and angry, I wanted to comfort you but you didn't want to be comforted by anyone and most especially someone like me"

I remember the words I said to him when he called me after I got home, I was pretty angry and hurt back then and I wasn't thinking straight and I got angry at the fact that he did something that drastic and I already knew that what he did would backfire on me.

"You yelled at me for meddling and hitting that girl and told me that I had no right to do such and that I was only your sisters friend and didn't mean much to you" I feel my heart breaking as I realize that he is just another victim of my actions from the past, "That night after you yelled at me I went out with a couple of friends who took me out to an offsite club and told me that fucking around would help me forget about all that I was going through"

"And you decided to fuck around" I say slowly.

"Yeah, and it did help me forget momentarily and I guess it just became like a safe zone for me where I could pour out my pent up frustration and all"

"If you did it because of what I said then why didn't you stop when I finally stopped hiding and came back to school?"

"I wanted to but there were so many reasons to continue, you came back and it was obvious that you weren't fully back to the way you were and when you finally became the old Jossie again, you started dating that Joe guy and it seemed like you were happy and it felt like you never felt the same way I did"

"And then you continued to this point" I say finally, "damn you"

"Jossie"

"Damn you to hell" I say and blink my eyes as I feel my throat getting tight and hot, "I hate you so much"

"Jossie please"

"I don't want to hear it" I say, "I made horrible decisions and I am sorry that I hurt you for such a long time but what you did is messed up and I can't find anyway to look at it differently"

"You seriously can't still pin all the blame on me"

"I am not, I take full responsibility for the dick that I made you to become today and I will forever live with the guilt that someone as special as you joined the list of people whose lives my actions hurt"

"Then please forgive me" Shaze begs me.

"I will be honest with you, I did like you a lot for almost two years now but I am not sure I still do" I say and take steps away from him, "Remember that wish you owe me? Well, I'm ready to use it now"

"Jossie please think things through"

"I can't tell you to stay away from my family because they're also like you're family so I'm only going to ask you to stay away from me" I clear my throat as it has started getting hoarse, "I don't want to see you and feel more guilty so this is me being selfish, and that's just how I am as a person"

Shaze reaches for my hand but I snatch it away, "Don't touch me or relate with me, so that maybe one day I can find it in my broken and charred heart to forgive myself and you"

AN

Byeeeee