「 PUNISHED 」

content warning: physical and sexual assault

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SHOCKED AND DISORIENTED, THEO STUMBLED up the stairs, not knowing where to go but determined to be as far away from Blaise as possible.

The chatter of students died more the higher he went. Soon, they would all go to bed and he would be on his own. It was dark where he was - no window was visible anywhere near him and the thick stones of the walls sheltered him from the moonlight and the wind. He wished they could shelter him from the hurt and betrayal cutting through his skin.

Blaise has kidnapped Luna.

He tripped over something and went sprawling to the ground. So disoriented was he that he was unable to block his fall with his hands and his chin hit the floor with a thud. He gave out a cry of pain, clutching his chin, as he slowly got to his feet again.

Where was he?

He couldn't recognise the place. For one, it was too dark. Wisps of moonlight splattered on him from the small rectangular openings on the wall to his left. He could spot the faint outlines of paintings on the wall to his right, and ahead of him was unending darkness. He decided to move forward.

His chin stung, sending waves of pain shooting over his head but he found it easy to ignore it. The thought of Blaise was enough to draw out everything else from his mind.

Theo wondered, briefly, whether Neville could have been lying. But then he remembered the furtive glances from his housemates, Blaise's eyes when he had looked at him coldly and left without dinner, not even stopping to say hi. Did Daphne know? She must know by now - Astoria must have told her. Then he thought of Luna, and guilt flooded him.

She was in captivity, Merlin knew what they could be doing to her now. She must be scared out of her wits, missing her father, and all he could think about was Blaise.

He stopped, suddenly blinded by a bright light. With a hand shielding his face, he squinted. There was a large window before him and he saw the sky through the thick window panes. Faint grey clouds floated by; he could see no moon.

Automatically, he moved toward the window and forced it open. He couldn't tell which part of the castle he was in, but it seemed like no one usually came here. It took some effort to get the window to open, and it made a loud noise as the iron frame moved against the stone wall. A gust of wind hit him instantly but Theo ignored it and pulled off the bag from his shoulders - the bag that still held Luna's shawl -, placed it on the ground and climbed up on the window ledge. 

It was big enough for him to sit comfortably. It was the fifth floor, as far as he could decipher, and he could see the Forbidden Forest right in front of him. A blanket of mist clouded his view but he could just make out the dark layer of foliage. His muscles crawled with delicious anticipation as he hung his legs over the ledge, but he was not scared. He settled down comfortably over the ledge and clasped his hands on his lap.

It was cold. Too cold. And he wasn't dressed warmly enough.

Soon, his temples began to ache. Any small movement took enormous effort. His lips and fingers trembled. Ignoring the obvious signs of freezing, he remained there, wishing the cold would freeze his memories and keep him from remembering what Blaise has done to him. Was he looking for him, he wondered. He was probably fast asleep.

He did not want to see Blaise for the rest of the year. Betrayal and shame hung heavily over his chest, like a boulder tied to his heart by a rope. He remembered how he had been planning to confess his feelings to Blaise. It seemed so long ago. The boy he was in love with was dead and the Blaise he met at the Entrance Hall, the one who was now in the Slytherin dormitories, was someone else. An impersonator who must have replaced Blaise on the train on the way home for the Christmas holiday.

Theo put his hand in the pocket of his robes and pulled out the letter that had been sent with Blaise's present. He read over it again, each word hitting him like a slap in the face. There was no way Blaise could have written this letter before going home for the holiday. He had written it, knowing that Theo was friends with Luna, knowing that he was directly responsible for Luna being handed over to the Death Eaters. Had he felt any guilt at all? Theo thought about how calm he had looked when he used the Cruciatus curse on Neville. He crumpled the letter in his hands and tossed it out of the window.

Theo remembered confessing his fears to Blaise. He had told him how he was scared that Blaise might one day raise his wand against him just as he had done with Neville and curse him with no hesitation. Somehow, the betrayal was worse than that. He would take the Cruciatus curse from Blaise any day if it meant he didn't have to be betrayed by him.

He heard soft footsteps behind him. The sound came nearer but he didn't move. He didn't think it was one of the Carrows - the footsteps were too tentative and hesitant for that. Someone came and stood behind him.

"Who's that?" asked a voice. It was vaguely familiar. Theo turned around. Seamus Finnigan stood before him, squinting. He figured Seamus couldn't recognise his face held against the light outside. Deciding finally that he didn't want to freeze to death, he dropped down from the ledge and shut the window, relieved at the sudden lack of cold winds hitting his body.

