Me: *talking to Pet on the phone about cutting my hair*

Me: Can you do highlights?

Pet: Yep! Are ya absolutely positively positive you want to go to your shoulders? I mean, I'm looking at the picture your mom sent me, and not only does your ape hair go halfway to your ass, but also I know you love long hair.

Me: I know and I'm positive, so can ya do it?

Pet: ...

Pet: I think it can be arranged-

Me: YAY!! Thank you P-

Pet: -AFTER YOU ASWER THIS ONE QUESTION!!!

Me: ...Yes?

Pet: Is that *slew of bad names* still around or is he *sing song voice* OUT OF OUR HAAAAIIIIRRR-

Me: Ya mean Ale?

Pet: Yes I mean Ale! 'S he gone??

Me: Nope, he's still around. We just passed our 10 month anniversary.

Pet: Son of a bitch!! I mean...h-how lovely...

Me: *laughs* You, sir, are not good at faking it.

Pet: AND YOU, YOUNG LADY, ARE MINE, YOUR STEPFATHER'S, AND YOUR FATHER'S, YA HEAR?? AIN'T NO MANS GONNA COME STEPPIN IN AND TAKIN YOU AWAY FROM US!!

Me: P-

Pet: Ah, ah! No!! When I told your mother that I would help you two, I took a private oath that I would be like a second father to you, and that I would treat you like you were one of my own!! And I always have, haven't I??

Me: Ye-

Pet: And then you come in here last year and go "Oh I went to Prom with a guy that I met in Biology class and then we started dating 3 weeks before Prom and oh by the way, we sucked face 5 times!".

Me: Okay, in my defense, here are a few things you don't know and/or may not remember.

Me: A. Yes, I met him in Bio, but we had been friends for a while, so when I asked him, we were going as friends. It wasn't like I thought, I wanna go to Prom., examined my classes, then went, Eenie, meenie, minie, you! And went with some random person.

Me: B. Then after I told him how I felt, we went to Prom as a couple.

Me: C. After we came there to get a haircut, you already knew about Prom, so YOU were the one who asked if I had kissed him, to which I answered "Yes". It wasn't like I barged in there and said "I kissed a guy".

Me: And D. Following that I said "Yes" And you screamed "WHAT??" in my ear, giving me 30 seconds of tinnitus, you can thank my cousin (Kay) for following your "Did you two kiss?" With "Yeah, 5 times.".

Pet: *growls*

Me: Ale is a good kid.

Pet: Remember where you come from, Simba...

Me: I do.

Pet: See ya Friday.

Me: See ya.

Me: Hey Mufasa.

Pet: Yeah kiddo?

Me: You need to learn to share me.