My gaze bounced between the passersby dodging Jim and me on the sidewalk and the stream of cars on the road. Gathering the little courage I had left, I glanced at the university building. Several people entered it, but nobody walked out of there, looking for me, and the lump lodged in my throat grew ten times bigger.

I wished I didn't know. If only I could unlearn the truth and go back to believing my mother died. 

She didn't want me — what Jim told me last night was proof of that. The sliver of hope I felt died with each word of his. Even though warning bells rang in my ears, I decided to meet her. 

I wouldn't have asked her why. There would've been no accusations because it was impossible to force someone to love you. If she'd wanted to get to know me, she would've found a way. Doctor Miller made her choice, but it hurt me that she didn't acknowledge me despite knowing who I was. She could've said hello. If she'd done that, it'd still hurt, but way less than being treated as if I were a nobody.

“Ava.” Jim turned me around in his arms and pressed me flush to his chest, with one of his hands woven into my hair and the other one resting on the small of my back. 

I drew in a shaky breath. "Let's go."

Jim's lips brushed my forehead. He released me and clasped my hand in his as we strolled down the street in the opposite direction we'd come from.

I had no idea where we could go. Too many places waited to be discovered,  but instead of reading about the Spanish capital, I spent the previous evening learning things about my mother.

A pair of sunglasses hid Jim's eyes, but the way he rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand gave away his concern. He must've feared I'd break down in the middle of the street.

An entrance to a park came into view. Jim led me through the gates, and once we were on a wide alley, surrounded by towering trees, he took off his shades and looked at me, slinging an arm around my shoulders.

“I want to ask you the worst of questions despite knowing the answer."

I managed a weak smile. "If I'm okay?"

"Yeah. There's a lake a bit farther. Let's sit there."

My sadness dulled the beauty of my surroundings. As Jim and I sat on a bench facing the artificial lake, my gaze wandered around, but I couldn't bring myself to appreciate the postcard-like image of the rowboats gliding along the smooth surface under the cloudless summer sky.

"I'm grateful you told me the truth," I mumbled, staring at my lap.

Jim took one of my hands in his and squeezed my fingers. "I needed to. I just hate that she ignored you. She could've said something or offered to meet you later if only to be polite. You crossed the ocean, for fuck's sake."

"She's sure of her decision. I just...I can't blame her for not wanting kids, and it would've been worse if she'd stayed with my dad without loving him or me. But it hurts anyway."

"This is so fucked up." Jim sighed. "You weren't going to force her to be a mother after all these years. You just wanted to meet your other parent, and she pretended you didn't exist."

"Because I don't. For her, at least. But if I don't, why did she send the money?"

"Guilt?"

Images of my childhood flooded me as soon as the word left Jim's mouth —my toys, birthday parties, the trips Dad and I went on every year. He did so much for me to have everything despite being raised by only one parent. He could've given me none of the material things, and he'd still be the best father because he gave me love and affection to spare. 

I leaned my head against Jim's shoulder. He brought me closer and cupped my cheek. "What's on your mind now?"

"I don't want it. I don't want the money. There are tons of things I could use it for. My education, my book, even a house. But then it'd be a reminder, and I don't want to remember. I don't want to feel indebted or grateful because…" I inhaled a lungful of air. "I only wanted to have a mother growing up, but I didn't have one. No amount in my account will change that."

And I wanted to achieve things on my own, to succeed in something and not to think I owed it to the woman who didn't want or love me.

"Any decision is valid," Jim said. "I can't tell you what I'd do because I have no clue. I just want you to know you have my support no matter what."

"Do you support my decision of going back to the hotel? I need a good cry before I try to move on."

Jim rose to his feet and helped me up. "Let's go."

☆☆☆

By sunset, my tears had soaked the pillows, and Jim took off his shirt because it was the first thing they'd wet.

We didn't have lunch, and my boyfriend didn't leave my side for a second. His warm hands roaming my skin and the words of reassurance he whispered in my ear gave me the comfort I needed. 

When I didn't have any more tears left and sat, leaning against the headboard, Jim gave me a glass of water and wrapped his arms around me.

"Better?" he asked.

I took a sip and spoke once my mouth was less dry. "Yeah. I'm still sad, but I don't think I'll cry anymore. I'm ready to go home."

Jim rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "How about a little detour?"

I studied his expression. It was hopeful as if he needed me to agree to do whatever he'd planned.

"A detour? Where?"

He reached for his phone and handed it to me after fumbling with it for a few seconds. "Here."

In the image taking up the screen, a modern  house with clerestory windows stood against the backdrop of the blue sea. 

"It's in Mallorca," Jim said. "I know I didn't ask you and maybe it's not the best time for a vacation, but I cleared my schedule and wanted to spend time with you. Just the two of us."

"But what about your album?"

Jim kissed my forehead. "I can do some things from here if I need to, but I need to be with you more, especially after today."

"You don't have to—"

"I want to. So, will you go there with me?"

Biting back a grin, I nodded. "I'd love to."

"Cool." Jim winked. 

"But I didn't bring enough clothes."

"We can buy what you need tomorrow."

I handed Jim's phone to him, but my eyes lingered on it a tad too long. A romantic trip was what we both deserved, especially because we'd spend Jim's birthday there, but I wouldn't enjoy our time together if I didn't do something else first.

"I want to call my dad," I said.

Jim shoved the phone in his pocket and grabbed his tee from the chair. "You should. I'll ask the hotel staff about the best shopping places meanwhile."

He got dressed and got up from the bed, and as soon as he exited the room, I video-called dad.

He answered right away, and my throat tightened when I saw his face.

"How are you?" Dad asked.

"She didn't want to talk to me."

"I figured as much. You have every right to be mad at me, pumpkin. I didn't handle things well. I should've been the one to talk to you, but I—"

"You were afraid to hurt me. Jim told me everything. I'm glad he did, and I'm not mad at you. I guess I thought she'd at least be curious to see how I turned out."

"You grew up to be a smart, kind, and beautiful woman. And that Marina made that choice had nothing to do with you and everything with her and what she wanted."

Dad adjusted the lapels of his lab coat and leaned back in his office chair. "It sucks,  baby. I'd rather you didn't have to go through any of it. That's why I lied. But now that you know the truth, I'm relieved. I just wish things were different."

"I don't."

"You don't?"

"I have the best dad in the whole world. You've always been enough."

Dad ran his palm over his face and tilted his head up, looking at the ceiling. When our eyes met a few seconds later, his were glistening.

"And I never, ever regretted having you. You were wanted, pumpkin."

I sniffled. "I know. And Dad."

"Yeah?"

"I don't want the money. You probably think I should use it, but I want you to transfer it to her account."

"Pumpkin." Dad frowned. "Maybe you shouldn't make this decision just yet. You deserve to have it, and it's a lot. Why don't you wait for a bit?"

"I don't care what you do with it, but I won't touch it. I've earned enough to buy clothes and books."

Dad chuckled, erasing the last traces of my sadness. "Books. Does Hendrix know how lucky he is? Do me a favor, ask him for diamonds or something."

I laughed. "He knows. He rented a villa in Mallorca and asked me to go there with him."

"Good boy. I hope you said yes."

"I did. So we'll stay in Spain for another two weeks."

"You deserve one hell of a vacation," Dad said. "Both of you. I love you, baby."

I blinked to get rid of the unexpected tears, hopefully fast enough for Dad not to notice them, and refocused on his smiling face.

"I love you more, Dad."

This took me forever. Thank you for being patient while I had to take care of boring real life things. Thoughts?

Probably moving on is the best thing we can do sometimes, hence the chapter title. Do you agree with Ava?

See you in the next one!