Flashbacks are in Bold

Setting sun is the mirror of endings. No matter how beautiful, how enchanting it is. Endings promise pain. A melancholy no one asks for. The orange glow of the falling star tells how a thing can be both beautiful and destructive in its own way.

The twin cities were bathing in the evening hue. The air was still, a stillness that is akin to the calm after a storm. The storm which leaves nothing behind, which takes every good with it. A storm no one was anticipating but now it's everyone's fate.

The last ray of setting sun fell on the Duraid House increasing its silence some more. The whole aura of the house was submerged in a never ending gloom. The rooms were quiet. The usual full of live ambiance was mimicking the feeling of a graveyard. Still, sad, sorrowful. Passing the huge garden, there was mild whispering coming from the lounge.

Colonel Bukhari leaned forward and clasped his fingers together. His eyes were looking directly at the figure seated in front of him. Solemn posture and calm eyes, Yahya Duraid Ali was silent like a sea. He has lost his most prized possession today. There was no point in telling the world what he was feeling. The whole world knew what his grandson was for him.

"This is a tragedy I know none of us will forget for a long time. Major Zaviyar was working on a highly confidential mission. And he was there. So close. If only. I know your loss is more than anyone else's, Mr. Yahya. But this is what life goal of an army officer is. To lay down his life serving his country, defending it from the evil forces. Your grandson will always remain in the stories of bravery and courage. He was a force to be reckoned with. You should be proud."

"All this is secondary, Bukhari. My family and I are right now getting familiarize with the fact that he's no more. It's all so raw. It is going to take us a lifetime believing we lost him. I, with my own ailing hands laid his casket in ground. No grandfather should be alive for this."

Hamail gripped his grandfather's shoulder. To his side Ismail kept on looking lost. His stance wasn't different from the rest of the family. The pain of seeing his young nephew becoming a part of nothingness was excruciating.

Colonel Bukhari had taken his leave. The family was thankful he took the time for his condolences. Yahya leaned into his chair with the tiredness of ages.

"Dada, should I call Dr. Rehan?"

"I'm alright, Hamail. Go check on your grandmother."

"She's with Harram."

"And Khadija?"

Hamail gulped the ball of tears.

"In Bhai's room."

No one asked should they go after her, neither Yahya asked them to. They all knew she needed this time alone. Her loss was greatest among all of them. Zaviyar was not only her son but her only pillar. The pillar she had been left with when her husband and the eldest son of this family, Zaigham Ali died years back. Zaviyar was an only child. Yahya Duraid Ali loved his daughter in law like his own blood and that was the reason she kept on living with her in laws like her own family. The family was close knitted. The relations were dear to each other. There was no major issue, nothing whatsoever. It was heaven. But worldly heaven often collapse. This power is only there with Almighty's heaven, to stay forever. Khadija's heaven had also torn into pieces the day they had gotten the news of Zaviyar's martyrdom.

The day the evil had the last laugh while the truth had shed a tear.

___________________

The wooden door opened without making a noise. Or maybe the noise of her own thoughts was enough to tune out everything. Her hand held the knob in it. How many times he must've held onto this to open the door? She caressed it like it would leave an imprint of something long faded.

The window curtain was drawn from where the evening light was entering inside. The room was bathing in the darkness. But still the tidiness could be felt from even standing in the threshold. It was not in his use for a long time but still she could smell him everywhere. Reaching out, she switched open the lights. The room immediately illuminated in white. The same bed, the same covers, the same wardrobe. Everything so on point. Still nothing was in place.

Khadija stood there finding something that was never going to be found. Her eyes roamed on the bed and then to the table to the side. She could see two figures right in front of her. So vivid. So real.

"She's not my friend, then why she always have to barge into my room and talk to me?"

"Zaviyar, bad manners. She's a guest."

"She's always here, Mama. Guests don't do this."

"I think she wants to befriend you."

"She's already Hamail and Soha's best friend. I don't need to get into their gang. Also, she's younger than me. Abu says we should always befriend the people who are of our age."

