⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺
We have the same kind of stardust in our souls.
. ✦ .

Yoongi

It’s unbelievable how life sometimes brings us just what we’ve been longing for, and that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling about the hug therapy session at the healer’s office ever since it happened. It’s been quite a long while since I felt this kind of inner tranquility, but, truth be said, the anonymity did disappoint me a little.

However, I did not have the slightest idea that I would be meeting the source of my comfort right here at my bakery. My day couldn’t have started off any better, and I was a little doubtful if I was being too impulsive in handing her over my phone number and implicitly asking for a date. But my doubts were so short-lived, thanks to her. I’m super thrilled now.

We know nothing about each other, and I do have quite a lot to tell her about myself. I’m only hoping she wouldn’t be like the other women who lost all interest in me after just a couple of dates. My inner instincts tell me that she would be different, and there’s surely a kind of distinct maturity that I could sense around her, which tells me that she would most definitely not be the kind to play around with people and their feelings.

I’m meeting her tonight for dinner, and I’ve quite literally struggled all day to keep my hands off from sending her too many texts and making myself seem desperate, which, in fact, I am. Thankfully, Ji-Hu is still too young to notice my crazy smiles and awkward zoning out once in a while. He’s a little happy that he would get to spend some time at his friend’s house while I take care of my ‘important work’.

I have a feeling that Jang-Mi would probably like a mix of casual and formal styles, but most importantly something that would be comfortable. So, I have chosen to wear a simple crew neck T-shirt under a casual blazer and pair it with my go-to denims. I’m definitely looking to leave an impression on her tonight because I have no interest in the casual dating scene anymore. I’ve never been interested in it though, but luck has always been on the hard side for me.

“Appa, I like your clothes. I also want a jacket like that,” Ji-Hu’s little voice draws my eyes to find him standing at the doorway to our room.

“You like this? Thank you, and I will buy you a jacket for your birthday. We can match our clothes then,” I smile at him, and his cheeks puff up in a big smile, too.

“Okay! Can we go now?” He asks me, snuggling his toy digger and dinosaur close against his chest.

“Sure,” I go down on my knees to meet his eyes and talk to him while holding onto his small shoulders. “Don’t eat anything cold, and please don’t drink anything except the water that’s in your sipper. If you’re a good boy tonight, I’ll make something nice for you tomorrow, okay?” I raise my eyebrows in question as I pass on my rules to him just like I do every time he has to spend time away from me.

“Salted caramel cake,” he flashes his teeth in a wide grin that melts my heart into a big puddle within my chest.

“Deal,” I show him my fist, and he bumps it with his little fist.

I then put on my coat and help him into his coat before I pick up his satchel, lift him in my arms, and walk out of the room. After locking the front door, I safely place the keys into the pocket of my coat and call a taxi for us. The plan is to first drop off Ji-Hu at his friend’s house and then proceed to dinner with Jang-Mi.

Since I had no idea how long it would take at dinner, I packed his night clothes so that he could change into them just in case he decided to fall asleep before I could pick him up. All along the ride, I keep glancing at my phone now and then to see if there’s any message from Jang-Mi, and it leaves me a little sad to see there’s none. Ji-Hu keeps himself busy with his dinosaur while I stare out of the window, mentally rehearsing my lines for the night.

I know it’s going to be of no use, but it has become more of a habit to be prepared to talk about myself during a date, and that’s exactly what I’m doing now as well.

We reach our first destination in about twenty minutes, and Ji-Hu excitedly skips his way into his friend’s home after passing on a shower of kisses to me. The taxi moves out of the spot after I’m sure that Ji-Hu is safe inside the house, and then I decide that I cannot hold myself back anymore from sending a message to Jang-Mi.

Me:
Hi. I’m on my way there. Will reach in about fifteen minutes.

But just as I’m typing out my next message to ask her where she is, I receive a reply message from her.

Jang-Mi:
Hi. I’m almost there too (:

The little smiley at the end of her message reflects itself off my face, and I slide my phone back into the pocket of my coat as I lean back in my seat, blowing out a big, relaxed breath.

