CHAPTER FOURTEEN
l'appel du vide

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THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT IS only one phenomenon in the complexity of the timeline. It stays rigid for a while, then fluctuates for no good reason; present warps the past as much as the past influences the present, and the future never comes, not really. It's just another point on the constantly twisting and winding map, and those who can traverse it are merely transferring themselves from one page of a book to another. The intricacy of the chronology of the world's existence makes it so the Commission has to work extra hard on monitoring the specific day it's supposed to end: April 1st, 2019. Sometimes it'll seem like it's on schedule for the seemingly inevitable destruction, and then an anomaly will spark up and the Commission will have to send out one of their agents. Eliminating all threats to the end of the world is taken perhaps the most seriously within the organization, which was why Hazel and Cha-Cha would be in such deep shit if they were found out. It was clear, what they'd have to do now: dispose of the latest threat to the timeline, a woman by the name of Nadine Vidal.

A year ago, when they'd been given this mission to go back and murder the eighteen-year-old, the two masked assassins had been told that her death would help guarantee that the end of the world took place in twelve years. Sometimes it was just 'basically guarantee' instead of 'completely guarantee'—after all, the timeline was so confusing it was hard to keep track—and this was one such case. Perhaps the death of Nadine Vidal would be meaningless in terms of the anticipated Armageddon; perhaps not. Either way, Hazel and Cha-Cha didn't question the Handler when she assigned them their new mission.

(And it was strange that she did, as usually the notes were shoved into tubes and sent right into their laps. But neither Hazel nor Cha-Cha said anything about it, though they were both curious.)

"She lives in Dijon, France," the woman had explained, pipe between her lips. "Eighteen. From her file, it seems like she's a sparky one, so expect resistance."

How much resistance could an eighteen-year-old do, though? Perhaps that was Hazel and Cha-Cha's first mistake when they regarded her file, tracing their fingers over the picture of the girl, freshly graduated. Underestimating her. Expecting a mere tussle that would inevitably end with her broken body bleeding out on the ground. They hadn't known she'd claw her way to survival, straining with every tooth and nail to emerge on the other side. Underestimation was dangerous. Even if it was coming from two skilled assassins.

So now they were fucked. Along with getting their hands on that pesky traitor Number Five, they also had to find and correct their little dilemma with Nadine Vidal by making sure she died for real. It seemed like quite the hefty task (and, indeed, it was) but Hazel and Cha-Cha had been trained for this. They'd poured their sweat and blood into this company (only to be given a big fuck you by their bosses—seriously, a pay cut for every day they failed to find Number Five? They were good, but not that good!). They refused to be mocked again.

Luckily for them, they already had a lead, and said lead was sitting bound, half-naked, in a chair in the motel they were hunkering down at. Hours of torture hadn't worked out well, but they were optimistic. Even though they weren't any closer to discovering the location of Five or Nadine. They would, though. Their lead may have been a tough nut to crack, but all nuts break eventually. Klaus Hargreeves was no exception.

Nadine Vidal and Five Hargreeves were both going down, and the apocalypse would happen as prophesized. That was a promise.

THERE WERE THREE people on Nadine's to-kill list: Hazel, Cha-Cha, and Five Hargreeves. The first two were obvious selections for such a list, given that they had a) shot her when she was barely graduated, and b) literally broke into the Hargreeves' house and nearly killed her just yesterday, leaving her with a knot on the side of her head, a split lip, and an aching scalp (and that wasn't even mentioning the killer headache that had pierced its way through her skull). The choice to add Five, though, was unconventional, given that he hadn't done either of the two things that had earned Hazel and Cha-Cha their spots on Nadine's list. It was more of a metaphorical killing, fueled by annoyance. He'd claimed that the Hargreeves mansion would be the safest for her, yet now, because she'd stayed there, she'd almost died and was surely found out by now. So, it was safe to say that the next time she saw Five Hargreeves (where was he, anyway?), he was going to get a piece of her mind. And her fists. Never mind that he literally looked like a kid.

Last night, she'd texted Vanya, inquiring if she was alright, but her new friend hadn't replied, which had, admittedly, made her a little worried. It was more than likely she was just ignoring Nadine—she had every right to be mad at the fact that she, a literal member of the family, had been the one kicked out, and not the stranger—but what if Hazel and Cha-Cha somehow had gotten their hands on her again? They'd already proven that they outmatched her (and by a lot), so Nadine couldn't help but constantly open and close her phone that night, obsessively checking for a response. There had still been none.

