The next day, Emoshy had to go to Everfree to fetch some fruits for her and Fluttershy, since the berries from this forest had always been the little pegasus' favorite. However, it hadn't been that long since she started going there alone, or going there at all. Being in that forest was a big trigger for Flare, and it had taken a lot of therapy for her to be able to go without Flare immediately taking control of the body.
The first few times she went there, even with therapy, Flare was co-fronting and more in control than her; to be able to go there alone now was a source of pride, proof that the system was doing much better than before, that they were stronger than ever... Well, just for Emoshy apparently.

- Why do we have to be here Emo' ? that grumpy Purity asked, still in his teen angst - nothing was preventing her from being in the inner world to take care of her garden instead of co-conscious. This is too creepy !
- Fluttershy asked me to look for fruits from the Everfree forest. the little pegasus thought, rolling her eyes. We do it every time that there is none left now.
- You should really stop being pathologically helpful ! Flare exclaimed harshly but not accusatively. You have the right to say that you don't want to this time, she will agree to come herself.
- I know, but now that we get there, we might as well do it. she thought, her answer assured. I mean, she does so much for us so, if I can do anything to help her, I do.
- You don't owe her anything Emo'. the crimson red pegasus reminded with a sigh. She was the one that decided to help us, to welcome us to her home, and we don't have to pay her back.
- I know but...
- If you don't listen to me, I'll call Glow ! Flare exclaimed mischievously. You wouldn't dare not listen to mom.
- ...Okay, I'll try to think about it next time. Emoshy thought, sighing at her concession - mostly because Flare laughed devilishly.

Once she had enough fruits with her, Emoshy decided to go home through the way of air. And while passing near Cloudsdale, while still inside of the territory of the forest, she heard a strange conversation... Well, not strange for the context; Everfree really was the perfect place to eavesdrop on conversations that ponies wanted to keep private. Everypony knew it, and yet they all still thought they were the exception to the rule when they spoke there.

- Seriously Stardust ?! Rainbow Dash exclaimed, enraged. You can't do anything right !
- I'm sorry mother, this won't happen again... Stardust said, lowering her head.
- It damn better be the case; when you grow up my job will be given to you, not to Thunderbolt or to Storm. her mother growled, rolling her eyes in exasperation. You have to take your responsibilities seriously or Equestria won't survive, and you don't have a second job that takes up half your time, so you have no excuse for your lack of improvement.

The Wonderbolt star then left for the weather factory without adding anything, followed closely by her filly. Not wanting to be taken for an eavesdropper, Emoshy hurried home before the other two pegasi saw her : for, indeed, she could have left as soon as she heard them, so she had no excuse and was filled with shame.
She had mentally berated herself the entire flight back to her cousin's cottage, only stopping once inside because she had to speak with said cousin. She had to tell her that Flare thought that she was forcing herself to go to Everfree, she had promised her... But she was still nervous about Fluttershy's reaction, even though she knew there was nothing to worry about.

- Uh... Fluttershy...? the little pegasus asked shyly, all the while giving the fruits to her cousin. The next time that we won't have any more of these, could you maybe go fetch these fruits by yourself ? Flare still doesn't like going to Everfree and I go there a little too often...
- Oh, okay, no worries angel. Fluttershy said, gently stroking her mane. You don't have to push yourself, I'm proud of you for daring to go, but if it hurts you I can go myself without any problem.

The little pegasus really didn't know why she had been so afraid of her cousin's reaction; she had always been the parental figure that supported her the most in her life - aside from Glow, of course. Fluttershy knew about her cousin's case of DID, having been there for the diagnosis, and had always done everything to make her feel at home, even if she was a little scared for Emoshy's future. She had always accompanied her when she had difficulties, congratulated her even if what she had finally achieved was something that everypony did with ease... She was the angel, not Emoshy.
She was ashamed of having doubted her cousin's natural kindness, was ashamed of having been afraid for nothing instead of having trust in her; it happened all the time, she was afraid of being hated for setting boundaries to in the end be completely understood by Fluttershy... So she quickly galloped away to her room without any further ado. Besides, it wasn't exactly like she was cowardly running away from the situation, since she had already planned to practice playing guitar since early in the morning.
These last few days, she was always playing the same tune, a song about struggling to find your place in the world - needless to say that it resonated with her a lot. She already knew it by heart, so she was trying her best to manage to play it without making a single wrong note, and she was almost there.