My taxi reaches the destination in exactly fifteen minutes, and just when I turn around after paying the driver, I notice Jang-Mi climbing out of the car that she has parked neatly in a corner. Her eyes find me almost as if on cue, and a smile shows up on her lips as she hurries down towards me.

“Hi,” Jang-Mi waves her hand, stopping about a foot away from me.

She’s wearing a long coat that’s tied around her waist, and it doesn’t really reveal her dress underneath, but she looks beautiful and soft. The warm aura that surrounds her makes me feel all fuzzy within, and my heart beat shifts in some kind of way that I’m unable to describe appropriately.

“Shall we go in?” I remove my hand from my coat’s pocket and extend it to her, and she takes it, biting down her giggle, but failing to conceal the rosy blush on her cheeks.

We occupy a corner table that offers a lot more privacy, and I drag my chair closer to the table, my eyes not leaving her face for even the span of a blink.

“You look so beautiful tonight,” I finally pour out, unable to contain my admiration, and it causes the blush on her cheeks to grow more intense.

“Thank you, you look good, too,” she responds with a shy smile, pushing some hair behind her ear.

“Thank you,” I laugh softly, crossing my hands on top of the table, not knowing what else to do with my hands at the moment.

There’s not much makeup on her except for a thin layer of lipstick, and her hair is also tied back in a neat and low ponytail, which makes her look so comfortable and pretty at the same time. I keep checking her out and studying her appearance shamelessly, and despite her noticing it, I’m still not making attempts to look elsewhere.

Jang-Mi, upon my insistence, agrees to order for us, and it includes some exotic dishes which are described elaborately in the menu. Making small talk is just not my thing, and I do not intend to start doing that with her. So, I straightaway dive into the main area of discussion once our meal arrives.

“Jang-Mi,” I begin, bringing her eyes to me. “I’m a thirty-five-year-old single father to my only son, and I’ve been running ‘Sweet Tooth’ ever since I acquired it from my grandfather many years ago. I grew up with my grandparents and quite literally spent all my growing-up years in the bakery. Baking has been my passion and dream since childhood, and although the business is doing just okay, I still love what I’m doing, and I intend to keep doing it for as long as I can,” my speech ends with a smile that mirrors hers.

Jang-Mi takes a bite of the stuffed chicken breast from her plate and dabs the corner of her mouth with a napkin, setting it aside thereafter.

“I’m glad you’re pursuing your dream and staying strong. I’m an amateur baker myself, and I’ve tried out quite a lot of baking at home, but it has all been just the kind that we bake and eat right away. Nothing worthy of displaying,” she shrugs lightly with a coy smile.

But the fact that she did not even exhibit any signs of surprise or shock when I mentioned that I’m a single father tells me that this is definitely not our last date.

“If you enjoyed doing it, then that’s all that matters. You don’t need anyone’s approval,” I raise a toast to her with my glass of wine, and she does the same.

“I’m the mother of a seventeen-year-old daughter, divorced ten years ago, five years older than you, and, until recently, I was running a small daycare center to earn my living. I’ve closed it down now because of the lack of good teachers and caretakers,” she says softly, her eyes avoiding mine and staying on her plate of food instead.

The lack of eye contact isn’t because she’s more into her food as I can see that she has hardly eaten anything. I’m able to decipher that it’s mainly because she thinks her introduction isn’t probably as appealing as it should be. But she’s wrong. None of what she said just now about herself sounds odd to me.

“We’re both single parents then. It’s actually the first time I’m on a date with a single mother, and I’m glad it’s you,” my words make her eyes flicker to meet mine, our gazes staying locked for a few silent seconds.

“That’s something I’ve never heard before because I haven’t tried dating anyone. But I’m glad it’s you, Yoongi,” Jang-Mi says softly, but the sincerity glinting in her eyes and the warm smile dancing on her lips that accompanied her words surely did a thing to my heart.

