Cassian

"What the fuck is your problem!" Cassian yelled, flinging his arms out as they slammed into the ground. "One minute you're perfectly happy to flirt with our Isabella and the next you're a Cauldron damn ice wall!"

"You wouldn't understand." Azriel glowered, stalking the length of the small clearing in front of the mountainside cabin.

He doesn't know how long they stand there, in the forest on the mountain side. It had been their place once upon a time. Surrounded by towering pine trees and backed against the Illyrian steppes, it was the perfect split between Velaris and Illyria. There was a small lake an hour's walk away and a village two hours past that.

For a while Cassian just let the memories flow over him. Of bonfires and dancing and days spent in the summer sun. They had a life here. One away from the others and their friends– their family. They trained, played stupid board games, read books and had some of the best sex of his life here.

They were domestic here. This was their getaway. Their little love nest as Morrigan would call it if she ever found out.

Slowly the dying sun bled away to dark skies and heavy clouds. The scent of cold rain slowly permeates the air as Azriel seems to become aware of Cassian once more. It seems the walk down memory lane wasn't just one sided.

A gentle patter of rain fills the silence and their gazes meet. They're doing this then. Cassian sighs, unable to consider backing down after all the drama. No, they have to end this now. Get on the same page so they can tell Isabella the truth. He won't be another male lying to her and he won't allow Azriel to hide in the sand either.

"Having us walk through the 'Harem Neighbourhood' was a nice touch. I had thought you would avoid it but it seems you're all for forcing your views onto others." Azriel drawals and Cassian closes his eyes for a moment, trying to ignore the male before him. So what if he had intentionally spent the day showing Isabella the key points of their culture. It's not like it was his fault mates and Poly relationships were a major cultural difference between the fae and humans. "Putting that cottage on the list was a nice touch though."

Cassian tensed at the bitter tone but he didn't let his doubt show, hardening his voice as he stared down the shadowsinger. "I thought you would appreciate Isabella living so close to your mother."

"No one knows where Adira lives."

"Well I'm not fucking stupid and we were together for over two centuries."

"Were we?" The whispered words were like a knife to Cassian's heart. The defeated look in Azriel's unguarded eyes was worse. "Because I don't recall us ever being a couple. I remember stolen moments, hidden looks and blatant lies."

"Don't blame this all on me."

"Oh I'm not." Azriel scans him from head to toe. "It's both of our faults, we were living in fear."

"We have a chance now." Cassian's voice is hoarse but he holds Azriel's unwavering gaze.

"Isabella would suggest otherwise."

"She would understand."

"She doesn't even know about the matebonds she has."

"And whose fault would that be?" Cassian couldn't help but snarl at his former lover. "You spent the whole time interrogating her."

"Because there was more important information to be sought." He hissed, stepping closer. "Did you not want to know if this Simone–"

"Saul–"

"Fucking whatever." Azriel snapped in his face and Cassian's power began to sing. "Did you not want to know if this male would come back for his lover, hmmm? For his child?"

"Of course I did." Cassian snapped, getting closer to the male. "But it would be her choice. Not that you give her much of a choice when you don't give her all the damn options."

"What if I don't want to be an option on some bitches platter."

Azriel is flying back into the mud before he can even blink. Cassian vaguely feels the mud and rain begin to soak into his leather armour. Fucking Illyrian weather to match their mood it seems.

"Don't you ever call her that!" He roared, hands gripping the collar of Azriel's armour, tugging him up so their faces are inches apart. "Don't fucking bullshit me about not wanting her either."

"What if it's not her I want." He states, shoving Cassian off to the side before whirling to his feet. "What if I wanted it to be just us."

Cassian is on his feet, staring at the shadowsing before his words even register.

"What if I just want us to stay as we are? What if I just want it to be us."

"You can't," Cassian whispers, feeling the rain slide down his face. "Because I can't do that to her."

"But you can do it to me."

"Why can't you have both of us?"

"Because it doesn't fucking fucking work that way." Azriel snapped, power flaring and thunder echoed in response. "We don't get to have nice things in life Cassian." He hissed but Cassian remained silent, letting the usually quiet male say all that he needed to say.

"We don't take care of good things, Cas." His voice had gone hoarse and Cassian felt his throat bob in response. "Rhys' sister, his mother– the woman who took us in, mother above, Rhys himself and all the other opportunities for happiness that we squandered."

He watches the shadowsinger. The shaking in the male's scared hands, the tremor in his voice and pain in his eyes. He didn't know what to say. What to do to make it all better.

"We would be better just the two of us. The only people who should be getting hurt because of us, is us." Azriel's pleading now, eyes begging for Cassian to understand. "We don't need to bring Isabella into this. She doesn't deserve the kind of life we would bring her."

Cassian swallows down his nerves, closing his eyes for a second as he acknowledges the truth of Azriel's words.

