Hardwicke, New Hampshire

August 19, 2004.

"How many more times do I need to apologize for puking on you? I said I was sorry, can we not just forget it ever happened?" Samuel was pleading with me, he had been pleading since the day he got sick on me...I had already forgiven him in my mind but hadn't actually stated out loud that he had been forgiven. It had been a few days now and I figured he deserved verbal acceptance because he was likely stressing about everything else on top of this.

"Your apology is accepted Sam but if you do it again I'll need mega amounts of chocolate cake as tribute." I laughed, Sam seemed to relax a little and laughed along with me. Seriously though, if he got sick on me again there was no telling what I would do...especially if he vomited in front of the entire student body again.

"Honestly though, how could you get sick on me? That's like, the worst payback ever. Beth thought it was gross." Samuel groaned at that, I don't think he was prepared to hear what Beth thought of him so soon after the incident. In fact, I had noticed Sam had gone completely quiet and reclusive since the incident. He hadn't once mentioned Beth or the prospect of going out with her, which had been nice enough but now I was seeing that he was tortured.

"Please tell me I didn't ruin my chances with her?" Patting Samuel on the back, I shook my head. We were walking home after yet another day at high school, so far the term hadn't gone down too bad and we had even managed to make a few different friends this year.

"I don't think so, but at least she knows who you are now...well, I mean now she knows that you're my friend and all that. She'll probably talk to you more, that's good isn't it?" Again Samuel groaned, I tried to explain myself out of the current hole I was sitting in but I think the more I tried the deeper I got stuck so I decided to stop all together.

We lapsed back into silence as we carried on walking, I was enjoying the sunlight and Samuel was no doubt agonizing over his chances with Beth. I had learned a few weeks ago that nothing would set those nerves at ease, he had become frighteningly obsessive over the thought of dating Beth to the point that it scares me. But those obsessive states didn't last long and the usual Samuel came bounding out of his endless thoughts, all I had to do was stick around and wait.

The walk home didn't take too long, by the time we had reached Samuel's letter box he seemed to have snapped out of his thoughts and we chatted about the remainder of the year has together at Hardwicke high. I was going away to university after this year, Sam was still thinking over which university to apply to but I had picked mine out years ago.

Going away to university alone with no friends was a daunting task but it was a task that I looked forward to, it would be a nice surprise if Samuel decided to attend the same university as me but I wasn't holding out any hope so had made plans despite him.

"Hey, when are you next volunteering at the shelter...do you think they'd take me on?" Now it was my turn to groan because I knew the reason why Sam was volunteering. 

"Don't you have an allergy to cats or something? I'm going down this afternoon actually, why?" I really really hoped that Sam wasn't asking for the reason that I though. He casually shrugged his shoulders as we came to a stand still outside his front door, it was a habit of mine and his to walk either to their front door before watching the other to make sure they had made it across the street to their own front door.

"Just wondering, do you think your mom would be cool if I came down with you?" My eyes narrowed of their own accord as I stared accusingly at Sam. I wanted him to verbally confirm that he was going down to see Beth but he wouldn't budge and I couldn't really make him.

"She'd be fine with it I guess. We're going down in a half hour so be ready by then, I'll let her know." I shrugged my shoulders, I didn't want him to think it was a big deal that he was coming with me but it was. One of the reasons I was upset was the fact that I had been trying to get Samuel to come down to the shelter and volunteer since I had started but that was when his 'cat allergy' had appeared and I hadn't pushed it much since then.

But now my mind wondered if the cat allergy was just a ploy to get out of actually going down to volunteer, what if he wasn't allergic to anything? What was it saying to everyone else if Sam couldn't volunteer at his friends insistence but he would happily volunteer at the pretty girls invite?

Annoyed and frustrated I went home to inform my mom that Samuel was coming along this afternoon and likely every other afternoon that I was scheduled to volunteer. She didn't mind and when it came time to leave Sam was waiting at our front door excitedly.

I climbed into the car moodily, did up my seat belt and remained silent for the entire ride down to the shelter. When we arrived my mom gave us both the time that she would be back to collect us, it was pointless saying anything to Sam as his mind was already inside the shelter talking to Beth. Sam practically dragged me in through the front door to the desk.