"Abu's right hand. That's why you've started acting like a grandfather at such a young age."

With a flash the figures had disappeared. Khadija rushed to the table chair where the kid was sitting but it was empty now. Her swollen eyes were filled with disappointment. She stood there in the middle of the room when another voice came from behind her.

"Zaviyar, how many times do I have to tell you to take care of your things yourself?"

"Come on, Mama. I've said so many times don't let Safina enter my room during exams. She always misplaces my things. Please, find my notes or I'm failed in tomorrow's paper I'm telling you beforehand."

"Ya Khuda, look at you. All grown and tall yet all depended on his mother to find his things."

"Have I ever refused to do any of your work? You are always driving me mad and I'm always running around the city on my bike. Have I ever complained?"

"No one can win from you, Zaviyar. Stay here, I go and ask Safina where she's put it. And look yourself as well. This boy."

The arguing figments of her imagination had slowly faded. She had raised her hand to touch the clear glowing with zeal of entering into teenage face of the boy but her hands had felt the air. Just the still air.

"Come on, Mama. If you'll send me off like this, how I will go there and make a mark?"

Another version of the same boy was now sitting at the foot of the bed wiping the tears off her face.

"You've made such a difficult choice, Zaviyar."

"I'm a difficult guy, you know that."

"And you've put me into such a difficult situation."

"Not really. Please, Stop crying instead pray for me that wherever I go, I make you and Abu proud. He's shown complete faith in me. Don't you have any trust in your son?"

"I trust my son more than I trust my own self. But this is not simple. Your Abu doesn't understand the plight of a mother. Nor do you. I'm so conflicted."

"I can see. But if you'll send me like this, I'm going to do so badly. After all who can do any right after making his mother cry like this? Please don't cry, Maa. I'm not going straight to the border."

The distant voice of car screeching made Khadija come out of her thoughts. The room again became quiet. But not her cries. She slid down on the floor and just let the tears flow.

"Please, Zaviyar, Don't do this to your mother. Please, Beta. How I will live without you? How?"

But there was no one who'd wipe her tears off. No one came. No one was going to come.

______________________

Yaad kā phir koi darvaza khula aḳhir-e-shab

Dil mein bikhri koi ḳhushbu-e-qaba aḳhir-e-shab

(A door to the memories opened, last night

The fragrance of apparel spread into my being last night)

Subh phūti to vo pahlu se utha aḳhir-e-shab

Wo jo ik umr se aaya na gaya aḳhir-e-shab

(When morning arrived, he got up from my side

The one who hadn't come or gone from a long time, last night)

Jis adaa se koi aaya tha kabhi avval-e-shab

Usi andaz se chal baad-e-saba aḳhir-e-shab

(The way with which someone had come, last night

Blow with in the same way, morning wind, last night)

(Faiz Ahmed Faiz)

Her eyes had opened with a start. The hand had automatically gone to her side only to find Dado fast asleep. Her head was still in her lap. Roaming around, her eyes didn't find anything. Nothing.

With hollow eyes and blank mind she left the bed and stood in front of the mirror. Clad in the same black shirt and trouser she had worn yesterday. The hair were open, unkempt and untidy. Her face was telling a story of anguish, heartbreak and tattering of her soul. Those eyes which were always whispering the image of someone were empty. She wasn't who she was once. Just a hollow mass of bones and flesh. She was alive but the life had been taken out of her. Why this heart was still beating? It should've stopped by now. May be those tales of lovers reaching their destinations together was a myth. Their destination was always each other, right? Then why she was still travelling when her destination was no more? Her eyes had darted towards her form. Where someone was slowly making their place. As if they owned it. How similar these both halves of a whole were. Both had claimed their right on her without even doing anything. She was not even crying now. What was the point? Nothing mattered. Nothing whatsoever.

Taking slow steps she had stood in the window. The lawn was illuminated with lights. No one was in sight. Just the lush green grass and a distant memory.

