The Reunion Special (Segment 4)

BODIES OF WATER
S1 E30 - Reunion Special
Close Captioned • Recorded Live

*COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT OF TELEVISION BROADCAST*

[Studio audience applauds. Cora and Jamie are seated onstage on a couch, with host Danna Morton standing opposite.]

HOST: Tell us, Jamie. Of all the games and challenges you and Cora took part in, which one was your favorite?

JAMIE: That's easy.

CORA: Which one?

JAMIE: Can't you guess?

CORA: [Shakes head]

JAMIE [To host]: You see? She still doesn't know a thing about me.

CORA: Ugh. No, I know the answer.

HOST: Would either of you care to enlighten the rest of us? Any time now, you two.

JAMIE: Isn't it obvious. Fact or Fake of course!

CORA: Fact. [Covers her face with her hands]

JAMIE: [Puts his arm around her, laughing] Go on then, Danna. Roll the clip!

[Fade in to a wide shot of Jamie and Cora seated on a pair of platforms, suspended above a large tank of water. A banner above them says the name of the game: Fact or Fake.]

CORA: [Looks at the water nervously] I bet Camilla-the-beach-babe loves the water. Are you sure you don't want to switch partners?

JAMIE: That wouldn't be very gentlemanly, would it?

CORA: Oh sure. I've noticed you're only chivalrous when it serves your purposes.

JAMIE: Quite. Would you like to hear the rules now?

CORA: The rules of chivalry?

JAMIE: The rules of this game!

CORA: Why are you in charge of the rules?

JAMIE: Because I have all the power in this relationship. Remember?

CORA: No, and I don't remember this [points back and forth between them] being a relationship.

JAMIE: Situationship. I stand corrected. Right then. [He clears his throat and reads off a large white card.] We each have a pile of cards. Each one contains a fact about ourselves and our lives outside this show, based on things we've said and information we provided in our bios during casting. We will take turns reading cards aloud to one another. However, we have the option of ignoring what the card says and inventing a lie instead. Then the other person has to guess: Fact or Fake.

CORA: And if we guess wrong? Dare I ask?

JAMIE: First one to three wrong answers goes for a swim in the tank. Ready?

CORA: No.

JAMIE: Go on. Ladies first.

CORA: [Picks up her first card and reads] I was born and lived most of my life in New York City.

JAMIE: Fact.

CORA: Too easy!

JAMIE: Now, now. Don't be a poor sport. [Picks up card, raises one eyebrow as he reads] My last name may not be Bond, but my father was once employed by the British intelligence service.

CORA:[Laughs] Fake. You'll have to be a little more convincing than that.

JAMIE: [Turns the card to show her] Sorry, love. That's one wrong answer for you.

CORA: What!?

JAMIE: Your turn.

CORA: [Stares at him in disbelief. Then shakes her head and picks up a card] OK. Fact or Fake: I have a younger sister named Alice.

JAMIE: Cora and Alice? Like the sisters from The Last of the Mohicans?

CORA: How do you know—

JAMIE: No, I think not. I'll say Fake.

CORA: Dammit!

JAMIE: No one likes that book. Certainly not enough to name their children after it.

CORA: Fine. I liked the movie though.

JAMIE: Wasn't it extremely problematic?

CORA: Yes, but I was a kid, and there aren't
a lot of movies where the main character's name is Cora.

JAMIE: Hmmm. It didn't make much impression, I'm afraid.

CORA: You mean you can't rattle off a movie quote from memory?

JAMIE: I seem to recall a scene where Cora was about to meet her maker, and various gentlemen were vying for the honor to be burnt at the stake in her stead.

CORA: One of them was a gentleman. The other most definitely was not.

JAMIE: And which one did you prefer?

CORA: The one she ended up with.

JAMIE: How instructive. I'll be sure to watch again the moment we get out of here. Now, the score is one-nil. My turn.

CORA: You do realize, a gentleman would dump himself into this water for me, instead of keeping score.

