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Mirrored Love : Revival
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Author :: agust-bangtan

Reviewer :: Jiminandhisjams9

First Impression :: 18/20

» Title :: 4.5/5
The title is appropriate for the story as it is a continuation of your previous story. I am rather basing this judgment on your blurb because as I'll explain later on, nothing much happened in the first chapters.

» Cover :: 10/10
The cover is beautiful and I think the dark concept matches the not-so-easy-to-understand theme of your book. I am just assuming this will be a dark story because there are really more hints and 'trailers'  that make us figure this rather than the actual story. 

» Blurb :: 3.5/5
Honestly, it wasn't bad but there were a few sentences that I suggest you revise. Also, some of the things you've said didn't really make sense to me. For example, you said that after Jane realizes that she isn't the light, darkness initiates to consume her, yet she has to fight for the world to not be crumbled into darkness?

"She was the darkness who brought light back into my life..." (put some sort of punctuation - either a comma or an ellipsis at the end)

Jane Park was destined for greatness (honestly, here I'd change it to "she was destined to be great", but this one isn't necessary), she was meant for power but when she realizes that she was never the light, darkness starts to consume her. 

Jeon Jungkook was given another chance, he was revived once again but he finds his world spiraling in front of him once he is met with the consequences of his actions. 

Two strangers who were forced into each other's paths are supposed to fight together and search for the truth. But to make things worse, their alliance fueled a greater evil power.

The Moon Goddess (you don't have to capitalize "moon" but "Goddess" is a must) resuscitates and with her rise both worlds are in danger once again. 

Together, Jane Park and Jeon Jungkook must stop the world from crumbling into the darkness.

Beginning of a new start :: 6/10

The introduction is very important, and I think that if we ignore your grammatical mistakes, it's a good one. I was pleased with the idea of having a small recap of the 1st book as I haven't read it. It didn't give me too much information, and I wouldn't really call it a summary, but I still liked it.

"They held their hands together," - this sentence is not listenable, both words "their" and "together" are absolutely unnecessary. "... the withered flower's of their own fate" - here there should be no apostrophe as you are not talking about anything that belongs to the flowers; you are talking about flowers in the plural. There are more mistakes but I've simply decided to point these two out here and talk about others in the "grammar" section. 

In the first chapters, we were met with Jane's bad-ass attitude, and that was really it. We were introduced to her lifestyle, a little of her background story, but overall I don't think anything memorable has happened.

Concept & Plot :: 20/25

Honestly, I don't know what to judge. The plot is unknown and I think it's too early for your book to be reviewed. These 10 chapters are quite uneventful, however, I can somewhat see its concept, so I'll judge according to that. 

I think you are doing a good job at keeping up the mystery - I couldn't guess who was the person that Jane saw, the enigmatic one. And even though, I suspect it to be Jungkook, I am still skeptical about such a guess. All I can say is that I believe this story's plot is heading in a good direction, but you really should write more chapters before getting a review.

Characters & Emotions :: 10/15

Once again, the story up until now was a little too monotonous to say much on this. You tried to make Jane a baddie which is fine, I like that. Nonetheless, I have a complaint - as I read, I felt like you pushed a lot of stereotypical 'bad-girl' stuff onto her, making her seem like a SLIGHTLY cartoonish, trite, and childish character. 

Amanda or the other characters didn't have much personality - not that we were introduced to that many. However, another thing I want to compliment is that you managed to have a decent amount of moments in which I could see and empathize with Jane and her background story. In other places, you could've added more emotions, explain them better and give the characters more motives for what they are doing. 

Tone & Style :: 7/10

Despite not having outstanding grammar, you managed to use great vocabulary as well as lyrical descriptions which were pleasant to see in your writing. However, when it came to the way the characters talk, I didn't see all that variation. I kept on hearing said/asked/screeched/mocked, etc... I am not saying it's overly repetitive, but the lack of new words to describe the characters' speech or way of moving, really takes away from your story.

Notwithstanding, what actually was repetitive, was your constant tendency to start all sentences with 'she' - in a row. For example: "She remembered the day.... she never noticed who..." - it's vexatious to have 2-3 paragraphs or sentences all starting with the same word. Also, some of your paragraphs are a little too long.

"Warm rain" - can only happen when the weather is extremely gelid - the ice particles need to be absent (yes, I fact-checked it, and also, I am saying this because I don't think the weather in the story was cold enough for this to happen). This is not to rub any sort of knowledge into your face, it's just to provide evidence for the fact that you sometimes use words incorrectly. This is not a tremendous error, but make sure you describe things the right way.

Grammar :: 9/20

I have given you a very low score, but don't worry, I'll explain myself thoroughly. First of all, let's start with a few very common, bothersome mistakes I have stumbled upon several times. Inconsistent tense - specifically in the chapter entitled "Star", you start off the narration in past tense but after a while, it randomly shifts to present tense.

Punctuation misuse - you had some extremely questionable errors regarding this. As an example, the way you never use a damn question mark - your characters make literal questions which you confirm by saying "asked" after their speech, yet I have spotted almost zero to actually zero question marks in your story.

There are several examples that I could give you regarding this, in fact, I have gathered a few. "Pizza, where are you," - "How was your target, easy or easy," - "Seriously Amanda, a cockroach," Jane asked her, scrunching her face... - this last sentence is something that I wanted to mention as well. Apart from the atrocious punctuation, there is another thing that displeases me about it.

Jane is supposed to be annoyed, but you used a boring word like 'asked'? You should've added something like "huffed in annoyance" or "rolled her eyes in annoyance" - she is supposed to be a cool character and this could've been a very tiny detail to prove so - I have already talked about the portrayal of the characters earlier, so I won't get too detailed. "Like what you see,"she said. - this is another example, but this time there is another cliché mistake - the absence of a space between words and punctuation.

"Her vision were that off a hawk, she narrowed her emerald eyes towards a man." - 'vision' is a singular word, but were is 'plural' therefore this sentence is wrong. The correct way to write it would be 'Her vision was that of a hawk," and this leads me to another mistake in this sentence. "off" and "of" are two different things - in this case, you should have used 'of' because that type of vision relates to the hawk. But 'off' is used when you are saying that something is off - uncanny, or for example "switch the lights off".

"She stripped of his jewels," - this sentence is wrong as well because this is where you should've actually used 'off' - this is because you are describing the act of taking off his jewels not that stripped is someone or an object related to his jewels (hopefully this makes sense).
"She stripped of his jewels," - this sentence is wrong as well because this is where you should've actually used 'off' - this is because you are describing the act of taking off his jewels not that stripped is someone or an object related to his jewels (hopefully this makes sense). 

"Sayo nara mother Fuckers," - this really makes my ears, eyes and just everything ache. You have spelled "motherfuckers" as "mother fuckers" several times when in reality it's all just one word. And I have no idea why you've capitalized fuckers. Second, "Sayonara" is also all a word. 

"...pointing her middle finger to them..." - in this sentence you should say "pointing her middle finger at them..." because it really sounds like she is indicating them with her middle finger instead of her index one, which is clearly not what you meant in here.

I have also seen you not capitalizing nicknames like "Babydoll", so please do so because it's important. Overall, you need to work on your grammar a lot because there were so many more mistakes that I didn't mention because or else this review would be 3000 words long. This is not an insult, and I know you won't take it as one. If you ever need more help, you can always turn to me :)

Total :: 62/100