A/N Hey My Lovelies!!! I came up with this a while ago and finally decided to try writing it!!! This story needs a SMUT WARNING!!!! and a TRIGGER WARNING!!! as in this, John is suicidal and it talks about it a fair bit....basically, John is a suicidal doctor that wants to have one last night of fun before his kills himself. Shezza is a young sex worker that agrees to help him...Enjoy<3

Nothing ever happens to me.

Not exactly a true statement, John knew that simple, everyday things happened to him. Bumped into a pretty lady on the tube, met up with old friends on the street.

Nothing interesting happens to me.

That's why he was there, in the seediest corner of the city, every penny of his measly savings account in his pocket, looking for something interesting. He had no plans to return to his boring, mundane life after the night was over, so if he was robbed and killed while wandering around, that would just make things easier for him come morning.

He stopped walking, leaning against a wall and watching the various sex workers wandering the streets.

He could just pick one of these girls, buy her attentions for the night, pay for her drugs or whatever, maybe try a few himself. It's not he was going to live long enough to regret any decisions.

"I wouldn't go for her." A deep, posh-sounding voice came from beside him, making him flinch and reach for his belt reflexively. No gun, remember? They took that when you tried to eat it. "She was just sold to a pimp that is known for robbing her tricks." The voice belonged to a figure that was propped against the alley entryway, hidden by the shadows.

John's mind screamed danger! He pushed his hands into his pockets and glanced back at the girl he had been watching, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Maybe I'm looking for a bit of danger." He heard the mysterious man's interested hum and felt it when the presence shifted closer to his side. He didn't look at the man though, keeping his eyes trained on the group of people on the sidewalk.

"You're looking for an escape." The deep voice was inches from his ear, and he finally turned, finding himself incredibly close to a very pale, very young man.

He was possibly the most attractive man John had ever seen, high cheekbones and flawless skin accented by silver eyes that reflected what little light there was. He looked too young and far too posh to be out in this area.

"You crave adventure, something your day-to-day life fails to offer you, but you've never done this before. You need to feel alive, like you did in the war." John knew he should be alarmed by that, but all he could focus on was the young man's lips and voice.

He shifted closer to the young man, just barely resisting the urge to reach out and touch him.

"How much for the night?" He asked, his breath hitched slightly when the young man also stepped closer, leaving little to no space between them.

"How much do you have?"

"Three thousand." Their lips brushed as they spoke, and John felt his blood thrumming in his veins.

"Good enough." John's heart thudded painfully when the young man pressed their lips together, making John's mind spin. He sighed into the kiss, opening his mouth and whimpering as he felt the young man suck and bite gently on his bottom lip. "What is your name?"

"John." The young man pulled back and smirked, taking John's hand and winking at him.

"Well John, what say you to dinner?" John let himself be led away, more than a little disappointed that the kiss had ended.

There was something in the back of his mind, screaming for attention, but he shoved it away in favor of watching his companion walking ahead of him.

This was what he was looking for, what he so desperately longed for.

This was interesting.

The made their way back to Shezza's- as he had insisted his name was- flat, the young man insisting he wanted to change.

Although John hadn't really been expecting a lot, perhaps a little bedsit, Shezza's flat turned out to be nicer than expected, though it was a tad cluttered.

He's not a prostitute.

John watched the young man bustle about the flat, tidying a few things before coming to a stop in front of John. In the well-lit flat, Shezza looked even younger, his pale skin and wide eyes giving him a youthful appearance.

"Christ, how old are you?" John asked, his self-loathing rising in his chest. He hated himself for taking advantage of a kid like this.

"Old enough."

"Yeah, I'm out of here." John turned to leave, but was stopped by a tight grip on his elbow.

"My apologies. I realize that made me sound underage, and believe me, that was not my intention. Most gentlemen your age that show an interest in me are looking for, that." Shezza waved his hands dismissively and pulled John close to his chest again, leaning down and nuzzling his nose along John's cheekbones. "I can assure you John, I am well over the legal age of consent. You are welcome to check my I.D. if you are concerned." Shezza leaned down and sucked at the skin of John's neck, making his knees weak.

Don't you fucking dare-

"It's fine." John mumbled, tilting his head to the side to give the younger man more room. Shezza traced his jaw lightly with his lips and teeth, sending chills along John's spine. "I-It's- its all fine." Shezza hummed and pulled away, smirking and winking before turning away and walking away.