"Nott? What are you doing here?"

Theo shrugged. "Just trying to freeze myself. What are you doing here?"

Seamus ignored his question and looked at him. "We know Luna was your friend," he said softly.  "You should know we don't blame you for what happened to her."

Theo turned away from him. "What does it matter?" He shrugged again, morosely.

Seamus sighed and leaned against the wall. Theo wondered for a moment why he chose to stay with him rather than just walking away but he was too exhausted to think further, so he pushed it out of his mind and stood there silently with him.

"Have you spoken to Zabini?" asked Seamus.

Theo looked quizzically at him. "No."

He heard Seamus laugh lightly although he was hidden in the shadows for him to see his face. "I don't know if it's going to make you feel better, but once we found out what had happened to Luna - you know, on the train - Neville and Ginny marched over to Zabini's compartment and Ginny shoved him against the window and almost hexed his nose off. Neville stopped her at the last second. He would've fallen off the train if the windows weren't closed."

That did make Theo feel better. He found himself smiling although a part of him said that he was supposed to be defending his friend. But his memory was drawn to the previous year when Blaise had said something snarky on the train about Neville and was immediately doubled over in pain as bats started coming out of his nose. Theo didn't find it funny then but now he felt an odd sort of satisfaction relishing in the memory.

"How did Blaise survive the rest of the train ride?" he asked.

"Malfoy posted Crabbe and Goyle on the entrance of the compartment to scare us away."

Theo raised his brows sceptically. "Did that work?"

Seamus laughed. "No."

Theo's smile vanished all of a sudden. He turned toward the window and stared morosely out into the sky. "If I had been on the train," he said quietly so that Seamus had to lean in to hear his voice, "I don't think Blaise would have done it."

He saw Seamus looking at him. "You think he would have listened to you?"

The question stung. Seamus sounded like he was accusing him of flattering himself too much, although he knew it was just out of curiosity. He nodded. "I'm sure."

Seamus hummed in reply. Theo assumed he would go away now but he remained standing there. They had never spoken before, let alone be alone together. Theo wondered why he chose to be in his company when there were other Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws who were probably more familiar with him.

But it felt good to have someone who wasn't actively avoiding him so he didn't complain.

"So are you here as a lookout or something?" he asked.

Seamus frowned at him, confused. "What?"

"I thought maybe the Dumbledore's Army is up to something and you're here to distract me so that I don't go investigating."

"Why would you investigate?"

"I'm in the Inquisitorial Squad, remember?"

Finally, the confusion slipped out of Seamus's face. He smiled a little, shaking his head. "Oh no, I'm here on my own. It's the first day back; we're far too exhausted from the train ride to get into any mischief."

A thought struck him suddenly. "I'm assuming you haven't had the time to look at the new wall decorations?"

"What wall decorations?"

Theo grinned. "You'll see in the morning."

Seamus stared at him in suspicion but didn't press. Instead, he answered his previous question. "Anyway, I'm just walking around here. I don't particularly like being in the dorms. It's too -" he fumbled for words for a minute then shrugged.

Theo nodded. He knew what he meant.

The sound of voices reached them from the distance. Startled, they stepped back into the shadows, recognising the voices. They were coming toward them.

"I don't think they are going to get into any trouble the first day back," said Amycus. "Let's go."

"No!" snapped Alecto. "I want to catch them redhanded. I'm sure those brats are painting the walls again."

Seamus grabbed Theo's arm. "Let's go," he said in a low, measured voice. "They're gonna be here soon."

Something clicked in Theo's brain. He bit his lips, thinking. Then he wrenched free of Seamus's grip and looked at him. "It's fine. You go on."

Seamus frowned. "They're gonna see you."

"I'll just tell them I was out looking for wrongdoers," he explained. "They'll buy it, I'm sure. Anyway, my common room is further from here - I won't be able to get back without drawing their attention."

Seamus seemed unconvinced but he nodded and quickly slipped away. Theo sighed and remained standing there, waiting for the Carrows to see him.

They appeared out of a corner, arguing. He almost thought they would just walk by him without noticing, but Amycus raised his head and gave a frightened cry as his eyes fell upon Theo. He must have looked like an apparition standing by the window, silhouetted against the moonlight. He would have laughed under different circumstances, but the sight of the Carrows filled him with burning hatred in his blood. He stared defiantly back at them.

