Blinking my eyes open, I see stars. Literally- I see actual stars. I'm outside.

My eyes blink a few more times, and I squint. No, I realize, I'm inside. In Finn's bedroom.

I sit up quickly, jumping when I see Finn sitting in a chair in the corner. "W-what happened?" I ask, groaning as I rub my temples. It feels like someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Repeatedly.

Finn gets out of his chair, and sits on the edge of the bed, his eyebrows pulled together. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Frowning, I struggle to recollect what happened. I was in Finn's room. We went to the library to see Kallista and Astrid. We talked about Grey. "I-I don't know what happened," I groan again as I feel a searing pain in my head. "I was talking about Greyson... I don't know what happened after that."

Finn looks at me in sympathy and takes my hand. "Astrid thinks you had a panic attack and passed out. She said it looked like you couldn't breathe. She called for Ronin and me once you and Kallista were unconscious."

Panic floods me. "Oh my God, my Gift," I gasp. "Did I kill her?"

"What?" He asks in confusion, before his eyes flash in recognition. "You didn't use your Gift against her. Her Gift is the reason she passed out. She woke up already, and I spoke with her. She said... She said your emotions were too intense and it knocked her out. She could feel what you were feeling, and when you had the panic attack..." His voice trails off, and he looks away.

I get up off the bed, and tell Finn, "I have to go apologize to her. Where is she?"

"Maybe you should take it easy for awhile?" Finn suggests, looking at me in concern. "I'm not sure if it's a good idea for you to see her right now. Not after what happened the last time."

My eyes widen. "I won't hurt her, Finn. I wouldn't do that. I swear it was just an accident, I didn't mean to-"

Finn cuts me off. "It's not Kallista I'm worried about. I shouldn't have forced you to talk to them. I shouldn't have pushed for it, Onyx, I'm so sorry."

I shrug. "It probably would have happened sooner or later." Suddenly, the overwhelming urge to laugh overtakes me, and soon, I'm doubled over as giggles spill from my lips. "Oh my God, I am such a disaster," I say as I'm laughing so hard tears start to form in my eyes.

"Onyx, maybe you should-"

"I can't even imagine what Grey would say if he saw me like this," I snort. "Actually- no, I can. He would be like: 'Nyx baby, you're being a drama queen. Not even I care about what happened that much, and I'm the one who died'."

I feel slightly delirious, but for some reason, thinking of Greyson's reaction makes me laugh unbearably hard. I'm actually going crazy.

"He wouldn't want you to torment yourself like this," Finn gently claims. "He sounds like he was a really good guy. I wish I got the chance to meet him."

My smile fades as the reality of the situation sets back in. "He was," I say softly, and Finn gives me an encouraging smile. "You would have liked him. You both complain a lot about New Girl."

Finn laughs gently. "I can see he had excellent taste as well."

I look out the window and see that the sun is setting. "He liked sunsets, too. More than sunrises, that's for sure. He wasn't overly thrilled when I would wake him up at the crack of dawn to watch the sun rise, but we never missed a sunset," I tell him for some reason. It hurts less than I thought it would.

"Keep focusing on the good memories, Onyx," Finn says and squeezes my hand reassuringly. "It's how he would want you to remember him."

I smile sadly, and I realize that he's right. Replaying his death in my mind on a loop is doing more harm than good, and it's clearly a trigger for my anxiety. I know one day I'll have to confront the memory- but today is not the day.

"Why don't we go outside and watch the sunset?" Finn suggests. "I could round up some food and tea and we could sit in the garden. Ronin says you both have made excellent progress on it."

I nod. "That's fine, but I should really go talk to Kallista. I feel awful about this."

Finn looks hesitant, but agrees to take me to her. We go to the infirmary, and I can hear Kallista's laughter before we even reach the door.

"I told you that you're too ugly for her. Maybe next time you hit on a girl, put a paper bag over your head?" Kallista's voice reverberates throughout the hallway.

"Told you she was fine," Finn mutters under his breath to me as he rolls his eyes.

We walk through the door, and Kallista is sitting up on the cot, Ronin on one side, and Dean on the other. "Onyx!" Dean grins. "Is Finn finally done keeping you all to himself?"

"Dean..." Finn warns, but I can see him blush.

Kallista throws her head back and laughs. "Look Ro, he looks as red as the tomatoes you plant!"

Ronin stifles a laugh, and wisely chooses to change the subject. "How are you feeling, Onyx? When you passed out I checked you for injuries but didn't find anything physical."

"I'm fine," I reassured him. "I just came to... um..."

Kallista quickly figures out why I'm here. "Ronin, Ronin's ugly brother, my ugly brother- can you get out and leave us alone for a minute?"

Ronin smiles slightly, while Finn rolls his eyes and Dean grumbles something incoherently as they leave the room. Finn hesitates before closing the door. "Just yell if you need something, Onyx, I'll be right outside," He flashes a quick smile before shutting the door behind him.

"God, he's so whipped," Kallista laughs once the room is cleared. "I've never seen someone hover so much."

I smile slightly. "It's kind of... nice," I surprise myself by saying. "To have someone care that much. I... I'm not used to it."

"He's a good guy, Onyx," Kallista says, her voice uncharacteristically serious. She pauses. "He's not... you know."

"I know," I say quietly. I decide to change the subject, not comfortable talking about her brother with her. "Anyways, I just wanted to check in on you. And, you know... I'm sorry. So, so sorry about this. I swear I didn't know-"

"Onyx, shut up," Kallista giggles. "I'm perfectly fine, really. I wasn't even out for that long."

I sit down next to her in Ronin's former seat. "I just feel bad. I didn't mean to drag you into my mess."

