"Nobody wants me." That's what I keep saying to myself and I was starting to believe it. I mean how couldn't I? I wouldn't feel this way if they did. So what's holding me back from killing myself?

I walked into the bathroom and looked at the mirror. "Ew."  I mumbled to myself.

How could one being be so ugly? I hate myself in every way. I took my shirt off and examined my body...fat. That's all I could think...fat!

I went to the toilet and caused myself to throw up and Soda busted in.

"Ponyboy are you ok-why are the lights out?" He clicked them on.

"Yeah I'm good."

"Why's you're shirt on the floor?"

My wrist! I grabbed my shirt and put it over my cut arm but made it look like I was just holding it.

"I started feeling hot so I took it off then I threw up. I think I'm getting sick." I lied. I was so good at lying it scared me sometimes.

"Well why are the lights out?"

"Gosh Soda why are you asking so many damn questions?!" I accidentally yelled.

"Sorry..."

"No I shouldn't yell...I just haven't been thinking strait lately." I explained.

"What do you mean?" He looked hopeful when he said it. Probably hopeful so that I would tell him and they could ship me off the a mental hospital.

"Nothin."

His hopeful look faded and he looked as if he could cry.

"C'mon I'll walk you to bed."

I nodded and we walked in and he tucked me in. "Are you gonna put that shirt down?" Soda broke the silence.

I tossed the shirt down and Soda wrestled me and grabbed my arm. His eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open.

"Ponyboy...did you do that?" He had a glassy coat over his eyes. I silently nodded in response and he pulled me into a hug.

"P-Ponyboy why'd you d-do it?" He literally sobbed.

"I-I don't know!" I yelled.

"Hush...I don't want Darry coming up here...I won't tell him if you tell me why you did it." He whispered.

"Cause I'm worthless."

"What?"

"Cause I'm worthless Sodapop! I'm a stupid disappointment who deserves nothing! All I deserve is to die!" I screamed and shoved Soda away from me.

"Ponyboy, I don't think of you like that...nobody does, we all love you...really."

"Sure." I said sarcastically.

"What started this?"

"I killed Johnny."

"No-"

"YES I DID AND I KILLED DALLY TOO I'M A STUPID IDIOT, ALL I EVER DO IS FUCK UP!" I yelled and Darry walked in

"Ponyboy what the hell I work in the morning?" He growled.

"Sorry." I apologized. Normally I'd put up a fight or something but I'm just so out of it I can't anymore. I wish I could be everything he wanted me to be but I'm just not and I never will be.

He left and went to bed. "I'm going to bed Soda goodnight." I said getting up.

"Where are you goin?"

"My room."

He got up and grabbed my arm dragging me back to his bed. "No you're not leaving in till you tell me everything and what's going on with you."

"Soda-"

"Soda nothin! You're gonna tell me or we're stayin up all night!"

"I can't I don't wanna burden you with all that..."

"I'm begging you too! HOW WOULD THAT BE BURDENING ME?!"

I covered his mouth. "Shhh!"

"NO NOT TILL YOU TELL ME!"

"Fine just shut the hell up." I laughed. It's been awhile since I've laughed...well at least really laughed I've faked them for awhile. All I knew was I was in for one hell of a night.