"Ah, Nott," said Alecto. She walked over to him, as though pleased to have met him. "Just the person I wanted to see. We've been combing through the castle for those disgusting little brats but we are a bit shorthanded. Go and search the second and third floors. If you see anyone, drag them by the ear and bring them to my office."

Theo didn't make any move to obey. Alecto was turning back to argue with her brother again but when she noticed that Theo hadn't moved a muscle, she stopped, frowning at him. "Did you hear what I said?" she demanded. "Go on. Do your duty."

"Where did you keep Luna?" Theo asked.

The Carrows' mouths opened to a big O. It would have been comical had Theo been in a different mood. Alecto was the first to compose herself. She stepped toward him. "What did you say?"

"Where did you keep Luna?" he repeated in the same calm voice. His stomach squeezed against itself in fear as Alecto leaned into his face with a yellow-toothed grin. He began to think that this was a bad idea and that he should have listened to Seamus. But it was too late.

"You want to know where Looney Lovegood is?" she leered.

"Her name is Luna."

Amycus cackled behind her. He marched toward him and grabbed his arm, shaking him roughly so that his head spun. "Come with us," he whispered. "We'll show you where she is."

Panic flooded Theo as his senses returned to his freezing brain. He tried to wrench out of Amycus's grip but he was dragged through the hallway and into the darkness. Sharp nails dug into his skin. A low, pitiful whimper escaped his lips. He dragged his feet on the ground to stop but Amycus pulled him, hard, and he stumbled. With his free hand, he searched for his wand, but Alecto seemed to see what he was doing and she quickly grabbed his other arm and together they pulled him along.

Fear engulfed him. He started panting, although they weren't walking very fast. He felt sweat gathering on his forehead, under his nose, around his neck. He fought to break free, jabbed at Amycus and kicked him but he felt weak, awfully weak. He thought of Daphne and wished she was here to hold him.

His eyes went dark. Afterwards, he would wonder whether he had fallen unconscious during the short trip to the Carrows' office for he would barely be able to remember much of it. But the Carrows surely wouldn't bother to carry him into their office if he did lose his consciousness.

Before he knew, he was seated in a chair, his arms and legs tied tightly to the hard oak wood. A circle of rope hung loosely around his neck, attaching it to the back of the chair so any small movement caused the rope to tighten over his throat. He was forced to sit bolt upright even though he felt too exhausted to even sit properly. The office spun around him and the Carrows stood there talking but he heard nothing, just a jumble of words that made no sense to him.

Theo couldn't breathe. He sat upright thinking the rope was choking him, but that wasn't the case. He couldn't breathe and he didn't know why.

"Please let me go," he pleaded, chiding himself for being so stupid. He should have gone back to the dungeons. He should have hidden with Seamus.

His chest rose and fell rapidly. He blinked back tears and suddenly the room came into focus. Amycus was speaking.

"You really don't think we're going to let you go this easily for speaking to us like that, do you?" He jabbed his wand over Theo's chest. It began to turn hot and a few seconds later, he cried out as the tip of the wand burned through his layers of cloth and touched his skin. He could smell burning flesh.

"Stop, please stop."

He heard Alecto's voice from behind him. "You think we haven't noticed you hanging out with that filthy blood-traitor?" she drawled into his ear, her mouth too close to his skin. He shivered and jerked his head away. "We were hoping you would see your senses when that manipulating bitch was out of your way, but apparently we were wrong."

He gave a loud sigh as the wand moved from his chest. His breaths came out noisily.

Theo heard the clank of metal and suddenly there was a knife in front of him, the sharp edge rested against his cheek. Theo stopped fighting his tears and allowed them to fall as Alecto's hand gripped his shoulder, her talons cutting his skin.

"Your father has a respectable position among the Death Eaters," said Amycus. He took a chair and sat opposite him. Theo was aware of the cold metal against his cheek but it didn't pierce his skin. "We all had such high hopes for you. Your father had high hopes for you. You would take his place one day, pledge your allegiance to the Dark Lord. But if this is how you choose to turn out to be, then you cannot expect us to treat you nicely now, can you?"

Alecto patted his shoulder, almost affectionately. "We are doing this for your own good, Theo," she said softly like she was talking to a child. "Don't hold it against us. You will be grateful for the punishment when you come to your senses."

Theo closed his eyes, embracing what was to come to him.

