"You look nice."

I flinched at the sound of his voice. I've been flinching at every little thing he does, actually. I can't help it though, I'm not used to seeing him or hearing his voice. It feels like it's been centuries since I've heard his voice.

"Yeah well I was kinda goin' for the whole homeless hobo look, but whatever." I might as well pull a joke. Things aren't gonna get any easier from here on, especially if I don't try to make an effort with him. I expected a snark remark or a rude scoff, something similar to what he'd down and said to me at McDonalds.

He laughed though. It was short and quiet, but it was a laugh. "Oh, well then you look disgusting."

I looked up from my menu for the first time since he got here and pretended to tip a fedora. "Thank you m'lady." While my eyes were still up, I managed to get a good look at him for the first time in years. He looked pretty nice too. He was wearing a black polo and some dark jeans, with an even blacker leather jacket pulled around his shoulders. I could see a tattoo poking out from his shirt collar and it kinda shocked me, because he was always telling me when we were together that he couldn't bare having a tattoo. Things change I guess.

His hair was gelled to spike up and he had black stud piercings in his ears. His cheeks crinkled when he smiled at my joke and his voice still sounded rich and beautiful when he laughed. He's just as adorable as he had been years ago, maybe even more so. He's gotten ten times hotter, that's for sure.

"You still got a great sense of humor, Tommy. Glad that hasn't died. So how've you been these past few years?"

Terrible. Awful. My life has sucked ass.

"Alright I guess. How about you?" His shirt had ridden down a little and I could see a small piece of the tattoo now. It looked like letters, maybe it's a word or somebody's name he's got on his neck. I think he noticed me staring at his neck though, because soon after he pulled his collar up slightly to cover up the tattoo. I frowned and looked back down at my fizzing drink. I shouldn't pry in on his life already, I saw him for the first time in years just the other day.

He shrugged. "About the same."

I nodded and looked back down at my menu. I've been staring at this thing for thirty minutes and I still have no idea what I want. The letters on the menu just look like a blurred mess. That's most likely from nervousness or the fact that I have dyslexia in my blood. Still, most of the time I'm able to read about everything. It's gotta be from nervousness.

Nade sighed suddenly and pushed back his menu. "I guess I should just go ahead and do what I came here to do. I am honest to god sorry about what I did to you, Tom."

The words caught me off guard. Like damn, I didn't expect him to apologize so quickly. We haven't even ordered yet and he's already breaking the ice with a sledgehammer.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," I replied with disinterest, though on the inside my mind felt like it was melting. He's apologizing to me.

"Yes there is. I dragged you all the way to LA just because I thought-"

"That we would be together forever," I finished for him. "Yeah, I know. I thought that too. That's why I'm saying it wasn't your fault and you have nothing to apologize for. I left with you, I agreed to it. We were kids, Nade. Hormones and shit." I waved my hand to dismiss the subject, but he was not having it.

"You can't just dismiss it like that, it was my-"

"It's not a big deal. I don't even care about it anymore."

"Tom I ruined our lives. I know you still want to choke me for what I-"

"We. Were. Kids."

"But now we aren't and I want to try it again!"

My heart caught in my throat. No. He didn't just say that.

"Tom I loved you. You were the best I ever had and-and I miss you! What if we tried again? I have a good job now, a steady one. I quit fast food and now I'm working full time as manager at a clothing store. It pays good money and I can get promoted really easily." Before I even knew it, his hand was holding mine from across the table. My eyes darted up to his pleading ones, and instantly my throat clenched tighter. I miss those eyes.

"I'm just asking for another chance," he explained softly. "I know I destroyed your life and messed up a lot of things for you, and I-I can fix it! I just want another chance to be with you and make you happy, because god knows you made me so happy in the past. Please? I promise this time I'll take care of you. I won't run away when things get hard, I've learnt my lesson. Please Tommy?"

If I had known this dinner was going to involve the biggest decision I've ever had to make, I probably wouldn't have come. He's holding my hand and pleading with me with those big brown eyes, the ones I could never say no to when I was younger. There is no debate. I'll eventually say yes, no matter how much I want to say no. Because Nade has always had that effect on me. I can't say no to him.

"Nade I-...this is all really sudden and...I'm gonna have to tell you n-no."

His expression made my heart shatter. "Why?" He asked quietly, still gripping my hand.

Say why! Say the truth, tell him the exact truth!

