18
TAKE MY HAND, TAKE MY WHOLE LIFE TOO

between may and june

Aastha found joy in minimum things. She had lived for many years with an itch in her heart, an itch to live flawlessly. Ironically, her room never reflected that. But then again, she had deemed it unimportant. When it came to real life, life outside the comfortable castle her parents built her, Aastha had a desperate want of everything having to go her way.

Abhishek knew. It would peek out in the smallest of things. Like when Aastha would look at a candid picture of her and ask him to take it again...defeating the purpose of candid photography. Or when she'd tag along on tour, all exhausted and drained out, because that's what a good partner would do, choose their husband over a taking rest and me-time.

Abhishek had always argued against. He would present his counter argument with wabi sabi, finding beauty in imperfections.

"...So you want to pretend to be a couple for three more months just so that my good reputation doesn't crumble, instead of just letting the rumours die down?" Abhishek asked in disbelief as Aastha sat down on the edge of the sofa. "Why do you want to lie more? Let's just do some damage control, attend a match if you feel like it and we can go on our own again,"

"People will take you as gossip instead of taking you as a cricketer," she quickly replied and he raised his brow.

"They already do. Not just me, every Indian cricketer is gossip. We generate maximum of their revenue, especially since no one really cares about Bollywood and their shenanigans anymore," Abhishek casually stated, tossing away his jacket. Aastha stayed silent, trying to think of a reply, his foot tapping the floor in restlessness. Something in her had been ignited, ignited to scream to the world that Abhishek is her husband.

"Aastha," his voice was softer, concern palpable, as he crouched down in front of her, "I'll do everything to protect you from the media. You don't have to pretend," For a moment, Aastha just stared, heart beating loudly, Abhishek's face quite close to her, his gaze steadfast. She wanted to tell him that she believed him. But that would mean walking away and she didn't want to. She could not.

The tension in the room shifted, the couple painfully aware of their proximity.

"Abhay..." Aastha's voice was soft. The gentle which was only reserved for Abhishek. His heart almost leapt out of his chest, sucking in a deep breath. God, help me. "I won't be pretending,"

He moved away, standing up.

"I am still your wife," she mumbled, quite shakily. But her lack of assertiveness did not cover up for the fact that she was asserting something. Something that could change everything.

"What does that mean, Aastha?" he skeptically asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Legally. I still have a duty to you, I won't just abandon you," Aastha cleared her throat, looking away for a hot second. What did she mean by that?

Sometimes your brain knows before your heart.

Oh, but you did. Abhishek was quick to think to himself.

"And I mean, it's a great deal for me, free food, free hotels, so it's a win-win, isn't it?" Aastha seemed almost desperate. Abhishek found it weird, and confusing but understood that she was in a similar state of emotions. And he didn't want to keep her hanging there. He could not. So he simply nodded his head, agreeing.

"...Fine," he sighed out. "Go rest, we'll talk later,"

Now this was the part Aastha was the most skeptical about.

"There's no di here, nor your parents," she sheepishly pointed, "I'll have to crash on the couch," she goofily said.

"Of course," her husband massaged his forehead. "Take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch,"

The suggestion brought back Aastha's practical side. "There's no need of being a sanskari bahu, you need good sleep. You have practice and matches. I don't want SRH missing playoffs because the opener got a backache because he was forced to sleep uncomfortably on the couch,"

"We could just share it," Abhishek then quickly answered, "I don't want students failing because you got cranky after sleeping on the couch," he quickly justified.

"...Okay," Aastha mumbled. God save me.

She giggled nervously, bobbing her head, skittishly walking away, choosing the side of the bed she'd always slept on. And as she nervously tucked herself in the white duvet, Abhishek felt lost. It seemed so familiar yet so different.

He saw her;

get into the bed, groaning loudly on their wedding night,

tucked in bed, burying her face into the pillow, after a fight;

God save me for memories surely won't.

[ False God by Taylor Swift ]

We were crazy to think,
crazy to think that this could work,
remember how I said I'd die for you?
We were stupid to jump,
in the ocean separating us,
remember how I'd fly to you?

Later in the night...

"Aastha, mein chutiya hu,"

"Sorry Abhishek,"

"Aastha,"

"We need a break,"

"Do you regret it? Yes,"

"Everything sucks,"

"I love you, Abhay,"

"I'm going Abhay, jaane de mujhe,"

Abhishek woke up with a start. He felt queasy and short of breath. He got out of the blanket quietly, careful not to wake Aastha up. He chugged down some water, placing his palm on his heart in an attempt to tame it. He sat on the bed again, slowly tucking himself back into the soft cloth of the blanket. His jaw shivered, the room too chilly for him. His heart had calmed slightly but he still felt shaken, sitting up straight, back resting against the headboard.

Jus then, Aastha stirred in her sleep, her hand brushing against his.

Abhishek stilled, blinking rapidly. And then, as a few moments passed, he felt a jolt in his body, his toes curling. As if he finally registered what touching her felt like. he sharply exhaled, shaking his head in disbelief, heart picking up pace again.

Her hand brushed his again, but this time, Abhishek held onto him, ever so slightly, his touch feathery. She sighed in her sleep, and lay down again, letting himself feel comforted by her presence than wallowing in the misery of their yesterday. What mattered right now was her, with him.

[ Bol Do Na Zara by Armaan & Amaal Malik ]

Itni mohbbat karo na,
mein doob na jau kahin,
Waapis kinare pe aaja,
mein bhool na jau kahin.