BRO EGO IS FRICKIN' INSANELY GOOD! I actually can't deal🥺

///

A few days have past.

Small few days which felt long enough to be a week.

And low and behold, it was Christmas Day.

Your surroundings didn't exactly look festive as you had little to no decorations. You remember the Christmas's as a child, back when your mother was alive, and their would be every type of Christmasy ornament in the building. But since then, you had sold your old Christmas decorations as you were at the point where money wasn't even money tight, it was non existent.

You had an old Christmas candle that was cinnamon scented, a tablecloth with candy canes on it and a box full shiny tinsel.

You didn't have a tree to hang the tinsel on so you would put it around door frames and mirrors around the house. As for the tablecloth, you put it on the coffee table in the living room with the candle sitting on top of it.

And that was the extent of your decorations.

You had went to a supermarket yesterday and bought turkey burgers for your dinner today as there was no point in buying a really expensive turkey for only you to eat.

You woke up at around ten and walked downstairs to turn on the television and hopefully see a good Christmas movie.

You turned on the oven, ready for the make-shift turkey.

You were happy to see the grinch was being played.

"Merry Christmas to me I guess"

///

Jimin woke up to the sound of his mother walking into his bedroom, beckoning him to wake up and walk with her.

She insisted that he held her hand as they walked through the hallways of the house as he used do as a young child.

"For old times sake. It'll make me feel young again" she smiled and Jimin nodded tiredly. "You're still my little boy, you know that"

"Of course I do" he yawned.

Ever since he came home, Jiyun has been desperate to know how things ended between you and him. Not only that, but also the cast on his arm and the bruised cheek.

But she has bitten her tongue back longer enough.

She led him outside to the garden and brought him over to the gazebo.

That damn gazebo where all that time ago he had kissed you and you had kissed him back.

Your first ever kiss.

His love confession that he had been longing to say.

It had good memories, possibly one of the best, but now coming back to this spot in the worst state of mind was doing him no good.

She had brought him to it and sat him on the bench under the sheltered roof.

"Darling, you know I love you but I've got to say you're so annoying when you don't tell me things" she began. "I'll start off easy, what happened with your arm and face?" She asked.

"I got mad and hit a lamppost and then I went to a stripclub with these guys who are on the dance team with me and I got piss drunk and fell outside onto the concrete, face first" he said not covering over any details.

Was he embarrassed? Of course he was.

He just admitted to his own mother that he went to a strip club.

But there's no point in shading over stuff. He's done a lot of crappy things over the past few weeks and there's no changing it now, so he'll be honest.

"Is that why you're not together with-"

"Oh no, she even stuck around after that, can you believe that? How perfect can a person be to give you another chance after something like that? And still after another chance I blew it" he rolled his eyes.

"So what happened between the two of you then?" She asked softly.

"Mom I cant even begin to tell you the amount of mistakes I've made over the past few months. I've changed almost completely" he admitted with a voice ridden with guilt.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you know I started smoking? Because I did. And if you ask if I've ever been stoned before, I can assure you that you wouldn't like the answer I give you. I don't take care of myself and I've been neglecting y/n too. Now why would I, the one who was willing to anything for y/n's happiness alone, neglect her in anyway shape or form? That's not me! I have no fucking clue what has happened to me" he sighed, his eyes weeping tears as he spoke.

Jiyun remained silent, utterly shocked at what she had just heard. She gulped. The woman never thought that Jimin would turn into the man Jimin had just told her about.

Of course something was bound to happen. He had been put through and awful lot from a child to only a few months ago.

She's actually surprised he didn't snap sooner.

Maybe the university life independence messed him up a little bit.

Strip clubs - boys will be boys, what can she do about that.

Getting high - he was bound to be adventurous and curious at some time.

The cigarette addiction - probably started off with curiosity, she presumed, but the fact that he must of had one too many at some point and got addicted disappointed her. That's going to be an impossible habit to brake.

Neglecting you - she'll never wrap her head around. From that day Jimin came home all those months ago and he was smiling like a psycho on steroids because he met someone different, she knew life wouldn't be the same.