There was also the issue of Klaus's whereabouts. Nadine had combed through the many rooms that lay within the Hargreeves mansion, but she hadn't been able to find the drug-addicted man. At first, that had made her relieved—so he hadn't been swept up in this brutal combat—but when he hadn't come back last night to collapse onto the living room couch like what was apparently usual for him, a tinge of worry for him intermingled with the worry she had for Vanya. She knew she was probably overreacting, and her friend was alright and probably crashing at someone else's place (or sleeping in an alleyway—she wouldn't put it past him), but still. Obviously, the attack had left her shaken up.

She rolled out of bed too early for her liking, her various aches and pains refusing to allow her a proper rest. She stretched out the kinks in her neck and back, and then sat with her back against the post of the bed, forming the image of a sky, blue as a robin's egg, all around her. For each bend of her fingers formed a cloud, white and fluffy as cotton balls, marshmallows hanging suspended in the air all around her. A bird fluttered by her head, graceful and free, and an imaginary wind whistled through her bedhead, whipping it this way and that. She spread out her legs, letting yet another Sanctuary envelope her, soothing her leftover fears from last night.

When she was younger, fresh and innocent as a wide-eyed doe, she'd stared up at the sky that fanned out around her and wondered what it would be like to touch a cloud. Much like other kids, she imagined it would feel as fluffy as it looked, and she imagined taking naps on top of them, the world's best mattress.

Then, of course, she learned that clouds were made of water, and to touch a cloud was to just get her hand wet, and she'd probably run out of oxygen before she got to that stage, anyway. Still, whenever she looked up at the sky, she got the urge to try, anyway. Like the sky was calling for her to come home.

After her gunshot wound, scenarios like that happened more often. She'd be driving and wonder what would happen if she just swerved right and crashed the car into a ditch. She'd be standing on the balcony of a building and feel her legs quiver in anticipation of a jump. Apparently, this was normal, even for people who hadn't suffered the immense trauma she'd gone through, but the thoughts still terrified her. The fact that it was so easy for her life to end.

Eventually, after what felt like a century of watching the clouds slowly contort, Nadine dissolved the illusion, getting to her feet. Her stomach growled, and as she searched her suitcase for a suitable outfit to wear that day, she found herself gritting her teeth. Fuck what Five said about going out alone. He'd been wrong about staying in the house. She didn't need a fucking babysitter. Based on the amount of bitterness coursing through her body like blood, she'd be fine if she happened to come across Hazel and Cha-Cha again. Never mind that she didn't know what they really looked like. Never mind that her head was still pounding. She was reckless, and she was wild, and she would not be confined.

She got ready in a whirlwind, and then she was off, leaving the house alone for the first time in days. It was a freeing feeling, being alone, and she relished in the fact that she wasn't faced with that uncomfortable tension she always was faced with when around one of the members of the Umbrella Academy. Besides, she wasn't interested in talking to Diego, who'd insulted Vanya last night, nor Allison, who'd agreed with him in sending her own sister away.

Nadine Vidal made her way through the streets with purpose, her head held high, constantly on the ready. She felt invincible; drunk on freedom, like everything the universe would throw at her would just roll right off her back. She let her feet carry her on her search for some breakfast, which was how, twenty minutes later, she found herself standing in front of a quaint little shop called Griddy's Doughnuts. It was exactly what Nadine needed.

She headed inside, the bell jingling as she did so, and the lone waitress at the counter, dressed in pink, looked up at the sound. A soothing, almost maternal smile spread to her face as Nadine slid into the seat at the counter. "Hello, what can I get you?"

Nadine perused the menu, and she let out a laugh when she noticed a specific item written there. "I'll have a chocolate éclair, please," she ordered, aching for something to feel more like home.

The waitress nodded. "Coming right up."

She bustled behind the counter, scooping up Nadine's breakfast and putting it on a plate, then slid the dish over to her. Nadine regarded it. It wasn't the healthiest option (she really needed to start working out again), but it was homey, and that was more of the vibe she was going for. So, of course, she shoved it into her mouth. It was delectable.

After a minute that consisted of Nadine chewing her éclair and the waitress wiping at the counter, the latter finally spoke up. She had a voice like freshly baked apple pies, and Nadine couldn't help but smile at it. Until, of course, the waitress finished her sentence.

"Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice the bandages on your head. Are you alright?"

Nadine raised a hand and gently touched the wrappings around her wound, her pulse immediately leaping as she thought wildly for an excuse. She couldn't exactly say she'd been attacked by a masked assassin who was looking for a fifty-eight-year-old man in the body of a thirteen-year-old who had also happened to shoot her twelve years ago, so she settled for the next best excuse.

"I got into a car accident."

The woman's eyes widened. "Oh my goodness. Was everyone alright?'