At the end of the day, the little pegasus remembered that stupid sleepover when she received the invitation to it. She didn't want to go, but she didn't want to disappoint her friends either... What excuse could she give them ? She didn't want to give the impression that she didn't like her friends, that she didn't care about spending time with them... But at the same time she knew that she just wasn't capable of making it through the evening.
At supper, she explained her doubts to Fluttershy, hoping she would decide for her; it was a bit selfish of her, but it would give a categorical answer to her friends if it was no. However, the latter told her that the choice was hers and that she should just sleep on it; it wasn't disappointing, but that wisdom was less practical than not having to have to self-inspect. Emoshy therefore went to bed, and fell asleep surprisingly quite quickly.

***

Everything was black, as if in a void. Cold but without any wind, without any sound around her... Empty, dark. Emoshy saw nothing; no wonder, there was nothing to see. There was no one around her, nothing at all, and it was deeply unsettling. The little pegasus didn't know what she was doing there, but she wanted to disappear right away. Suddenly, a voice broke the silence but, far from making this situation less sinister, it only made things worse.

- Aren't you happy with yourself, that was what you wanted, was it not ? a voice that Emoshy couldn't quite identify asked. None of this matters to you, you only think of yourself, you are a monster.

***

The little pegasus woke up with a start, shocked by the shivers that this dream had given her. She was in no way stranger to nightmares - most of her dreams were nightmares - but this one was different. They had never been that short and strange... And who exactly was this alien mare and who was she talking to ? The voice had been familiar, but different enough that she hadn't been able to recognize it. What was wrong with her...?

- Everything is fine Emo', you think too much, it was just a dream. Glow tried to reassure - even Glow visibly wasn't perfect then. Go to have breakfast, or if you need to have some rest I can take care of that while you stay in the inner world.
- It's okay, I can do it, don't worry. Emoshy thought, forcing a smile.

She decided to trust Glow rather than her instincts - the unicorn was older and knew better than her what wasn't normal - and thus didn't tell any other pony about her dream, whether it was to her cousin or to another alter. Instead, she went to have breakfast with Fluttershy, enjoying the fruits that she had picked the day before. She calmly chatted with her cousin about a light and pleasant topic; despite that odd beginning, it was a good day.
As she was going to go back to her room, maybe write some other music that she would only dare show to Ruby or to her cousin, someone knocked on the door and Emoshy went to open it after a moment of doubt. It was Pinkie 'Bot, she was waiting at the door with a patient smile.

- Hi Emo', would you like to have a stroll with me ? she offered, her smile widening to the point that her bolts could hardly bear it. You also like to walk, so I immediately thought of you.
- Why not, I have to take my mind off things... Emoshy said as she closed the door before following her friend.
- Take your mind off what ? the robotic pony asked, her previous joy turned into a worried pout. Do you have a problem ?
- No, no, I'm just a little... a little... I... started Emoshy, without really knowing how to finish.
- You're scared for tomorrow's sleepover. 'Bot guessed with an empathetic face.
- I-... began the pegasus, before being interrupted.
- There is nothing to be afraid of, I will make sure everything goes as best as possible. the pink robot continued with a genuine smile. I know the problem and I'll make sure no one sees you, I promise.

The little pegasus simply kept staring at her in astonishment; oh shit, how did she figure it out...? Actually, did she really know or did she just have a vague idea of what this could be ? In the end, in either case, Emoshy slowly realized that there was nothing to worry about, since her friend had just promised her to make sure that everything would be fine. Maybe 'Bot would even be the first pony that she would dare to tell her secret to, after all she seemed mature enough not to hate her for what she was.
It was a little reassured that Emoshy continued walking with Pinkie 'Bot, and the two friends continued to talk. They walked all around Ponyville and waved at any pony they met along the way. The discussion had been light-hearted, until the subject of lessons came up.

- Emo', have you already thought about your future job ? 'Bot asked, reminding Emoshy of her responsibilities.
- I'm not sure yet, I still have to think about it... the little pegasus whispered, scraping the ground with one of her front hooves.
- Remember, you have been 18 since May, you are a mare now and you will finish your studies this year, you have to think about your future. the robotic pony reminded her in a motherly tone.
- I know... And you 'Bot, do you have a project ? Emoshy asked, as much to change the subject as out of curiosity.
- I don't talk about it much at all, but I would like to become a little bit famous for the pastries my big sister taught me when I was a foal. said 'Bot with stars in her eyes - literally. Besides, when Dream will have her own apartment, I plan to make a little cafe out of her half.

'Bot had sometimes spoken vaguely about her big sister but, as she did with her past, she had never gone into detail. But this time, no pony dared to ask her anything about it, it wasn't only Emoshy that did it. The one time someone had asked her, she had immediately burst into tears while still trying to smile despite it all so as not to worry them, which was concerning enough that they all realized that this was far too sensitive of a subject for her - even talking about her little brother and sister never put her in such a state. Knowing that she hadn't seen her for a very long time was enough, no need for more.