Kallista shrugs. "It's my fault for being so nosy. I pushed Finn to let me talk to you, I thought I could help. I didn't realize you were... uh..."

"Such a disaster?" I smile slightly. "In a weird way... I think it did help. Reliving through the whole memory completely like that. When... when I think of it in fragments, it catches me off guard. I think... I think talking it through made it less terrifying."

Kallista's eyebrows pull together, and she looks like something is bothering her. "What is it?" I ask.

Kallista tugs on the bottom of her shirt anxiously. "When I was, y'know, using my Gift... Your emotions were... bad."

I frown, not understanding. "Obviously?"

"No, not just like, sad bad. Like, bad bad," She hesitates. "I could feel your rage. Honestly, Nyx... It was scary. I've never felt so much.. Darkness. What was that?"

My heart races. She could sense the Darkness in me, just like the Seer had. It wasn't just my imagination, the Darkness was there, and it was real. "You can't say anything about it to anyone, especially not Finn, okay?" I quickly tell her, grabbing her wrist.

"I won't, Onyx, I promise," Kallista swears, her eyes big, and I release her hand apologetically.

"It's my Gift," I whisper in case if Finn is listening through the door. "I was cursed with it by the Moon Goddess. The Darkness... It latches on to me when I use it."

To my surprise, Kallista laughs. "Onyx, you aren't cursed by the Moon Goddess because you're evil. You're given a dangerous Gift because she trusts that you'll wield it with caution."

"You think so?" I ask in surprise. The Seer made it sound like the Gift would consume me if I gave into the Darkness.

"I know so," Kallista reassures me. "Really, I think you should talk to Finn about this. He would know."

I cock my head to the side. "What do you mean he would know?"

Kallista winks. "Ask him yourself, little Nyx."

As if on cue, there's a knock on the door. "Onyx," Finn's voice calls out. "You'll miss the sunset."

Kallista's nose wrinkles. "Don't tell me Finn roped you into one of his sunset adventures. You give into one sunset, and then he'll wake you up every morning at the crack of dawn for a sunrise, and it's a never-ending cycle of no sleep."

My heart nearly stops. "He... He does that?" I choke out. No, no he couldn't be... like that. Like me.

"What, wake everyone up just because the sky is fucking pink?" She snorts. "He does it all the time. Don't worry though, if you really hate waking up that early, I doubt he'd make you do it. Don't think he'd ever tell you no," She teases.

I shake my head. "No... It's not that. I do like them. I just... I didn't know he did that too."

Kallista grimaces. "Ugh, mates are the worst."

Cringing at the word, I get up and go to the door, where Finn is pacing anxiously in the hallway. "Whatcha got in there?" I ask, pointing to the basket in his hands.

He looks up at me and smiles, his eyes twinkling. "Food. I thought you might like a picnic in the garden."

Now that he mentions it, I actually am starving. He leads us out to the garden, stopping in his room on the way out to grab a blanket. We go out to the garden, and Finn lays the blanket down. We sit down, and he opens up the wicker basket. The first thing he pulls out is a bottle of wine.

"I'm not 21 yet, silly," I giggle.

Finn laughs. "You've never drank before?"

My smile falters at the memory of drinking in the club with Thane. No, no. Can't think about that night, because if I think about that night...

"No, I have," I force a fake smile. "Just thought you might want to know that you're plying someone underage with alcohol."

"I hope there aren't any police around," He jokes, chuckling slightly. "You don't have to drink it if you don't want to, obviously. I don't know, I just thought maybe it might help you feel a little better."

My eyebrows raise. "Aren't people supposed to not drink away their pain?"

Finn shrugs. "I haven't had any issue with it before." He winks, and keeps pulling food out of the picnic basket until it's empty. "All vegetarian, of course," He reassures me.

He produces two wine glasses and opens the bottle, pouring one for himself. "Would you like a glass? I'm willing to risk the jail time if you are," He says with a coy smile.

I laugh. "Fine, one glass."

We sip the wine as we dig into the food and watch the sun set.

My thoughts are completely occupied by Kallista's obscure comment about Finn understanding the Darkness. "Can I ask you a question?" I ask nervously as I eat a grape and take a big gulp of the wine.

"Anything," He smiles as he stretches his long legs out on the blanket. I mean seriously, how can someone have such long legs? It's so unfair that guys get to be so tall. Like, who wouldn't want to be over 6 feet? Not that I hated how tall he was. I mean, what girl doesn't like tall guys? Not that I like Finn, not like that, obviously.

"Onyx? Your question?" He prompts me, yanking me out of my off-topic stream of thoughts.

"Right. Um, I was just wondering..." I take another drink, trying to find the courage to ask. "What's your Gift?" I blurt out.

Finn's eyes widen, and he takes another drink, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry," I immediately apologize. "I know it's rude to ask, but y'know, it's just that I feel like I don't really know that much about you when you seem to know a lot about me. And I mean a lot. Like seriously, if you can read minds or manipulate them or something I should definitely get to know because that would be really-"

Finn's voice cuts me off. "No, it's fine. You're my mate, I don't mind telling you about it. But don't freak out, okay?"

My heart races. "Why would I freak out?"

Finn sighs. "It's not the most... friendly Gift. Just know that I never use it on people, okay?"

I swallow nervously and nod. "What is it?"

"It's easier if I just show you," He mutters. He picks a nearby flower, holding it in his palm. "Don't be scared, Onyx. I promise I wouldn't ever use it to hurt you."

His words scare me even more. What the hell was he going to do?

The petals on the flower sway slightly in the wind, and Finn sighs again.

And a moment later, the entire flower is reduced to dust.

READ THE NEXT TEN CHAPTERS ON MY PATREON, LINK IN BIO