"Staring is rude, if you must know."

She averted her gaze and turned to him who was busy on his laptop. The evening tea was getting cold in front of him but like always his first priority was winding up the work he was doing.

"When you've got a husband who's never home, you get used to staring. Moreover the guy's got such a cute bulldog."

She turned back to her previous task which was eyeing the guy from neighborhood who was walking his dog in the evening breeze.

"I should be really offended right now."

"But you are not."

"Not even in slightest. But you should keep it in check. Mrs Hashmi met me yesterday. When I was unlocking the door. She was asking me to keep an eye on you as you have developed a habit of snooping into neighbor's houses."

"That old hag!"

He just chuckled in return. She glared at his chilled expressions. What kind of husband he was who wasn't getting worked up over his wife checking someone else out? It should've worked on him. But with him everything was different.

"I think that bulldog took your compliment seriously."

"What?"

"He's coming to thank you."

"Wh..."

She looked back and sure enough the dog was running straight towards their gate which was open, all thanks to her plan of making her husband jealous. With a shriek she got up.

"He's running straight towards us."

"You, actually."

The dog wasn't stopping nor was her fear. She didn't think much and straight dropped herself in his arms making his laptop kiss the ground.

"What the hell, woman!"

His frustration was mingled with concealed laughter. The chair wobbled and soon they were also on the grass right next to the laptop. She was breathing heavily. God knows where the dog had gone but her foolishness had made this situation more comical than it already was. And he had totally enjoyed it. His laugh was an indication.

"I hate you, Major Zaviyar Ali."

Her voice and his laugh were reverberating in the silent room. And that moment she felt her life shaking from its axis. The flashes of past were right in front of her. And she wished she could touch any of it.

__________________________________

The music blaring car was moving. The city lights were flashing on the smooth surface of the road. The combination of red and blue was giving it a strange vibe.

Harram tuned out the background noise of Hamail and Sohaira bickering. This was the norm. The twins would always start arguing without any care of their surroundings. She didn't entirely enjoy it but that's what came with the package and she was used to it since her school days. They were a gang, the three of them. School life was spent together. All three had same interest. Once out of school, they had chosen the same university. Getting a business degree in graduation and then moving on to their MBA. It was the semester break which had started just today. Hamail had suggested checking out the fest organized by a famous food products company. Duraid house was not something where they'd have fun tonight. Hamail and Sohaira's aunt was getting her daughter engaged. Being the close knit clan that the family was, their grandfather had decided the function would be held at Duraid house only. Harram was friends with all of Hamail and Sohaira's cousins sans just one. And she didn't want to go down that road so not thinking on those lines was good.

Sohaira and Hamail's friendship was her safe cocoon. A respite from her messed up life. Both of them knew her complications and had always encouraged her to let it go.

"Here we are."

Hamail announced pushing Sohaira back who was trying to shuffle the song which was booming in the car.

"You have a shitty taste in music."

"I was born with it so had no say. You know what else I was born with?"

"Okay, cut it. It's enough for today."

Harram punched both of them in the sides making them yelp.

"This night is to enjoy the food and music. We just got over a shitty semester. This deserved to be enjoyed."

She adjusted her shirt after coming out of the car. Her long waist length hair in which she had recently gotten copper highlights, were flowing at her back. She looked around checking out the setting. People had come here with their families. Few groups of friends could also be seen. The atmosphere was buzzed with the feeling of happiness and freedom. She liked it. It was her favourite combination. Slinging her purse on her shoulder she ran a hand through her hair and took a step forward. Sohaira and Hamail were both at her side.

"Hamail, eyes straight. If any girl comes to us with the complain of you checking them out, I'll totally pretend I don't even know you."

"Oi! I'm a well behaved kid."

"That's only one in our family and you are not him."

"He's not a kid."

Harram looked around trying to not get into this conversation.

"What are we eating?"

"We'll check everything."

