Tw: depression, anxiety and suicide implications I guess.

I haven't written in a while
I thought it was because I was happy
Though maybe I faked the smile
So well I didn't know I was playing

I heard my mum cry one day
And it hurt to know it was my fault
I wanted it to go away
But I didn't want to hurt anyone

Last night I laid in bed
My eyes were drowning in tears
I thought of my loved ones dead
And cried myself to sleep

The monster is always in my brain
Waiting and waiting for its cue
It comes out on the days when it rains
Bringing its little friend too

I stand with an umbrella to pretend
Maybe it'll pass if I just lay in bed
I wait for the storm to come to an end
Even after, I can hear the vague hint of thunder.