Dear Entry

Alright on the last entry I wrote that I saw the most gorgous girl in my life. I was screwed over by my anxiety,it was not smooth or pretty as I basically crawled over to her side of the room to ask for her name which was Ash, just Ash not Ashley, not Ashalin, not any other combo to get Ash.

She told me that she didn't feel beautiful with her weight and so she'd skip meals, drink lots of water to trick her body into believing she was full. Ash also would self harm but not as deep as me. She was caught by her mother when she visited, ending in two women crying. Promising to go to a doctor and "try" to get better not for her mother's sake but for hers.

We bonded and afterwards we became friends.  I can do this I hope...she's my first friend in a long time. The others walked away when I didn't want to hang out, didn't want to reply back, wasn't in a sane mind.

As for my activity it's slowing down, the urges are fading and I'm scared. I still want to die but like the urge it too isn't as strong as BEFORE. What is happening?