"Tammy, this is Samuel Walker. He would like to volunteer at the shelter." I left Sam with Tammy and went about starting my tasks for the afternoon, I took a peep at the schedule and felt a frown forming on my face. Beth was scheduled on this afternoon, in the cattery. We would see how allergic Sam was to cats now that the object of his dreams would be sitting among them.

As usual I was rostered to the barn outside where I would clean out the horse, goat and sheep stalls, lay down fresh hay and make sure there was enough water and feed in the animals containers. Most stalls were cleaned twice a day because there were a lot of farm animals but if we were in a quiet spell with few animals then stalls were cleaned just once a day.

"Hey Rosie! How ya going today?" Jones always greeted me as I came in to work, he said that he was always thankful for volunteers. As he got older his back became less useful and he relied on volunteers a little more every year to clean out the stalls and do all the heavy lifting...even though he still tried to do it all.

"Hey Jones! I'm going good, brought in another volunteer." Jones was the stable manager at the shelter, there was always a barnyard animal or horse in the stables for him to care for. Whenever we weren't busy he would always tell me stories of when he was a youngster and how he would always make sure his horse Pepper was well taken care of.

I couldn't imagine owning a horse, the thought of being near one used to freak me out but now that I had been around them often enough they weren't so freaky. They were intelligent animals that usually liked being give attention and treats, though the horses that had been neglected or abused were a whole different story.

"Good to hear, we only got three stalls to muck out this afternoon. A couple of the horses got adopted out today, including Buster." I smiled, Buster was a horse I got to name! He was a feisty little miniature that liked to run and acted just like a regular sized horse, you would think he was half the time.

"That's great news Jones, why don't you dish out the feed and I'll get to cleaning?" I suggested, that was our typical working arrangement. Jones didn't complain this time like he usually did, instead he went to grab the feed that he would need to dish out to all the animals in the barn, including the chickens, geese and ducks that I could hear a few stalls down.

Jones and I worked in silence for the most part, occasionally he would talk to the animals or I would ask him a question here and there. But silence was how we typically worked and then chattered nonstop during a break or two.

It was almost time for me to leave by the time I had finished mucking out stalls, "Okay Jones, I think that is it for me today. I'll see you in a few days! Don't work too hard now!" That was a saying I had picked up from working around him and Jones laughed as I repeated it out loud to him.

"See ya next time kid!" Jones didn't even look up from what he was doing, which was usually how we parted ways. I went back towards the main building and in through the back door. 

I stopped dead in my tracks when I glanced through to the cattery to see not only Beth sitting there but Sam as well! 

Walking in through the door I stood there and watched, when Sam spotted me he sprung away from Beth and looked a little ashamed. He should have, I was downright angry with him for having lied to me. "Allergic to cats huh?" I asked, it really didn't even need asking. Beth looked from Sam to me and back again while petting a cat.

I didn't say anything else but walked out of the cattery down to the main office where I filled in my time sheet and handed it back to Tammy.

"Seriously, I can explain all that Rose. It's not what it seems." I really wasn't interested in hearing excuses from the one person I thought was my friend. So I just shoved the time sheet at Sam and went outside to wait for my mom.

It was a great thing that she showed up before Sam came out the front door, I climbed into the front seat and told her about my time volunteering. I was almost in a happy mood until Sam came out the front door, followed by Beth. He had a wide smile on his face, I looked away. Unable to handle the fact that he'd volunteered just to see his crush and not to actually save the animals.

When Sam climbed into the car my mom began talking to him too but I ignored him and their conversation, I was far too angry.

As soon as the car came to a stop outside of our home I climbed out of the car, Sam said something to me but I wasn't listening. I marched straight inside the house, said hi to my dad and carried on up the stairs to my room.

Collapsing onto my bed I promptly burst into tears, I don't really know why I was crying. Maybe it was the frustration, the hurt or maybe it was the fact that I had feelings for Sam a lot longer than Beth had been around but had been far too afraid of loosing a friend to ever voice them. Now, maybe I was too late to ever voice them as I thought back to the look of absolute happiness Sam had had on his when in the cattery and when leaving the shelter.

Was I being a b*tch for being so grumpy at him? I mean, it wasn't his fault that he had no idea how I felt...maybe I should stop being so harsh on him.