John blinked in confusion as the young man left him, his mind fuzzy with arousal. He rubbed the back of his neck and shuffled his feet, unsure of what he was supposed to do.

"Do you like Italian food?" Shezza's voice carried from what John assumed was the bedroom, shocking him out of his thoughts. "I know a lovely little place just around the block, I'm told their food is delicious."

"Uh, yeah, that sounds good, yeah." John's eyes landed on the mantle and his inner voice started shouting at him again.

He has a bloody human skull on his mantle! He's a fucking nutter!

"Is uh, is that a human skull? On your mantle?" Shezza appeared in the doorway of the room, looking like an entirely different man.

He had exchanged his baggy coat and ratty sweats for an expensive-looking suit, the deep purple shirt under his jacket nearly straining at the buttons.

He looked amazing, and John suddenly felt incredibly self-conscience.

"Oh, that? He's a friend- well, I say friend." Shezza smirked as though amused by an inside joke and stepped closer to John. He huffed a small sigh and grinned at John, the corners of his eyes crinkling in an almost adorable way. "Now, dinner?"

"Starving." John returned the smile as best he could, but something changed in Shezza's face, the smile dimming and his brow furrowing briefly before he stepped closer to John, taking his face in his hands and kissing him deeply.

He was breathless and trembling by the time Shezza broke the kiss.

"We have the whole night, my Good Doctor. Let me show you what there is to live for." Shock flooded through John, but was quickly chased away when Shezza snogged him thoroughly once more before spinning away, throwing on a long coat and grey-blue scarf. He gripped John's hand and, grinning deviously, all but ran from the flat.

This is definitely interesting.

The restaurant was in fact, a lovely Italian place just around the corner from Shezza's. The owner greeted them happily, stating that Shezza had saved him a lengthy prison term a few years back.

"Shezza here got me off a murder charge."

"Yes, I was able to prove that while the murder was being committed, Angelo was in an entirely different part of town, breaking into a house." Angelo clapped his hand on Shezza's shoulder and shook the young man, grinning like a proud father.

"Yep, kept me out of prison, he did."

"You still went to prison." Shezza corrected, but Angelo was already gone, prattling on about getting a candle for the table.

"You got him off a murder charge?" That little voice in the back of John's head was back, screaming that that was not something prostitutes did and that something was wrong.

He could be dangerous!

God, I hope he is.

"Yes. I occasionally assist New Scotland Yard on cases when their out of their depth. They usually are, but it is rare they admit it." John chuckled, fondness trying to wriggle it's way into his chest, but that annoying voice tamped it down.

He is not someone you should feel anything for!

What does it matter? I'm going to be dead this time tomorrow.

"So, they just call you up and ask you for help?"

"Not quite. My brother-in-law is a DI there, and he comes to me with cases. Their way of keeping me off drugs." Caution bells sounded in John's head at the little voice was all but screeching at him. "Oh relax Doctor, I've been clean for well over a year."

Angelo arrived with their food, sending John a cheeky wink and thumbs up before leaving them alone.

He knows you're a doctor. How did he know that?

"Your hands." John pulled himself from his thoughts and sent a confused glance at the younger man, who blushed and pushed his food aimlessly around his plate with his fork. "You were wondering how I knew you were a doctor." Shezza squirmed in his seat and John's mind instantly reminded him on just how young he looked. "It was your hands."

"How the hell did my hands tell you I was a doctor?"

"They are steady, didn't even tremble after our little snogging session earlier, despite the rest of your body shaking. Only people who have trained for years as a surgeon can manage that level of dexterity. Also, you completely passed over some of the ladies that were the most preferred for that area. You had no reason for that, aside from being able to diagnose sexually transmitted infections with ease." John knew he was gaping by the end of it, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. "Sorry." Shezza mumbled, still pushing his food around his plate and squirming.

"Why on Earth are you apologizing? That was, amazing." Shezza's face twitched, and he looked at John with a caution that nearly broke his heart.

"Really?"

"Of course, that was absolutely fantastic." Shezza's cheek's darkened further and his lips quirked up in an uncertain smile.

They ate in silence for a while, simply comfortable in each other's company.

The silence was broken by Shezza's cell phone ringing.