"Because I-"

"Hey guys!" A cheery voice interrupted. Both of our heads snapped up to see the face of the voice, and I nearly choked when I saw it was Jordan. He stood in front of our table with a cheeky smile on his features, completely oblivious to the situation. I don't know what possessed me to do it. I don't know why I didn't just say the truth and be honest with Nade.

But looking back on it, maybe I was being honest with Nade.

"Because I love Jordan!" I blurted out, causing almost the entire restaurant to go silent and stare at us. Really the only reactions I watched was Jordan's and Nades. Nades eyes flickered with suspicion and Jordans mouth nearly dropped to the floor. And then my stupid brain came up with another shit idea. I stood from my chair and grabbed Jordan by the waist, before pressing my lips against his in an attempt to show my obvious love for him.

And sweet Jesus did I absolutely melt.

His lips were soft, so soft I would've thought he had surgically removed his original and replaced them with an angels. I've shared a lot of kisses in my lifetime, and some were pretty good, but oh my god nothing compared to this one. I always thought the movies were lying when they said you felt fireworks sometimes when you kissed someone.

I am a true believer now.

I got so into the kiss I actually wanted to push Jordan down on one of these tables and just kiss him senseless for hours and hours, but I knew even three seconds of kissing was inappropriate for this situation. I pulled away, even though my body was screaming at me not to. Jordan's expression was almost funny. Both of his eyes were wide as quarters and his entire body was frozen, his cheeks flushed to the point where it looked like he was wearing blush. I turned back to Nade with my arm still around Jordan's waist and smiled.

"I would've loved to but you know, I'm just totally in love with this cheeky nerd. But I'm really glad things are going well for you! Er, we should get going now, we're gonna go catch a film later so...bye!" I gave a short wave in his direction before taking off towards the exit with a startled Jordan struggling to catch up with me. My heart was still pounding when we began walking away from the place. We didn't say a word to each other until we were three blocks away from the restaurant, and then Jordan finally spoke up.

"I'm guessing you were uh...lying about that?" He asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. He asked me if we wanted to try again and I just completely freaked out. You didn't mind, did you?"

"No no! The kiss it was uh...it was really good. You're a good kisser."

...I'm a good kisser to him?

"Thanks."

Silence. I've either totally screwed up our entire friend relationship or ended it completely. Kissing your platonic friend is bound to cause a few dents in your platonicness. I wouldn't be surprised if he never spoke to me again and left my house as soon as possible. God knows I would have done that if our positions had been switched.
I sighed and let my shoulders slump and the rest of me relax. There's no use worrying about it. I'll be okay if Jordan leaves. I was okay before he came into my life and I'll be okay if he leaves. I'll beg my boss for my job back, I'll delete his contact from my phone, and I'll move on. Things will be exactly the same as they were before.

But I don't want things to go back to how they were before.

I bite down on my tongue as the regret fills me. I should've said yes to Nade. Who knows? Things could've gone great, and then eventually maybe we would've moved in together again. Maybe in a few years we would've gotten married. Or some years after that adopted a kid. Too late now I guess.

What am I doing with my life Years later, what am I gonna do? I'll be an unemployed forty something still struggling to pay his roommates rent. I bit down harder on my lip.

"Tom? Your lip is bleeding." A thumb pulled my bottom lip away from my teeth, and that's when I tasted blood. It's been awhile since I've chewed my lip so hard it bled. James told me before I did it whenever I was thinking too hard.
I went rigid when I felt something warm slip into my hand and intertwine with my fingers. I looked over at Jordan, and he was smiling at me in a reassuring way.

"It's okay. You can always talk to him again and sort things out. The worlds not over." He squeezed my hand, and the gesture alone my stomach swim with butterflies. He's right. Maybe tomorrow I'll call Nade back and explain things more carefully, maybe even tell the whole truth this time instead of lying about it.

"You think he'll be mad?" I ask, my voice a little raspy.

"Maybe, but not enough to where he won't forgive you. You know we could turn around and go back to the diner? I'm sure he's still there."

"...you think so?" I bit my lip again, and Jordan reached over and gently pulled it away for a second time.

"You'll never know if you don't check," he replied with a smile. "Let's go."

~

"You're a real douche bag, you know that?" Nade asked with a cheeky smile and a bright tone. He had his head propped up on his hands, which were on the top of his car. He looked pretty cute in that position, but I didn't let that effect my state of mind. No more nervousness. I've told him the truth already, the real reason why I don't want to try again and why I lied about Jordan. He listened to me and actually said he accepted my apology, so I'm thankful for that. Nows he's just insulting me and making me feel bad for the fun of it.