When you were first brought up into conversation by Jimin to his mother, she knew he was a goner. He was completely devoted to you since day one when he walked into that cafe and saw you working away busily.

He then continued to go to that cafe to see you and then one day he finally managed to gain the courage to talk to you and once he got a taste of your personality he was hooked.

Unable to stay away.

She'll never understand how he managed to hurt you.

But in the end, he did and Jiyin will just have to move on with that.

"And you have no idea what triggered all this?" She asked softly and Jimin sighed.

"I felt like everything was piling up above me and about to fall to crush me" he tried to explain. "Between schoolwork, trying to go to every party I could because my friends were going and trying to be with y/n as much as possible. I just cracked and now look where I am" He said defeatedly looking down.

"Maybe this separation is good" Jiyun admitted and Jimin's head snapped in her direction.

"How? How could the best person in the entire world being separated from me be a good thing?" He asked with an annoyed tone.

"Well darling, you said it yourself. You're stretching yourself out to far between everything that you're doing. Being with y/n was being put in the way of your other activities"

"Are you insinuating that going to parties is more important than y/n?" He quirks an eyebrow.

"Are you? Because that's how it came across to me. It sounds to me like going to strip clubs and getting drunk and high seem more important. Oh as well as smoking cigarettes" she spoke honestly, hoping to show Jimin himself what he's thinking like.

"They're not more important! Nothing is more important" he exclaimed, standing up from the seat and walking a few steps away.

"Then why did you treat her as if she was less important?" She questioned.

"Because I'm a dumbass and I lost my train of thought for awhile" he murmured to himself with a deep frown edged onto his features.

"But because of that, because you were acting so pathetically, you lost her" she ruthlessly spoke. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to stop smoking and going to parties" he admitted.

"The smoking I agree with, but you don't necessarily have to stop going to parties. Just tone it down a little maybe only go to one a week or something" she encouraged and Jimin nodded.

"Then I have to make it up to y/n somehow" he sighed.

"And you have to talk to people when you have problems, you can't handle everything by yourself" she stood up and walked toward him bringing him into a gentle hug.

"You miss her already don't you?" Jimin asked.

"I do" she admits softly. "Ever since she came into your life and I heard about her mother and how she has no one else besides you, I felt like I should watch over her. I felt as if I had to do that for her mother even if she's no longer with us, I know she'd appreciate it" she spoke softly. "That poor girl has been through way too much and so have you" she admitted to her son and he stood still.

"I can't believe I put her through more shit than she needed. She's been through enough" he said harshly.

"It's okay to go through your own problems, everyone does. Just don't push others away" she advised and Jimin sniffled lightly while nodding. "Okay, we'll just forget about this for now and continue our Christmas Day celebrations" she smiled and Jimin agreed and began walking with his mother.

///

"Oh shit! My turkey burgers!" You exclaimed as you paused the YouTube video you were watching on your phone and ran into the kitchen.

You were sucked into the portal of YouTube that is watching rich people move house and binging their moving-in videos.

Top notch content if you ask me.

But because of this, you completely forgot about the turkey burgers that you weren't exactly excited to eat, but you wanted to keep up with festivity's.

You ran out to the kitchen and saw that the meat you were cooking was in fact black and burnt.

You landed the tray on top of the oven and sighed.

"Great, what am I going to eat now?" You asked yourself.

You wanted to make sure that you get into some sort of a good shape when you see that doctor in a few weeks.

You ended up just having pop tarts, as there was only bare minimum in the house.

After an absolutely filling Christmas dinner, you decided to go on your annual stroll.

In this stroll, you end up at the graveyard with a Christmas wreath in hand.

So you headed out, hands being kept warm in your coat pocket as you passed by the usually noisy neighborhood that was now quiet.

Everyone was at home celebrating with family and friends.

You looped the wreath, that you got at the market when getting a few bits, around your arm.

You entered the graveyard after walking the distance from the house.

You past various people in the cemetery. They were visiting their lost love ones and as were you.

You made your way down a gravel path, graves scattered on either side of you. You tipped your head slightly at people whenever they passed you.

