Hello my lovely hamsters:) long time no see, I apologise for my absence. Here is a little update about what's going on and what is happening with my Johnlock oneshots.

On Friday, I was scrolling through YouTube when a video was recommended to me. I very nearly didnt watch it as it was about a subject I didnt consider .myself to be interested in. I did watch it though and im so glad I did. The video was "My top 10 female autistic traits" by Olivia Hops. I was sitting watching and my eyes were getting wider and wider with everything she said as I related to it more and more. By the end of the video I had come to the conclusion "oh my gosh, I think im autistic". I took my headphones out and voiced this thought to my sister to which she responded with "well yeah duh, I've been trying to tell you this for ages". I did lots more research and several online quizzes and came to the relisation of "ok, I'm almost certainly autistic". Turns out that autism in girls is completely different to autism in boys which is why I was always so dismissive when my sister suggested I might be autistic. I now know that I should always listen to Lily as she is infinitely clever and wise, a fact I already knew but didnt follow through with. Before anyone comes at me, no, I havent got a formal diagnosis yet, it's been 5 days, the diagnosis system is not that good. I am looking to get one but diagnosis centres are usually aimed at younger children or adults so at 16 I'm in a bit of a grey area. I only want a diagnosis for my own validation and peace of mind as I dont need any support with it but It would be nice to not have to keep questioning myself every 5 minutes.

So, what does this mean for my Johnlock oneshots book? Here's the thing, as an autistic people, i develop special interests. Currently that special interest is autism and that is all I can think about, all I want to talk about and all I want to learn about every single second of the day, which is slightly annoying but it does mean that I now know a LOT more about autism than I did on Thursday. Looking back, one of my longest, most intense special interests was Dan and Phil. This was an interest that lasted a year or two and consumed every waking moment (and sleeping moment too as I can lucid dream, less so now but at that point, very vividly). Anyway, that interest petered out when they stopped posting on YouTube together and I'm not sure whether I had a special interest during the end of that one and the beginning of this next one. Now, if you are observant, you may have guessed what the next special interest was: Sherlock Holmes. I watched the irregular with my mum and after that, this fictional detective was all I could ever think about. I got back into the BBC version with the same intensity of obsession that had accompanied my obsession with phan and I started writing fanfiction again. This special interest was much shorter lived than the previous, not sure why, it just was. It is no longer my special interest so I'm afraid that means either no more, or very little more, Johnlock fanfiction from me.

Soz like, it kinda annoys me too that this is no longer my special interest as it did bring me a huge amount of joy, as did Dan and Phil and I hope I have a similar level of joy giving special interest again at some point cos this autism one is mildly exhausting as it means I am scrutinizing everything I do and ever memory I have for autism and it's all I want to talk about which is ok as I have some neuro divergent friends who understand what I'm on about but also some that have no understanding of autism, plus I dont really want to tell everyone so the urge to blurt out 'because I'm autistic" or "ooh. that relates to my autism" every time I think it is annoying.

K, sorry for the essay but as I said, I'm autistic and one of the things is that we have an inability to monitor how much we speak and to summarise things succinctly plus we overshare which combines into a very long explanation of everything ever so... I'm just gonna do it, and actually on not sorry cos this is who i am so I'm afraid you'll just have to put up with it:) ok, i really recommend you go and read up on autism in general and female autism specifically as you either might learn something about yourself or just have a better understanding of it and how to relate and support autistic loved ones or people you meet and that is always a good thing.
Bye my lovelys, i hope yous all have a wonderful day,
Isabella