JAMIE: You only want me to act gentlemanly when it suits your purposes, I've noticed.

CORA: [Scowls at him] Chivalry is dead.

JAMIE: All the good men have long since drowned or burnt to a crisp. [Picks up his next card] Ready? This is a two-parter.

CORA: Oh no.

JAMIE: First, as a youth, I attended an exclusive boarding school in the Swiss Alps. And second, I once qualified to compete in a World Cup event in alpine skiing.

CORA: Alpine? That's the downhill kind?

JAMIE: Very good. A fellow connoisseur of the sport, I see.

CORA: Wasn't there some James Bond scene where he skis?

JAMIE: Yes, several. He enjoyed a good ski chase. But you're probably thinking of the opening from The Spy Who Loved Me. That's a classic.

[Jump cut to opening scene from The Spy Who Loved Me, 1977]

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

JAMIE: Go on. I'll give you a hint. Either both parts are Fact or both are Fake.

CORA: [Shakes head] Fake in that case. I might have said the boarding school was true, but the skiing thing is definitely fake.

JAMIE: That's two wrong for you, I'm afraid.

CORA: [Stares at him, open-mouthed] No way.

JAMIE: It must be fact. It's printed right here in black and white. [He hands her the card, and she reads it for herself.]

CORA: Who are you?

JAMIE: That is the question, yes.

CORA: [Picks up her next card] Oh. Um, this one says I was once engaged to be married.

JAMIE: [Stops smiling] They put that on a card?

CORA: Just answer, please. Fact or Fake?

JAMIE: Fake.

CORA: [Looks puzzled] But you know that one is true.

JAMIE: Is it? I'm not a very good listener. [He reaches across the gap and squeezes her elbow.] The score is two to one.

CORA: Did you just answer wrong on purpose?

JAMIE: [Clears his throat]

CORA: Stop being chivalrous, please. I prefer scallywags and scoundrels.

JAMIE: [In an exaggerated pirate's brogue] Arrr! One more wrong answer, and you end up in the drink.

CORA: Better.

JAMIE: Speaking of drinks, my next card says that my standard cocktail order is a Bombay Sapphire gin & tonic.

CORA: Fact.

JAMIE: Seriously?

CORA: I mean, Fake.

JAMIE: Is that your final answer?

CORA: No, Fact. I'll go with Fact.

JAMIE: [Sighs] Have you not noticed me ordering margaritas ever since we got here?

CORA: That's just because we're in Mexico!

JAMIE: Exactly. I don't have a standard drink order. I'm a man of the world and all that.

CORA: What's the fact on the card then? [She snatches it out of his hands, reads it, and looks at him curiously.] This is true?

JAMIE: Never mind. That's three wrong answers for you. Time to walk the plank.

[Cora opens her mouth to respond, but Jamie hits a lever on her platform. She falls into the water with a shriek]

[Laughter and applause from the studio audience. Cut back to live shot, with Cora, Jamie, and Danna Morton seated.]

HOST: We're all dying to find out what it said on that last card!

JAMIE: Alas, the world will never know.

HOST: Don't be difficult. You tell us, Cora.

CORA: [Shrugs theatrically] Gosh, I can't remember.

HOST: [Looks back and forth between them] A secret? Now I'm really intrigued.

CORA: Let's just say I felt foolish afterward. And not only because I got wet.

HOST: Why?

CORA: I may have misjudged him early on.

JAMIE: Don't judge a book by its cover, eh?

CORA: There are some kinds of people who only belong in books. They have no business existing in real life.

HOST: What kind of people are those?

CORA: You know, the beautiful people. The ones who operate on a whole different plane of existence from the rest of us mere mortals.

HOST: And that's what Jamie is?

JAMIE: Clearly not.

HOST: Too good to be true, you might say?

JAMIE: [Eyes host grimly] I only played the cards I was handed.

[Danna Morton stands and addresses the audience.]

HOST: Cora learned quite a lot of facts about our Jamie that day, didn't she? But, of course, that was before we found out that none of it was true...

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