I laugh softly, going back to eating my food and stealing glances at her now and then while silently observing her little mannerisms. I’m tempted to ask her more about herself, but even though I’ve never been married or divorced before, I also know that she must have had a hard time with the divorce and everything in the past. And she’d probably appreciate it if I didn’t stir her sour memories for no reason. After all, tonight, I wish to leave an impression on her and pave the way for more such date nights with her, and not to come across as nosy and judgmental and end things right away.

During the meal, Jang-Mi showed me some photos of the results of her baking, and I must admit that she has quite some skills without ever receiving any kind of formal training. She’d do amazing if she were to take up some baking courses, which I’d gladly help her out with.

“How old is your son?” Jang-Mi asks me after a while.

“He’s six,” I answer her as I pick up my phone to show her a photo of my son. “That’s him,” I turn the screen towards her to show her Ji-Hu’s photo that I have on the home screen of my phone.

“He looks so cute. Where is he now?”

“I’ve dropped him at a friend’s house, and I’ll pick him up on my way back home,” I say, returning my phone to the table.

“That’s nice,” Jang-Mi smiles lightly. “Yoongi, I’m sorry for crying in your hold. I usually try not to cry in anyone’s presence, and I was even feeling a little embarrassed thinking about the other day. I thought you might have been repelled by the thought of meeting someone who cried during a mutual therapy session,” she keeps her eyes on me as she confesses in a tender voice.

“Jang-Mi, crying doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t even mean you’re sad. Well, it can be true that you’re sad, but crying is a kind of self-regulating mechanism for the human body. Sometimes, we’re so overwhelmed that tears just flood our eyes without our control, and these tears trigger our body’s calming hormones in some way. It lowers stress and activates our body’s natural soothing action. Which is why we feel a lot lighter and calmer after crying it out. So never apologize for crying, and, as I already told you, I myself have never felt so calm and comforted in a very long time. I did not cry that day, but just holding you so close to me made me feel totally relaxed, almost as if I was doing something I’ve been missing all my life,” my confessions keep spilling out in rapid succession.

“Hug deprivation is a real thing,” she declares, taking a small sip of wine from her glass.

“I didn’t even realize it until that day,” I declare right back, making her chuckle.

Throughout the meal, we talk about my bakery and her passions for a bit, and then we leave the restaurant after sharing the cost of the meal. I’m certainly sad that our date ended too soon, but I can also sense the same kind of sadness radiating from her. Halting just beside her car, Jang-Mi turns to look at me as she clutches tight onto the strap of her shoulder bag.

“We should definitely meet more often. I really enjoyed spending time with you, and I’m looking forward to meeting you again, soon,” Jang-Mi says, making my heart flip in place.

“Now that’s something I never hear from anyone,” my little joke, though full of truth, makes us both laugh. “I enjoyed spending time with you, Jang-Mi, and I’m hoping this is just the first of many more dates with you,” I boldly step closer to her and take her hand in mine, gently swiping my thumb over her knuckles.

“We definitely need to meet more often,” she adds in a soft whisper when I take another step closer to her, searching her eyes for any hint of doubt in them.

“We also need to hug each other more often. No more hug deprivation,” my voice drops to a deep whisper as I close the gap between us and pull her into my arms in a warm and tight embrace.

Jang-Mi nestles her head in the crook of my neck, wrapping her arms tighter around me and reciprocating my gesture with equal zeal. My eyelids fall shut, and, unlike the first time I held her in my arms, this time, my heart pounds like crazy, and I’m totally unwilling to let her go. She stays unmoving, too, letting me know that she likes it as much as I do, and it only makes me want to keep extending this blissful moment forever.

I have no idea how long we stayed in each other’s arms, but she steps back first only because her phone begins to vibrate inside her bag, interrupting us.

“It’s my daughter. I’ve got to get this,” she glances at her phone and then looks up at me, her eyes reflecting the ache and longing within my chest.

“Sure. I’ll talk to you later. Get back home safe,” I wave to her, watching her walk back to her car and climb into it.

I wait and watch as she switches the call over to the loudspeaker and drives away, giving me a warm smile and a little goodbye. Tonight, my heart feels at home, and even though I’ve known her for just a little time, she already feels like my home.

Published on : 12/11/2024