The feel of cold metal against his cheek disappeared. From behind him, Alecto groped over his chest and yanked his shirt and jacket upward, now pressing the knife over the side of his stomach. Theo gasped at the sudden sensation, his breathing rate increasing by the second. Amycus sneered in front of him, watching in amusement as his sister played with her victim.

Her hand clasped his mouth shut just as she pushed the knife into his skin. Theo screamed with his closed mouth, his voice muffled, struggling under her hold which was surprisingly strong - or maybe he was weak. Trickles of blood slid down his waist, his eyes went blurry with more tears as the hand moved away from his face. He could tell she hadn't cut him deeply, but it hurt all the same. He gasped in pain as the twins laughed and jeered.

Almost gently, Alecto slid down his shirt again, covering up the wound.

"Now, Theo," said Amycus conversationally, ignoring his whimpers. "Your father graciously let you stay in the castle during the holiday so you could prove yourself and assist us in our work. Obviously, you have neglected your duty and failed to follow your father's orders."

Alecto, who was still out of the range of his sight, leaned toward him, resting her chin over his shoulder. "He has also graciously allowed us to punish you as we see fit. So if you have been thinking of writing to him and whining about us, then my boy, I'm afraid you will be in for a terrible disappointment."

Theo had stopped making any sound. He was too tired to even feel the pain on his stomach. He wished he would lose consciousness so all this would be over, but apparently he wasn't so lucky.

Alecto lifted her chin. She started to run her fingers through his hair. "Don't worry, dear. You will be a better man once you leave this office."

Her fingers moved behind his neck and suddenly he was choking. The rope squeezed his throat, his eyes widened in shock as he opened his mouth and tried to inhale large gasps of air. He saw Amycus lean toward him and press his wand over his chest again. The tip of the wand was warm and it got slowly warmer, his clothes sizzled, but his eyes went dark and Amycus was just a blob of blackness in front of him.

... Until he wasn't. Alecto had let go of the rope and Theo's head short forward as he gasped for air. He saw the wand was still pressed against his chest and a thin trickle of smoke rose into the air from the point it touched his skin. But he felt nothing. Then the wand moved away too and the ropes around his neck and wrists and feet loosened and he sprawled to the ground, coughing and wheezing and crying. He pulled his legs close to him and whimpered as a sharp wave of pain initiated from the wound in his stomach and spread all over his body.

Amycus kicked his knees. "What a fucking wimp," he whispered, sounding like a father who was disappointed in his lazy son. Theo wanted to leave the office, get as far away from them as possible, but he was too weak to move. He saw Alecto kneeling beside him as she peered into his face.

"That Longbottom boy has more balls than you," she sneered at him. Her face was laced with disgust. "No wonder your father is so ashamed to have you as his son. Crying and moaning like a little girl." Her hand shot out and grabbed his crotch. Theo gasped, dumbfounded. He used up all his remaining strength to try and move away from her but she held on, tight. "Grow a fucking pair." Her fingers squeezed and twisted until he cried out in pain. "You disgust me."

She let go.

Theo scrambled to his feet but his head spun and he fell again. He threw his hands outward and grabbed the closest thing he could reach, which happened to be a trunk placed along the wall. He used it to push himself upward and limped to the door, every movement causing the wound to protest and send waves of pain over him. He tried to move fast, scared that the Carrows would try to stop him. But he met no resistance and he was out of the office in seconds. He didn't see where he was going but let his instinct carry him. He went as far as he could go until he felt safe, then he dropped to his knees and started weeping, properly this time.

Theo reached a hand under his shirt and felt the wound. Fresh blood covered his fingers when he brought his hand out. His chest stung where he had been burnt, and he felt a horrible sensation between his legs where Alecto had grabbed at. He touched his neck. It felt like it has cut open with a blade. He curled up into a ball and waited for his consciousness to give away.

He may have fallen in and out of consciousness several times. He had only mere glimpses of the night in his memory afterwards. He remembered being held by someone. He remembered gentle fingers on his forehead and arms - fingers that didn't feel as repulsive as Alecto's had. He remembered looking around, hoping to see Blaise, perhaps he had even called out his name, but he couldn't be sure. He remembered being dragged, rather roughly, through the floor and someone moving his shirt aside and pressing something cold and wet over his wound. He remembered immense relief flooding through him.

Then he slipped out of consciousness for good and all the pain and misery he had felt went away.