Sohaira held her hand but they all knew no matter how excited the prospect of good food made Sohaira, she couldn't eat more than few spoons. Her appetite was like this since her childhood. Hamail on the other hand was a true foodie. Harram was still confused how could someone eat so much and still has a lean body frame. He used to go the gym regularly but still he wasn't all buffed up. Just the right amount of muscles. On top his easy going personality and the habit of changing everything comical was his plus point. This had made him one of the most popular guys on their campus. Sohaira had her own charm with her cute looks and smile. Harram's vibe was different from both of them. She was not people's person but everyone knew her because of her accurate fashion sense and a famous surname. She wasn't easy to approach but once she got comfortable around you, there you'd gotten yourself a new best friend.

"I want to try those ring fries."

Sohaira had said pointing towards the stall far to the side.

"Go on then. Get some for me as well. I'm standing here only."

Hamail had mingled with the crowd long back as he had found few of his friends from university. He was busy with them now. Sohaira gave Harram thumbs up and ran towards the stall. Harram pushed her hair behind her ear and looked around. She was in need of a nook or corner where they could stand or sit while eating. She could never eat while walking. But her eyes focused on a glittering spectacle few steps away from her. It was a small stage like setting where different neon lights were put. A small crowd was forming around it. She walked towards it as if in a trance.

It was just a group dance on a classical number. Women clad in flowy skirts were moving around with measured steps but Harram's point of focus was the one in the middle. She was dancing as if she had music of her own. The romantic tune around and the soothing lyrics were not doing justice to her. She was in a trance of her own. A trance only a heart in love could identify and Harram had identified it with just one look. The moves were fluid. Her feet were moving in sync. The hair were flowing around with every step she was taking. It was a dance of her own. A dance where she was remembering a memory. Harram could tell. This is how people in love dance. Without any worry in the world. Without any thought. Without any fear of falling apart. Just you, the beloved and the tune of madness. The madness that stems from sanity. The insanity that touches the sane thoughts. The feet which have a mind of their own.

This is how people in love dance.

This is the dance of love.

"Harram?"

She came out of her trance and looked to the side where Sohaira was standing with two plates of ring fries in her hand.

"I...I was looking for a quiet spot."

"I think I've found one. Let's go."

Sohaira held her hand. Harram let her drag her. But her mind was still reminiscing the state of self-oblivion.

The dance of love.

"Tarot card reading?"

Hamail was shaking his head at his sister. They had just gotten over with eating and enjoying different stalls when Sohaira found the tarot card reading booths in the back and insisted on going to one.

"That's all lie, Soha. And it's not even right."

"Oh come on, I'm not going to ask details about my future. I'm just going to have some know how."

"That's exactly the same thing."

"It's not."

Harram sighed. Sohaira was one stubborn weirdo. Even more than her. Hamail wasn't ready to even go with them so asking him to wait in the car they made their way towards the booths. The setting was weird. To some point creepy as well. Harram found the booth with Sohaira. She had no desire of going inside. These things were just to make yourself feel good. Otherwise who even knew what the future held.

"Hey, you."

The voice had startled Harram. She immediately looked towards the source. The same woman from before was in front of her.

"I saw you there. Looking at me."

Harram took a breath of relief. The sudden arrival had really took her off guard.

"You were performing so yes everyone was looking at you."

"Not like you."

"What?"

"You were searching someone in me."

"Rubbish."

"Someone that's you."

Harram had no desire of continuing this conversation. She took a step forward when the woman held her from her shoulder.

"I see it in your eyes. The longing. The love that is concealed but still so evident. That's the mistake of us lovers. Our eyes say it all."

Harram took a step back. She had hit a nerve.

"He doesn't even know right? Ah. We lunatics. We love without telling and one day, we'll leave without telling as well. But it's not going to stop you from loving. When it has ever. So keep on burning in this fire. Because that fire is our heaven."

She had turned back. Harram hadn't realized when a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

He didn't know? He knew. Harram had an idea he knew.

And this hurt more than it should have.

