Chapter eight: The eleventh player

tw: mentions of anxiety, nightmares, mental health struggles. also, if you're going through something similar and find the description wrong, I apologise in advance. sending you love and strength❤️

Italics are flashbacks/inner thoughts

"Open, open," Sara muttered as she tried to open the door with shaky hands. The door swung open and she went in, slamming the door shut in seconds, isolating herself from the world. An audible, scared sigh left her lips and she rested her back against the door, breathing heavily. Feeling weak, her body slid against the door and she landed on the cold floor. Burying her face in her knees, sobs left her lips.

"It's okay to cry, Sara. It really is"

Her sobs turned into wails. She felt pathetic. Pathetic that she still let it all control her. She was supposed to be stronger now. She was supposed to be above it all. But that fear, those scars came back gnawing at her. It made her feel like she was still a weak little child.

Still the goddamn crybaby.

Her cries came to a halt, and she tried to breathe but felt it was too hard. Everything around her was spinning, and she tugged on both sides of her hair frustratedly.

Breathe, it's easy. Just breathe.

Her hearing went weak and she heard this faint noise, a long 'beep' kind of a sound.

"What...what should I do if it happens again?"

"Count backwards,"

The memory came back to her as she breathed heavily, her chest heaving.

Count backwards, Sara. You can do it. See, if you have a problem- you can um think of something, something to help you remember. Oh, I know! Eleven players in a team.

"Eleven..." the captain.

"T..ten," the vice captain.

"Ni...ne" the wicket keeper.

"Ei..ei...eight,"

"aand seven," she breathed out. the openers.

"Six," the best bowler.

"Five," another amazing bowler!

"Fo..four," the best fielder.

"Teen," (Three) uh...you know what Sara? let's add one more bowler!

Sara breathed in, feeling better than before. Two more counts, you can do it.

"Two," the world's best batsman!

"One," and me! I'm the eleventh player- yours truly, Shubman Gill.

As she finished her counts, Sara felt better than she was feeling before. She registered her surroundings, and was able to focus on her breathing. But despite her wishes, her headache had not really disappeared. With wobbly legs, she got up to get water but struggled to walk normally. Luckily, she kept a stool near the shoe stand (to wear shoes with laces), and sat on it, this time resting her back against the wall.

"Eleven players on the team, and if even that doesn't work, you need to imprint your surroundings in your brain while on the field. A huge key to success, so, " he had continued.

"Can you tell me what can you see, hear and feel?" Sara thought that Shubman was in front of her, asking the question to help her through it.

"The wall," she started, whispering softly.

"The beige sofa,"

"Shoe rack,"

"TV,"

"My...my award,"

"I can..." she breathed normally before resuming, "I can hear myself, talking" Sara felt much better now, getting comfortable with her surroundings.

"And I feel you, Shub. Comforting me, "

The eleventh player. The player to complete the team. The person to complete her life. The last piece of the puzzle.

🦚

For the next two hours, Sara slept comfortably in her bed. Even before her...'moment', she was exhausted as she had been shouting since dawn. Shooting of daily soaps resulted in fame, money and...a messed-up schedule. That was one of the reasons why the Hindi TV industry seemed so tight-knit, it was simply a mutual respect they harboured due to their uniform experiences.

After her nap, Sara got up, feeling much better. She played her current favourite song 'The Alchemy' by Dr. Swift and headed to the kitchen to make herself a snack while she hummed along to the song. As she prepared Maggi, she thought about talking to three people. Baba, Sanvi and Rekha kaku.

And the closest right know was Rekha aunty. So she called her, hoping to just listen to her melodious maternal voice. But her call was not received. Two phone calls and no answer. Sara felt her nervousness rise again, an insecurity grab her chest. Am I forcing myself in Aunty's life, is she...annoyed by me??

No. Sara. What the hell are you thinking?

So, with shaky hands, she dialled her friend.

Friend, yes. It felt good and comforting. It was his voice which pulled her out of her pain today after all.

"Hey!" She heard his happy voice from the other end and felt her lips curve in a slight smile.

"Hi Shubman, where's kaku? She did not receive my call?"

