"The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world's existence. All these half-tones of the soul's consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are."
― Fernando Pessoa

Years ago, a young blonde with blood covering his bruised body and revenge burning eternally in his eyes climbed the cement steps of the Hero's Guild that seemed to stretch as far as today is from yesterday. Despite the Herculean effort it took to reach the glass doors, that child did not waver for a single second even when his body threatened to never let him move again. He was found on those steps by the heroes, and they rather reluctantly allowed him to bleed across the tile floor of the lobby. The secretary gave him a look torn between pity and disgust. The guildmaster himself came down to look at the boy that refused to leave until he was granted the chance to become a hero. Despite everyone trying to hide the disgusting stain from their boss, the guildmaster did not stop until his stormy eyes met those fierce bright blue eyes. Some sort of understanding passed between that young child and that old man that cemented the former's fate as the guild's greatest weapon.

Tommy feels exactly like he did that early morning now as he stands at the base of the stairs. He isn't as bloodied or bruised nor is he completely alone anymore, but there is that odd mixture of fear and determination that constantly simmers in his body, not quite boiling over but always a single degree away from doing so. He had nowhere else to go that night, and he feels like he's been stuck in that boat for his entire life. He knows that he could abandon this entire process, hide back in Serenade's car where the villain will give him shit for wimping out but won't force him to go back. He can't do that. His pride won't allow him to show weakness, especially not in front of Serenade, and his fragile sense of responsibility to the guild- the small scraps of loyalty the guild has somehow managed to gain the rights over- remind him that he is there for a reason.

Tommy sucks in one more breath before he propels his body forward. The stairs are just as obnoxious as they were when he was younger. He usually avoids the stairs by floating to his room using his power, but his business resides on the lower floors and none of those windows are open for fliers like him. He doesn't want to go through the lobby filled with heroes coming back from their patrols or checking out the mission boards, but he doesn't have much of an option.

Tommy pulls out his security card from the hidden pocket behind the hilt of his knife attached to his thigh. He flips the card over his fingers as he comes to the glass doors framed by metal beams. Tommy passes the card through the swipe, watching the clear light flash green in recognition. The door Tommy's standing at makes a soft noise that tells Tommy the door has unlocked itself. Tommy pulls the door open, stepping into the warm entranceway to his guild's clubhouse.

The lobby is probably the biggest room in the entire guild. It has the height of at least four floors, and since it's at the base of the tower, it's the widest floor, too. It's covered in lightly shaded tiles that must form a pattern if looked at with a bird's eye view, but Tommy has never attempted to figure out what it could be. The secretary's desk sits in the very center of the room. It's made from a circle of desks surrounding a large pillar covered in televisions constantly playing the news and safety instructional videos. At any given moment, there are about ten secretaries working all around the desk. Tommy doesn't know any of them, not in appearance or name or anything that most heroes would know. Higher ranked heroes are allowed to take bounties at their discretion, so Tommy has never interacted with a secretary in his career.

Despite not knowing the secretaries, Tommy does recognize some of the heroes. Chronostasis, a zombie hybrid with bright orange hair, is talking to Major, a member of the Guardians hero group. Wavemaker and Gryph, other members of the Guardians, are standing around the bounty board, discussing some of the bounties. Arid and Watcher seem to be catching up with Sylph, a winged hero with raven wings covering her back. There are some others that Tommy could draw the name up of if he really thought about it, but he doesn't usually associate himself with the other heroes at the guild.

"Vendetta!" A voice calls out before Tommy can walk to the elevators. He slows his step, looking over his shoulder to see a young woman with white hair and dark blue and gray clothes rushing towards him with a smile on her face. She stops when she is standing right beside Tommy. "I haven't seen you in awhile! How are you?"

