Alice

Three sets of wide stunned eyes stare at me in the moonlight. Even under the dim lighting of the lamps that illuminate the pack grounds, I can see them very well. Each wears a slightly different version of shock on their faces. One in particular seems intent on boring into my brain with his anger fuelled eyes.

Someone clears their throat and my attention snaps back into place. There is a light buzzing sound in my head that I cannot place and my heart seems to beat erratically.
The immediate gut ache that developed the second the words escaped my mouth doesn't sit so well either, but I do feel free.

Free from feeling as though I was being forced on someone who had no interest in me. Free from the restraints of blaming the blooming mate bond for clouded judgement and irrationality.

Unbound.

But also devastated. A lot Disappointed.

Im so filled with instant sorrow over the fact that I will never experience the unbidden, true bliss of a mating like my parents and Emma. Sadness deep in my souls consumes me over the fact that the one wolf meant for me, in our entire universe, wasn't interested.

I shake off the unsettling mix of emotions, slipping on a hard mask as I turn to face Benji.

"So, shall we do this now or in the morning? I still have to talk to you about my part... in all this. I throw out my jumble of words. I'm aiming for non- chalant but it's coming off more as unstable with a hint of desperado more than anything. My voice has adopted an odd octave above it's usual tone.

Benji shoots me a strange look and shakes his head.

"How about we convene in the morning, you can tell us about your information then and we can call the elders in after that, work for all of you?" He questions, keeping his eyes on Gainey who has not said a word nor looked in my direction since I announced my rejection.

Gia answers, for herself and Gainey.

"I think we could do that." Her voice is sickly sweet as she turns her face towards his.

"Walk me back Gainey? You never know who is lurking in the shadows." She smirks at me as she delivers the line and I have to shove the urge to slap her smart face all the way down into my gut.

Gainey does not make a move. Instead, he lifts his head, his eyes raising to finally meet mine. It takes everything I have inside of me, every ounce of dwindling reserve, not to crumble at the look on his face.

I imagine it looks somewhat similar to how my insides do.

"You go ahead Gia, I'm sure Benji will walk with you, I have something I need to say to Alice." He barks out, dry and short. Benji shoots me a fast questioning look and I nod my head slowly in response. I got this.

Benji gives her no chance to argue.

"Absolutely. Come on Gia, it's been a long night and I'm sure your mate is looking for you." I chuckle softly and watch as he begins to move towards the house without looking in our direction. Gia follows him with an ugly pout on her face, stomping along after him like the sullen brat that she is.

Strange. He seems... distracted.

As I watch the forms of the large male and tiny irritable female disappear into the black, I find myself unable to look directly at Gainey. Just one single thought about him makes me feel so many different things. All of them negative.

Did I do the right thing?

He moves silently towards me and because I don't immediately look at his stupid face like he obviously expects, he clears his throat once, twice and then coughs before I gather myself together enough to look up.

The lamp above us casts a slim shadow over the small circle of light. We stand physically a foot apart but in our new emotional reality, we couldn't be a further distance from each other if we tried.

"Alice I..." He starts but leaves the words lingering in the damp of the night.

He fidgets on the spot, his hands wringing each other over and over.

What is this? Why so quiet now? I assumed he would feel nothing but instant relief that I had the balls to do what he could not.

Stuff this. I'm not waiting around for him to try to collect enough guts to end this awkward confrontation.

"Gainey, whatever you have to say, just spit it out. We both know you have no problem telling it how it is." I force my voice out with as much venom and conviction as I can muster. I want my words to hurt him like his hurt me.

He just stares at me with a look of disbelief. My anger and hurt boils over.

"What is your problem Beta? You know I overheard your low opinion of me. I let us both off the hook. You obviously have plenty of other offers. So let's do this. Say the words and let's get this done." I say out loud but I can't completely mean any of it. I try to squash the minuscule part of me that still stupidly clings to the romantic hope that he won't do it.

