Ash

"Jungkook, are you sure we really need that much Kimchi?"

Jungkook and I are doing the shop for the dorm. However, this time is different from how I've shopped before. Since I'm Kim Namjoon's soulmate, I now have to wear masks when I'm out in public, something which I've been becoming more used to in the few months I've been in Korea.

My life has fallen into a content pattern. I wake up everyday in Namjoon's embrace, before heading into work, looking forwards to whatever Sooyun anecdote Eunbi has for me. I record songs with the guys and the other producers, attending whatever meetings I have that day and sometimes stopping by the practice room to see the group dance. And when I get back to the dorm, I'm in for either a crazy game of Mario Kart with the Maknae Line or a quiet night snuggled up in bed with my soulmate. Life is beautiful, but there's still something bothering me.

It's been nearly a month since I first voiced my thoughts about finding my father to Namjoon, but he doesn't seem to have found anything. I know I asked him to look into it for me and I didn't expect results soon, but I can't help but feel restless. It feels like I'm within hands grasp of finding him and getting closure and sometimes it's infuriating.

Namjoon on his part, probably knows that I'm feeling this way, as our bond has strengthen so much and more often than not, I can feel his emotions: his happiness, his hunger and his exhaustion from practise. Every time I think about my father, waring emotions of guilt and impatience fill me, guilt for asking Namjoon to do this in the first place and impatient for not having any news. I have a suspicion Namjoon knows all of this and more, as he's become more touchy, holding my hand and hugging me. I only hope something happens soon, so I can get this off my mind and get on with my life.

Now, I'm stuck doing shopping on my day off, since I lost Rock, paper, scissors last night. My only consolidation, is that Jungkook lost as well.

"I like Kimchi." Jungkook replies to my question.

"But do we need this much?"

"I like Kimchi." He repeats and pulls the seven or so tubs of Kimchi to his end of the shopping trolley protectively.

I sigh, "Alright then, but if Seokjin complains at how much we've spent on Kimchi, I'm not covering for you."

Jungkook pouts and gives me puppy eyes, but I chuckle and shake my head.

"I thought we'd already established that technique doesn't work on me?"

"Please Noona? Seokjin Hyung's already mad at me."

"That's because you decided to change his alarm time, so he woke up at 2am." I reply, vividly remembering how annoyed and tired Seokjin looked, "Fine, I'll cover for you, but only because I'm nice."

Jungkook smiles, his nose scrunching up so that he looks like a bunny. We carry on down the aisle and when we reach the end, Jungkook spots something which makes his eyes widen.

"Noona, they have Gimbap! Can we get Gimbap?! I haven't had Gimbap in forever!"

I turn back to the Maknae, "Jungkook, we can make Gimbap back at the dorm when we have time. We don't need to buy Gimbap."

But one sad look from him, has me instantly sighing and nodding my head. Maybe I'm not as immune to cute charms as I think. Jungkook bounds over to the Gimbap and grabs a large amount, before running back over and putting them in the trolley.

"Right, I think that's it. Unless there's something else you want that's not on the list?" I ask, with a pointed look to the Kimchi and Gimbap, and Jungkook nods his head eagerly.

"Yoongi Hyung told me to get shrimp, for dinner tonight."

I frown at his words and scan my eyes down the list that Seokjin gave me this morning. There doesn't seem to be shrimps on my list, or any seafood at all. My frown deepens when I remember that both Jimin and Namjoon don't eat seafood.

"Jungkook, are you sure he said shrimps? Because Joon and Jimin don't eat seafood."

"He said shrimps. Jimin Hyung is going out with some friends who've just come back from overseas tonight and..........." Jungkook trails off, as if he's got something else to say, but isn't allowed to say it. A small flicker of panic crosses over his face, which I catch and I suddenly get the impression that there's something going on. I decide to let it pass, since I'm sure I'll find out later today.

"Alright then, well if you go get shrimps, I'll meet you by the checkouts." I say and Jungkook nods his head, running back off into the maze of aisles, leaving me there slightly confused.

What's happening tonight?

***

We reach the dorm, Jungkook pulling the car smartly into the garage. Just as I go to unbuckle and get out, Jungkook turns to me and starts to speak, an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face.

"Noona, I just want to say that if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm always happy to listen." At my puzzled expression, he explains, "I know you've been trying to hide it Noona, but the Hyungs and I have been noticing that you sometimes seem a bit distant. Whether it's something to do with work or your family back in the Uk we don't know, but we've all been trying not to say anything. I know that you've only been living with us for a few months, but I want you to know that you're family Noona and we don't like seeing you upset."

