I think they forgot I was in the kitchen.

Believe me when I say that I was trying not to eavesdrop. This was obviously a very personal mother-son moment, but were like three feet away from where I was sitting, and the walls weren't exactly noise-proof.

Evan told his mom about the Connor Project. Or, at least tried to. From the sound of it, he hadn't been talking to his mom at all before this, so the details were kinda choppy. But I could tell what he was trying to say.

His mom couldn't, though. She seemed to get the impression that Evan did something bad and needed support through it, but she doesn't seem to have picked up on any specifics.

She told him a story about the day his dad moved away. It was really heartwarming and cute, but really didn't have anything to do with the Murphys.

For once, I'm glad that Evan was terrible at speaking. Otherwise, that could've gone worse. Heidi could've told the Murphys and then Larry would put a lawsuit on us and it would all just go downhill from there.

Once about three minutes passed with little to no noise, I straightened out my hair (which I was messing with whilst panicking), and walked out of the kitchen. "Finished raiding the kitchen."

They were in the middle of a nice little hug, and I had obviously startled them.

"Oh, Jared..." Heidi said, laughing nervously, "Forgot you were there."

I shrugged, "You guys had some nice pizza in the fridge, but I gotta admit, the lack of pepperoni was slightly disconcerting."

Evan smiled at me and said, "Thanks for the ride home."

We all know what that means: get out of my house so I can have my moment.

So I nodded and headed back to my car.

My phone vibrated again once I sat down, and I remembered Alana's message. Imagine how awkward today would've ended if Evan listened to that audio file. What do you think would've happened?

I took out my phone. Speak of the devil, Alana was calling me.

"Hello Jello, who's this fellow?"

Alana chuckled, but I could tell there was some sort of deep concern in her voice. "It's Alana."

"I know I check the Caller ID."

"Look," she said seriously, "I need to ask you about something. I thought it would be easier to ask you first but I might ask Evan if you don't know..."

"Go ahead sister."

"Why... why did Connor kill himself?"

Aw shit.

"He sounded like he was doing better in the emails... and the dates don't lie, Jared." She continued. I started the car and put her on speaker so I could drive home. "Look, this one was dated August 1st, just four weeks before his suicide. 'I've been feeling more happier lately, thanks to you. It's as if all the happiness that got sucked out of me is being pumped back in.' That sounds good, right?"

I nodded, before realizing I was on the phone, and instead made a noise of agreement. Just nod and confirm, Kleinman.

"I just don't know what changed..." I heard some papers rustling on the other end, before she did a complete 180°, "How were you guys managing to hold together such a big friendship without anyone even knowing?"

"Well, I-"

"Like, you seemed to hate Evan at the beginning of the year. I don't understand it..." She wasn't demanding information or anything, she just genuinely sounded confused and upset and... maybe a little betrayed?

I wish I had Evan here to lie for me.

So instead, I avoided her question by telling a truth, "Evan and I have been through more than you know. We knew each other when we were in diapers, you know."

Alana laughed, "That's adorable." I chucked.

I sighed and said, "Maybe look through the emails some more? I know that I don't know why Connor killed himself. Evan may not either. Sometimes it's just an impulse, you know?" I thought back to that time just a week or two ago when Evan had tried jumping out of a tree.

"That's a messed up impulse."

"Maybe so, but it happens."

I got home and put the phone to my ear as I walked inside. "I'm home. Gonna have to get off the phone, because we all know my mom's gonna say something."

Alana chuckled slightly, "Hey, it's better than your parents saying nothing."

"Yeah, I guess. See you Monday."

I was about to hang up when, "-Actually! I was hoping you'd wanna go trick-or-treating Monday night? You and Evan? Just us three. I haven't been in a while and my friends all think it's for kids..."

I think it's for kids, don't I?

"Sure!" I said happily, standing outside my front door, "I haven't been in a while either. Sounds like fun!"

"Great! Awesome! See you Monday!"

"Bye."

I hung up. Potential Connor-Project-Crisis avoided.

I opened the door and my mom was there on the couch. "Evan again, huh?" Was all she said.

"I just went to a dance!" I said defensively, "Don't make it any bigger of a deal than it has to be!"

She smiled and I walked upstairs to my room.

We need more emails, emails to show that he was getting worse.

I hopped on my computer and started a new backdated email.

Dear...

It's all mixed up. I can't remember what we've confirmed and what we've denied. Is Connor still going to rehab the date this e-mails supposed to take place or no? Is he still pinning his hope on Zoe or is the spotlight turned on Evan now?

What was real and what wasn't?

Except, none of it. It's not real.

Whatever I write, I'm going to contradict myself. That's what Alana was talking about. Nothing adds up and I can't go back to change the facts. It's not like a story you can edit and revise - it's out there. It's a memory.

Not a real memory, mind you, but a memory.

I wonder if I'll ever look back on that memory at Ellison's with Evan the same way now that I've morphed it into a lie.

Maybe that's what Evan's thought process was. Maybe this is why he wants to end it. Not just because it's a lie, but because it's a truth.

Which really doesn't make any sense to anyone.

Alana is looking at these emails as fact, not fiction like Evan and I are. She's reading it like a biography, and we're reading it like a novel in progress. In a biography, someone wouldn't talk about going to an orchard for the first time because they've gone before. That just doesn't make any sense!

Everything's coming together. And I think we need to do what's right for us at this point.

No more helping the Murphys, Evan.

-

Jared Makes a Breakthrough, But How Easily Will He Fall Through With It: A Stunning Trilogy.

Published: 4/5/20
Word Count: 1176