"And I'm not even really a fan of talking to myself. One sided conversations aren't it." I shrugged, pulling my knee up to my chest as I pressed the silky petal I had caught between my finger and thumb, feeling the ache that had hollowed me out for far too long lift a little, if only for a little, and for the slightest moment.

"That being said, I think I've been sat here for two and a half hours already." I smiled weakly, checking my phone as I felt the warmth of the day begin to wane a little. The sun was creeping back to the safety beyond the horizon and I looked up at the multitude of colours it had splashed out across the sky. And I chuckled. The slightest laugh escaped me, rusty  and hoarse in its time of disuse, but a laugh no less.

"Kinda funny how I've probably spoken more words to your fuckin headstone than I've said to you while you were still here." I smirked.

"Well...more depressing than funny but it brought a laugh outta me didn't it?" I shrugged and reached up to push my hair safely over the left half of my face again, worrying the wind would brush it back like it knew exactly what I was trying to hide.

"You wouldn't mind me laughing at your grave would you? Nah course not. You'd pretend to be offended but you'd laugh as well." I grinned.

"If you were here..."

I swallowed thickly and look down at my clenched fist, opening it to see the torn up petals, of one of the flowers Id bought, scrunched up in my palm. I sniffed a little and tossed them over the freshly churned up dirt, letting out a shaky sigh.

"Sorry I ripped your flower." I muttered, resting my chin on my knees as I stared at the nameless headstone they hadn't got round to engraving yet, feeling the pain twist round my heart and fill me with a needle like chill that spread faster and colder than the evening breeze whispering through the seams of my hoodie.

"Eh...you have like ten more you're not gonna miss it." I smirked, groaning as I pulled myself to my feet and looked on the scene I'd been watching for the past few hours once more before I shook myself off and blew out another breath.

"I'm heading off now kiddo. I promise I'll be back soon to wash the fuckin bird shit off your grave." I grinned, running my fingers over the smooth marble a final time before I headed back to the road to grab a taxi to the hospital.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How's the little gremlin?" I grinned as I opened up the door and was greeted with a chorus of shushing noises. I swiftly shut my mouth and quietly slipped in, accepting the hug off my brother before he could get a proper look at my dirty boots and soiled knees.

But it took him a grand total of a few seconds after I pulled back anyway, to take in my state as a frown pulled at the creased features of his face. I sent him a look as he watched me carefully, staring deep into my eyes with a look of sympathy he tried so very hard to mask. For my sake I supposed.

"You've been back haven't you?" He uttered quietly, sighing as I rolled my eyes and headed over to the hospital bed to greet his wife. She looked a lot better today and held a happy flush in the high points of her cheekbones as she smiled at me and patted the chair next to the bed for me to sit down in.

"How is he doing?" I whispered, looking down at the bundled up creature against her chest, fast asleep and swaddled up in blankets between his mothers arms. He let out the slightest mewl in what seemed like an answer, and his little hand reached out beyond his blanket cave like he'd somehow sensed my presence.

"He's great, the doctors say his lungs are working fine on their own now and he should be home in a couple of days." Abby smiled wearily, looking down at the screwed up little face with a glimmer of awe pooling in her gaze. I smiled and nodded, happy to have some good news after the month I'd had.

When Abby's gaze looked up to regard me again I almost shyed away, feeling vulnerable in the warm gaze she saw right through me with, her bright eyes unyielding, but so comforting and free of judgement. I watched with a lidded stare as she took one of her hands carefully away from her child and reached up to my face, smiling sadly as she watched me.

I bit my cheek harshly and tried with all the strength left in me not to pull back from her as she gently pushed my long fringe back and away from the whole left side of my face, tucking it softly behind my ear as I sucked in a breath and fought to keep my face straight, instead of ducking down to cover the monstrosity that disfigured my skin.

I waited for the concerned flash of pity to hit her glowing eyes, and for the barely disguised gasp to echo and thud around the silent room. But it never came, and she only smiled wider, her eyes flickering over my face with a warm serenity.

"Looks better." She uttered quietly and I bit back a little smile, shrugging.

"The scab's gone now." I stated bluntly, reaching to untuck my hair and let it fall back over my scar like a veil, but she caught my hand before I could and held it tight in her own, watching me carefully.

"You shouldn't have to cover it like you do." She frowned sweetly, and I scoffed loudly in response, quickly clapping a hand to my mouth and mouthing an apology as the baby stirred a little, but luckily didn't wake entirely.

"It's not something I wanna subject people to just yet." I smirked, hoping she'd buy it as I knew full well that was hardly the reason.

The real reason as it happened, was because there were way more mirrored surfaces in the world than I'd ever noticed before, and I couldn't bare accidentally catching my reflection in one and fighting the urge to bash my head into a wall.

"How's the eye? Any sign?"

I shook my head quickly, blowing out a breath I'd been holding for too long already as she squeezed my hand softly and let it go so I could quickly shield the monstrous scar down my face.

"No sight in it at all, permanently I think." I shrugged as Jack tutted solemnly and squeezed my shoulder, pulling out a chair to sit next to me.

"One eye's better than none." Abby nudged me, a wry smirk on her face as I let out a quiet laugh and agreed with her, knowing full well i'd never be satisfied with how I came out of that battle.

I'd never forgive them for partially blinding me. I'd never forgive him for taking Charlie from me. And I'd never forgive myself for coming out of there alive.

"Would it be totally terrible of me to say that I think your scar looks fucking sick?" Jack piped up all of a sudden, knees bouncing as he stared up at me, clearly having wanted to say this for a while. I rolled my eyes and flipped him off as Abby reprimanded him for swearing in front of the baby. But we smiled all the same. I shrugged as I let my fingers lightly graze over the scar, trying to ignore the shudders it wracked my spine with as I ran my hands down it.