Jungkook's sudden words leave me speechless, but I nod my head all the same. It never struck me that the rest of the group would notice that I've been down and my heart warms now, knowing that they truly care about me.

"Thank you Kookie. And I want to thank you and the rest of the guys for being so accepting of me, since you've all been together for over seven years and then I've just come barging into your little family. I'm glad that I've made new friends and family here in Korea, and I just want to say that the same applies to you, if you need to talk to anyone." I reply and another bunny smile lights up his face.

"Come on, let's get this shopping into the dorm." I say, but Jungkook shakes his head.

"Don't worry about the shopping Noona, go and find Namjoon Hyung."

My eyebrows furrow at these words and I go to ask why, but Jungkook stops me with a knowing grin. I close my mouth and give Jungkook one last questioning look, before getting out of the car. I make my way to the front door, but as I go to open it, I find that it's already open. Pushing it open, I find two suitcases next to where Bangtan's shoes are. There are footsteps behind me and I turn around to find my soulmate walking towards me, a bright smile on his lips.

"Joon, what's going on?" I ask, as he places a kiss to my cheek and goes to pick up one of the suitcases, "And why are you only taking one suitcase, you can easily carry two?"

Namjoon turns to me and I tilt my head up so that I can see his expression properly, as he's so close.

"Last time I tried to carry two at once, I managed to break both. I'm trying the slow, but hopefully less damaging method of just taking one at a time." He says and moves to go out of the front door, but I speak.

"You didn't answer my first question."

Namjoon looks back at me, a heart-stopping dimpled grin on his beautiful features and suddenly I don't care what his answer is, if he'll just keep on smiling at me like that.

"You'll see." He says and sends me a wink.

My cheeks heat up in a blush, as I watch him step outside and for a few seconds, all I can do is stand there flustered. It's only Jungkook's arrival, his arms ladened with shopping bags, that jolts me out of my daze. He moves past me, dodging the rows of shoes and I decide to help Namjoon, picking up the remaining suitcase. I walk out of the door, suitcase secured in my arms, and a few seconds later I spot Namjoon. His eyes widen when he sees the suitcase in my hands and he hurries to me, pulling the luggage out of my arms.

"Nope, you're not allowed to help."

When I give him a confused look and try to reach back for the suitcase, he lifts it out of my reach. I pout grumpily, knowing that I'm never going to get it back now, as Namjoon is so much taller than me. Namjoon just smiles down at me and turns around, going back the way he came, suitcase in his hands. A few minutes later, he comes back and I fix him with a look. One glance down at my expression and he knows that I'm not going to move until I get a explanation. Namjoon sighs, running his hand through his hair and when he looks at me, there's a sad smile on his face.

"Well, I wanted it to be a surprise........" He trails off, looking immeasurably upset and I instantly back track, pulling my soulmate into a hug.

"Alright Joonie, I won't ask. It can be a surprise." I pull back, Namjoon's face now lit up with a substantially happier smile, "Just promise me you're not going to kidnap me or anything."

It's meant to be a joke, but the smile melts off Namjoon's face and I realise what I've just said.

"Oh god, I didn't mean that." I say quickly, but the effect is already done. Namjoon's pulled me back into a engulfing hug which is protective and slightly too tight, but I don't protest as I'm silently kicking myself. After what happened with Henry and the whole thing with saying that Namjoon wasn't good enough for me, comparing him to the person I know he hates with a passion, is a bad move.

When did I become so insensitive?

"Ash," Namjoon's voice is low and thick with emotion, "I would never do anything like that, you know that right? I respect you as a free person and I don't own you in any way. I just like to surprise you, because it's how I show my love for you and if it's too much or it reminds you of what happened, then please tell me. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, so please tell me. I'm not upsetting you, am I?"

He moves back, so he can see my face and I'm surprised to realise that I'm crying. I had thought I had hurt him, but it turns out that he was worried about me and thought he had upset me. I cry harder as I see the genuine, raw concern in his dark eyes and all I can do is shake my head. I don't want him thinking that he's done something wrong, when the truth is that I love his surprises and I respect that's how he shows his affection. I know that he feels bad about having such a hectic schedule and this is his way of reassuring himself that he's being a good boyfriend and soulmate.