"Yes, no serious injuries." Nadine chewed another bite of her éclair.

"That's good. I'm glad you're okay. It sounds like it was nasty."

Nadine nodded, licking chocolate off her fingers. For some reason, she felt an instant connection with this waitress. Perhaps it was the sweetness in her tone or the fact that she seemed so motherly. She was the type of person to tuck in her children every night and make them tea when they were upset. The complete opposite of Louise, whose good nights consisted more of turning off the light abruptly while Nadine was in the middle of reading.

Nadine cast her eyes down. Yet again, she found herself aching for the mother she'd never really had.

She finished off her éclair and smiled at the woman. "Thank you so much," she began, pulling bills out of her pockets, but the waitress stopped her before she could give them over.

"No, no, it's on the house. Just take it easy, okay? Don't overexert yourself."

Nadine, surprised by the kind gesture, shoved her money back in her pockets and thanked the waitress again. As she stood up, touching her hands yet again to the knot on the side of head, she wondered what constituted as overexerting herself. She sobered, thinking about her walk here, where she'd felt untouchable. Single-handedly taking on two masked assassins who'd nearly killed her probably counted.

What was she doing? Five had given her a simple task, and even though it was difficult taking orders from someone who hadn't gone through puberty yet, she should've trusted him. He couldn't have known that she'd be attacked at the house. He had just been trying to keep her safe, a kind gesture from someone who seemed to only care about himself. Slim as it was, there was a possibility of being attacked out here, and she shouldn't take her chances.

No, she should just head back to the Academy. She'd find Five—she knew where his room was, now, and she figured he might've crawled back there in the night—and demand he tell her more about the assassins that had now nearly murdered her twice. Then she could figure out a game plan. One that didn't involve recklessly endangering herself.

So, like a puppy with her tail between her legs, Nadine Vidal made her way back to the Umbrella Academy to search for Five Hargreeves. But this time, instead of walking, she took a cab.

UNFORTUNATELY, WHEN NADINE got to the Academy and headed up to Five's room, she didn't find the conceited old-man-turned-teenager. Instead, as she crossed into the way too colourful room, she found a newly recovered Luther, crouching on the ground and sifting through Five's dresser. Pogo, who Nadine was relieved to see looked uninjured, was leaning on his cane, watching the brawny man with the kind of exasperation on his face that could only come with living with seven unruly children.

Nadine rapped on the doorframe, bringing the pair's attention to her. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked, crossing her arms and regarding the large man coolly.

"I-I'm looking—I'm looking for something that—that could do with what happened last night. With the two freaks in masks that tried to kill us."

Before Nadine could respond to that, Pogo let out a deep sigh. "Like I said, Master Luther," he began, "Number Five hasn't lived in this room since he was a boy."

"Yeah, I know, but we need to warn him. He doesn't even know we were attacked," Luther shot back. "He doesn't know they're looking for him, he doesn't even know about—"

"What are you doing here?" a new voice (practically mimicking Nadine's own question) came into the room before Nadine had time to realize that Luther knew absolutely nothing about their present situation. That Five had told a stranger more about Hazel and Cha-Cha and his time in the Commission, whatever that was, than members of his own family.

Nadine turned to find Diego hovering at the doorway now, clad in his classic leather garments. He'd directed his question to Luther, but he was obviously asking everyone. And, if she was right, he was also asking her why she was still in the house. Which she definitely wouldn't be answering.

"Uh..." Luther slowly rose to his feet, regarding his brother. "Do you know about Mom?"

"Grace?" Nadine repeated. "What happened?"

Neither of the men responded, leaving Nadine to fill in the gaps by herself. Her theory was only confirmed when Diego said, "Well, it looks like you got what you wanted, one way or another, right?" His voice was low, and tinged with more emotion than Nadine had ever heard from him. Immediately, she found grief piercing at her chest. She hadn't really known the robot, and sure, Grace had been acting suspicious yesterday, but... still. Nadine recalled the anger she'd felt on Grace's behalf during that wretched family meeting, the idea that the robot was the mother she'd never gotten. It made her heart ache.

Luther didn't respond to Diego's comment, and took a couple seconds to blink around the room, mouth gaping like a fish, before he said, "You wanna tell me what you're doing here?"

"I'm looking for Five," Diego responded.

"Welcome to the club," Nadine muttered, but Luther was already talking.

"Oh, and let me guess, you're gonna save the day."

"It's what I do. Asshole." Diego began to leave, as it was clear that there was a hostile environment within Five's room (and not only from Luther. Nadine was sure he remembered her verbal assault on him last night, even if it was in French, but even if he didn't, she was still giving him enough of a glare for him to quake in his boots). Before he could exit, however, Luther decided to rub salt in the already festering wound.