"Hello? Yes? Oh, Gavin! Absolutely. No, we can be there in twenty minutes." When he rang off, Shezza's eyes were glinting with excitement. "John, we have a case!"

"A case?"

"Yes! Three murders, victims were clearly shot, but no bullets can be found. The Yard needs my help, and I think you should come along." John's mind screamed at him again, but he ignored it, grabbing his coat and reaching for his wallet. "Don't worry about it. Angelo never makes me or anyone I dine with pay."

"Why do you want me to come?" Shezza pulled John out of the booth and kissed him deeply, sending a thrill along John's spine.

"Because, your medical training is going to be invaluable." Shezza kissed him thoroughly once more before pulling back and swinging his coat on. "Plus, it could be dangerous." He fled the restaurant with a wink.

Despite the voice screaming in his mind, John immediately followed.

He's excited about murders! That's not normal!

This is could be very interesting.

The crime scene was chaos, people staring and making harsh comments towards Shezza, and watching John with a morbid curiosity.

Shezza was like a kid in a candy store, practically bouncing around the bodies, spouting out his theories and things he noticed.

He had John look at the bodies, despite arguments from the lead Di, a bloke named Lestrade. John was able to point out something Shezza had failed to notice. There were irregularities with the tissues surrounding the wounds.

"Of course! John, you're brilliant!" Shezza spun, his eyes landing on a young man in the crowd. "John, look at his hands." Shezza mumbled, the sudden subtleness setting off alarm bells in John's mind.

There were powder burns on the man's hands.

"Does that look like the type of burn that one would sustain from a gun misfiring?"

"It does." Shezza's answering grin was dangerous, and it sent a thrill through John that he hadn't felt since the war. "That's him? The killer?"

Get out of there!

I need my gun.

You tried to kill yourself with it remember? Harry took it.

Shezza confronted the suspect, and he panicked, leading Shezza and John on a wild chase through the streets of London.

The chase ended with the young man catching Shezza in a chokehold, a sharp shard of glass pressed against his throat, and his gun in the hands of John, who weighed his options and pulled the trigger.

The bullet narrowly missed Shezza's face on its path to connect with the other man's ear. He reeled back, screaming in pain and John leapt to Shezza's side, checking for injuries before subduing the suspect.

Even after statements were given and the suspect was in custody, the adrenaline had not even begun to fade in John's blood.

They were walking down the street, on their way back to Shezza's, giggling about the ridiculousness of the chase when Shezza gripped the front of John's coat and dragged him into an alley.

He's going to kill you!

"You shot a man for me." Was all Shezza said before catching John's lips in a rough kiss, pressing him back against the wall. John moaned softly into the kiss and responded, his entire body thrumming with arousal and adrenaline. "Look at you, so alive, so excited." Shezza whispered, tugging at John's shirt and trousers. "The adrenaline pumping through your veins, better than you've felt in years." John bit his lip against the sounds that tried to spill from his mouth as Shezza pulled open his trousers and dropped to his knees.

"F-Fuck-"

"You're gorgeous like this John, so alive and sure of yourself." Shezza whispered as he gently stroked John to full hardness.

John whimpered as he felt Shezza take him in his mouth, sucking and teasing the head and shaft of his member with his tongue.

His hands instantly found Shezza's thick, dark curls and his head dropped back against the unforgiving brick.

He felt every move of the young man's lips and tongue, he could feel where his skin was going to bruise where Shezza's fingers were digging into his hips.

This is wrong. It's filthy and gross and wrong! What would your father think? Letting some random boy suck you off in a back alley-

Fuck off, I'm enjoying myself.

You're going to regret this.

I'm pretty sure I won't.

John felt his orgasm starting to swell and tugged at Shezza's hair, trying to warn the young man.

Shezza swatted his hands away and continued what he was doing, sucking John's member into his mouth until he was almost fully engulfed in the wet heat.

Then Shezza swallowed around him and he came with a bitten-off cry, spilling down the beautiful young man's throat.

Shezza straightened John's trousers while he was recovering, springing to his feet and kissing John deeply, his lips swollen and red.

John loathed the fact that he was paying for this boy's attentions.

But there was no way someone as gorgeous as Shezza, or whatever his name really was, could love a suicidal doctor that never came home from the war.

