I went to Aulora's veiwing... tomorrow id her funneral, but it all depends on when you read this... i dont want to believe she's gone... but she is. And i cant help that...

I didnt know her very well, but i wanted to show support to her one last time and her family...

She was unbearably pale. Her lips looked to have frost around them... still those big adorable glasses... she was wearing her show stoppers jacket... and not just the sleeves for once. I hate the smell at... places like those. I feel like i can smell the rot. Call me insane or whatever, but thats the one thing i cant stand in churches and whatnot. But... i didnt mind this time, not that much anyway. I had to keep a... suitable expression. I didnt break down like her friends, bur i didnt wipe away the silent tears either. I hugged her brother, and through broken whispers i hope he enjoyed it... i know he needed it, and i wasnt the first nor the last who would hug him. Her neck... it was visibly swollen, and when i first heard it was a razor crash i thought for sure she had broken her neck... i think the swelling just proved my point. But at least that lowers the risk of her suffering.

The worst parts would have to have been, seeing her friends break down... and trying to keep a suitable expression...
   The fact that she not only smelled rotten... but also like dirt... and she died in the sand dunes i beleive...
   And, i overheard her baby sister say 'she's just sleeping' that made me think... one in how the hell theyre going to explain to someone so young Aulora is gone. Forever. She... wont be waking up. It reminded me if My Girl, an amazing movie... and it made me think of the list of people id completly break down in front of crowds if i saw their corpse.

I felt so misplaced at first... that faded after i stepped in and took a seat.

Is it weird that.. i think its selfish for me to say i wish that was me. I mean, she's worth so much more than i am... and no i dont think that because i want to be dead, but because i dont want her family to go through all that unwanted pain... but with more thought on this, if i die... i dont think others would be able to take it... and id be taling many more fragile souls with me...

Look. Guys, if i ever die... if that would be tomorow or years from now... dont join me no matter how much agony i may bring... i mean, you'll get over me eventually... it may take longer, and there may be a forever life long scar... but dont die because you miss me. Just think of it as... living the rest of mine for me! Hopefully that gave... a cheery-er note on things... ill uh... write more of this chapter tommorow, after the funneral. So, temporarily bye bye!

The funneral... it was like any other... prayers, emotional music, emotional people, a casket up front, people sharing memories. I do wish i had known her better... but just the little slice i knew about her made an impact... i broke down two days ago, then said i was fine to my mom... she obviously didnt beleive me... but there's a rule. Do NOT cry in front of people. And for someone i didnt really know, i broke that rule many times for her... but at the actual funeral, i didnt cry... others did and of course i felt synpathy and all that for them, but i myself just had to swallow the tears or blink them away... they never escaped...

But that really doesnt matter.

Rest In Peace Aulora, we'll all miss you.