- Hey Emo', you mentioned the sleepover to Fluttershy, didn't you ? 'Bot asked with a raised eyebrow, suspicious.
- Yes, she said that if I wanted to go, she wouldn't mind. Emoshy replied with a shy smile.
- Okay. Well, I'm going to have to leave you to go do some shopping. 'Bot said softly, since they had arrived at Fluttershy's house. See you tomorrow, 6 p.m. at my house; Dream and I will prepare everything !

The rest of the day passed normally for Emoshy, she went to her room and actually wrote some music. She had called it "my mind and me" and imagined lyrics about mental health awareness accompanying the melody; unfortunately, she wasn't as good at writing songs as she was at just writing the music. In the evening, she fell asleep peacefully.

***

At first, Emoshy thought she was back in the nothingness... But quickly, the little pegasus realized that she was instead inside of a dark room. This time there was a dim light that allowed her to see around her a little bit. Even though her whole body was paralyzed, she knew that there were many bats on the ceiling because she heard them making almost imperceptible sounds to find their way through the room. The floor felt like stone to the touch and so did the walls, but the rest was shrouded in shadow. The voice reverberated once again, still just as frightening.

- Aren't you happy with yourself, that was what you wanted, was it not ? asked the voice with an enraged tone. None of this matters to you, you only think of yourself, you are a monster.

***

Emoshy woke up with a start once again; she had had the same bad dream as the previous night but it was more specific than it had been before, it was definitely not normal... But it was still not weird enough to worry Fluttershy because of a stupid nightmare, so she did not mention it to anyone once again. Her day was pretty normal, but she was getting more and more stressed as the hours passed. She was twice as anxious as she had been on all her previous end-of-year tests when she read 5:47 p.m. on the clock.
However, she really had nothing to be anxious about : she had prepared her sleeping bag, her personal belongings and her outfit since she had had breakfast to be sure that she hadn't forgotten anything - and had even checked it a good dozen times to be really sure. But she wasn't able to think of that sleepover without the stress getting right back as if she hadn't prepared anything at all yet. And it was hard not to think about it when ponies that you share thoughts with were kept just commenting on it; fortunately this trigger would disappear as soon as this damn evening would be over.

- It's going to be a disaster ! Zen exclaimed , as anxious as Emo'. We'll ruin everything and Emo' won't have any friends for the rest of her life !
- Seriously, you can stop coming out of the inner world if it's only to panic all the time. Flare fumed, probably rolling her eyes considering the tone of her voice. If Emo doesn't want to go, she won't, no matter what fools she calls "friends", who didn't even see that she was stressed by the thought, think ! Her well-being is more important, damn it !
- Hey, don't insult Zen ! Mushroom growled, very protective of his boyfriend.
- Stop ! May I remind you that Emo' can hear us. Glow reminded in a soft yet authoritative tone. Do you think it makes her happy to hear us arguing among each other when she is already not well ? Even if we are triggered, let's try to stay in the inner world, she needs some space.

The argument stopped and, little by little, she could feel the other alters returning to the inner world. But Emoshy felt that Flare was co-fronting even though she wasn't doing anything; she could feel his anger. It was an overwhelming feeling, it was familiar but she still hadn't gotten used to it. He reminded her of the few memories she had of her childhood; at the time Flare was the host of the body, and it was rare for the little pegasus to take control.
The system was much more narrow at the time, some alters didn't exist yet and others didn't dare to show themselves to the rest of the system. There was only Flare Spark, Ocean Glow and of course Emoshy - although she was just called Emo back then. The little pegasus was in the inner world almost all the time during that period, as she was far too young to protect herself, and even there she was watched over by Glow. Flare had always been around the same age as Emoshy, but Glow had explained to her that the crimson red pegasus knew how to defend herself from the outside world.
Things had gradually started changing when Fluttershy had welcomed her into her home however : while Flare slowly began little by little to have trust in their cousin, Emoshy was more and more co-fronting. The first time the little pegasus had full control of the body was incidentally when she chose to look like her cousin and so added "shy" at the end of her name; she admired so much how Fluttershy always managed to be strong while also being shy.