Another member of the Guardians, Tempestarius can seem like the weakest member at times because of her positive attitude and tendency to get flustered. Tommy knows that isn't the case. Realistically, Tempestarius might be the strongest member of the Guardians, even more than Fire Striker or Major. Unlike the others, her ability to manipulate storms is nearly limitless. She can call down any number of life-threatening inflections from the sky above, some bypassing the roof or walls of a building with ease. Tempestarius keeps a swift control on her powers, and Tommy knows this because he's pretty sure that Tempestarius was once the villain Mist who was taken in as a sidekick by Gryph before joining the Guardians. He hasn't been able to confirm the truth of the matter, but he doesn't need to.

"Hey, Temp. I'm doing so fucking well, and I hope you're doing just as great. Do you know where Monarch is? I need to see them," Tommy asks. Out of everyone in the entire guild, he's probably closest with Tempestarius, and that's only because she doesn't seem to get that he's purposefully distanced himself from everyone. She will always cheerfully greet him, no matter where they find themselves meeting. She will always attempt to get him to join her doing whatever activity she was previously doing. She has only ever been kind to him, and it feels wrong to kick a puppy. Even Tommy, whose status as a hero is purely occupational, doesn't intentionally want to hurt her feelings even if he can tell that her fellow Guardians don't particularly see the point of interacting with someone bound to run away.

"I haven't seen them today, but I'm sure they're in their office. We can walk to the elevators together!" Tempestarius tells him with a thoughtful frown appearing on her face before she excitedly pushes his shoulder forward to get them both walking. Tommy shrugs his shoulders to himself, following after the heroine. He's going to the elevator, anyway, so it's not like he can just ditch her without making himself look bad or feel bad. "The Guardians are going to be taking a new commission today. We're going to damage control in Empires. If you haven't heard, there's been a lot of kidnapping lately. Several different gangs are blaming each other, and this isn't helping the situation over there. It's been a while since I've gone back to Empires. I wonder if anyone will recognize me."

Well, there's Tommy's proof that Tempestarius was once Mist. The villainess primarily worked in Empires as part of the Shulker gang. As her name implied, Mist could summon a thick fog that rivaling gang members couldn't see through. Mist and the rest of the Shulkers would take advantage of this fact. The Shulker's territory was always covered in Mist's fog to dissuade anyone from entering the area uninvited. One day, the fog completely disappeared and the Shulkers were never reported to use the fog again. A few months later, Gryph was presenting his new sidekick, Tempestarius.

"I wouldn't worry too much. Even if they do recognize you, they can't do shit to you without pissing off some pretty powerful people. In my experience, it's not good to pick a fight you can't win, no matter how tempting it is," Tommy explains with a shrug as they come to the elevator. Tempestarius pushes the open button for them. Tommy looks up at the number counting down what floor the elevator is currently on.

"I've been there before! My sister was always bad about getting into fights she couldn't finish. I love her to death, but she's the reason I got into half the fights I did when I was younger," Tempestarius admits softly with a chuckle. Tommy tries to file away the fact that Tempestarius has a sister, but his thoughts are brought hurtling back to his own family. How many fights had he gotten into because someone pulled at Fundy's fox features or because Jack wanted to punch someone and needed some help with the other goons? Wilbur and Niki would always scold Tommy and Jack for doing such things. Tubbo would cheer them on whenever the responsible ones weren't looking at him. Eret... they would have cleaned up Tommy's wounds while telling Tommy all about their violent past. Tommy never believed Eret because they were far too kind for that life, but Tommy supposes he never really knew Eret.

The elevator dings as it opens. Good Guy is standing in front of the doors, smiling widely at whoever was going to enter after them. Tommy keeps a neutral face while Tempestarius mirrors Good Guy's expression. Tommy slides into the elevator, standing beside Good Guy as the hero starts a conversation with Tempestarius. Good Guy looks over his shoulder at Tommy to invite him into their conversation, but he just stares blankly at them with his finger hovering over the floor he needs to go to. Good Guy and Tempestarius share a 'what-are-you-gonna-do?' look before they part ways; Good Guy steps out of the elevator with his canary wings pressing tightly to his back to save him the awkwardness of maneuvering them around while Tempestarius practically hops onto the elevator.