"No she doesn't but she also doesn't deserve the life she has." He states, tongue darting out to wet his lip as he thinks through his next words. "And we deserve to be happy too, Azriel."

The male scoffs, turning away and Cassian instinctively steps towards him.

"We do, whether you want to accept it or not. We have done some shit things but we have also helped so many people, are helping so many people." It's his turn to plead with the male now. "Sure, we're not perfect but who is in this world? We're certainly better than half the bastards in Illyria."

"That a really fucking low standard."

"Well it's apparently the only one you'll listen to so accept it." Cassian snapped, glaring at the male who seemed to be running from happiness. "And from where I'm standing it seems like you care about Isabella a great deal."

"Of course I care about her, that's why I'm-"

"And what about Oliver?"

"What about him?" Azriel's voice had gone low, a sharp edge to his tone.

"Don't play dumb. The boy cares for you, and you him if those shadows of yours are anything to go by." Cassian gestured to the angry creatures that swirled around his friend. Their movements were sharp and heavy, more corpreal than the wisps his mate attributed them to.

"You know as well as I that the shadows make their own friends." Indeed he did. It seemed Azriel remembered that time as well. When those pesky little creatures would twine around Cassian's wrist and nip at his heels as he walked with Azriel. He had been close with them, as Isabella was with them now. Until the argument. "It wouldn't end well, Cassian."

It was the defeat in Azriel's voice that had Cassian's blood roaring. The slight curve of his shoulders as the strongest male he knew gave up.

"I'm tired Cassian." His throat clogged up, eyes burning. "This, all of this, you, me, Isabella... it's too much."

Cassian is too much. He's always been too loud, taken up more space than he should.

"I don't have anything left to give her." Azriel whispers, eyes glistening through the storming rain.

Cassian's throat bobbed. "But you want to be with me."

"I could give you everything." He whispers and Cassian's heart begins to race. "Everything and anything that I have to give would be yours."

He takes a stumbling step forward. Desperation claws at his lungs, tightening them until he feels as though he can't breathe. So close. He's so fucking close to having it all.

"I want you." His voice is hoarse and the hope that lights up Azriel's eyes breaks his heart. "And I want our family."

Azriel's lips begin to tremble.

"I want a home for us. A kitchen full of laughter, with a wooden table always full of food or paperwork or Oliver's drawings. I want a warm fire surrounded by soft chairs where we can sit and drink. A garden for Olvier to play in." Cassian continues to walk forward, heart beating out of his chest as Azriel remains frozen. "I want someone to hold. To be able to tell them about my day and to hear about theirs. I want Isabella's diplomatic opinions, her kind words and caring heart. I want your vicious truth and endless patience. I want you angry and sad and happy, I want to witness every moment of life with you and her by my side."

He should stop talking but the words continue to spill from his mouth.

"I want the three of us to take walks in the park, laughing about meaningless things." A step forward. "I want to listen to you reading bedtime stories for Oliver, for– for any other children we would have." A stuttering step but it's Azriel who steps forward this time. "I want to hold you when the nightmares get too much. I want to defend Isabella when those mortal men sneer at her. I want to put up with both sides of our ridiculous family."

They're shaking. Both of them. The rain has barely let up, still pouring down their bodies and soaking them to their bones.

"I want that life." He whispers, so close to azriel that he can feel his breath on his cheek. "I want that family."

Azriel leans forward, resting his forehead against Cassian as he stares into his eyes. Azriel scans his eyes for any sign of doubt, any lingering hesitation but he's spoken the truth.

Words he should have said decades ago.

"I cannot promise to love."

Oh but he already does. Cassian does nothing but smile. If Azriel would just have the patience for his own life then this would all work out. If he would just take a moment and accept the fact he deserves love then they wouldn't even be having this argument in the first place.

"Promise a chance." Cassian whispers, hands coming up to cup Azriel's face. "That's all I'm asking. For you to let me love you, and to give Isabella a chance to do the same."

The barest dips of a nod.

Then Cassian leaned forward and brushed his lips against Azriel's. It's the gentlest of touches. The rain makes everything so much colder but Cassian can feel the heat of Azriel's lips against his. The smoothness of his cheeks as he brushes a thumb along the Shadowsinger's sharp cheekbone.

Wonder and lust warred within Cassian. So long. It had been so fucking long since he had been with his Azriel. Since he had had him in his arms. So new and strange yet so familiar.

Azriel's pupils were blown wide. His touch feverish as his hands curled around the side of Cassian's neck. He leant forward, close enough that Cassian could feel Azriel's breath against his lips.

He was shaking. Panting with desire. Cassian felt frozen. Despite all his intentions Azriel still brought him to a stop. The way he dragged his gaze across Cassian's face. His cedar scent washed over him until it was all he could scent. All he could taste.

Azriel purred against the corner of his mouth. "Why don't we take this into the cabin."

A/N: How do we feel about Smut?