As the fact that the body was now safe became increasingly clearer and clearer, Emoshy progressively took on the role of host in Flare's place. It was around this time that Purity had appeared in the system, though the little pegasus didn't exactly realize it right away. She was having trouble making friends, she was on her own, and it was stressing her out a lot. She dissociated a lot during this period and her thoughts were in a different voice than hers, she was completely lost...
It was Ocean Glow who had explained to her what was happening : the blue mermaid pony had detected the heterochromia unicorn when she had spent a moment in the garden of the inner world. After that, through a lot of therapy, Emoshy learned that the unicorn was named Purity and that she was a teenager. What was a little funny was that at the time Purity was the second oldest after Glow, but while the two pegasi became adults, the unicorn had remained a teenager and was therefore the youngest in the system right now.

During adolescence, there was the appearance of Inky Blaze - though they had always just called him Inky because he was a child. This was after a discovery about their parents : their parents had told a friend of theirs that they would have protected the body from all the trauma if it had been a colt, but that they had not done it because their filly was disposable to them... Needless to say, it was very emotionally taxing on the whole system, and Inky had been the result of that; he kinda was a bit like the innocence that their parents would have protected in this case. He had been dormant for just over a year, and the rest of the system was terribly missing him.
Zen and Mushroom were the two last to join the system, but they had been around for a very long time. They didn't want to show themselves until the system had done some therapy because they had been afraid of overwhelming the host with their presence - Flare and Emoshy shared the attribute of being very emotional. They were already a couple when they showed up, so they were mostly together in the inner world if there was no trigger.
Emoshy felt herself smile weakly; she would never have been the same without the help of the other alters, and it was the same for them. Their system was very important to all of them: they were stronger together, that was how they had managed to survive.

As she finished remembering all of these old memories, the little pegasus looked at the clock distractedly, then a second time very attentively this time. She quickly took all of her things and galloped out of her room without waiting further ado; it was now 5:57 p.m., she had been lost in thought for 10 minutes and was now running late for the sleepover.
Her cousin's cottage was outside Ponyville and not even in the direction of her friends' house, so there was unfortunately absolutely no chance that she would get there at 6 p.m. She hoped that her friends wouldn't be too angry; she was so ashamed of having prepared herself so far in advance and not even arriving on time...

***

All the others were obviously already inside when the little pegasus got there, but luckily she still got a warm welcome from Pinkie' Bot and Shining Dream - she didn't feel like she deserved that kindness for her thoughtlessly, but she said nothing. Dream showed her where to put her things and 'Bot called the others to say that they were all there.

- So, you prefer that we eat first or that we start with the games ? 'Bot asked calmly, with a smile that was slightly motherly - that kind of smile reminded her of Glow or her cousin.
- Me, I didn't eat anythin' cuz I knew there would be lots of good things, but I ain't hungry yet, so I suggest we play first. Apple Wolf said with an amused grin. What do y'all think ?

Everypony had unanimously agreed with Apple Wolf, so it was decided that they were going to have fun first - while having a few carrots that they could snack on if they got a bit hungry, of course. And so they went upstairs to go to one of the bedrooms.
Emoshy liked 'Bot and Dream's house, it was a very comfortable place; everything was well decorated, all in its place, which had always given her a profound sense of security. Also, in addition to being very aesthetic, the decoration showed well the personality of the two mares - particularly their rooms.

Entering 'Bot's room always felt like stepping back in time to another era, and only the few modern objects that were inside could prove that was not the case. For example, the wall had a rather vintage wallpaper : dark pink with purple anemones on it. On the other hand, there were fairly modern stickers of desserts transformed into ponies all over her furniture, which was not surprising given her love for baking and cute things.
There was a toy chest - it looked like it was straight out of Canterlot's castle - full of old stuffed animals next to the bed; she only opened it to show them to others as they were gifts from her family, which was bittersweet for her. There was a picture of her with Stardust on her desk and three pink diaries lying next to it - probably two that were already full and the one she was using now.
The centerpiece of the bedroom was her large library, filled with both cookbooks and history books from many different sources. But what you'd noticed first was that there were a lot of objects lying around, both clothes and recipe books.

In direct contrast to her roommate, Dream's room was always spotless and had a rather modern minimalist style. The walls were pastel pink and decorated with the same fluorescent stars as Emoshy. It had very elegantly simple white curtains and a few plants.
On her bed was a magenta owl plushie she had named Sakura - it was a gift from the little pegasus for their shared birthday on the 7th of May, the unicorn had given her a lavender bunny in return too. On her desk were a dozen detective-themed books - probably her current obsession, as the other books were neatly arranged in her enormous library in alphabetical order.
Since it was the tidiest, it was quickly decided that this was where the ponies would start their sleepover. Still, as they played the first game, 'Bot quickly went to clean it up so they could sleep in it when the time came.