"Oh Mummy and Manvi di are going to stay at Virat jiju's house tonight," he said and she hummed. "You know her, she must have kept her phone somewhere and forgot about it, "

"Oh,"

"And do you know Sara? Di is actually going to come live here with us till Mummy is in Mumbai," he said, the excitement in his tone making her happy. "It's such a shock that she and jiju could live without each other for a week," he added and Sara laughed.

Manvi and Virat were probably the most lovey-dovey, obsessed with each other couple ever. It was an arrange marriage, but when two people who are made for each other meet, there's no going back, there's always a way ahead- a way ahead to home, a way ahead to consummation, completion.

"Anyway, why'd you call?" He asked and she bit her inner cheek.

"Uh...I...," Shubman raised his brow and his friend struggled to talk.

"You know I was with you all till yesterday and today, back home, just felt really lonely, so..." she trailed off unsurely.

"Oh,"

"I was hoping to like have dinner, or like just talk," she continued to talk, despite the fact that the two hadn't talked like this for a long time. For the last few years, they had never communicated about their thoughts and feelings. But it felt so natural. Especially after what happened earlier that day. He had helped her.

On the other hand, Shubman's eyes lit up with an idea, throwing all the awkwardness of the window. The Shubman of two days before would have wished for the ground to swallow him whole for saying something like that out loud. But after their talk, the two had decided to be friendly and comfortable with each other again, so why not?

"I could have dinner with you, " he suggested. Sara smiled as she answered.

"My place, see you! Do not be late,"

🦚

As the door opened, a very good-looking Shubman was revealed. He was wearing a simple blue T-shirt and jeans but looked very charming in the outfit, accompanied by his boyish smile. Sara smiled back at him.

"Hello, " she said and Shubman's smile dropped. Something's wrong.

Sara was dressed in a soft pink kurti and wore black pants with it, hair in a sagar choti. But something was off. He could feel it in his bones. Even as she flashed her billion dollar smile, he knew something was wrong. Her eyes...they didn't shine like always. But Shubman knew that she wouldn't say anything if he asked her right away, he had to be clever about it. So, he played it cool while his insides screamed at him to pull her into a hug and ask her about everything that was wrong.

Sara looked at Shubman, grateful that she wasn't alone.

Is this the first time he's here?

'Are you stupid? What about the da- night he came over to drop your drunk ass here?'

Oh, right.

"For you," he said, giving her a bouquet of flowers.

"Oh my, my! How gentlemanly of you, Mister Gill!" She said in an exaggerated British accent.

"Well a charming lady who likes new blossoms in her vase, deserves to be gifted some, am I wrong?" He went along with it, and scratched the back of his neck. "I saw you had kept fresh flowers in the vase last time I was here," he explained and she nodded.

"Shub," she said, astonishment laced to her tone, "You know the word blossoms?" She asked and he grinned.

"I looked it up before I came here- I knew you would talk in a British accent!" He said and she laughed.

"Anyway, what's for dinner today? I'm famished!" He asked. "Well, I didn't know what you eat every day because of your diet, so I made dal khichdi and ordered some ice cream!" She said and he gleamed at her.

"I love dal khichdi!"

"I know you do," she said. Somehow, her smile hadn't faded for a moment since he arrived. "Okay, I'll quickly bring out the food since your hungry,"

"Yeah, I'll help you," he said, moving towards the kitchen when Sara stopped him, showing her palm. He raised his brow at her hand and the bossy look on her face.

"Wash your hands and feet before you enter the kitchen and touch the food!" She ordered and he nodded.

"Yeah you're right, sorry," he said, shaking his head at his own absentmindedness. Soon, dinner was served (by themselves) and the two started their dinner.

As he put a spoonful of rice in his mouth, he closed his eyes dramatically.

"Oh, this is heaven!" He exclaimed making Sara smile.

"You know, nothing's better than having comfort food for dinner after an awful day," he started. Liar! You had a peaceful day!

"Mhm-hmm," Sara nodded, unable to speak due to the food in her mouth.

"I had such a bad day Sara! God, I am so grateful that you asked me to have dinner with you,"

"You asked me to have dinner with you," she corrected him, squinting her eyes.

