TRIGGER WARNING: suicide

The crying stops
As my eyes glaze over.
I stare I'm the mirror,
Afraid of what I'll see.

I see a broken child
With matted hair,
Red eyes,
And a puffy face.

I see loneliness.
I feel it too.
I see a different version of myself;
One I don't like.

I see a numb stare,
A face with no hope left.
I see sadness and regret and sorry.
Written on a face all at once.

I tear my eyes away from the mirror.
I shut them, never wanting to open them again.
I run my fingers through my messy hair,
Screaming silently.

I open my eyes once more,
But this time, they don't go to the mirror.
They go to the counter.
The one holding pill bottles.

I hold a bottle in my hands
Staring at it
I empty it's contents
And think about everything.

I think about life and death.
I think about love and loss.
I think about laughter and smiles,
But even those hide sadness underneath.

I stare at the white pills,
Making up my mind.
I don't want pain.
I just want nice, endless sleep.

I take my hand to my mouth
And take a deep breath.
I hold the tablets on my tongue,
Tasting the bitterness and thinking a little more.

But there's no turning back now
There's no point in doing so anyway.
So I run the bathroom facet
And put my lips up to it.

Heart pounding,
I fill my mouth with water,
And I swallow all at once,
Regretting everything and nothing at the same time.

I clutch the bathroom sink,
And rub my throat to get the lump out.
My vision blurs,
And then there's just darkness.