"I'm going to the residential floors. I have to pick up some stuff before I head off to Empires," Tempestarius tells him as he presses the button for his floor. He presses the floor she needs to go to out of the kindness in his heart. He does mentally question why she's taking the elevator. Tempestarius is one of the few heroes who can fly, and she has a legit way to do it, unlike Tommy. The elevator really should be beneath her, and even if it's not, who would rather the elevator to flying?

They come to Tommy's floor before they get to Tempestarius'. Tommy waves at her slightly as the doors open for him. Tempestarius returns his wave a lot more enthusiastically. Tommy grimaces beneath his mask, knowing he doesn't deserve that sort of easy friendliness from someone. He only hopes that Tempestarius will be fine in Empires. He knows that gang wars can be brutal, and it won't help that she has a prior history with one of the most prominent gangs in the entire borough.

Tommy walks to the end of the hallway. He doesn't attempt to knock before pushing the door open. He steps into the brightly lit office. Like Tempestarius said, Monarch is sitting at their desk. Monarch looks up from the paperwork they were writing. They're confused expression melts away when Tommy closes the office door behind him. Monarch ends up smiling, and Tommy ignores the expression entirely. He has little love for the guildmaster and his assistants. Even though Monarch is one of the kinder faces that runs the guild, Tommy isn't going to become buddies with them.

"Good morning, Vendetta. Have you been up to anything interesting recently?" Monarch asks, setting aside their pen. They fold both of their hands together before resting their chin on the interlocked fingers. Their sunglasses are so dark that they seem opaque, but Tommy knows that Monarch can see him perfectly well. Those glasses are simply to dampen Monarch's powers. When Monarch looks at someone, they can manipulate their target's own powers in any way they choose including negation, amplification, and activation. Tommy has never been on the receiving end, but when he was being taught by Red Dragon alongside Sleepy when he first joined the guild, Monarch showed off their powers to the young recruits by using them on Red Dragon.

"Nope. All boring shit. I went to Las Nevadas. Croupier still won't let me drink. He says it's because he doesn't want a business partner of his to get fucked up at his establishment. I say that's fucking bullshit. I will get fucked up wherever the hell I want. He's a fucking bastard, and you can tell him I told you that to his face. I told him that to his face. Also! Less importantly, but my sleep-walking hasn't gotten better. I ended up in the sea last night. The fucking ocean. Don't ask me how the hell I ended up there. I couldn't tell you," Tommy explains, waving his hand around. Monarch's face morphs into concern, and Tommy bristles. The only people in the whole world who knows about Tommy's sleep-walking are the guildmaster, Monarch, Croupier, and Serenade. The latter two are completely incidental. When Tommy was telling the guildmaster about it, Monarch walked in at the wrong moment. Now, Monarch would ask questions about Tommy's health every chance he got. Croupier was a situation just like Serenade; he was sleeping on Croupier's couch in his personal hiding spot at the back of his casino when Tommy ended up in the ocean. Croupier demanded an explanation, and once Tommy told him, Tommy's private spot got a lock on the door. "Which brings me to what I'm here for. I need some time off."

"In all of your time with this guild, you have never taken time off even when you've been sick and needed to," Monarch replies softly. Tommy shuffles where he's standing. Tommy wants the record to be clear that he's never gotten sick in his life (he's a bigger man than that), but he has never taken time off. He's never seen the point in doing so because he's never had anything important to do. His life consisted around one thing, and there wasn't any necessity to stray from that purpose. "Is this about the Syndicate?"

"No, this isn't about the fucking Syndicate," Tommy lies through his teeth. Everyone in the whole city might not know about his hatred for the Syndicate, but the administrative board of the guild definitely knows. Out of everyone, Monarch is the one that continuously tries to dissuade Tommy from going after the leaders. The guildmaster merely states that it would be a shame to lose a good member of the guild, and the other assistants don't care one way or another. No one believes Tommy will win the fight. Tommy knows for a fact that he'll win, but he doesn't see any point convincing people that annoy him just as much as Serenade does that he's going to win.