And to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Yeah I know. I'm sorry." I stayed on the opposite side of his car with my hands in my pockets. Jordan was way far away from us, standing at the diner door and acting like he wasn't paying attention to us. I know he's curious though. I can see him peeking over here every few seconds like a mischievous little kid trying to eavesdrop. Cute.

Nade tapped his fingers on the cars paint and kept his eyes focused on me, and I could swear he looked like he was suspicious of me or something. "I don't think you lied to me completely though, Tommy."

I scrunched my eyebrows up and narrowed my eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

He only smiled wider, the knowing glint in his eyes growing wider. "I think you've got the hots for Jordy."

"What?! No no no, no way. He's impossible. He's a nerd, he's rich, he's got everything handed to him. He's just an annoying leech that keeps bugging me. I barely even tolerate him."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"So why were you guys holding hands a few minutes ago?"

"I-...he was just being supportive."

"By holding your hand and making heart eyes at you?" He grinned.

"He wasn't making heart eyes at me."

"Well he is right now." He pointed behind me, and I turned to see Jordan staring in my direction. He looked away quickly and pretended to be interested in a bush beside him, but I definitely saw him.

"He's just curious, he's not making heart eyes..."

"Tommy. He really likes you. Stop being a cock block to yourself."

"He does not!" I whispered furiously, for fear of Jordan overhearing me. Nade rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"Did you not see the little guys face when you yelled out you loved him? And were you not paying attention to him when you kissed him? It was pretty convincing to me."

"He was just surprised is all."

"Keep telling yourself that. If I were you, I'd be throwing him down on the nearest bed around and-"

"Shut. Up. Don't talk about him like that." My face had to be the reddest shade ever, but I couldn't help it. Somebody even speaking about Jordan in such a perverted way makes my blood boil. He's innocent, he'd never do any of that crap. He would be so embarrassed if he caught Nade talking about him like that.

"There you go again!" Nade exclaimed.

"What?!" I asked exasperated.

"You did the same thing at McDonalds the other day! You're defending him, protecting him from other guys, holding his hand, can't you see? You're in love with-"

"I'm not in love with him." I nearly growled out the words.

"You're positively sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

"Then you won't mind me taking him on another date then?"

Every muscle in my body tensed, and I knew Nade saw it. He chuckled and reached across the cars hood to pat me on the shoulder, before unlocking his car and swinging open the door.

"Relax, I'll stay away from your little nerd. But you better be making a move before someone else swoops in and bangs his cute little butt. Bye Tommy." With a wave of his finger tips and the slam of his black BMW car door, he was gone. I watched him drive away with my mouth hung open and my overall self in a raging fit. He has no right to talk about Jordan like that. Jordan can choose whoever he wants for his first time, it's not like he's just going to give that away to-

"How'd it go?"

His voice startled me so badly I nearly tripped over myself. He giggled and helped me steady myself back on my feet, before asking me the same question again. "My bad. So how'd it go? What did he say?"

He basically said he wanted to get in your pants and if I didn't do it soon he would do it himself.

"Nothing much. We're going drinking together this weekend, so that'll be fun I guess." I began to walk off towards the sidewalk that led to downtown, so I could hail a cab for Jordan and I. The excited little nerd trailed happily behind me and rushed to keep up with my pace of walking.

"Okay that's good...so do you think you'll ever, you know, try again with him?"

I had to think about it. Nade was wonderful back in the day, and I still really enjoy his company now. Living with him and being with him for the rest of my life wouldn't be half bad. I could live an okay life if I chose to try again with him.

I turned to look at Jordan and give my answer, but then I noticed his look. He didn't look so happy anymore. He had both hands tucked away in his pockets with a small frown on his lips. He wasn't looking at me, he was looking at the sidewalk now. Is he sad at the thought of me and Nade getting back together?

I thought about things differently. What if I lived with Jordan for the rest of my life? I could learn how to edit videos for him and save him some time from having to do it himself. He could relax more and I'd have something productive to do. We could cuddle all the time, just like we do now. We could get another dog, because I know Tucker isn't gonna let Grizz go now that he likes him so much.

A life with Jordan would be kinda better than a life with Nade.

"I don't think so. He's cool, but I've kinda got the hots for somebody else."

A little nerd named Jordy.

That night I texted Nade as soon as I was sure Jordan was asleep, and said the thing I'd been aching to tell him ever since I got home.

T: I'm banging his cute little butt first.
~~~

I have to go to school so no time for authors note BUT HAVE A GOOD DAY GUYS!

- Lee