You turned off the gravel path and your way down a grassy isle in front of the graves.

You eventually found yourself in front of your mothers grave, staring blankly at the letters carved into the wooden headstone.

You couldn't afford a stone or marble headstone, so your only alternative was wood.

And it was already in bad condition. The wood was rotting and warped and the writing was beginning to ware away to a non-legible state, but you had the words learned off. Knowing each sentence that was written, it was engraved into your brain.

You hesitantly walked around the small plot and took any weeds or unwanted leaves off before placing the wreath gently on it.

You then sat at the foot of it and contemplated quietly as the wind blew your hair astray from your face.

You liked to stay for a few hours, thinking and occasionally talking as if your mother could hear what you were saying.

It's a hard holiday to go through. Christmas, that is.

But with the little traditional seeing your mom for a few hours, it helped get the day over with.

No scary dad.

No loneliness.

Nothing that could go wrong.

Except this year the thing that was different was the loneliness.

It's hard to go through loneliness when you had no one but when you have someone and then lose them, the loneliness is almost unbearable.

Two different types of loneliness and you're sad to say that you've experience both far to many times.

The loneliness you felt while living with your father was hard to live with.

But having someone like your mother one holiday and not having her the next is excruciatingly difficult.

And now you are back at square one, celebrating this same god for sakes holiday after losing Jimin.

You blamed it on yourself. After you lost your mother, you promised yourself to just get yourself through school and college by yourself. Then, once your in a stable place in your life you can open yourself up to a relationship.

You broke your own rule. Now you're sitting in the same position as last year and the year before that, only this time, as per the reasons mentioned above, you were broken.

So god damn fucking broken.

///

"Thanks for everything mom and Merry Christmas" Jimin smiled half-heartedly, still not in the best mood after the talk he had with Jiyun.

"No problem darling, Merry Christmas"

Jimin looked around at all the clothes he had just received. He didn't want anything else because he didn't need anything.

His eyes fell on one last thing that was wrapped under the tree.

"Oh, what's that?" Jimin asked reaching over to get it, only for Jiyun to snatch out of his hands.

"That's nothing" she admitted nervously.

Jimin eyes her skeptically and took the small present from her hands before ripping it open.

There was a series of documents inside and Jimin was confused as to what was written on them.

"Mom, what's this about re-doing a headstone on a grave?" He asked.

She sighed shortly before replying. "Well, I wasn't sure what to get y/n for Christmas that would be meaningful-" she shrugged slightly.

"You want to re-do her mothers grave?"

"Well....yeah" she admitted. "I contacted the undertakers for the cemetery and gave her name and they told me where it was so I went to see it and now I was to re-model it for her" she admitted with a small smile.

Jimin was in shock.

"Does she know?" Jimin asked.

"No" she said, kneeling down beside him. "It was supposed to be for you to give to her from the both of us" she admitted awkwardly.

Jimin nodded and fiddled with the paper a little bit.

"Obviously I understand if you don't want to give it to her, it was just a thought at the time. I know how important her mother was to her and I felt like by doing this it may be something more valuable than any other gift that you could get her" she spoke softly.

Jimin smiled gently.

"If you don't want to give it to her anymore-" Jiyeon started, beginning to reach for the piece of paper.

"-No I want to. I'll just fix some things firstly" he interrupted, taking the paper out of his mother's reach.

His mothers faced twisted into one of surprise.

Pleasant surprise.

"You're gonna try fix it?" She asked hopefully.

Jimin turned to face her completely.

"You don't think I'm going to leave someone like that jut walk out of my life. That's like purposely leaving a winning lottery ticket on the side of the street" he spoke genuinely.

"She's my one in a million"

TBC

A/N: Not that anyone cares, but I touched Dr. Phils son when he crowd surfed at the concert on Friday.

The guitarist at the concert replied to my dm on Instagram.

And the Jonas brothers made eye contact with me and my friends like twenty times.

So yeah, it was like the best freaking day ever.

This was how close I was hehe I only paid €80 for my ticket and I was in the second row. I still can't believe it lol.

Lots of love xx