When they came to Duraid house, Hamail and Sohaira's extended family had arrived. Their both aunts were also present. Aansa phupho whose daughter was getting engaged and Naima phupho who was youngest among the family with two cute little kids. The cousin clan had gathered in the lawn. They were decorating it as the function was going to take place here only.

"How on time you three are."

Jiya shouted setting the assorted flowers on the makeshift stage. Harram had been the only childhood friend of both Hamail and Sohaira. She used to visit them a lot that's why almost all cousins knew about her. They were even friends with her as well.

"And we can see how well it paid us."

Hamail looked around relaxing at the thought that most of the heavy work was done. The cousin company had worked hard in their absence.

"The always hard working Hamail Ismail."

"I've never let it get to my head."

"You should. May be in this way your empty head can be filled."

"Watch it, Rooba. When you'll fall off this ladder and break your leg, I'll straight refuse to play hero."

"You and hero? Go kiss a mirror."

"Actually the urge is real when I look into it. I mean the face and the style. What a combination."

"And he was saying Rooba was climbing the ladder."

Harram just shook her head at the constant banter. This was the normal way they all interacted with each other.

"Alright guys, we are going to switch on the lights so tell us how it looks. Okay?"

There was a chorus of okays. Harram stared at the decorations with a skeptical look on her face. The lights had gone off the next moment.

"Ahhh! Hamail you just stepped on my toe."

Sohaira's cry echoed.

"It was intentional."

Pat came the reply.

"Asshole."

"Say that again. I'll record and play this as breakfast music in the morning."

"Twat. Dunce. Wanker."

"The vocabulary. I'm impressed."

"Someone go and see where the hell Safi has gone to? He was supposed to switch the light on almost three minutes back."

"I'm here. I couldn't find the switch."

"What? Then who's switching on the lights?"

The worried cries were stopped when the next moment all the lights switched on giving the lawn a whole new look. The effort was showing. Harram clapped her hand appreciating it when she felt someone had stood right next to her. And she didn't even have to look up to see who it was.

"Love knows when love is here."

She had read this somewhere. And it had always proved right. Looking to her side she had found him. The same. Nothing changed.

Nothing will. His eyes were everywhere but her. But hers were focused just on him.

"Love knows when love is here."

_____________________________________

"Love knows when love is here."

The whisper had echoed in her ears. She opened her eyes and something took over her. Barefoot, without having her duppata in her neck she had started descending the stairs. Crossing the huge lounge she opened the wooden doors and stood right in the middle of the lawn.

There was nothing. No overhung lights. No commotion. No feeling of someone standing next to her. Nothing.

Just a stillness.

"Harram?"

She didn't turn around. Hamail took slow steps towards her.

"Hey, you okay?"

She was breathing heavily now. This was so foreign. So alien. This wasn't hers. This wasn't what she was used to.

"It was here. Just right now."

"What?"

"That...that feeling...it was here. But now it's not."

"Everything's the same, Harram."

She looked at him with her bloodshed eyes.

"Nothing's same, Hamail."

Hamail felt someone had squeezed his heart. This girl was among those people he had always felt so close to his heart. She was then a best friend and now she was a sister in law but more than that she was his other sister. The other part of the team.

He didn't know how to console her. What to tell her.

"I wanna go home."

"You are home."

"No, it's not home. I want to go home. Our home."

The feeling of that home never getting the feeling of home ever again hit her suddenly and with sobs racking her bod, she kept on sliding down on the grass. Hamail had placed his hand on her head and was trying to give her some solace but her cries were not stopping.

The light on the lamp under which she was sitting was reaching the nooks and crooks of the lawn. A ray hit her head and went straight to the three tiny holes covered by grass. Two teary eyes were looking through those holes as if their life depended on it. The cries were reaching everywhere. It was impossible they weren't reaching those holes.

Two sets of eyes were tearing in their own way. But the grief was shared. The pain was same.

"Love knows when love is here."

____________________________

Yay. Finally started it.