Want You Back // 5 Seconds of Summer

Micah

Panic. My brain is on overload and I don't know what thought to follow first.

I miss Charlie.

She has to forgive me.

She's moving away.

I latch on to that last one and attack it with everything I have.

"What does that mean, moving away?" I've already taken two steps in her direction and she's standing up ready to bolt.

No way.

"Tell me, Charlie."

"It has nothing to do with you." She crosses her arms like she's pissed but I see the worry in her eyes.

"Bullshit!"

Fuck, that was too loud. She winced.

"I'm sorry. I'll dial it down, but dammit talk to me." I refrain from full on pleading but I'm ready to get down on my knees and beg. She can't be moving away because of me, can she? Did I do this?

I watch as Charlie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Someone clears their throat. I glance around, remembering we're literally surrounded. I swallow my pride, not that I have any left, and approach her. I touch her bent elbow. The contact startles her eyes open.

"Can we talk outside? Please, Charlie. Don't do this. Don't leave me in the dark." What I don't ask is that she doesn't toss a lifelong friendship in the gutter because of one stupid night. One night that I regret with everything I am.

Not because I don't love her. I do. I love her so damn much I'm willing to give up the dream of being with her if it means I can still have her in my life. I'm not strong enough to live without her.

But that night was so wrong. I made every mistake because I was scared shitless to tell her how I feel. Instead I showed up drunk acting like I wanted to fuck her. It was a train wreck on every level and there's no way I can ever come back from it. I know it. I've accepted it. I just wish she would forgive me.

It's killing me that she won't.

"Let's go sit on the deck," she says.

The air returns to my lungs as I'm finally able to take a breath.

"Thank you," I whisper before turning and heading directly to the deck. No one in the room moves a muscle but I feel them watching me go. I sense Charlie following me at a distance but at least she's honoring her agreement. I open the sliding door and take a seat on a lounger, immediately standing back up to pace. There's no way I can sit through this.

Charlie walks out half a minute later with a bottle of water. She uncaps it and takes a drink. I stop my pacing, unable to take my eyes off her—nothing new—my gaze glued to her neck as she swallows. Knowing it's only going to lead to bad things, I avert my eyes and look at my feet, waiting.

Charlie leans against the deck railing, looking out across the creek and to the mountain range across from us. A minute, maybe more, goes by before she says a word. When she finally speaks, she breaks my heart.

"I'm moving to New York at the end of the summer."

Fuck. It feels like I just lost her. Something about the tone in her voice is like a slamming door.

"Why?" I have to know even if it kills me.

"It's time, Micah."

"Time." I repeat the offensive word. I hate it. Time to move on. Time to let go. Time to forget but never forgive. That's what I hear.

"I've been trapped up here my entire life."

"Trapped? What do you mean? We had all the freedom in the world up here. We went everywhere together."

"No. We went around Salt Creek together, not everywhere. You've been down the hill, living there, experiencing life outside of this place. Not me."

I nod but I still don't understand. "I've been gone a year at college, not traveling the world."

"Might as well be the world." She mutters.

"It really isn't. Fallbrook Hills is practically Salt Creek 2.0. It's not much bigger and the people are..." I rub my neck not sure how to describe it. A lot of shit went down this year. Matt went off the rails and Jeff, damn I can't even believe what he went through.

"What?" Charlie prompts me for more.

"Most of them are great, but they have their problems like anyone else. Not everyone will lend a hand like they do up here. Some people are downright assholes." I picture our quarterback, Reign, and his cronies. Their underground steroid usage wreaked havoc within our team. Even Coach was involved in trying to uncover their system. "You have to be careful who you trust."

And that's just another small town. Nothing like New York. I can't imagine having to navigate those unspoken social rules. Which makes me wonder...

"Why New York? Why not just move down to Fallbrook?"

"You said so yourself, it's just another small town."

"So?"

"So, I don't want to keep living a small life!"

"A small-town life?" I clarify.

She shakes her head. "No. A small life. Like I have been."

This is not what I expected. I can't help but feel hopeful that she's sharing this with me. It has to mean something. I take a chance and move closer to her. She doesn't move away so I test out touching her shoulder. When she still doesn't shy away from me, I feel victorious.

"You haven't lived a small life. You're one of the most important people in mine."

Charlie turns a glare at me. I have no idea what I did wrong, so I pull my hand away thinking maybe she realized I was touching her.

"I'm so important that you treat me like a hook up?"

I pale at her words. "No, honest. That's not what I was thinking."

"Were you thinking? God, Micah, you can't act like that then blow it off. I know you football gods think you can bang whoever you want, but to come at me like that?"

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I don't exactly have a good defense other than I'm hopelessly in love with her and too much of a chickenshit to tell her. Especially now, not with the way she's ready to skin me alive.

Nope. Nail in the Micah coffin for sure.

"Gio is one thing. The way he talks constantly about sex and hooking up like it's an Olympic sport and he's a gold medalist. At least I don't have a lifelong history with him."

I feel like I got hit with a bat. "Wait. What are you saying? Did Gio try to hook up with you?" Absolute possession fills every cell in my body. I don't care if he is my teammate, if he came on to Charlie, I'm going to fuck him up.