"I want you John." Shezza whispered, pressing the length of his own erection against John's hips and biting on the skin of his neck. "We still have four hours left, and I want to spend at least half of that with you inside me." John felt his member give a half-hearted twitch and he surged forward, catching the young man's lips in another heated kiss. "Shall I take that as a yes?" Shezza chuckled, making John grin against his lips.

Don't do it-

"Oh, God yes."

Idiot.

Morning came too soon, finding John standing at the doorway of Shezza's flat, reluctant to leave the strange young man. He dug in his jacket pocket and pulled out the envelope that held the three thousand dollars, the entire contents of his savings, and held it out for Shezza.

The soft smile he was sent as the young man pushed the cash back at John shocked him.

"Keep it. You will be needing it far more than I." Pain flared in John's chest and he shook his head, pressing the envelope back at Shezza.

"Trust me, I really won't." Shezza moved his hand aside and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, cupping his face with his slightly cold fingers and smiling sweetly.

"Yes, you will. Have a good life, Doctor Watson." With that, the boy named Shezza backed away and closed the door, leaving a stunned John standing on the sidewalk.

Now what?

John spent three days simply sitting, staring at the blade that was meant to take his life, thinking of Shezza.

He thought of how full of life he had felt, racing through the streets of London.

He thought of the adrenaline that flooded his veins as he shot at the murderer, the look of awe and glee that filled Shezza's face.

"I want you, John." Those words bounced around his skull as he traced the area he was meant to cut with his thumb.

He thought of how amazing it felt to be wanted, to be appreciated, and for the first time in his life, John decided to ask for help.

On the fourth day, John Watson threw out the blade and called a psychologist.

"Have a good life, Doctor Watson."

I'm going to try.

Nearly a year later, John was having coffee with an old college mate, complaining of his miserable bedsit.

It wasn't that he hated it, not really, it just reminded him of a time best forgotten.

"You could, I don't know, get a flat-share or something."

"Come on, who'd want me as a flatmate?"

"You know, you're the second person to say that to me today."

"Who was the first?"

Less than an hour later, John was being led through the halls of Saint Bart's Hospital, the weight of better days heavy on his shoulders.

He had studied here, found love in these halls, learned how to save a life in these rooms. To be back now, after everything, almost felt haunting.

They stepped into a clean laboratory, empty save for one person, hunched over something.

"Quite a bit different from my day."

"Yes, no doubt."

"Mike, glad you're here." The figure straightened and glanced at them, sending a thrill down John's spine and freezing him in place. "Can I use your phone? There's no service on mine."

"And what's wrong with a landline?"

"I prefer to text." Mike checked his pockets and shrugged, an apologetic smile on his face.

"Sorry, must have left it in my other coat."

"Here," John said, reaching into his pocket, "you can use mine."

Pale eyes met his and he felt something click in the pit of his stomach.

Shezza was out of his chair in an instant, all but bounding to where John was standing, a gleeful grin on his lips as he stopped before the retired doctor.

"John." Shezza whispered, blinking rapidly and fidgeting.

He looked good, not as thin and sickly. Still as gorgeous as the day they met of course.

"You know Sherlock?" John laughed, unable to resist touching the younger man, and pulled him in for a tight embrace.

"I knew Shezza wasn't your real name, you bloody git."

"It's my street name." John laughed again and pulled back, reaching up to brush a stray curl out of Sherlock's eyes.

"I think I like Sherlock better." The young man grinned and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to John's lips. "God, I've missed you."

"Move in with me?" Sherlock asked, his eyes wide and hopeful. "I know that's why Mike wanted us to meet. I mentioned to him this morning that I must be a difficult man to find a flatmate for, and here he is, bringing with him an old friend whose looking for a new flat. Coincidently, said man is the only person I could imagine wanting to live with." John blushed and picked at a piece of fluff on the young man's jacket.

"Sherlock-"

"Please, I-I have a spare bedroom that you can have if you would prefer. I know I'm an irritating person to live with, staying up all night, playing the violin at all hours, and not really taking care of myself, but I think I can do-" John cut his words short with a soft kiss, grinning at the flush that took over the young man's pale cheeks.

"I think one room will be fine."

He's dangerous.

I know.

He's going to get you killed.

Yeah, but something tells me it will be one hell of a ride.