"Yeah yeah, tomato-tomahto!" He said. "I reached late to practice, coach shouted at me ruthlessly, everyone teased me to death, and then while coming back, I was so hungry but I was stuck in traffic! Ugh, such a bad day I tell you," he said dramatically, with hand gestures and voice modulations.

"I hear ya, I had a bad day too," the words easily slipped out of Sara's mouth, which she instantly regretted. No, Shubman can't know. He'll get angry. He'll get very angry.

'But he'd also comfort you the best and you probably won't have nightmares'

"Really Sara? What happened?" He asked. Now she's talking.

"Oh, I mean...just an exhausting day at work! I was shooting since five in the morning!" She replied uneasily in a higher voice and Shubman looked at her, completely unconvinced.

"Why are you lying? You're talking in that high pitched voice?" He asked. No, no. Something's super wrong.

"I'm not lying!" She snapped, defensively. Despite not wanting to, her mind travelled back to the events of the today.

A burden. That's what she was. That's what she'll always be.

Her hands shivered, and the spoon she was lightly holding fell off, scaring Shubman.

"Sara? Sara?" He panicked, getting up and going to her. "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here, I'm here," he said softly, getting an understanding of the situation.

"I-I," she breathed in, letting go of the tear she had been holding in. As the one tear slid off her cheek, she tightly grasped his hand.

"I kinda had an anxiety attack today," she said meekly and he felt his heart shatter all over. No, no. He gulped nervously, wrapping his arms around her.

"I hated it, Shub. I really did. I hated that feeling. I felt so weak," she gasped, as she broke into sobs. He lightly patted her on her back, comforting her.

"It's okay. It really is,"

"I did, I did what you told me to," she said between cries and his uneasy heart felt a little comfort knowing that she could get through it.

He stroked her hair, letting her talk and cry it out without interrupting her.

"It helped," she said softly.

"I'm so glad it did," he replied gently.

"Do you...do you want to say what happened?" He asked with hesitation as he broke the hug, facing her. Sara nodded and he smiled at her encouragingly, tugging a strand of her hair which had broken away from the braid behind her ear. She had stopped crying, but her face was red and tear stained, which felt like a stab in his heart.

"I...I was coming back home from shoot, and I just wanted to get biscuits, and I went to the shop below," she started and he listened carefully.

"And, and" her breathing became ragged.

"It's okay if you don't want to say it, is it what I think it is?" He asked her and she nodded slightly.

"I'm not sure, but I think it was her. I think I saw her, and I got scared. Scared that I...I, that she knows where I live," Sara said, as a few more tear drops left her eyes.

"You're safe," he said firmly. "You're safe, okay?" He repeated and she nodded. He hugged her again, very gently as if he held a delicate flower. But, he felt this anger in every cell of his body. His shoulders tensed and jaw clenched.

No one could get away with hurting Sara. No one could.

"Shub, don't get angry," she said softly, not leaving him.

"I'm not,"

"Just because I'm emotional, does not mean I'm stupid right now," she tried to laugh at her 'joke'.

"It was probably no one, I might have just imagined it," she added.

"We'll discuss this later, Sara" he said. "I...I don't, I don't want to take a risk," he said softly. No, nothing could happen to her.

Sara hummed, knowing she couldn't stop him. For a second, she regretted telling him everything, scared that he would do something irrational. After all, he was a full fledged adult now and no one could really control him. But, at the same time, she selfishly wanted him with her, right now, hugging her tightly just like he was, at the current moment.

"Okay, now do you want some ice cream?" He asked.

"Oh yes, a hundred percent yes!" She grinned, breaking the hug.

"Okay, I'll serve it in a bowl. Continue eating," he smiled at her and she nodded like an obedient child.

Shubman finally saw the twinkle in her eyes which he yearned to see from the moment he met her today. There was no denying it, God- he was a fallen man. He was a man at the mercy of her billion dollar smile and twinkling eyes. He wanted to do everything to make sure she was okay, to make sure she was smiling. He wanted to hold her hand and tell her how beautiful she is. He wanted a world with her.

After all, she completed him the moment she met him on 23rd July 2015. Sara. His eleventh player.

A/N: I hope I could do justice to these two characters! Also, the previous 'chapter' was supposed to be published with the previous part, but I forgot😭