Thirty-Six

I am under house arrest, which is fine by me dahil wala naman akong balak lumabas ng bahay after that memorable trip. Kinuha din nila ang phone ko sa akin, na wala din namang problema dahil wala akong balak gamitin ito. I'm sure it'll be just tons of messages and calls from Jeremy and my friends. I just sleep inside of my room the entire day, refusing to get down and eat with them. Alam kong nauubos na ang pasensiya ni Dad sa akin. I once overheard him said things like "Hayaan mong magutom ang anak mo kung hindi siya bababa dito para kumain," whenever my Mom would bring my meals upstairs.

Nahiga ako sa kama. I inhaled the familiar scent of old books, my perfume, and hair products lingering around my room and decided I couldn't stay any longer. I got up from bed, put on some jeans, red hoodie, and chucks before I grabbed my bag and went downstairs.

Dire-diretso ako sa pintuan palabas when my mother's voice suddenly spoke up.

"Mary Grace?"

Napahinto ako. Unlike the mad tone that I was expecting from her seeing that her daughter is trying to escape the house using the front door, I was kind of surprise by how calm she sounded. And I don't even know if it's a good thing or not.

I turned around. She's wiping her hands with a towel as she looked at me. Then she eyed my backpack.

"Going somewhere?"

I nodded my head.

She stared at me for a long time then she sighed. "Well, just make sure that you'll be home before your Dad will." She said with an unreadable expression on her face.

"Thanks." I mumbled. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet. Hindi ko na sila masyadong nakakausap mula noong halos ikulong na ako ni Dad sa bahay. Alam ko namang ayaw ni Mommy ang ginagawa niya pero naisip niya atang ito nalang ang natitirang paraan sa sobrang tigas ng ulo ko.

"I hope you're not going to Harry's though," She eyed me skeptically, as if reading through my thoughts. "Mary Grace, I do not like the idea of my daughter dating her dead sister's boyfriend." She said frankly na tumusok sa puso ko. "I hope you respect your sister, Mary Grace. She may not be your sister in full blood but she's still part of our family. Ayokong may sabihin pa ang ibang tao sa inyong dalawa."

Napakuyom ang mga kamao ko. So she still thinks about what other people are going to say, after all? "Yeah, of course." I spat bitterly.

"Magalit ka na kung gusto mong magalit," Malumanay niyang wika sa akin. "Pero wala na akong magagawa. Para din ito sa iyo anak." She fished something from her pocket and pulled out my phone. Iniabot niya ito sa akin. "You might need a phone call in case you decided to stay out late. Ayokong pagalitan ka na naman ng Daddy mo,"

I pursed my lips as I accepted the phone from her and muttered a goodbye before I left the house. Biglang sumama ang loob ko kay Mommy. I thought of all people she'll be the one to understand me. Being the usual pathetic that I am, of course I'm wrong. Naglakad-takbo ako hanggang makalabas ako ng subdivision namin. Halos wala akong nagastos sa trip naming dalawa ni Harry kaya may naibulsa pa ako. Hindi ako nag-atubiling pumara ng taxi at kaagad sumakay. My mother's voice keeps on ringing inside of my head.

---

"Hey," I greeted as I sat down. Inilapag ko ang mga bulaklak sa puntod ni John Will. The hot wind breeze through as I trace his cursive name on the tombstone. "Pasensiya ka na ngayong lang ako nakadalaw." Wika ko.

When I climb inside the taxi, I actually had no idea where I am heading. All I know is that I wanted to escape from the house for a while kung hindi mababaliw na ako sa loob ng kwarto ko. I also agreed of what my mother had said, despite my growing hatred to her, not to see Harry. For now. I also don't know how to face my friends right now because I know they will fire me questions of my whereabouts these last few days. And Jeremy... well, I don't think he'll ask me for a picnic the moment I showed up outside his apartment.

Napatitig ako sa kawalan. Then I slowly spoke, "Hey, now that I think about it. John Will, sobrang madaya ka. You suddenly left without giving me a chance to get to know you." I swallowed. "Tell me, ganun na ba talaga kahirap sa mundo para magpakamatay?" I wandered out loud.

