pete

they wouldn't even let his mom back to see him.

I think a nurse said they were doing an emergency chemo and were going to attempt removing the tumor.

finally, a doctor called his mother's name and we rushed over to him.

he had a clip board in hand and a white lab coat like all classic and cliché doctors from movies and books. he had a sad look on his face.

"patrick has not improved at all from the tumor; he's actually gotten worse. there is officially no chance of removing it, it's grown too large," he states.

"how long?" patricia chokes out.

"he probably has just two months, two and a half at the most."

my jaw clenches in an attempt to keep from letting the tears that beg to fall out.

I look over at ms. patricia and she already has tears going down her face. she attempts to say something but all that comes out is a sob.

"he's asleep right now but you can go sit in his room, if you'd like. he's in room 93."

patricia nods and follows the doctor down the hall to the room patrick lays in. I of course follow.

the doctor messes with something on one of the machines he's hooked up to and leaves.

patricia slowly sits down on one of the chairs that was set beside the bed and lets her tears fall like river.

I put a hand on her shoulder, hoping to comfort her and I sit on the edge of patrick's hospital bed and put my free hand around his. his hands are cold.

"pete?"

I turn and look over at patrick and give him a small smile.

I can't help but notice that the way his beautiful blue eyes used to shine and sparkle is gone. now they're just a dull, but still beautiful, blue.

"are you okay?" he asks and I lean down to press a kiss to his forehead.

he brings his hand up to my cheek and wipes a tear I didn't know fell. "yeah I'm okay. what about you? how's your head?"

he shrugs and stares out window that was in his room.

"same as always," he says in a bitter tone. I frown and squeeze his hand.

"it'll be okay, 'trick. did the--"

"it's not gonna be okay! don't you get that!?" he shouts suddenly. "I'm never gonna be a normal boy I'm never gonna get better again!!"

"you will," I insist.

"no, I won't. stop trying to act like I'm not dying, pete. I'm fucking dying and you're trying to act like I'm not."

I stare at him in shock for a moment.

"don't you think it hurts me to know I'm dying? that you're the last person I'll ever meet and be friends or something more with? that when I die you'll just move on and love somebody else when I'm stuck six feet under the dirt? don't you know it hurts!?" he shouts again. "I'm sorry," he says in a whisper.

I wipe my eyes and move around the bed and his mom to hold him in my arms.

"I'm not gonna love anybody else the way I've loved you, patrick. you're one of a kind. just because you're gone doesn't mean your memory won't still be here and it will carry on. and we'll carry it on, we'll keep your memory going. I'll never forget you, Patrick Stump."

patrick stares up at me, his mouth hanging open. I smile a little and close his mouth with a finger. he smiles a little and leans up to kiss me.

I kiss back and completely forget his mother was still in here watching us quietly.

patrick pulls away when he needs air and lays his head on my chest. he sighs softly and I wrap my arms around him, holding him close.

"hi mom," he says shyly. patricia smiles and waves at her son.

I can tell she's scared to talk, that if she does more tears will come and I can also tell she's afraid to cry in front of patrick.

I look back at patrick. "how're you feeling?" I ask.

patrick looks back over at me and shrugs. I sigh and grab his hand in mine and give a small squeeze.

patrick gives a small squeeze back. I smile a little and bring our hands to my face and press a kiss to the back of his hand.

a knock on the door startles us three and we look over to it just as his doctor walks in.

"hey, guys," he says as he checks all of patrick's monitors and such. "there's nothing we can do here, so unless you want to stay, you can go home now."

I look over at patrick and he nods. "I wanna go home," he whispers.

"alright. just take it easy for now. miss stump, if you'd please follow me and sign patrick out," the doctor says and leads patricia out of the room after he unhooks all the machines from patrick.

I help patrick sit up and I grab his street clothes for him. he instructs me to turn around as he changes from the hospital gown and into his clothes.

"petey," he says and taps my shoulder.

I turn around and smile at him before kissing him on his soft lips. he moans and tangles his fingers with my hair and I put a hand on his back to pull him closer.

I pull back and smile at his red, swollen, kissed lips. he pouts and I tug on his bottom lip a bit and let go.

"carry me!" he exclaims and jumps onto the bed.

I laugh and turn around so he can jump on my back. once he gets on I hook my forearms under his thighs to hold him up and he grabs his phone and mine.

"ready?" I ask.

"yeah," he answers. "I really hate hospitals."

"I'm beginning to hate them too."