"Really? Last I checked, you mopped floors."

Diego halted in his tracks, and Nadine exchanged a look with Pogo, the two of them sitting there, practically invisible. Nadine figured she could get a box of popcorn, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show, and the two males, fueled by testosterone and seventeen years of feuding, probably wouldn't notice.

Slowly, Diego turned back to his brother. "And what do you do? Sit on the moon for four years, waiting for orders?"

"Boys," Pogo interjected. "This won't help us find Five."

Nadine nudged him. "Maybe not, but I want to see where this goes."

Diego's ears were deaf to both Nadine and Pogo's comments. He continued, "Keep on being a loyal soldier after everything our father did to you."

"What?" Luther asked. "You mean, save my life?"

"No, I mean..." Diego leaned casually against the doorframe, "turn you into a monster."

Luther just stared at Diego for a moment, and then he was throwing his fist through the wardrobe right beside his head. Nadine winced at the noise, jerking back a little as her twelve-year-old instincts kicked in, and out of the corner of her eye she noticed Pogo let out a sigh, shaking his head in disappointment.

Diego, though, was unfazed. "Can't hide it anymore, champ," he said, his voice low. Nadine had to admit this was sort of a low blow. Although she didn't really understand what had happened to Luther to turn him into this amalgamation, she still pitied him.

Luther drew his fist out of the cabinet. "He had a difficult decision to make, and he made it," he said, his voice suddenly calm. Diego just shook his head.

"Grow up, Luther. We're not thirteen anymore."

"That's what leaders do, by the way."

"Boys—" Nadine started. As much as this argument entertained her, she really wasn't interested in a repeat of the funeral brawl. That had taken out Ben's statue; this could take out her head. Or Pogo. The chimpanzee looked frail enough that one swing from Luther could easily take him out.

Unfortunately, neither of the men heard her. Or maybe they just weren't paying attention. "He sent you on that mission all alone," said Diego. "Almost got you killed."

"Yeah, well, at least he was there. Where were you? You and everyone else in this family? You walked out."

"And thank Christ that I did, or I would've ended up just like you."

"Boys—" said Nadine again, her tone getting sterner this time. It was unusual for her to play the maternal role, but desperate times called for desperate measures. But it didn't matter, because yet again, too caught up in their feud, the brothers ignored her.

"Let me ask you a question," Diego continued. "When you watch one of these nature shows..."

"Diego, please," pleaded Pogo.

"...does it turn you on?" Diego finished. Nadine had to hold in a laugh at that, because, despite everything, it was kind of funny. But then everything kicked in, and she remembered the look on Luther's face last night, and her face collapsed back into a frown. She wasn't exactly Luther's biggest fan anymore, but she shouldn't be such an asshole to him. Even if it wasn't her who had made that snarky remark.

"So what?" Luther snapped. "Is he just an animal to you, too, Diego, huh?"

"Don't—"

"Enough!" Pogo finally decided to put an end to this, and for once, Diego and Luther listened. There must've been a part of them that still recalled his scolding, Nadine figured, as they turned to face the chimpanzee like schoolchildren. Pogo continued, "This house was attacked. We barely got out with our lives."

"Says you," Nadine murmured. Pogo hadn't been involved in the conflict at all.

Pogo shot her a look and persisted, "And Grace... she wasn't so lucky. Your brother is missing, and this is how you rise to the occasion? Take your nonsense elsewhere. And take Miss Nadine with you. It seems she has the same goals you both do."

"Sorry, Pogo," Diego muttered.

"Yeah, sorry, Pogo," added Luther. And then the two men left the room with Nadine trailing after them, giving a glance to Pogo, who was pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. She couldn't believe her luck. She'd thought she would find Five here; now she had to go on a wild goose chase with two men who were in constant competition and who probably hated her.

Maybe she should have let Hazel and Cha-Cha kill her.

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HAVEN: nadine watching diego and luther's fight: 😱🍿

i know she didn't really have a part in it, and she was kind of just sitting there, but i really needed her to go with diego and luther (because it made the most sense, as they're all trying to find five). so... yeah. she's just there. i promise you next time she plays more of a role (though she does have to play witness to ANOTHER fight). 

this part of the book kind of jumps around with what i thought made the most sense, so nadine does go from group to group, but i've tried to actually make it make sense and not be a plothole, lol. i'm not sure how well i did, but we'll see! 

i hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's a lot longer than usual but i really wanted that first scene with agnes (she does come in again later!) and to explore nadine's feelings about five literally being completely wrong, while starting off with the nadine/luther/diego trio. 

thank you for reading :)