"Is this about the Hunters, then? Look, I know what it's like, but it isn't going to be worth it, Vendetta," Monarch follows up, mentioning the other group of people that Tommy wishes he had enough time in his life to eliminate and so thoroughly destroy that there is no proof of the Hunter's existence for future members of society.

"No, it- wait- wait a fucking minute. You were with the Hunters? What- why- how- what was it like for you?" Tommy asks, rushing forward. He puts both of his hands on Monarch's desk, leaning close to the hero to try and find answers in the assistant's face. A million questions rush through his head. Of course he knows that a small portion of the guild come from reformed villains or vigilantes who decided to join, but he didn't think the guildmaster would keep one of those people so close. He also couldn't imagine Monarch ever being part of the Hunters.

"It was a long time ago, Vendetta. If I'm doing my math right, I left a little while before you initially joined. At the time I joined, I thought it was the best option. I... My friends and I were in some deep trouble. I joined the Hunters. I tried to convince my friends to join, but they never did. In the end, my friends made the better decision. The Hunters are not a forgiving or benevolent group. I was lucky to get out when I did. And I know I've never said this, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you for getting out of the Hunters, too," Monarch tells Tommy. The blonde sucks in a tired breath. His time with the Hunters was terrible. He joined because he was in the throes of grief with no hope for the future or way to survive on his own. His last argument with Wilbur and the others was because they wanted to join the Hunters and Tommy didn't. His stubbornness shriveled up in the face of their death, and he turned to the group they initially wanted to join.

The truest reason why Tommy joined and the reason why the others wanted to was because Eret had joined the Hunters a few months prior, completely abandoning the group. Tommy hated Eret for leaving them and he hated the Hunters for taking Eret from them. Tommy joined the Hunters because the rest of his family was dead, and he still clung to the hope that Eret was alive with the Hunters. Not only did Reverie tell Tommy that Eret had gone to the warehouse the night of the explosion to bring the rest of Tommy's family to the Hunter's headquarters, thus meaning that Eret was dead alongside everyone else, the Hunters was not what Tommy expected it to be. Reverie took a special interest in Tommy, and the blonde was broken and beaten down until he had nothing left. It was only his bitter resolve to kill Azrael and Inchling that allowed him to persist long enough to gain the courage to leave with Enderwalk.

If nothing else was gained from his family's death, at least they never had to experience the hardship of being with the Hunters. At least in death, Eret was able to escape the torturous experience.

Tommy wants to ask Monarch about Eret, but no matter what he gleans from this interaction, Eret will still be dead. Tommy already has conflicting emotions about Eret, anger and resentment and regret and love so overwhelming that Tommy can't breathe sometimes; he doesn't want another memory to weigh him down. The fragments of Eret he keeps in his heart will remain there, cutting into the organ's muscles enough to make him bleed from the inside out for the rest of his life. He doesn't want any more because he knows that he won't be able to stand it. He won't be able to talk about it. He won't be able to listen to Monarch tell Tommy that Eret was a good member of the Hunters or an interesting person or any other half-hearted compliment that came from strangers or sorrowful tone that came from a friendship formed in a bad situation.

"Can I have the time off or not?" Tommy asks instead, burying down all of his emotions so deep inside himself that he doesn't have to look at them. He doesn't want to spend his time analyzing Eret's actions or Reverie's kindness or the rest of the Hunter's abuse towards him.

"I'll approve your time for however long you need it as long as you check in with the guild," Monarch tells Tommy. With the answer he needs and enough emotions circulating through him that he feels sick, Tommy pushes off the desk. He turns around to walk out the door. Before the wooden door closes behind him, he hears Monarch call out, "Vendetta, if you need anything, you can come to me."

As if. Tommy doesn't have anyone except himself.