"Mary Grace?" For a moment, I thought John Will answered me. But the voice is different. I turned around and my heart immediately raced inside of my chest when I saw Jeremy. Just like Mom, he had dark circles under his eyes. He lost some weight and his hair is messy, like he just got out of bed and decided to head straight here without taking a shower. My gaze darted on the flowers on his right hand. Nagkatitigan kami bago siya napabuntong-hininga. He walked towards me, place the flowers on his friend's tombstone and glanced at me.

"Where the fuck have you been?" His voice is dangerously low, parang nagpipigil ng galit. I swallowed.

"I... uh..."

"I think we need to talk, Mary Grace," Biglang kinurot ang puso ko sa boses niyang basag. I nodded my head immediately. It's about time I settle things down with Jeremy.

We said our goodbye's to John Will. Tahimik kaming naglakad sa parking lot. The ride all the way to his apartment is uncomfortably quiet as well. I keep on stealing glances from him but his eyes were fixed on the road, his knuckles turning white from gripping the steering wheel too hard and I think he is in deep thoughts.

Sinundan ko siya sa loob ng apartment niya. He did not even bother to go upstairs that made me sigh in relief. Naupo siya sa sofa kung saan ko nakitang nakaupo si John Will noong gabing nag-away kaming dalawa.

"So..." He said, looking at me intently. "Care to explain why I couldn't contact my girlfriend for the past few days and why she haven't showed up? Kung hindi ako nagpunta sa sementeryo, malamang hindi ko alam na buhay ka pa pala," He said sarcastically.

Napayuko ako. "Jeremy... I was in Mavulis Island."

His brows furrowed. "Mavulis Island? Where the fuck is that? At bakit hindi ko yan alam? Nag-bakasyon ba kayo ng mga magulang mo?"

I shake my head slowly which confused him even more. A sob rose to my throat. I'm afraid to see him. I'm afraid to be in the same room with him right now. Nagsisimula nang manginig ang mga labi ko. Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko sasabihin sa kanya.

"Well? Mary Grace?" He pressed, I can feel his impatience.

"I was with Harry." I finally blurted out.

"Ano?" I flinched at his voice. I could feel the anger boiling inside of him. "You were with him, alone?" I dared to look at his face. His jaw is clenched and I swear I could see the fire dancing in his eyes as the overwhelming emotions started to consume him.

"Yes." Mahina kong sagot. I yelped when he suddenly shove the telephone near him. It crashed into the wall, breaking into large pieces.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" He screamed at me.

Nanglambot bigla ang mga tuhod ko. I was about to open my mouth when my phone rang. Napatingin kaming dalawa sa bulsa ko. I fished it out of my pocket and before I could see the caller, Jeremy grabbed it harshly from my hands.

He place the phone on his ears and for a moment, my heart exploded inside of my chest because it could be my mother.

"What the fuck do you want from my girlfriend?!" He shouted on the other line. I sank deeper into my seat. I figured out it must be Harry. "Stop messing up with my girl because I swear, kapag nakita ko pa ang pagmumukha mong hayop ka I will fucking kill you!" He said before he threw my phone against the wall as well. It shattered into pieces on the ground. His chest is rising up and down rapidly, as if the emotions are getting the worst out of him.

"Jeremy..." I said, tears brimming in my eyes. "I...I think we should break up." Lakas-loob kong sabi sa kanya.

For a moment, there was silence. Then he growled again. "Bakit? Because of Harry? Are you fucking Harry right now?" He approached me slowly na mas lalong nagpakaba sa akin. I wanted to ran to the door and get away from him. But unlike the last time, John Will isn't around anymore to protect me from him.

"N-No.." I shake my head, tears streaming down my face in fear.

He leaned in closer. I could smell the alcohol and smoke reeking out of him. "Bakit, Mary Grace?" Buong-diin niyang tanong sa akin.

Before I could answer, he suddenly pushed me on the couch and went on top of me. Then he snarled, "You were fucking with him, huh?" As he ripped my jacket open. I tried to get off him but he was too strong. Nagsimula na akong umiyak sa takot. "Well, Mary Grace, I'll show you how hard I can fuck. Afterwards, you can compare who can fuck better between the two of us."

He buried his face on my neck and bite it with such force I screamed out loud. But just like the first time it happened to me, the room only swallowed my screams and cries for help.

It's like I'm thrown back into my 8-year old self when Uncle Thomas raped me. But with a different face this time. Jeremy's face.