Ella 4

It's the first memory I have.

I'm sitting somewhere, in a building with white halls. My feet dangle above the floor, swinging back and forth like a pendulum. The boy next to me bites his nails. He has his feet pulled up against his chest, and his breathing gets heavier with every passing second.

The people bussing around us don't seem to notice him. I can't help myself from turning though.

"What's you name?" I ask him.

He looks up at me, through his tiny fingers. He doesn't say anything to me, just continues staring.

"They told me I had a new name." I tell him, waiting for him to answer. I wonder if he is playing the game with me.

"Me too," he says.

"It's all part of the pretend game," I answer. "Like house. What's your pretend name?"

"Eli," he tells me. "They call me Eli."

I nod, my head bobbing up and down. My black shoes continue swinging back and forth. My Mum dressed me in all my best clothes for today. It's got to be an important game, or else she wouldn't care so much.

"Well, they call me Emily." I don't really like that name, since mine is much prettier. My Mum gave me a better name.

I don't remember my mother, but I remember Eli.

We are sitting at a table, in a room full of tables. We are the youngest one's here. All the big kids are sitting and laughing with each other, so it's just Eli and me.

"Why aren't you eating?" He hasn't touched anything on his plate.

"I miss my Mommy," he answers, watching the food grow cold.

I don't know what to tell him. This game is going on a long time. I don't think we are going to be going home anytime soon.

"Tell me your real name," I offer. "That will help."

He shakes his head. "I can't. They will hurt me. They hurt another boy. He told me about it."

"We just have to play pretend then," I tell him. "With them, we can be Eli and Emily. Alone, we can tell each other our real names."

He seems to agree, but he still can't touch his food.

I don't remember what the name was. It seems to have been burned out of me.

I'm in a different room now, although this one still has white walls. Eli and I are standing in a doorway. There is a hand on my shoulder, pushing me towards the man in front of me.

"I don't know how they went on this long," someone says. "Five years, and we never caught it."

I don't recognize this man. He is new, probably. Hasn't been here as long as I have been, anyway. I spit towards him. Two of the men further back in the room drag me to the chair. I kick, and I scream, but they strapped me down. I feel the instruments aligning against my head, as I shake. They step back, and though I thrash up and down, I am trapped to the chair.

"Let me go!" I try to rip my hands out of the chair, but this is useless. "What are you doing?"

The older of the two men ignores me, though the other keeps sending me nervous glances. I glance over, and see my partner moving down into the chair next to me. He shakes, but he lets them strap him in. He's crying. Why won't he fight back?

"Eli," I begin, turning between him and the man in front of me. "Eli, you'll be alright."

"You can call him Eli," the older man turns to face me. "But you can't call yourself Emily?"

I won't ever go by that name.

The younger of the two scatters off, as do the men who forced me to my seat. Now, it is just the three of us in one room, strapped in.

"I'm not Emily," I tell the man, before turning my head. "Stop crying, Eli."

The older man walks over to Eli. He leans over top of his seat, as Eli tries to contain his sniffles. Eli can't seem to make eye-contact with him anyway.

"What's your name?" The older man asks.

Eli gulps, before answering. "I'm Eli."

The older man backs away. "I don't believe you. I don't think you believe that."

He leans his hand around the back of Eli's neck. Eli yelps out in pain and begins to shake in the chair. The older man moves to me, before pricking me in the same spot. I ignore the feeling. If I don't think about it, it isn't there.

"What about you, Emily?" The older man asks. "What's your name?"

I blurt something out. Some word I don't recognize. Then, he presses the button, and a scream rips out my throat. My whole body fills with fire, and the room fills with smoke.

I don't remember that. Or, I choose to forget it.

My body jerks forward.

"Not Emily."

It rips itself to shreds.

"I'm not Emily."

My bones combust

"I won't be Emily."

The room drowns in my screams.

"You can't make me Emily."

I never was Emily, at the end of it.

"I'm Eli, I'm Eli." Eli says. "Please, please stop. I have always been Eli. I don't know why you are doing this."

The man, his hands grey, the room cloudy. Maybe its my vision, or maybe he is producing smoke from the fire that appears in his veins. He is a Smoke Man.

"What about you Emily?" He demands, leaning in close to me. Our faces are practically touching. "What is your name?"

I bite his nose, and now it is his turn to scream. He grabs hold of my head, whipping me against the seat. My eyes feel hollow. I can't see, and the ringing in my ears drowns out the rest of the sound in the room.

"Emily, just listen to him," Eli offers. "He knows your name. Why would he be wrong?"

"I am not Emily," I affirm.

The smoke man holds his nose, as someone bursts into the room. They have a cloth in their hand, but he ignores it. Instead, he presses the button again.

I look at the ceiling, concentrating on that. Until my vision clouds over, and my arms begin to shake.

I had seizures then too.

I am in a hospital bed. Eli is sitting next to me, holding my hand. There are tubes running in and out of my body.

"Pretend you are sleeping," he instructs me carefully. "If they think you are better, they are going to keep hurting you."

"What are you talking about?" I sit myself up, though my back throbs and my head pounds.

"Don't you remember?" He asks, a puzzled expression on his face.

I don't remember. I don't know what happened.

"What's your name?"

I tell him, but I can't remember the sound anymore. I tell him his too, and he seems surprised. It washes over him, before he looks up at me.

"They told me it was Eli," he tells me. "You must be right. It isn't. It couldn't be."

That's how they got us. It was an elaborate trick.

"Really, Emily?" The Smoke Man asks. "Are you still playing this game?"

I nod.

He presses the button, and I writhe. I can't breathe. Fire fills my lungs, and my vision goes dark.

Eli is next to me, still.

"And Eli," my breath is still rugged as he speaks. "I thought we agreed yesterday."

He doesn't answer.

Then, the Smoke Man presses the button.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hey guys, I'm back from my mini hiatus. Sorry, I just got overwhelmed with school but now I'm good to go.

I'll see you soon, in A Pause