"Baby, please tell me if I've done anything wrong? I can't bear to see you cry like this." Namjoon's eyes are already filling with tears and this just doubles my misery. I guess this is what Jungkook was talking about, with me being distant. Never have I ever been so insensitive before and I know now that this worrying and stressing about finding my father has controlled me too much. I gather up my courage and muster a smile through my pain.

"No J-Joon, you did nothing wrong. It's m-me who's wrong, I've b-been so distant with you and t-the rest of the group, all because I've been s-so stressed about my stupid f-father. I'm sorry I've b-been like this and I p-promise I'll be better from now on."

Namjoon shakes his head, "Ash, you don't have to be sorry about all of that. You don't have to be perfect all the time and it's alright to be off sometimes. Just please tell me if I ever upset you in any way."

"J-Joonie," I start, more tears pooling in my eyes, "I love y-your surprises and you h-have nothing to worry a-about. Y-you've never upset me and i-if you did, you'd n-notice."

My soulmate nods and presses a kiss to my forehead, before pulling me back into his embrace. I lean my head against his chest, letting his shirt soak up all my tears and before I know it, my breathing is stabilizing and I feel better than I have in weeks. Namjoon lets go of me and steps back, a small smile on his lips and I have a sudden urge to just lean up and kiss them. I give into this urge easily, rising up onto my tiptoes and kissing him sweetly.

Namjoon reacts immediately, a hand wrapping around my waist, bringing me closer as I kiss him. Through this kiss, I try to convey my passion, my emotions and my apologies, and by how Namjoon kisses me back, I know he understands. His mouth is warm, soft and intoxicatingly sweet, making my head spin like it always does. His free hand finds mine and gives it a small squeeze, whilst his lips capture mine with an exhilarating power and in this moment, I've never felt more loved. All of the past worries I've had, all of the bad experiences, seem to just disintegrate in my mind and suddenly everything is clearer.

Namjoon completes me and I will never love anyone like I love him. He is the only one.

My free hand reaches up and tangles in his hair, pulling him further down so I can kiss him deeper. Tilting my head, I deepen the kiss, blissfully enjoying this tender moment and never wanting it to stop. But I have to pull away, as I'm starting to struggle to breathe and one look at Namjoon's face, tells me he knows what he's doing to me. A beautiful grin spreads across his face, making his eyes sparkle and I can't help but reciprocating the expression. The only thing that makes this moment better, is the warmth growing in my right wrist.

Namjoon looks down at his wrist, just as I look down at mine and I see the familiar purple glow around my soulmate tattoo, a sight which fills me with happiness to the core.

"Ash," I look back up at him, "I love you."

I'm sure that my eyes are practically pouring adoration, as I answer.

"I love you too Namjoon." Not Joon, or Joonie this time, just Namjoon. Saying it almost reminds me who this amazing man is, the person that I've been fortunate to fall in love with. This time, instead of feeling insignificant and unworthy of his affection, I just feel special and proud. It feels right, to be with him and I'm sure that if someone right now tried to tell me otherwise, I'd just be able to ignore them. Just as I go to speak again, Namjoon's eyes find something behind me and they widen, his hand falling from my grip. I turn around, to find Jungkook and Seokjin standing by the front door, stock still and both blushing madly.

"W-We didn't want to interrupt." Jungkook states, his voice quiet and I belatedly remember that he's still getting shopping out of the car.

Strangely, I don't feel flustered about them seeing us kiss and when I turn back around to Namjoon, I grin when I see the colour on his cheeks. Although it seems like I've gotten over the guys seeing us, they're still his family and it's still embarrassing for him.

"Come on Joonie, I think we have somewhere to get to." I say and Namjoon jolts out of a daze.

"S-Sure, let's go."

We head down to the back entrance, leaving the two members behind and once we pass through the door, I find that there's a taxi waiting patiently there for us. Namjoon's hand finds mine again and he leads me over to the taxi. He opens the door, letting me get in and then gets in behind me. After a word with the driver, we set off to the unknown destination and I still don't know where we're going. I turn to Namjoon, only to find him staring at me. It seems he's read my mind and without me even needing to say anything, he speaks.

"We're going to Ilsan." He says softly, "That's where we're going. Ilsan."

---------------------------

{Impossible is just an opinion – Paulo Coelho}

Thank you for 1.3K! 

QOTD: Favourite BTS MV?

Mine is probably the ON Kinetic Manifesto Film (I know it's not technically an MV). On was my first comeback, and I remember watching the countdown for it and then watching it on repeat all day!

Alys xx