Charlie glares at me, hands fisted on her hips. "Who the hell are you to talk? You came on to me!"

"Answer my question. Did.He.Come.On.To.You?" My eyes narrow. A voice in my head tells me to back off, that I'm getting into a danger zone with her, but I can't stop myself.

Charlie shakes her head. "And here we are again. Neanderthal levels of stupidity, Micah. I'm done talking to you." She shoves past me and storms back into the house.

I still have no answers from her about anything but New York. There's something I'm missing. Some key to this decision she's made and based on the little she did tell me, I'm not the sole reason.

At least I fucking hope not.

She's nowhere near ready to finish this conversation with me, and I'm not either. There's one thing I can do, however.

Fuck up Gio.

I stomp into the kitchen, eyes peeled for any sign of the asswipe. He's not in the kitchen, not in the living room or the downstairs bathroom. In fact, the only person in sight is Jeff and the look he's giving me is not one of approval.

"You are playing a dangerous game, man." He looks back down to his phone. "She stormed upstairs and the girls all followed her. Your name is currently being dragged through the mud, so I'd steer clear if I were you. Calm the fuck down and try again later when your head is on straight."

"There's no game playing going on. Just a mission to kick Gio's ass. Where is he?"

"Why should I tell you?"

I burst from my spot in the hallway back to where Jeff is sitting pretty. He's the only target for my fuel so I let it burn in his direction.

"Because he made a pass at my girl." I keep the volume low but there's absolute fire in my tone. "He needs to shut this shit down and stop trying to bed every female on his radar."

Jeff raises a brow. "Your girl? Thought you were just friends, Micah. You've insisted she's just a friend from day one with us, remember?"

I close my eyes. "I know. And she is. At least...she was before last summer."

He leans forward. "What happened last summer?"

All of the fire, all of the energy drains from me. I sit on the couch next to him, no longer worried about finding Gio. I'll deal with him later. I'll talk to Charlie, after that. But right now, I need something. Someone. I've held this back from everyone for a year in shame. Maybe if I tell Jeff, one of the best guys I know, I'll get some clarity.

"That night of the concert I had plans. I was going to tell her how I felt. I was going to tell her in the most romantic display. Tell her how beautiful she was. How my heart was hers and hers alone. How I couldn't see my life without her. How I wanted to be with her."

"That's why you wanted her back at the cabin with us? You practically insisted she stay the night."

I nod. "When we were younger, like elementary school before boys and girls really know the difference and can still hang out without tension, we used to have sleepovers. I wanted to recreate that feeling. Some of my favorite memories are of staying up most of the night talking or playing video games with her. I realized in high school why that was." I look right at Jeff. "She's my person."

"Why haven't you said anything to her before?"

"I'm a coward." I lean back against the couch, my head hitting the wall behind me, but I don't even feel it. My heart hurts way worse.

"I agree."

I scoff.

"It sounds like you had a plan. What happened that night to ruin everything? Did she reject you?"

"Yeah she did, but I don't blame her. I wasn't myself."

"Explain."

Before I confess my biggest regret, I take a deep breath not really wanting to relive it. But the way I've handled it so far hasn't worked at all. Might as well try something different.

"We got here first. Charlie had to check on her sister and pack a bag. While I was waiting for her to get here, I couldn't take the nerves. Remember that Gio was originally planning to come with us but couldn't come at the last minute? I found a bottle of vodka in my bag he must have stashed there when I was unpacking. I took a shot to calm myself down. Then I took another one. I must have taken a few more without realizing, or I'm that much of a light weight, because by the time Charlie showed up, I was pretty much gone."

"I don't remember you being drunk,"

I give him a look. "You were pretty busy falling in love with Alison, or have you forgotten the night you met her?"

He smirks and rubs his jaw. "No. I have not."

"My point exactly. You were focused on her and I was focused on Charlie. I had a hell of a time getting her away from Misty. That girl has claws, I swear."

"Truer than you know." Jeff laughs.

"About an hour in, I finally talked Charlie into coming into my room. I wanted to have some privacy so I could talk to her. I'd planned to take her out on the deck, under the moonlight and the stars."

"Again, what went wrong?"

"Drunk. Didn't know what I was doing. I let my imagination run wild and thought maybe it would end up in my room anyway so why not just take the shortcut and start there."

"Oh, fuck."

"Exactly." I lean over and groan. "I fucked up so bad, there's no coming back. She'll never see me as anything but her friend who wanted to bang."

"You weren't down to fuck?" Jeff teases.

"That wasn't the plan. But I wouldn't have said no."

"Shit. Yeah I can see how that ended badly."

"You have no idea." I hate thinking of that night. At first my memory was fuzzy but as the days went on, and when Charlie refused to take my calls, I started putting the pieces together. Now that night haunts me.

I didn't want to wait another week because Micah's chapter was ready. ❤️ Hopefully the weekly updates can continue as I've been able to get some writing in every day.

Again, song choices were tough but Want You Back is really what Micah needed to say. 5SOS has so many breakup songs, I swear! Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo have nothing on them but these guys don't get dragged the way those women do...enough said.

https://youtu.be/EhSXsTSNDyo