He huffs and puffs on the spot for a short while and I am forced to stand and wait for a response. Finally, after what feels like forever, he settles enough to actually respond.
His face softens and if anything, he takes on a more forlorn expression.

Curious.

"Alice I wanted to say I'm sorry for what you heard me say. I never meant for you to hear any of it." His voice is low and gravelly and I hate that it does things to my nether regions. And my heart.

Fuck. Is it possible to hate someone but still want them to touch you?
I shake off those thoughts and let my anger take over. His bullshit apology is just that. Bullshit.
He is taking the cowards way out.

Again.
I scoff out loud as I pace back and forward, the huge shirt and shorts blowing in cold breeze around me like two dirty half mast tents.

"Well, what a lovely sentiment. Do not lie, not now. You meant what you said but you are sorry I heard it. Would have been better to talk shit about me behind my back rather than to my face huh?"

Gutless.Yeah, I'm mad. I'm raging.

Who does he think he is?

He reaches out to try to stop me from moving but I shake out of his hold. He sweeps his head from side to side, not stopping to look at the steam I assume is billowing out of my ears.

"No... yes... I. That's not what I meant. This whole thing has me so confused. I never wanted a mate. And then you were here. And you look like this... and then...." The stuttering and broken conversation throws me, but not before I hear the part about how I look.

Now I'm just pissed. More than pissed. I'm fucking raging.

"Hang on... hang on.... just a fucking second....how I look? You said those things because of how I look? What.. I don't meet your high standards? Fucking hell. You really are a colossal ass aren't you? Why don't you insult my probably dead mother and punch my dead cat while you are at it. Huh? Talk about kicking someone when they are down. Goddess help me. She must have been stone drunk out of her mind when she paired me with such a righteous prick."
My voice is getting louder and more wild the longer I speak. I can feel the shift rising within my bones. My blood boils in every single vein.

Never in my life have I been so insulted. And from the stunned look he wears now, his eyes like two round globes, neither has he. At least that's something.

"Alice no... that's not what I meant. Damn it! Why do you have to be so... so... fucking infuriating. Fine. You want to do this? Fine. I suppose this is what we require to make this final."

He steps closer to my face, his hot breath causing a warm mist around my head and shoulders and I shudder in response to the sudden change in temperature.

He blinks twice and takes a deep breath before he glares at me, his deep grey eyes piercing every nerve in my body.

As he opens his mouth to speak, he inhales once more, just as the breeze kicks up over our heads.
His eyes shoot open, his brow scrunching into a deep
frown as a short rumbling growl leaves his throat like a deep rolling thunder.

He glares at me before trudging off towards the direction Benji went to search for the scents not so long ago. As I stand there waiting alone in the dark, I try to calm my fluctuating nerves, to remind myself that what I have done is for the best. I need to recall that the extremely attractive specimen currently stomping around in the scrub, is in fact, an asshole of the worst kind. Devastatingly handsome, yes but also just devastating.

As I continue to internally pep talk myself I am rudely interrupted by a deep growl and mumbled curse words coming from Gainey in the bushes.

He appears at the tree line, his face matches the current surroundings; dark with a side of foreboding.

As he reaches me, he takes a hold of me by my shoulders and brings his head down close to mine, his lips almost scraping my ear.
I'm instantly shamed of the pooling between my thighs.

"Tell me again what you saw and don't even think about lying." He bites out, his body trembling and sending the shakes down his fingertips so that they rattle my shoulders.

I shrug him off and take a settling step back.

"Why would I lie? I have nothing to hide. Like I said, I was running back and I caught sight of two male wolves in human form, speaking with Gia. They must have caught my scent because they left in a hurry. Then Gia returned to the house and before I could come back myself to tell Benji what I had seen, she came back with you." I say flatly, my voice calm and even. He has to realise that I am telling the truth. He has been taught to observe the way people talk, move. Their every mannerism. Just as I have.

Let's see if he is all that he was cracked up to be.

He observes me for a few minutes of silence, his eyes captivating mine. I have no reason to feel nervous and so I just sigh and take a seat in the cool snow covered dirt. His right brow lifts, curiosity and humour in his expression now.