"Loki said it gives me character." I muttered, sighing as I sat back and tried not to laugh at Jack's adverse reaction to the name he'd still not gotten used to in daily conversation.

When my eyes glanced back at the sleeping infant again, I found I couldn't look away. I was fascinated entirely with the way it opened its eyes the slightest amount, yawning into his mother's chest before looking up at me. Huge blue eyes regarded me with a strange intensity. I chewed my lip and found myself watching this strange creature, bemused by the crooked little movements and overall tinyness of it.

"Can you hold him for a while, hun?" Abby suddenly queried out the blue, startling me a little with the force in her query as I was knocked out of my reverie. I began to quickly shake my head and protest as Abby gently pulled him up into her arms.

"I- well- I- no I wouldn't say- i'm not good with- I- Oh okay." I gulped as he was placed into my arms, bundled and swaddled and staring quietly up at me with those eyes that could harbour entire galaxies. I held my breath, body tensed and perfectly still as I chewed my cheek and thought of all the ways I could prevent hurting the fragile little creature. There was a light chuckle and I looked up to see Jack and Abby gazing over, laughing amongst themselves at my clear discomfort.

"Relax, honey, you got it." She giggled, and reached over to adjust the position of my arms underneath him. I swallowed again and began to relax back in the chair when the foreign object started to feel more comfortable in my embrace.

"Ugly fucker isn't it." I commented bluntly, eliciting a loud snort of laughter from Abby that caused the baby to jump a little in my arms. Jack just gasped as we chuckled, frowning between me and Abby.

"He's fucking adorable thank you very much."He muttered, kicking back in his chair and tutting as I laughed to myself feeling more safe lightly rocking the child in my arms.

"So have you finally decided on a name?" I queried lightly, looking up from the tiny face just in time to see Abby and Jack share a look between them, equal parts nervous and eager. It seemed they had. I raised an eyebrow as Abby turned a little in her bed to lean over and stroke the little one's face.

"We have." She uttered with a beaming smile, staring up at me with an expression of glee on her face.

"This is Rory Charlie Wilson." She spoke softly.

what...

I froze. I swear I could've counted the seconds my heart stopped, as a breath caught in my throat and I felt a wave of pain drench me head to toe. I gulped, mouth suddenly dry. I could tell they were watching me warily now, they're expressions concerned I could tell without even looking.

But I was okay. And I was almost okay with the innocent little child sharing a nickname with the likes of someone like me. But not entirely. I frowned and glanced up at Abby's face, then Jack's who mirrored hers in the exact same way I'd pictured. And I smiled, though it was weak and lacking in conviction. And they knew it.

"Do you take constructive criticism?" I queried blankly, seeing Abby's mouth crack open into a grin once more.

"We absolutely do not." Jack stated bluntly, sending me a warning glance, though there was no real depth to it as his mouth too, harboured a genuine smile.

"Yeah, despite the fact that he might protest the fact he's named after two strong women, I just know he'll secretly be proud to carry a name so similar to yours." Abby chuckled, sending me a look when she noticed the sour expression that had taken over my face.

"I named my child after the strongest, kindest woman I know." She added softly. My eyes widened and I vaguely heard Jack choke on his drink after she'd spoken, his laugh turning into spluttering soon enough as Abby sent him a withering glance.

"K-kindest?" I cleared my throat, handing Rory back to her and frowning, wondering if i'd heard correctly. She took him back in her arms and smiled at me, simply nodding once.

I blew out a breath and just shook my head, realising now just how crazy this woman was. And just how insanely amazing she was for my brother.

"Hey i'm gonna head back." I muttered, standing and pulling on a jacket as my brother jumped to his feet and pulled me into a hug.

"Make sure you eat something when you get back. And don't try breaking the lock on that alcohol cabinet again...I mean it." Abby grinned, pulling me down into a hug before I leaned back and gave the little Rory a salute and a 'see ya pal.'

"I will and I won't." I smiled tightly, knowing full well I'd just swing by a supermarket on the way back and stock up on substances to get me through the night anyways.

"You don't have to keep looking after me though, Abby." I sighed, pushing back the hand she held out to me, clasping a twenty dollar bill.

"You've got a little one of your own to take care of now." I laughed weakly, leaning down to take the little thing's hand in my fingers, and marvelling at its minuscule size. Abby chuckled but tutted at me, pushing the money into my pocket with a final finger wag of warning to stop me refusing it again.

"It's about time you had someone looking out for you honey, not just yourself." She smiled sadly.

"And I know you won't let him in either, so I'm taking his place until you let him close to you again." She shook her head softly, taking my hand in hers as she watched me knowingly, even when I frowned and feigned confusion over what she was saying. When I knew deep down that she knew anyway and there was no point hiding it.

"Abby what- what do you mean?" I scoffed, cursing at myself as I so easily gave myself away in the form of a single downward curve of my lip as I swallowed noticeably and cast my eyes to my feet.

"I think you need to go back to him. Let him love you again. You're not going to hurt him." She whispered, her tone hushed as she directed her gentle words at me alone, dousing me in a fresh wave of guilt and ripping my defences open just enough to make me feel some of the pain i'd numbed myself to for so long.

I bit my lip, sighing to myself as I nodded once and bid a quiet 'thank you,' before she'd let me go, and I exited the ward swiftly, a new weight suddenly bearing down on my shoulders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: compensation?.....

again i'm sorry and i love you