I see the moment he makes his decision. His face falls flat again and he expels an audible breath.

"I believe you. But by saying that, I'm admitting I am querying my Alpha's word." He says, extending his hand to help me up  and it catches me off guard.
Both his action and his words.

"What? Why? What did he say?" I question with a sudden heavy feeling in my gut. I don't really like where this is headed.

Gainey turns away from me briefly, dropping my hand like it was too warm and scolded him before shaking it off and spinning to face me again.
Though he doesn't meet my eyes for more than a fleeting second before they lower to over my shoulder.

"I smelled the three distinct scents and yours, as described. But there was something that clearly clarified where theirs and yours were separated. And it was not there until Gia came to get us." He says, but it's like a puzzle I cannot solve. I don't have all the pieces.

"Okay...." I draw out, not really sure what to make of this aloof story.

Gainey let's out an irritated humph sound and runs his hands roughly through his hair, dragging them down his face like I have seen him do a few times now. It's his stressed go to.

"Alpha urinated on the spot where the three scents met. I think he did it to cover up the distinction between where yours was and where they were but all he did was draw a big fucking arrow towards theirs. And clearly marked yours as separate." He whisper yells, his fists clenching at his sides.

Ok. So this is good. For me anyway, not so much for Gia. This is what I explained to them earlier. So why is he so perplexed? Maybe he is worried about that mole. He is. Fuck. I can't believe I missed it. His precious Gia is now at risk.

My hearts sinks to another depth I didn't know existed.

I immediately turn and begin to storm back towards the house, I'm not giving him or her another thought if I can help it. Fuck this place and these morons.

He begins to trudge behind me, Cleary he is picking up on the trail of rage filled lava that is streaming out of my ears. I'm so bloody stupid. Of course he wants to protect her. This ruins his plan of getting rid of me so easily.

I spin around on the spot, almost causing him to slam into me, underestimating his proximity to my back. He puts his hands out to steady me but I slap them away as if they are poison, much to his obvious disgust

"Alice? What exactly is your damage? I just told you I can correlate your story." He says, clearly exasperated with me and I have no bloody clue why.

If my eyes could fire laser beams, he would be dust at my feet right about now

I let out a frustrated groan.

"Yes. Exactly. And now your easy way to get rid of me is ruined and I assume you are going to blame me for yet another annoyance. Sorry but I'm not fucking sorry, I'm not going down for some stupid bitch who can't keep it in her pants, no matter how much you bitch and moan." I screech, emphasising the pants part of my speech with a double handed motion to my crotch.

He scrunches his face up like I have wounded him.

"Uh, sorry what? Shit Alice, I have a hard time following your trail of thought on what is becoming a regular bloody basis. You need to spell this out for me. What have I done wrong now? Because I'm pretty sure I just told you I believe your version of events and therefor I now know that Gia is lying and is most likely up to something which I believe Benji is covering for." He sprays,  full on vitriol flamed by a wild look on his face. His hands are up, palms out stretched in front of him, as if he is attempting to placate me a little.

Well, now I'm confused.

I must wear my thoughts on my face because he lets out a loud huff of air.

"Yeah. I'm not all bad. Not all the time. I might put my large foot in my even larger mouth often, but if you let me get a word in every now and then instead of jumping to conclusions, you would see that I am on your side this time." His voice shows his irritation and disappointment and it seems I may have jumped on him too quickly over this one.

This whole situation is impossible. This male is impossible.

We don't say anything else as I follow him back into the house, not really sure what to say anyway and wondering if he wants to discuss what happened out in the field. Before any of this went down. But as we reach the foyer and I go to ask him, we find Benji waiting for us, leaning against the hall, his face is a picture of sorrow.

He steps forward into the soft hall light and looks between us, his eyes charged with anxiety. The uneasy sensation prickles in the air around us and it makes me nervous.
Speaking low, his voice spikes with apprehension;

"Gia is gone."